Help Ex-husbands Girlfrind Is Taking over My Kids

T. i have been there and i got my daughter back and i can help if u like let me know and we can get together and i know in my heart we can get your 12yr old back

I am going through the same thing, my ex husband who was never there for my kids when we were together has a new live in GF not even divorced yet, and has two small children of her own. We have been divorced for almost a yr now. My teenager son 16 has decided to love with his dad, with no regards to how disrespectful he is to me now, we were the best of friends and now our relationship is little to none. I was wondering how this all played out cause I have my two youngest sons living with me and now live with the fear the other two will do the same and replace me with the new exs GF, most days I am fine, but alot of days I cant seem to breathe and not function well. Any advice would be great. and No, the ex and I have NO communication skills at all... I have tried numberous times but he is full of hatred for me now that the GF has taken over.

I am in the same situation. Only I have 2 daughters that have lived with their dad for almost 3 years. The pain of not having them 24/7 is sometimes unbearable. If we had it our way they would live with me. For now I just wait till I can stand on my own two feet. I think God felt that life for the time being would be better for them to stay with their dad. All I can say is pray and talk to your child as often as possible. Make sure that the communication and arms are open anytime he feels he wants to come back.

I have a Friend, Male in this Exact situation, His Ex Moved 18 hours away and took their 3 year old boy, Once he filed for divorce they subpoenaed her back with 24 hours to return to the state. She did not return within 24 hours and they charged her with Kidnapping and child negligence.

Which he dropped the charges after he proved his point. She has to live within 100 miles of him and he has offered her 50% Custody with some conditions. She wanted 90%. So after the last hearing he got 75% custody and 300 a month support from her On the grounds that she left with the child without his consent.

SO my Advice is Dont do this! Don't risk loosing your children. although in his situation I am for him.
Her Argument was she couldn't live on her own and needed her family's help, Which Hurt her more than helping her.
The Judge stated if you need help and cant handle your child on your own then you don't need full custody.

SO Please don't allow this to happen to you.

I've been going throught the same thing for almost 3yrs. I decided to move to better myself for my kids I have two (my son who lives w/ his father will be 7 in march, my daughter from another relationship is 4) When we went to court I had to move back home to fight for him and give up my job in Austin TX. When we went to court I had a part time job (all I could find when I moved back to El Paso)no lawyer bc I had primary custody of our son and the judge (a woman) decided that even though my ex hadn't been in my sons life for 4yrs he was the better provider because he made more money than me. Our court order states when I should have my son and have yet to see him in Austin where I have lived for almost 3 years. I make a trip back home every three months to see him and even that is a fight w/ my ex and his new wife. Our agreement was for him not to pay the back pay of childsupport if he didn't ask me to pay it to him since my son would be living w/ him now. Well now I'm fed up w/ seeing him only abou a day or two when I'm in town for a week sometime 2. He is threating to take him completely away from me or have me pay childsupport (now that I have remarried and we are making good money) his excuse is that our son is too young to come visit and w/ my work scheudle would need to put him in child care while he's visiting if I was not able to take time off from work. I wish we didn't have to fight about me seeing him but my ex wants me out of the picture and the new wife to be "mommy" I'm sorry but I don't give up that easily. I make sure when and if I see my son he knows that I love him and I want to be w/him and explain to him why we can't regardless of what my ex tells him it wasn't my decision to give him to his father and one day he will be w/ me.

I wish that I could help.My ex and I divorced in Dec 04. I had told him in Jan o4 that I wanted the divorce, due to me meeting my now husband and finding out a week before he left for Iraq that I was pregnant with my now 2 yr old we had to wait till after I had my second son in Oct. (his g/f at the time now wife was due with twins in Jan 05) However he took custody "so that he could get his BAH and not stay with friends (his gf) when he had our son. I was scared about to give birth couldnt afford to get another lawyer so I gave, he moved to WA in June05 because of the military, we have joint custody and I didnt get to see him at all since june. I have recently found out that they are in Germany. He has not updated any address info with the court at all. We have joint custody and thats required. But when I took it to a lawyer recently they said that WA now has jurisdiction and that I have to go there. I now have to wait the 2-4 years until he returns to the States. I have not seen my 3 yr old since right after he turned 2 and now he will be 6 or 8 before I see him again. It kills me everyday to know that there is nothing I can do. I am now looking into military courses of action that will allow me to go through them if they can. I am now remarried and have my 2 yr old and a 16 yr old stepson and going on 2 yr Anniversary of being married!!! Good luck to you though!

Hello T. S.

I am a divorced parent living with both my children, but could understand your frustration. When their father picks them up for just a weekend, it annoys me. The reason that I am responding is because I do have experience when it comes to the legal part of it. I worked for the County Courthouse for 2 years and am kinda familiar with the process of child custody & divorce proceedings. As a mother, you too have rights. You can always modify the order and present it before the judge to have the joint managing conservatorship reinstated...Just because you might've gone through some tough times, you can still get custody of your child. There is a "law library" on the 5th floor of the County Courthouse that you can use for research.

I hope you find what you are looking for so that you can have your child living with you again.

why did you relinquish custody in the first place?? Your ex couldn't force you. It has to go thru the court system. It has nothing to do with "joint" custody. Most parents have joint custody. This has to do with domicillary status. Who is the domicillary parent? You or your ex? Only a judge can decide on what's in the best interest of your son. Not you and not your ex. NEVER give up your rights!!! write back and answer above questions..

I know the only way they can make you feel you are being replaced is if you let them make you feel that way.
You can't be replaced. You are his mother, and you should be involved in his life as much as you always have been.
Even if you feel they are trying to replace you, show up to everything you showed up to before. If for some reason your son does not respond the same to you, keep sending him cards, leave messages for him once a week or so saying hello and you love him, keep up with his grades, his activities, etc.
Just remember that you can have access to all of his report cards, doctor visits, and such. If you've always been involved, they can't keep you from being involved.

I know I'm chiming in late on this, but maybe I can help from a stepmom's perspective. Your son only has one mommy and you define how that relationship develops. Custody or not, new girlfriend/stepmom or not, YOU are the only mommy he'll ever have.

That being said - when I first came into the relationship with my now husband of six years, his son was 3 and his daughter was 8. We dated for almost a year before I agreed to meet his children, and then married a year after that. I never wanted to take over as their mom, but since I felt like I had a lot to prove, I probably went over-board - and their bio mom got angry and jealous (her admittance) which ended up with a very messy court battle, which we ended up winning because she showed such disregard for the law and animosity towards my husband and myself.

Might I suggest you move back to El Paso where you can be close to your son? It might not be the ideal place for you to live, but maybe to be a part of his daily life, you should sacrifice your wants and needs for his. I obviously don't know you or your situation, so I can only make suggestions based on what you've posted here. Showing the judge that you are making an effort goes a LOOOONG way in my experience (7 yrs of court battles and a life savings depleted is where I get my experience).

My final thoughts are this - try not to harbor such ill feelings towards the new GF - she may just be trying extra hard to get your son to like her. From a stepom to a bio-mom, she knows her place, even if she won't admit it. Be there for your child and don't talk ill of his dad and stepmom(GF) - it's called Parental Alienation Syndrome (do a web search to see if you are guilty of this - some people are not aware they are) and remember that your son will probably side with the parent who is being attacked - so if you go after his dad (for any reason), then he'll feel the need to protect and side with him - move closer to him, make an effort and be the "bigger person" by offering the olive branch to the new GF and he'll forever be in your grasps.

Besides, do you really want to piss off the woman who will share parenting responsibilities with you? Stepmoms usually want the biomom's to like them, so the ball is probably already in your court. Be your son's mommy.

I also have been divorced for almost 3 years and we have 2 kids 6 and 7 years.we live in tx and my ex lives in california. The kids visit twice a year,2 weeks for winter break and 4 weeks for the summer. My ex also comes to visit 2 or 3 times a year. I have struggled alot trying to raise them all by myself but I just do what I can. Although my ex is a great father I would NEVER let my kids go live with him.
What happened that you were forced to let him go? And if he lives near you then you should make all the effort you can to see him as much as possible.Always comminicate with your son and tell him how you feel and what's going on because when he gets older he will have alot of questions. Good luck

I am not yet in your shoes, however I am in the process of getting a divorce. In all honesty, I could not see myself giving custody of my son to his father. A boy needs his mother no matter what.

First, stay positive. Don't put yourself in a position to be negative about the situation. That leads to depression and suicide and you don't want to be there if you are fighting for custody. Second, you should attempt to work out a more extensive custody arrangement that allows more visitation with your son. Start building a stronger relationship with your son. Put yourself in a position that shows a judge that you made every effort to make your presence normal as possible. Third, consult an attorney. If you signed over full custody under duress, you may have a fighting chance. And fourth, as I tell my children, we all have choices. No one makes us do anything. We have a choice to do what is right and wrong. Your son will ask the question as to why you gave him up to his father. You don't want to be the mother that points fingers. You want to be the mother who is honest and upfront with her kid because that is the kind of son you want to raise his children the same way

T.,

I totally understand what you are going through. My son moved in with his father at the beginning of August. I am so hurt and angry!!! My exhusband was going to take me to court if I didn't let him move in. I am married again and have a 4 yr old and pregnant again and there is one income. God knows we couldn't afford to go to court and so does he!! I also had to let him go. I am angry with my ex and my son. I am slowly getting over the anger with my son but I don't think it will ever be the same. I to wish he would come home but they say at 12 they can make their own decision. I think that is crazy!! Anyway if you ever need to talk I am here.

God Bless,
A.