Hi everyone. My name is Kimmie. I have a 20 month old son named Parker. I have a kind of obnoxious problem. My best friend since we were young kids his name Ian. He got married a few years back. His wife and myself didn't get along to well. When I got pregnant, she helped me out with everything. Bought the baby clothes, took me to every doctors appointment and she lives and hour away. (Just explaining her charactor) She was even the one to come and take me to the hospital when my son was born. She also for the first year took him to all of his doctor appointment. She is there whenever me or my son needs ANYTHING! Well since the first time she held him he screamed. Now he cries when he sees her and runs away. He freaks out if I tell him she is coming over. But her hubby "my best friend" Ian, he is madly inlove with. He interacts more possitively with total strangers than he does her. She is the ONLY one he ever acts/acted like this with. She loves him so much and I try to get him to be more relaxed and comfortable with her. But it's just not working. She tries to buy him toys and everything under the sun, and if he knows it came from her HE WONT TOUCH IT. That includes FOOD too. I feel really bad when he does those things because she is an amazing person and loves Parker more than her own life! I know it hurts her feelings. She jokes about how he "hates her" I don't think he hates her but I just don't know how to make it better. She has actually cried over this, because she loves him so much. She can't even look talk and deffinatly never touch him or he will FREAK OUT. Hellllllllp!!!! She is someone who will be in our lives forever and I really need for him to accept that and not be so difficult around her. In a few months she might be the only babysitter I have! HELP PLEASE!
Alot of people have braught up if I like his godmother, I admittingly did not like her before I got pregnant. Before i told them I was pregnant we start hanging around eachother more and we developed a friendship. No we are not as close and her husband and I. But I love her. She is the type of person you can only handle so much of tho. After so many hours she does give off this feeling of being VERY over bearing. But Parker isn't exposed to her for that long of times. He has been with her along but only for about 15 minutes never very long. she says when it is just the two of them he is a little better and will let her hold him or play with him but e just sits and asks for "moma". The past 5/6 times we seen her, we did decide on her not really initiating anything with him and just waiting for him to come to her. And the first few times that did seem to work. But not it's back to normal. When he was about 8 months old I sat down with her and told her he might be picking up on her being nervious because Parker always cried with her before. Which makes her just anticipate the tears. We'll keep on trying. I just wish he would give her a chance, because I know he would love her so much if he would just open up some. I'm thinkin around 5 he will get clingy to her and back off from Me and Ian when he is older. I guess we'll see.
She should not feel bad. It is just peculiar. Do not worry. I had this happen with a neighbor of mine. He would scream all the time. I wanted so badly to hold him and eghghg he would scream. He is now talking to me all the time. So just tell her to hang in there and not worry about it.
Hi, I like Jae's response. It is important also to accept your child's feelings, as you would like yours to be accepted and respected. It is not your child's job to make his godmother feel better. He is setting a boundary, and that's ok -- even if you don't like it. It might even be helpful to verbally say to him something like, "I know that you don't like ____. She is coming over today. You don't have to play with her at all." And when she comes over, she can acknowledge Parker and then leave it at that. If Parker cries when you tell him his godmother is coming over, hold him and let him cry. Listen to him. Let him release the pent up feelings he has. For an idea of how to do this, you can go to www.handinhandparenting.com. It helped me with my daughter's feelings so much. The more you listen to him and let him express himself, the more reasonable he will become. I also thought it interesting that in the beginning, you said, you and the godmother (name?) didn't get along so well. How do you truly feel about her now? She has been very helpful. That's great. And do you enjoy her presence? If you don't actually enjoy her, Parker could be picking up on your feelings too.
Good luck with this!
Siddheshwari
Honestly, I think both you and she need to relax about this. It sounds like this is something that has built up from his first less than positive reaction, and now every interaction with him is this BIG THING. Your son is picking up on both of your stress about it, and that's probably one of the reasons why he is having such a strong reaction to her.
I think that you should just plan some times when she's around but not there specifically to see your son. Don't push it with him. Have her say hello to him, but otherwise she should probably not try to initiate anything else. No giving him stuff, nothing. If he initiates interaction with her, she should of course respond appropriately. But you are both putting too much pressure on your son to love her. You can't force such things. It will happen when and if it happens.
As he gets older, the one thing that you do need to do is teach him how to be polite to her and everyone he meets, even if he doesn't like them. But right now, he's only 20 months old. Give him, your friend, and yourself a break.
Good luck.
I agree mostly with what is said......Can Parker tell you WHY he doesn't like her? It has to be something. Probably something small or stupid. One of my grandkids LOVED Barney, until someone in the family scared them with Barney playing around, then barney was scary. I agree with the part about you said you didn't like her, but now that she is a big help, for whatever reason that may be, do you like her because she is a help or do you really like her because you've gotten to know her? Maybe Parker is picking up on whatever it was you felt at first as well. Tell her to ignore Parker, act as tho he isn't even around. Unless of course, he talks to her......a brief hi is acceptable, but unless he wants to interact, tell her to do her best to not look at him or watch him. No more toys, he knows she is trying to buy him..........which I must admit, normally works......has she ever been alone with Parker? Could she have accidentally hurt him?
You must trust her you say that she is going to maybe babysit, so let Parker develop his own way.
You guys just do what you do when you are together. Also, since he loves Ian, you might want Ian to show that he loves her as well, not while he is holding Parker, but talk to her, hug her, give her a kiss.......let Parker know that Mommy and Ian both seem to think she is ok.......understand?
Good luck......my husbands grand kids didn't like him until they were about 24 months old.....might have been his beard, who knows.......hang in there.....and good luck.
If the kid doesn't like her he doesn't like her end of story. She is the adult and needs to accept that there is a person in her circle that does not like her. It is hard. I know. But that is the reality. Teach your son to be polite. Maybe later ,,,MAYBE....he will start to like her. But for now accept it.
It's probably just a phase. Our son hated both Grandmothers from 6 mos until around 19-20 months. He just wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. One day it just stopped and he loves his Grandma's now. We think it was because that is who would watch him if we went out without him. In any case, it did stop and everyone is good now!
Kids can pick up the littlest things. If he senses you aren't crazy about her, he may likly be reacting to that. Don't force her on him. At about age 2, they tend to be very clingy. He may think she's coming over to babysit so you can leave. Just don't stress about it and just be yourself around her. In time, if he picks up you are okay with her, he will be too.
Niether of my kids are crazy about my husbands brothers and at that age, neither of them wanted to be held by any of their uncles. Now that they are older and they are great with the brothers they see more often, and wont have much to do with the one that they only see 2-3 times a year. Neither norther has kids (which I also think plays a big role).
I would not call this an obnoxious problem. It's very real (to me). 2 thoughts not stated -
1. she took him to his dr appts so he associates her with the dr and pain (shots, whatever)
2. maybe something happened with her that scared him. To be blunt, maybe she did something inappropriate.
Either way, I would respect his boundaries. He needs to know you will protect him and stand up for him no matter what.
What are your instincts telling you? (despite how much you love her)
I do have to say, the way you write it, she's too attached to him. To me, I get weird vibes off of what you wrote. She also shouldn't be trying to bribe him. Play games with him is ok, but constantly bribing w/ toys and food is not a great idea (in my opinion). I'm not sure I believe he's fine when he's alone with her. I would say it's a phase, but it's been going on for over 12 months?
Great book: Protecting the Gift - Gavin DeBecker
It's one of two things:
1) a phase. My neice didn't like anyone but her mother & my mother until she was 2.
2) something happened. If she did something inappropriate to him, than he is reacting to that.
I would not leave him alone with her until your son is verbal enough to tell you why he does not like her. Since you want to maintain a friendship with her I would just tell her that it's a phase. But for your son, I think you should allow him to keep his distance from her.
