Hello Ladies! I need some advice. My 8 y.o.d. has been asking me a direct question about sex for a couple of weeks now. I have managed to deflect, avoid, until I can reach out to you and ask how to answer this! Her specific question is:
"Is it true that you and dad had sex and you got pregnant with us"?
Answer: Yes
"So how did you have sex and get pregnant"? Answer: Uh, can you please take out the garbage?!
I know the response is suppose to be age appropriate but this is a very direct question. What kind of age appropriate response can I have for this one?
Any advice warmly welcomed!
I got a lot of great, synthesized advice! Much appreciated from all of the moms that chimed in! One clarification though. I am not uncomfortable with the topic of sex or answering her questions. My main focus was to learn what was age appropriate for an 8 year old. She is my first so I don't have a referene point about what she should know at this age.
All of the input reallly helped and I will be answering her questions tonight!
Thanks, Ladies!
The books "It's so Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" can be helpful for sharing this information.
The American Girls books "The Care and Keeping of You" are great for helping her understand all the aspects of puberty, but they don't cover sex.
First I have to warn you that deflecting puts up a wall so stop that. It sends the message I am uncomfortable talking about issues like sex. Eventually the discomfort sends them to others for information.
Anyway to answer your question, you answer their question. I don't know how much you or the school, or their peers, have told them about sex. Maybe you don't, perhaps try starting with what do you think? Then listen, fill in the blanks.
This is not a difficult thing. Age appropriate means answer the questions the age asks, if they are asking they are ready. If you answer with something lame they will get their information from someone else.
I got a call when my daughter was eight. The school asked me if I would stop answering my daughter's questions about sex. I of course declined the offer. The reason was I was answering my daughter's questions and she was going to school and educating the rest of the kids. I suggested to the school the call the parents that are complaining and tell they should talk to their own kids if they want to impart their spin on the subject.
The answer requires you to know what she is really asking. What she wants to know may not be what she is asking when you consider your knowledge vrs her knowledge.
I would ask her, "What do you want to know?" "Are you asking what the man has to do to get the woman pregnant? OR are you asking something different?" I'll bet when she rephrases the question that what you think she was asking is not really what she wants to know.
Good luck to you and yours.
Just tell her the truth.. She wants to know and so educate her. It is just like any other subject you have taught her about.
Have you explained about how her body is changing and what to expect with her menstrual cycle?
Then tell her about the boys and how their bodies work.. And then explain your feelings on how people that love each other, are married.. or whatever you believe then love each other and want to have a baby and so how humans do this.
Get the American Girl books that explain all of this. and read them together.
Treat it like a summer Anatomy class. It will be interesting. and matter of fact.
Once I told our daughter, I also reminded her that these are things she could ask ME or her dad about any time, but she should not share it with their friends, to let their parents talk with them about this subject. She said "Don't worry, I never want to talk about this again!".. Hee, hee.. actually the discussions continued every once in a while as things came up.
Even though I was freaking out inside, not wanting to scare her.. I just made it very matter of fact.
Answer a direct question with a direct answer. It's about biology, not personal information. Answer only what is specifically being asked and use appropriate terminology for body parts. Your child is old enough to know about reproduction and is probably asking because other children are talking about it, so please stop putting it off. You have no idea what information or misinformation needs to be clarified, confirmed, or corrected based on what he's been told or his own imagination.
Oh my, I'm sorry but if you think answering this question directly and honestly is hard you better buckle your seatbelt for the future.
Please don't wimp out, it shouldn't be such a big deal, it's your daughter for God's sake. Answer her questions and ask her if she has any more. Buy her a book on sex and puberty. Thank your lucky stars she's asking YOU these kind of questions. Don't put her off for a second, don't you want her to come to you in the future when the questions and answers might not be so easy???!!!
Be honest. She is 8... she has already heard some things that make her curious...
Use this time to be honest and establish solid communication with her. Wouldn't you rather her get the truth from her vs her learning from her friends at school?
If you are embarrassed, then talk while you are driving the car, etc so you don't look at her. Whatever you do... be honest and open or she will find an alternative way to get her answers.
The library is your friend :) Find some age appropriate books - puberty is just around the corner, and you can start having ongoing conversations now using this as a springboard. Good luck!
It is time to break out the materials and go thru the facts.
Here are some websites that might be able to help you out
http://www.encyclopedia.com/topic/Sex_education.aspx#3
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sex-education/CC00076
1950's informational videos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycCHfmzDxHU&feature=re...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_afikvCyo9E&feature=re...
It is reccomended that real sex ed begins around 8yrs old if not earlier. I hope you find what you need and you do not approach this as a shameful or embarrassing subject - good luck!
Explain in a kid friendly way that she'll understand. If you think she's ready tell it how it is. Explain the science of the making of a baby and she'll be satisfied.
I have the younger version of this book (called "It's Not The Stork") and it's great in terms of age appropriate information for my 4 year old. Considering how wonderful and helpful the book has been, I bet this one is great, too. And I plan to get it when my daughter is older:
http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/...
Good luck!
you would rather have the child ask you, then ask their peers..who probably know less then they do ! parents are the best source of information about sex.. as long as the kid doesnt ask do the video, i wouldnt worry too much about it
K. h.
Having you already been talking with her about sex? If not where is she getting her information? I would be open with her, you don't want to make her uncomfortable about talking with on this subject now because when you really want her to talk you about it, she won't. I would not go into "50 Shades" detail but I would just explain in a medically centered way, but in terms that she can understand. I do dread this talk with my kids and we are thinking about having another baby so I am sure they are going to be asking alot of questions! Good Luck!
Be as direct with your answer as she is with her question. My brother and I were about this age when we asked my mom how sex worked. She explained it as being like a plus and an outlet. We acted like we understood because we didn't want to seem clueless but we had no clue what she was talking about, because I was not thinking about what boy parts looked like and my brother didn't understand girl parts.
"That is grown up information and something you don't need to know right now. You're only 8."
We're a Christian family so my daughter knows that God had a hand in making her. Keep in mind my daughter is 5. :) He made everything so he took a bit of mommy and a bit of daddy and made her. It's obvious to her that she has bits of me (dark hair) and bits of my husband (his blue eyes), so our explanation makes perfect sense to her.
