HELP! My Friends Kids Are Out of Control!

I definantely agree about putting away the toys you don't want broken. If she doesn't control her children, I would lovingly tell her how it makes you feel. I had a friend just like this once. She would come over and her son would act just crazy and she would just sit there. Finally, I walked over to him (in front of her) and told him that he was just going to have to sit down by his mom for the rest of the time because I didnt appreciate him breaking my things and acting crazy in my house. She got the hint and actually started getting on to him from then on. I would just be honest with her. You are in too fragile of a condition to be dealing with that kind of stress. You need to make her see how her children really are.
Good luck!!

Hi P.,
I didn't read all the other responses but I would have everyone sit down when they get there and explain the rules in your household. If they break the rules then they sit in time-out or whatever punishment you have in your household. That way your friend also knows the rules. I would also put away any toys that your kids really love so that there is no chance of them getting broken. My nephews are a little out of control and when they are here they have to go by my rules. No jumping on furniture, ect. They may be able to act like wild animals at their house but not mine. Also, I don't know when they are coming but if the weather is nicer you can do things outside. Or go to the mall and play or childrens museum. That way they can get all that energy out. Try not to expect the worst. Good luck.
Chris

I had a similar situation. I told my friend I was just not up to having overnight guests. She came for a day visit and then left. If that won't work, you can try some of the other advice or suggest they get a motel room. If you don't think any of that will work, reschedule for a time when you will be up to it. You and your family do come first.

I go thru something similar EVERY time my one sister and her brood, or my aunt and her brood come visit. Here are what I do:
#1. Try to plan stuff to do OUTSIDE THE HOUSE!!
Cast away cafe - call them and ask them if they still have the free admitance before 9am... Get up, get food, go and stay ALL DAY. lol Out of the house, tire the kids out, you can sit and enjoy your friend.

McD's in howell or brighton, lunch /snack and hours of play.

If the weathers nice, local parks.

#2. Your house, Your rules. Tell them. If you see them doing something, don't wait for the mom to step in. You obviously have different parenting styles. Just say, at MY house thats only for grown ups. Even if mom is standing right there... It may take a few times but same MO for them as for your own kids. Other wise you send mixed messages to your kids about how things are different and all bets are off when visitors are there.
Enlist your kids. Tell them (If they are old enough to understand)that they don't know the house rules. So if they see/hear something that shouldn't be happening to tell them WE don't do that in OUR house. If they don't listen, then an adult should be consulted.
I agree with the writing down a general list of house rules. Put it up BEFORE they get there so it doesn't look like its just for them. Sorta run over it (not literaly) a few times with your kids so they know what it says. Things like no hitting... And a punishment system. (timeout for ... min per year, or having to sit out till the game is done, leaving the room etc.)Then if something happens all you have to say is #4 says...
Set boundries. Set a play room. Only "approved" toys are in there and if something not in the room gets broken then don't gloss over it. Have them apologize and ask them what they will do to "make it up "to the injured party. They play IN THAT ROOM ONLY!!! (For us in nice weather its the front enclosed porch, in our other house a part of the basement was "roped off")
Set a 15 minute block of time BEFORE bedtime as a manditory clean up time. EVERYONE helps. Make it fun. Go to a dollar store and get a grab bag of assorted goodies (rings, glow sticks, etc). After clean up whoever cleaned (your kids included )gets to reach in and get a suprize. They'll probibly want to sleep with them so nothing sharp.

I know its stressful and yet exciting looking forward to the visit. But you are laying a ground work for easy future visits when you have 4 kiddos in your house...
My nieces and nephews LOVE coming to my house. Even with the rules that they arn't held to at their home. And every time they do, they know the rules are EXPECTED of them just as they are of my kids. Makes them feel like a part of the family and included when you don't make exceptions on rules and punishment.

side note: If they were adults and they lit a cigarette in your nonsmoking home what would you do? Let them sit there or ask them to go out till they were done? See, house rules apply to everyone be they 70 or 7.

Congrats on the Babys!!! And after the kiddos are in bed make some tea and relax.

Well if she is coming from out of town and you've already told her they could stay, that would be a hard one. You knew how her kids where before saying yes, so now it would be kind of hard to back out, unless you tell her before she comes and she isn't at any financial loss for canceling the trip (ie. plan tickets). If she does end up coming you would for sure end your friendship by kicking her and her kids out of your house!! (JMOP) First off, get your husband and kids to help pack up their toys. All the stuff they don't want these kids to touch/break. Put it away, basement storage, attic, garage. Leave the toys out that you don't care if they get busted and once they leave, the ones that are busted you toss and the ones that you just don't want anymore, donate to charity. This way, not only do the kids not break your kids favorite toys. You've purged a bunch of junk :)
Good Luck and Congratulations on the TWINS!!!
J. in Macomb
Sorry I have to add to my response...
Your friend knows how her kids are acting. She doesn't need you to enlighten her. She chooses not to do anything about it. By you saying something to her, that will obviously let her know that you don't appreciate her just sitting there and not doing anything about it. But really, your friend isn't blind, she knows but just doesn't care. JMHOP Sorry if I"m stirring the pot on this one, but people who let their kids get away with stuff while in someone elses home just really rub me the wrong way. Good Luck!

I would get some poster board and like Supernanny you should write down the rules of the house and explain that if the rules are not followed you get one warning and if you do it again you go into time out. Just explain to your friend that you are tired and suppose to be taking it easy and want their visit to run smoothly.

ALso, if you have not been in contact with your local mothers of twins/multiples group you should definately check them out. If you go to nomotc.org you can put in your zip code and find your local group. I joined my local group when I was 4 months pregnant with my triplets and it is the best thing I have ever done. They are very helpful and supportive. People that have gone thru what you are going to be going thru.

Good Luck and update us how it goes.
M.
mom to Christina 16
Isabella, Logan and Brody 5 1/2
www.mcmom.org

My friends kids are like that. She lets them run the house, they break things, write on walls, scream - ugh - It kills me. My son is very well-behaved, yes - he throws tantrums like any other child, but he does not break things or overly act out. The only thing that has worked for me when my friends and thier kids are over is constant supervision. My living room was constantly a mess while they are over because I made them pick toys to play with and brought them out in the living room - but I was able to keep an eye on them the whole time.

It seems some people don't understand that different people have different rules. Writing on any wall in my house would be a HUGE deal - major no-no - but to her, its no big deal. They need to make sure they understand and thier kids understand you have to respect other peoples things.

I also just opened up an at home daycare, and I'm realizing I'll be dealing with this on an everyday basis. Some kids are just destructive... So, when they are here it just means I am constantly supervising them.

Outdoor play - if the weather is good enough - is a great idea. Also, one that's worked for me too - get a vinyl tablecloth for cheap to cover your kitchen table and get some art supplies. I haven't met a kid that doesn't like to color, play with playdough, paint, etc. Make sure they understand that they do NOT leave the table area and let them be creative! Once they are done it's off to the bathroom to clean up!

Good luck and congrats on the twins!!!

Cancel. Period.
Your kids come first and don't deserve to be beat up in their own home.

Hi P.,

I had this problem over Christmas with my niece. She is allowed to scream, back talk, carry on, you name it. I just began disciplining her like my own. I said "That is our time out corner. How many minutes do you set the timer for?" My sister-in-law looked kind of stunned and told me the time. (I think she was embarrassed that she had never followed through and wanted me to think she actually tries.) When her daughter screamed, I told my niece that I would have to start it over until she was quiet because in OUR HOUSE, time outs don't start until you are quiet.

She threw my daughter's new leapster on the floor when my daughter wanted it back for a turn. I told her that it was off limits and that she wasn't allowed to play with it anymore. Any time she tried to grab it, I reminded her that she wasn't allowed because she had mistreated it. My sister-in-law responded with "Are you sad because Aunt C. told you 'No?'" as she's bawling. (Gag, barf, groan!) No....she's crying because things aren't going according to her plan.

It is hard, but visitors need to understand that you have structure and routine for your kids and that it is sending mixed messages to them to not have the "house rules" apply to everyone. They also need to understand that having a disruption, even a joyous one, is stress on everyone and that you need to keep to the routine to eliminate one more stressor. Hopefully if you just make the rules apply across the board, she'll just go with the flow and back you up.

Good luck and happy pregnancy.
C.