My daughter who is 3 yrs(almost 4 yrs in 2 weeks) has an emotional problem. She cries at the drop of a hat or the wind blows in the wrong direction. She is the middle child and I don't know if that has something to do with it. I am about to lose it because I have done everything to try to help her and nothing seems to work. We have a doctors appt on the 28 so I am going to ask her doctor to see what he thinks. I just don't know what to do anymore to help her. I have spent a lot of one on one with her especially when her big sister was at school and her little sister was napping. Lately we have been doing a lot of stuff that she wants to do my oldest is getting upset about it.
I try so hard to help but now I am at a lost on what to do anymore.
She does get lots of sleep and she isn't sick. She has always cried about everything. Like this morning her socks were on as far as they can go but she started to cry because she could not get them to her knees. I sat next to her an explained that we don't have socks like that and if she wants socks like that we can go find some at the store later but she tells me no and that her day has been ruined.
Maybe just making a date with the child alone with no other children there. Take each child out once in awhile for just their time with you alone. Sounds like she is not getting the attention she wants. When children act out they are not getting some need met and the hard part is finding what that need is. Good luck. Keep brain storming and this too will pass. G. W
I am by no means a dr but maybe the crying is just to get attention. Even if negative attention is all it gets her, some kids will settle for that. Have you tried ignoring the crying (except when hurt or has a legit reason to cry) and reward her when she does the right thing? My daughter is very sensitve too, but it's usually when someone raises their voice towards her. Rather it be us, other kids, her brother, ect. It doesn't matter, if shes yelled at, she crys. Some kids are just super sensitive. It's good that you are trying to help her now though because when she goes to school, it will be very hard on her as kids can be cruel. Yes, even in kinderg. Good luck!
My middle child was never like that and my neighbor has 3 and hers isn't like that. So I think it is not related to being in the middle.
I wonder if she's sick? Like maybe an ear infection that hasn't been found yet, or maybe a vitamin deficiency? The B vitamins do a lot for your moods.
I always tried to give my 3 15 minutes of alone with them time everyday when they were younger. Now they're teens and I wish they'd give me 15 minutes!
And once a month it was their turn to go out to lunch and errands with me.... alone.... and they picked the place for lunch.
If you can't do 15 minutes each, try 10 minutes each night before bed. But it has to be something they can count on, they like routine.
Is she getting enough sleep? Does she still nap and go to bed early enough in the evening? My kids (7 & 3) both get very emotional/uncontrollable when they are over-tired. I know this seems like an over-simplified solution, but alot of people have no idea how much sleep kids actually need...and they need alot!
Hi, I struggled with crazy emotional behavior with my first born (I have 3 boys) over clothing, bugs, weather, etc. I started noticing that things that would be just a small irritation to me or my other kids brought his world to an end. I read "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz and cried through the whole thing because it described the situations we were dealing with which is a mild form of Sensory Processing Disorder. Unfortunately, many people don't know much about this--including doctors and other heath professionals--I am a PT and didn't have much education in this area. We went through a few months of OT, do exercises and activities at home and life is SO MUCH better. I don't know if this is what you are dealing with but it is worth a little investigation because treatment is easy and effective. It takes on many different forms but is basically an over-(or under)reaction to normal stimulus. It is a physical reaction that they can learn to temper. Good luck!
okay so I know that you have gotten quite a few responses to this and here is one more but I am telling you I had to check the name to make sure it was really someone else writing this and not me. Our 2nd daughter, who is also one of 3, is exactly the same way! As a matter of fact we are currently having a meltdown over not having donuts in the house... We personally do not agree with the whole middle child syndrome thing because we feel like it's an excuse but thats just our opinion. We have found that with Aubrey, who is extremely smart, that when these meltdowns happen and yes we have the 45 min. cryfests that do not stop, it is usually do to sensory/information overload from having spent the day at MDO or some place where there was no down time. One thing that I have found to work is I will tell her, usually talking over her crying, I understand that you are upset and as soon as we get home I will help you, when we get home if I hold her for even just 5 minutes in a quiet room it makes a world of difference.
To all of those who said you are not spending enough time with her or that she is not getting enough sleep, don't beat yourself up because they do not have a child like this-trust me I understand where you are coming from. I personally have gotten to the point with ours that there are times where I have to walk away from her, calm myself down, and then I go back and I am then able to sensibly deal with her. Sensibly meaning able to stand my ground and not be overwhelmed by the excessive crying. Please let me know the outcome of what the doctor says-I would definitely be interested. Keep up the good work!
I'm not sure what you can do to control this, but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I too, have three girls, and when the middle one was around 3 years old, she would do the same thing. Everyday when I picked her up from daycare, on the way to pick up her older sister from school, she would cry non-stop. Sometimes it would go for 45 minutes straight and she would never tell me why. I did everything I could think of to try to get her to stop doing this, from consoling, to bribing, to ignoring, and yes, even threatening. Nothing ever worked. Eventually the crying fits got less and less on their own. However, I do notice that she is a lot more sensitive then the other two girls. She is now 11 y.o., and she will cry for a short period time for insignificant things - because we ask her to do her chores, because one sister is "picking" on her, or if she thinks that something is not fair (like her getting an equal amount of computer time as her sisters - she thinks she should get more).
I hope everything works out and that your doctor can provide you with some good advice. Good luck!
I don't know that this is so much an 'emotional issue' as much as a learned response. It sounds as though a habit has developed. My daughter went through just the same thing, and because of some extenuating circumstances on her end, I let it go on for a while. But it got to be overwhelming (sounds like that's where you are), so I started reining her in, gently.
When she flipped out, I would have her sit on the steps until she could be calm. Once she was calm, I'd give her attention and snuggle her and talk her through her frustration. Right now, your daughter knows that when she flips out, you're going to coddle her. If you can keep it together and refocus her on a more appropriate method of expressing her emotions, she'll be far less unstable. It takes a while; habits are hard to break. And be sure to explain when tears are appropriate, when it is ok to yell and scream, etc. and really, really heap on the rewards for proper behavior.
Yes, you want to acknowledge the emotions under the behavior, because they are (usually) rooted in reality. She may be disappointed about the socks! But her reaction is over-the-top, and you can help her understand what is appropriate, and now is the time, before this becomes who she is.
IMO, I think kids are way over-diagnosed these days; it seems that anything other than picture-perfect behavior is seen as a syndrome or disorder. Not that there are not sensory disorders, etc., but the waters are getting muddied. Try some good, old-fashined modeling and re-directing, some limit-setting and rewarding good behavior, and I bet you'll see a significant change for the better. If you don't see improvement after consistently (there's the key) working with her after a few months, she may have a bonafide issue...but don't jump to conclusions too soon.
Your daughter sounds a lot like my middle daughter (now 8). She is very emotional and sensitive. I don't think she has emotional problems, it's just the way God made her. She is also my most loving and caring child. I have learned through her life that she knows how to get to me and will use tactics such as the sock incident you had to play on my emotions and get attention. Perhaps it's the middle child syndrome. The middle child is always fighting for attention between the oldest and the baby and this is the way she gets your attention. The more I play into these episodes the worse they become, so I tend to not make a big deal and move on. Things turn out better. Now that you are dedicating so much time to her you may be playing into her even more. She sees this and keeps doing it. Good luck.
My 4 yr old cries about everything too and she's the oldest. It is usually an attention-getting tactic because there's more drama than tears (though she's getting pretty good at producing tears at the drop of a hat).
The thing that seems to work best is to pour on the empathy. No matter what has made her cry (a mosquito bite, not getting the pink plate, being sent to her room for bad behavior...), if I do my best to feel sorry for her (you have to be a good actress), there's less crying in general. It's sort of like she's testing to see if you still love her. Not that you've done anything unloving, but some kids need constant reassurance.
It's hardest when she's done something to get in trouble, but once she's sent to her room or reprimanded, etc., if I give us both some breathing room, then go to her and say something like, "This is sooo sad, isn't it? It makes Mommy sad too when this happens. Can you help me think of ways that we can have fun times together instead of sad times..." (or something along those lines).
The other thing I have to be conscious of is making her feel like she's a priority -- that doesn't mean always letting her get "top billing" but simply that her "mommy time" (whether I'm simply talking to her, or having designated one-on-one time) isn't interrupted by the phone, siblings, etc. Also, if I make sure I'm responding to her requests, etc. quickly, she's a lot more content. I don't know how many times a day I say to her "just a minute...hold on...not right now..." Too much of that really gets her frustrated and we have more outbursts. I can imagine how divided your attention must be with 3 little people needing things. She may be more sensitive to getting "put off."
Other than general personality trait, your doctor should be able to help sort through whether there is a different cause.
I am not a doctor or expert, just a mom with an opinon. My daughter is an only child and when things get busy or her schedule gets messed up she will cry. Sounds like to me, she is trying to get your attention. Some children are more senstive than others, and some know that is it worked once it will work again. Tend to her but dont give in to her and see if it changes. Because I know my daughter will do things that will get my attention, to only get my undivided attention. It may be because she is the middle child, and school is out and she wants her mommy all to her self again. Set aside a day a week to each of your kids and some alone time every night. Like the oldest gets to pick the activity for Monday or lunch, and then the middle the next and so on and then spend time with them before bed. See if that helps. I hope its nothing serious, Let us know what he says.
