anyone please help me.. I have been flying back and forth to NY for almost 4 years now for a custody battle and I'm concerned about my son. Lately when i go up to see him he will freak out if he has to spend the night with me in the hotel. His father tell's him if he's not good he will never see me again, and his grandmother makes him call her mommy or she'll get mad. My son is very sensitive and he never want's to talk about NY when he come's to Florida to visit me. I don't try to ask alot because his father grill's him for hour's when he get's back to NY about me but Im feeling helpless and have to know some question's without making him shut down . I am fighting so hard to bring my son home but im fighting people who will stop at nothing and have the money to do it, and cares less about damaging my son or his feelings its like a game with them on who can win and they act like he's some kind of prize to be won. His father tell's him god know's what and even says nasty things to me on the phone when my son's around I dont know how to console my son when he scream's for me and when he get's here he scream's to go back to NY. I dont know what to do anymore im feel like im losing my mind. I have relized my son will lie to me about little things and say things i want to hear just to make me happy. I had to take my son to theraoy when he was 4 year's old because he would wake up with night terror's a scream for an hour straight. I'm almost sick to my stomache on how these people can care so much about themselves and not the well being of their own grandchild/son His father has a new girlfriend now, and she does all the work when he's there his father see's him for maybe an hour at night then every weekend my son is at the grandparent's until he goes to school on monday so he doesnt care about him its just a game and revenge because i didn't want to be with him.
Please someone tell me what to do my son is my world. Also my husband is begging me for a child and i desparatly want another one too, we have been together for 8 years except when we broke up 6 years ago for a 8 mos. He was with me for my whole pregnancy and afterwards. We tried to have children when we first got together 8 yrs ago but it didnt happen,He's the love of my life, but now im confused because i feel like if i have another child it will devestate my son and ill be letting him down, because he wants to be with me. i KNOW this is alot of information to digest for anyone but i have been going through all this alone for a 4 years and i guess i needed to let this out before i go insane!!
I went to court on March 5th but the judge never even showed up.. I was suppose to finally get some result's since the Judge is reviewing the fact that my son's father violated the custody order and Hid my son from me and even ripped him out of school when i had visitation and was suppose to have him overnight. We'll court has been rescheduled for April 9th
Just to update everyone, I had to go to court april 21st but I broke my toe and had to have it rescheduled so I won't know until I go back to court in 4 weeks. But as far as custody. the court refuses to take the notorized letter stating I have primary residential, which makes no sense to me. And My attorney is trying to settle visitation right now and get the money that he owes me for all the plane tickets i had to buy that he never paid half of.
(could you belive he told me that if i didnt send him back he would report him kidnapped and refused to pay the return airfare)
You help make me through especially mothers day !! Boy that was hardI'll keep everyone posted
To all of you Mommie's that gave me such wonderful and kind word's G
od bless you.. you guy's have put the fight in me times 10 and i really appreciate your support
I cant begin to tell everyone Thank's because it's alot more than a simple thank-you your all angel's
Have you tried taking him to a child councilor? Maybe you should call Department of Children and Families.
Girl, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I really, truly am. I wish I had some advice, but I don't....
I see you live in Port St. Lucie. You need me, you email me, ok? ____@____.com.
I'll also message you with my number. We will have to get together sometime. You need a friend here. And I'm sure together, we will get that son of yours back!
Take care,
S.
Dear J.,
I have been through a nasty custody battle also. But it was here in Florida. My daughter is now 8 and has been in and out of therapy for several years. And he is a terrible person he has done terrible things to me. You just have to pray a lot, and maybe some couseling would help. You just have to be strong in what you beleive in and always try to be nice to your ex. I know its hard, but try to think how god would want us to be. And eventually your son will be old enough and will tell the difference. I do a lot of de programming with my daughter when she gets back. I try to get to church with the kids and pray a lot. I hope that things get better for you-I will put you and your in my prayers.
God bless you
A. J. Noll
My heart goes out to you J.. Honestly I have never encountered a situation like that personally, however I would like to say "keep fighting for your son". Just not in a way that would harm him. It's makes me angry to see peoples hate and self interest go above the interest of the their child. Regardless of how your ex feels about you, the the feeling and interest of the son you bore together should always go first. Anytime you see or talk to your son just make it a habit to always be positive and loving. There will come a time where he will need a steady rock of stability and he will crave it. If your ex and his family continue and on the route they have started, your son will rebel and draw away. Since he's soooo young he's probably feeling a huge amount of confusion and conflict of feelings. Kids know a lot and try to please whoever they are around for the need of love. In the mean time you also have your life in Florida with your husband, don't put off being happy and living a productive healthy, happy life with him just because of the situation up north. If you want to help your son, keep yourself healthy and happy spiritually. He is going to need at least 1 well rounded person in his life. God Bless J. and remember this too will pass.
I also live in the area, White City (aka Fort Pierce). I would love to get together with you. I have little advice, but to see a layer. You can go to almost any layer and have a free 30 min consult. This may help a little. Good luck and God Bless. My email is ____@____.com if you can to get together.
Dearest J.
I also have a 5 year old who absolutely hates going for visitation with her dad. She kicks and screams and flips out when I take her to her dad. It is heartbreaking to see.. I live in Florida where my ex is and I thought I was going to try to move back to NY where my entire family is. However, I don't ever want to end up flying back and forth to another state for visitation so I don't know what to do. My suggestion to you if at all possible can you move back to where you son lives so at least you won't be so far from him? Also I would hold off on having another baby until you resolve things with your son. You might not want to fly back and forth while you are pregnant or with a newborn and then you won't be able to see him for a while.
Stay calm as best as you can while you are with your son so maybe he can also learn to be calm and let out your frustrations when he is not around. Just remember you are not alone. You have a loving husband and many other moms like you and I who are going through similar problems. Hang in there.
I just wanted to email you. I have a 9 year old that currently lives with me but flies up north to see his dad. Your problem just tugged at my heart and I felt the need to send some prayers your way. Hang in there.
I have also just recently had a child, if you keep him involved with the pregnancy and with the baby. He should be fine. My son was much more worried about me having a baby then his dad. My new son is 2 months old and so far my oldest has been ok.
I will keep you in my prayers, don't give up hope.
A. in Royal Palm Beach
J.,
I am so sorry to hear the things you are going through. I can't say I've been were you are, but I have been somewhere very similar. My parents split up when I was 14 and I have 2 younger sisters. They were 11 and 9. My mom was great through the whole thing, but my father was horrible. He would tell us lies and it was just very confusing. My father tried to use us girls against my mom and tried dragging us into the divorce.. my mom did her very best to keep us out of it. Just love your son more than humanly possible and be very honest with the court system. And it will all work out... your son will realize and understand when the time is right... and the judge.. he will know. If you ever need a friend you can contact me... ____@____.com this helps you some.
~B.
J.,
Wow, I am really sorry you are going through so much. I have a five year old son and I couldn't even imagine having to see him hurt and not being able to do anything about it. Do you have an attorney? Isn't there something that you can do legally? If not, you might want to seek out a women and children's advocate group. I don't know of any specifically but I'm sure there are some in Fla.
I don't mean to pry but how did your ex get custody of your son? Don't answer that if you do not feel comfortable, but I'm just wondering because I would think those reasons may be blocking you from having legal reprecussions. I don't know, just a thought.
I'm not sure what to tell you other than keep searching for ways to get your son. It is important for him to know that you never gave up. It is not fair what your ex and his mother is doing to him and he is still young enough to be OK when he gets older if it can stop soon. If not, he will struggle with being an adult.
As far as having another child, I don't think I could if I were you, even though it's really not fair to your current husband. On the other hand, he should see how upsetting this is to you and want to support you in getting your son back. You might want to tell him, "How can I be the mother I want to be to another child when I have so much hurt and saddness in my life right now".
My heart really breaks for you and I cannot offer a real solution, but I just wanted to offer my support. Please keep us updated with this situation.
Thanks, A.
J.,
I am going through almost EXACTLY the same thing!!!! I won't go into all the nasty details here, but you can send me a private message if you want to talk, etc.
My prayers are with you, your husband, and your son.
M.
