Help!!! How Can I Wean My Baby Without Making Him Feel Bad???

Updated on February 07, 2011
K.K. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
18 answers

Ok.... Here's the deal.
I don't mind being a SAHM or breastfeeding my son, but there are times where I wish I could go catch a movie with my husband without having to worry if my baby boy is not drinking from the bottle. Maybe I'm being alittle selfish, but I feel that one night wouldnt hurt. I mean its not like I'm going to do it all the time... I don't plan to.
Besides it might be good since there have been times when my husband sees me breastfeeding and wishes to have that same "intimacy" with our baby boy. He wants to hold him while my son is feeding and looking directly into his eyes like how he does to me. & I don't blame him for wanting to have that experience, its very wonderful, but my son will not take the bottle.
Obviously he wants the real thing... I mean who wouldn't. Its warm, comfortable, & plus you're with the person you love.
Does anyone feel that I'm being too harsh on my baby???
& does anyone have any suggestions on how to start with this process????

By the way, I refuse to give formula. Breastmilk only!!! :)

All suggestions are welcome, but please, no rude comments!!!

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So What Happened?

Sorry, I forgot to mention. He is 4months old.

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Maybe you are confused about weaning? Weaning means you are going to to stop breastfeeding all together and switch to a different "food" for him. You just want to get him to take a bottle?

If that is the case try all the different bottles you can. For us, the playtex drop-ins were wonderful!

1 mom found this helpful
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C.R.

answers from Seattle on

Pump and work on getting him to take a bottle. I really don't see another option... Wait, what's the question? He WILL take a bottle... Maybe not right away, but he will. My daughter went back and forth between bottle a boob, no problem after some practice. Pump and give dad the night shift!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Don't wean to go to a movie or so that your husband can feel that bonding experience. Neither are good excuses and it doesn't sound like you are ready for that... and your husband can still have plenty of cuddles and bonding without making you feel guilty about nursing.

Instead, pump for date nights. If you wean, he'll have to take a bottle anyways, so don't feel like you have to wean for that.

Instead, nurse right before leave for your date night, have the breastmilk ready to go in bottle that is good for nursing babies (they are more nipple shaped). The person who will be feeding the baby needs to feed the bottle before your son starts to become upset for feeding. Also, babies are usually more hesitant to take a bottle if mom is still in the house, they can sense she's there and become confused. So leave for a while and let your husband start to bottle, your baby may refuse at first, but will get used to it. You can still nurse any time you want, but have the convenience of bottle feeding if you need.

Also, once you start introducing solids in the next few months, weaning naturally begins, it's a gradual process, so don't worry about it now.

5 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think it is VERY important that you do take the opportunity to get out without your baby sometimes and let someone else give him a bottle. Yes, the baby is going to resist in the beginning, but it's best for all of you if you keep trying. I am a SAHM and almost always nurse, but I always have pumped breast milk stored in the freezer so my husband can give a bottle if needed.

It is best for your husband to give the bottle when you are out of the house. That way, your baby can't see, hear or smell you and you won't be able to swoop in to the rescue if he is crying too much. Remember, if he absolutely refuses the bottle, one missed meal won't hurt your baby, assuming he's at least a few weeks old and growing well. Make sure your husband heats it up before giving it to him so it's close to it's regular temperature. You could even pump right before and give him fresh milk that has never been refrigerated or frozen.

Also, sometimes it helps to try different bottles or nipples with a faster or slower flow. Some babies need to try 2, 3, or even 4 different bottles/nipples before finding one they like.

It is definitely not harsh to occasionally give the baby a bottle. You need a break, your husband needs the closeness, and your baby needs to be flexible just in case something happens where you can't nurse for some reason. It is truly a win-win for everyone, especially if you are able to pump the milk and don't have to bother with formula. Do not feel guilty!!!!

Good luck!
K.
http://oc.citymommy.com - meet other local moms, get advice, and find great resources!

3 moms found this helpful
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K.H.

answers from San Diego on

You're not weaning, BTW! Just buy a nice breastpump and start pumping. Store it in the freezer, warm it up when need be and you are good to go. Both of my kids were bottle AND breastfed-they didn't have nipple confusion. Check into different nipples and put a dab of breast milk on the end of the nipple so he gets a taste for it. It isn't harsh, and your son will get used to both!
It isn't selfish to want a night out with your husband, it is essential for a healthy marriage. Also, it would be really good for your husband to share in the feeding process-plus he can help with the night feeding thus you can get a bit more sleep.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Get a pump, medala PUMP IN STYLE advance! Perferct pump in the market. Ask your hubby to give the bottle without you being around. The baby can smell if you are around then he will be more difficult to take the bottle. When i first introduced the bottle, i pretty much need to stay outside my house. haha... I heard some crying, but, after few attempts, my both kids took the bottle because they won't go hungry.

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D.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

unless you pump & your husband feeds him that way, you can't get around the feeding issue at this point. but there can be intimacy for you husband in other ways. relieving a baby of a stinky or wet diaper can be as much as a relief to baby as eating! (why do they smile so much when they get changed!) and snuggling with baby when the baby is awake or going to sleep, rocking them to sleep, and provide just as much intimacy.

women go through a great deal of discomfort and pain during pregnancy and childbirth, and this intimacy is our reward. don't feel guilty for a moment.

2 moms found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Modesto on

Just put your milk in a bottle, make sure it's been warmed, and leave the room so Dad can feed. If he sees you he will want you. The process usually isnt very hard. Both of my sons would take a bottle from my hubby, it just takes a little practice. Do it when you know he's hungry. Express a little milk from the bottle nipple so he can taste it on his lips. Dad will have to be patient of course, a little fussing about it will be normal. We all freak out with a little change don't we? So dont let him make you give in. If he's hungry, cant see you, daddy is being patient, and your milk is in the bottle, Dad should be able to get the little guy to take it within about a half hour. If it doesnt work the first time, do it again a few hours later. Once he will take a bottle from Dad he'll take one from a sitter as well. Good luck.
ps. If you feed him well before you leave to the movies, figure you probably have about 4 hours before he'll need to eat again anyway, he isnt gonna die of starvation while you are gone, trust me.

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M.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

You've got so many good responses here that I don't need to add anything except ~ Congrats on being a wonderful and caring mama ♥ And no, it is not wrong nor "unreasonable" or "selfish" to want or need a night out with your hubby every so often! You are doing the most selfless job in the world by mothering and nursing your baby! You should be commended and so very proud of yourself...best wishes to you and your sweet family!

God bless,
M.

2 moms found this helpful

S.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

No need to wean. Invest in a good breast pump. Pump first thing in the morning (best let down) or while baby is on the other breast. Pick one of your feedings where your husband can be there regularly. If you stop feeding him at that time, your breasts will stop producing it at that time, and it can be your husband's regular time with the baby. A good book is "So That's What They're For"; I found it very informative about breastfeeding and very enjoyable, too.

As for teaching the baby to take a bottle: here's the hard part. Your husband is going to have to teach your baby to take a bottle. You shouldn't be there, because the baby will want the "real stuff." And if your son is like mine, it is NOT going to be a fun process. We tried so many different bottles before we finally found Dr. Browns, which our sons eventually settled on.

Get this book: "Super Baby Food." It gives super easy recipes for making your own baby food, teaches how to watch for food allergies and gives the month by month "your baby is old enough for these foods now." At four months you can mash bananas, avocados or sweet potatoes and mix with breast milk until it's drippy. (Be sure to have a camera).

So much good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

For one night - a date night which will most likely be UNDER 4 hours... Why would you even think about weaning? Just give a bottle of expressed milk to the babysitter - letting her know he may or may not take it because he's breastfed? Get a more mature woman or young woman with breastfeeding experience who can handle the possible stress it may be if the baby won't drink a bottle.

As for your husband... he will get the same eye contact and loving expression from baby if he rocks, sings and bathes baby ALONE. No reason to confuse baby with constant bottles which for most will cause nipple confusion. Your husband can also stick his head over your shoulder while you are nursing to hold you and interact with baby then too.

Pump like crazy - - but only give bottles if you are not around or caring for your baby. Why would you want to force baby to accept the second best option if you are right there? I do feel it's harsh that you want to wean baby from breast to bottle just because you want a weekly date night and hubby to feel important. Why does he need to feed the baby in order to feel important? There are many things he can do to help you and be 'important' to baby - and I mentioned 3 above.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.P.

answers from Philadelphia on

I think that you are doing what is best for you and your son. I don't know how old your baby is, but he may not take a bottle right away. You may have to leave for him to even try. That's ok though. If you are willing to pump, then go ahead, if he's an experienced nurser you shouldn't have to worry about latch. It's ok to take care of you too!

1 mom found this helpful
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P.K.

answers from Las Vegas on

Go to the movies!!! I had a hard time finding a bottle that would work too. Our ped said to try every nipple until we found one that he'd take. He also said to keep trying the same nipple a few times since it's a new sensation and babies need to adjust. I went back to work 3 weeks after my son was born so I had to figure out something fast! I tried all kinds of different shapes and textures and i found that using the nipple with a little bit of a faster flow worked well. When he didn't have to try as hard he seemed to warm up to it much more easily. BF is totally awesome but you are right about your hubby wanting to share the bonding. My hubby and mother were the same way and I really felt a little bad that I was getting to do such an awesome thing and they basically were limited to changing poo and burping. All though most guys are normally into poo and burping it's not the same fun when you have to deal with someone elses poo!
Keep trying because you do need to have some special time with your husband. Think about it for a minute...he doesn't get the same intimate experience with the baby but he also is missing out on intimate experiences with YOU! I'm not talking about bedroom stuff but the things like going out for a meal and enjoying each other like you did before baby!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I don't think you mean, wean. Weaning means you stop feeding him in a bottle or by breast. You want your baby to take a bottle some of the time is what I think you mean.

Many babies do both, breast feed and bottle feed. Don't feel badly about doing that. Your baby may be unhappy at first when given the bottle but that's OK too. We cannot make everything "perfect" for our babies and children. He's going to have many changes over his life time. This change benefits both of you.

I wonder if you're feeling that it's your job to make your baby happy all the time. If so, that's an unreasonable expectation that many of us fall into. It is not our job to make them happy, tho we do,of course, want to as much as possible. It is our job to help them learn how to get along in reasonable ways. It's reasonable for you to bottle feed your baby at certain times. We accept that this may not be easy for the baby but it's helpful

1 mom found this helpful
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D.M.

answers from San Diego on

Rent a good pump for breastmilk and start with the bottle soon - the longer you wait he won't want the bottle. My babies went to both breast and bottle with pumped milk. It's definitely good for your hubby or others to get close to him!

1 mom found this helpful
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T.K.

answers from Honolulu on

Good Job!!
My daughter is on the breast milk ONLY diet too ;) (well she's 8months now so she get's bbfood too) try giving him Dr Brown's bottles. For some reason that's the only bottle my daughter would/will take. But if your there he will not feed from the bottle.

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E.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would suggest trying different bottles, having your husband give your son breastmilk when you are not in view (it truly makes a difference). For my son the only way he takes a bottle is when in sitting position, I hold his head up and feed with a bottle slowly moving the bottle back and forth. Good luck and you should be able to go out on occasion without feeling bad. Oh, and you don'thave to "wean" yet, unless you are ready to go to formula... I nursed my first for 9 months while pumping everyday multiple times while working.

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A.H.

answers from San Diego on

I know they have nipple shaped bottle nipples, maybe you could try one of those. Also, I have a friend who used a nipple shield and this made the bottle transition easier, maybe you could try that. Just start using it when you nurse and gradually get him used to it, then switch to the bottle.
I don't think you're being harsh, they can't nurse forever. Good luck.

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