Help Me Get Her to Sleep in Her Own Bed

try putting something that smells like you in with her. Maybe you can find a similar blanket that feels like what she's use to.
Good luck

I don't know how much room you have in your bedroom, but it might make sense to "sidecar" the crib next to the bed at first. Take the side rail all the way down (or off, if possible) and put the crib matress at the same level as the bed. That way she can still be next to you but also in the crib. After she gets used to this, you can adjust the rail up and slowly move the crib further from the bed. Once she gets used to this you can transition the crib to her room.

Alternatively, you can try rocking/holding etc her to sleep and putting her down in her own crib once she's soundly asleep. I would do this for every nap and at night, too. Go to her when she wakes so she doesn't feel abandoned there and begins instead to feel secure in "her" space. With my son who *really* wanted to sleep with me, I worked hard to always put him down in his bed first. For a while this meant putting him down sound asleep. When he woke I always got him, and if he wouldn't resettle after nursing, I'd bring him to my bed. Eventually, I could sit next to his crib while he fell asleep, and later still he was fine going to sleep all alone. As soon as he slept through the night it was in his own bed because that's where he started!

It isn't a quick fix, but it my experience, CIO (crying it out) can really heighten separation anxiety in some kids and make it harder for them to sleep alone. With my son, one week of Ferber-style CIO actually made him afraid to go into his room :-( and we had to start all over. A gentle, patient approach definitely worked better!

Good luck!

Have you used one of those stuffed animals that have a recorded heatbeat sound that they play? I would take one of those herbal packs (gramma's helper as they are called) it is cloth and is used as a heating pack. Heat it up and put it against here where you would lay. Wrap her the same way you do now, plus add something with your scent there too.
I am a firm believer is kids sleeping in thier own bed. It is better for both of you. If you think your being a bad mom by not doing it, don't worry, you'll be a better mom for it in the long run to all of your kids when you have more sleep.

Hi S.,

I truly appreciate your efforts to have your little one sleep in your bed, and I so remember the sleep deprived feeling.

I am an advocate of the family bed, and tried many alternatives to make it work. Since you have a twin bed, it sounds like you really need to get comfortable! Sleep is something you have to really put as a priority for yourself, I feel it's one of the most important things to have for making it through the day in the way you want to lovingly parent.

Is it possible to have your mattress on the floor? This way, maybe you can elevate Rowan's nest, with an extra pad or th crib mattress, and still have her close to you. This would allow you to stretch your legs and sleep well, still having her next to you. I find putting the mattress on the floor alleviates rolling off the bed issues and anxiety. I guess whenever I questioned if my children were sleeping in my bed for too long, I would imagine pictures of earlier cultures that slept this way, and in some parts of the world still do.

My boys, 9 and 11, are independant and vibrant children. They were able to have sleepovers early on, and had no problem falling asleep out of our house and bed. They still love to come into my bed at times, and still prefer cuddling while they fall asleep. Sometimes it's my best connecting time with them since they are very active!

I also totally respect when parents need to have their own space, own bed and own room....seperate of their children. I just chose what worked for me, and want to encourage those who would like to make the family bed work, with all family members getting the best sleep they can.

It's great you reached out, S., let me know if anything is helpful!

J. white-hansen

try putting the nest in her crib?
good luck
L.

I went through a similar scenario with my son at 4 months (he's now 5 months) and our pediatrician recommended a book called Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell. The way it works is similar to letting your baby cry it out, only you go back in to reassure her at intervals, first 5 minutes, then at another 5 minutes, then at 10 minutes, then another 10 minutes, and so on. The first night it takes around an hour, the second night it takes a little longer (and this is normal) the third night she should be sleeping in 20 minutes and it only gets better from there. We did this with our son and it has been the best thing we have done as parents, so far. I truly recommend trying it, but the key is persistence, once you start it you have to stick with it. I know how hard it is to hear your baby cry, but it REALLY pays off if you can just get past those first few nights. Good luck!!

Hi S.,
this must be very frustrating for you. While we did not have issues getting our daughter to her crib, we did have many nights of painful screams before bed. We tries the Ferber method and it really worked. Check out his book (Solve your child's sleep problems / Richard Ferber) it is usually at libraries. It is often called the cry it out, but that is not the intention, and his method it often misunderstood. You let her cry for no more then 10 min at first, go in and rub and calm her for a few minutes without picking up, then leave, then return every 5 or so minutes and repeat. so she knows you are there and she is safe, but you don;t pick her up. It took a few tough nights, but worked very well eventually for us.
Good luck

I had gotten a "co-sleeper" for the side of my bed. It is like a playpen that the side comes down the the same as your mattress. It has straps to attach to your bed so it doesnt move. I used that for a while..this way they still have there own place to sleep! Good Luck!!

Hi S.,
My son slept with us for the fisrt 6 mos and then we put him in the porta crib near our bed and then by the time he was 9 mos old he was in his bed, comming into our bed briefly at night. I went to this web site called Dr. Jay Gordon something or other, but it helped me to learn how to transition my son and me too from our bed to his own. He thinks that your child should not be under a year before they go into their own bed. I don't believe that but his method of transition was helpful for us.
R.

Hello, yep, I've been there. I too began to realize that although it was so cozy to all sleep together, we'd all get more sleep if some changes were made. Lots of good suggestions above. Here's a few tips that helped us:

The No Cry Sleep Solution book is wonderful for it's ideas and support. The best for me was the page where it talks about "if you baby goes to sleep at 11pm, begin tonight making her bedtime 8pm from now on!" That was huge for us. In one night (at four months) she went from going to sleep at 11 to going to sleep at 8.

Next was WHERE to sleep. At 4 months first transitioned to pack n play at the foot of my bed for the first half of the night, then with us in bed from about 3am on. That went on til about 8 months. Then we made her a room of her own with crib. Baby would sleep in crib, same as going to bed in pack in play, for first half of night. Second half of night was very difficult because it had been a nice easy routine to take her into bed and nurse and all fall asleep that way. I brought in a nest of blankets and would sleep on the floor with her for the second half of the night. Worked, but it was a hard week or two. Then she became used to it. Put a rocking chair in there too and transitioned to night nursings in rocker for about 30 mins. (I have one of those U shaped neck pillow which helps ME be comfortable too in the middle of the night in the rocking chair.) Then I'd put her back in crib and tip toe out. Now (14 mos) she's often not fully sound asleep when putting back after night nursing, and as hard as it is to do, I make myself leave the room even if she's crying hard. (Meaning she's calm and sleepy all while nursing and rocking. The second I lay her in crib she bolts upright and cries/protests loudly.) What I discovered to my surprise was that within one to two minutes after I leave, she lays herself down and goes right to sleep. I wish we didn't have that one to two minutes of hysterical crying, but it does work. (And I do not believe at all in cry it out - 10 minutes in one night is my absolute max before going in to reassure, hug and hold baby.) But when I do stay to try to get her to be sound asleep, it can take an hour or more after nursing of her crying in my arms where neither of us are sleeping.

Well, hope that helps!

Leah had a terrific idea and I would definitely try it.

If all else fails.....buy a bigger bed. My 2 1/2 still sleeps with me in a large bed....good luck

Hi S.,
I am right there with ya. I have an 8 mo. old boy who generally sleeps with me in my twin bed. I have been nursing him down in my bed and then transferring him to his crib after he's deeply asleep (10 min.) He will then sleep in his crib anywhere from 1 to 3 hours when he wakes up and cries at which point I bring him back into my bed and and invariably we both fall asleep (albeit not very well) and there he stays all night. I think I'm just going to try and get a bigger bed and just let him sleep with me at night but in his crib during naps. I think cosleeping is ingrained in our genetic makeup. It's only in the last hundred fifty years or so that babies have been sleeping away from their mommies. Plus, to me it just feels right. But, alas, these twin beds are for the birds. I've gotta get a new bed!

Hi,
You could try her in her bed next to yours? I have a baby bed that converts to a toddler. You could put a rail across it as she could not roll out. You are welcome to have the baby bed, if you need it.

K. Reilly
http://www.kreillyfinancial.com
We Help Families

Perhaps you could try to recreate the blanket in her crib? As long as she can't suffocate from it?

I would take it in steps. If you can fit a crib in your room, do that. If you can't fit a crib, try a playpen. Also, still use the wolf blanket to surround her like she is used to. She is used to having the closeness around her. Also, having the crib in your room, she can hear you breathing and such so knows you are there. I was told if you are going to try the "cry out" method to take it in 15 minute steps. Sometimes the child cries out because they just have gas to pass and sometimes it is because they want attention. Once you have her sleeping to your satisfaction, you can try moving her to the next step, her own room. I have 3 kiddos and all of them from birth spent some time in their own carseat, crib in my room, then crib their room. Think of it this way, they spent 9 months in the womb all surrounded and things close to them. They need to still feel that closeness for a little while and take steps to not having the closeness so they don't "freak" out. Babies aren't the types to be able cut something cold turkey.

My daughter slept in our bed for the first week of her life, and then as much as it killed me I had to transition her to her own space due to lack of sleep. I put her in a little bassinett right up against my side of the bed and laid as close as I could with my hand on her...it was a very difficult transition for both of us, but after a few days she settled in and all of us got some much needed rest. So, my advice would be to put the crib next to your bed if possible and put familiar blankets in with her...close enough to reach out and touch her for reasurance would be ideal.

Hey there. I had a similar problem when my daughter (now nearly 3) was little and getting ready to birth #2 - I'm not looking forward to this challenge of parenting. I don't believe in letting them "cry it out". It was so hard for both of us that my gut simply said it was the wrong choice. To get my little one to go to bed at bed time it was a slow transitional process. First - it was sleeping with her and moving her into the crib. (naps and bedtime)Sometimes, this woke her up, but the idea was to familarize her to the crib being a sleep environment. Once it wasn't such a foreign place to her, I put her down and would bend over and rub her back and sing to her until she fell asleep. (And repeat, as she awoke)Eventually, I could distance myself a little at a time - just a hand on her for a few minutes and some singing - just singing - standing in the door and night by night I got a little farther out the room. After about 6 weeks - she was golden. I had read a book called "The No cry sleep solution". It had good suggestions, but pointed out knowing your childs needs. Babies will often wake up with a whiny fussy cry - and might do that for 10 minutes or so. That's fine. And they should be left to "cry it out", but recognizing that CRYING - that screaming unhappy cry is when it's time to go to them. They need the reassurance that you are there and will be there when they are in distress. If you don't that time and space can be traumatizing and they won't trust their crib environment as a safe sleep place.
SO, that's my 2 cents. 6 weeks might seem like forever and a lot of work, but once it's over - it's over and it won't seem so bad to look back on. I'm not looking forward to teaching a new person how to sleep, but it's just a little piece of our mommy "dues"
Good luck with it all!

HI S. - if you want her ideally in her crib minus the blanket... try transitioning it slowly. Add something new in YOUR room (maybe quiet music) that you can send to her room once she gets used to it. Try one step at a time - like first, have her sleep without the blanket, but still with you. Once she gets used to that, add the music and she will eventually associate the music with falling asleep. Then try her in her own crib with the music. Good luck - I agree I could never let my babies cry and all three now sleep in their cribs and fall asleep to their little lullaby CD great. J.