Help & Advice with Potty Training & Other Behavior Issues

Regression is normal especially when there are major changes in his life. I trained my son at 2 1/2 and later regretted doing so young. He had accidents for over a year before it got better. If he is not ready maybe don't push him. Yes it would be nice so you don't have two kids in diapers or pull ups but if the timing is not right, wait another month. The first year Dr. Phil was on tv, he said the two things you should never ever get into a power struggle with children are: potty training and eating. In my house we used M&M's. One m&m for just sitting on the potty, 2 for going pee pee & 3 for poo poo. After they were successful for two weeks, then I would back off the m&m's gradually telling they were big kids now & didn't need the m&m's for the potty anymore. Every child is different and uses different techniques. Be patient & hang in there! It will happen.

Do not give up that is what he is expecting you to do. When he has accidents do not engage him in conversation neither through encouragement or disappointment. Just get him his clean clothes and have him change himself. Give him a towel and have him clean his mess. Eventually he will get tired of the inconvenience and stop having accidents. Also, play up the preschool. Tell him what a big boy he is and that his friends are potty trained but not while he has had an accident. You do not want to give any negative attention to him doing this. As far as the behavior, find consequences that will get to him and follow through. No lengthy talks just warn him that XXX will happen if he does it again and follow through. Consistency, consequences along with love and guidance to me is the key to parenting. All children will test you it is how you handle it when they do that is key. This will determine how often you will have to discipline. Once your son realizes you are the boss and will not tolerate his behavior he will get better and better. If taking away the toys doesn't bother him then find what does and do it. Good luck!!!

Hi,

We are in the same boat with our son. He will be 3 in December and he was doing great with potty training, even after my daughter was born. But, in the past month, he won't even sit on the potty for us. I think it is due to his little sister and the attention she is getting. We have tried stickers, jelly beans, you name it and he is just controlling the situation now. We are getting really frustrated too, because he knows what he is doing and actually tells us when he is peeing or pooping in his pull-ups. I am going to give it a rest for a week or so, and then try again. The more we show any type of frustrations...the worse they get. Oh-he has also been acting out more recently!!!

Absolutely do not stop potty training! It's a very long struggle, your son has had a lot of changes over the last couple of weeks that he needs to adjust to. If his preschool is pushing potty training, in the next couple of weeks he will probably be potty trained. Keep pushing it also provide him with some additional one on one time with either your husband or yourself. Part of his behavior is typical 3 year old and the rest is due to all the changes things will work out. Also at night start limiting his drinks and make them stop at dinner time so that you can night and day train at the same time. Remember he can't go to prek next fall if he's not potty trained. My daughter is the same age as your son I started day potty training when she was 18 months we totally stopped having accidents during the day after she was about 2 and half. and this spring i finally said enough with the pull ups at night. in less thatn a week we were good. Just ditch the pull ups and praise praise praise. And you may have to drag a child in the bathroom once or twice, but its all worth it when they can tell everyone that they are a big boy/girl and potty on the potty all by themselves.

I'm sure he still IS a good little boy. He's going through some big changes with a new baby. You'll get your little angel back soon!!!
As for potty training, he might not be ready yet. I have twin boys and decided to train them at age 3 (didn't want to do it sooner b/c hoping no control issues). One of my twins was trained immediately. As soon as I took away the pullups, he never had an accident even at night. (He is definitely a neatnik so hated the thought of being wet!) The other twin just couldn't do it. He had accident after accident. So finally I just stopped. Didn't make a big deal of it and put his pullups back on. I waited another 4 or 5 months and then tried again during a school vacation week. At that point, it just clicked for him and it took a day or two and he was trained. The other interesting thing that he said to me was: "Mommy, if I wear underwear, will I still be your baby?" So I realized, a lot of what was going on was that he still wanted to be my little baby (because he is the younger of the twins by 23 minutes, we always referred to him as the "baby"). So your son could be having those issues too. He sees the new baby and still wants to be your "baby." Tell him that even when you are old and gray, he'll still be your baby... maybe that will help!!
Good luck!

Dear C.,

I'm really just writing to say, wow: I have a great big (as in, very big for his age) 3-year-old boy who's not fully potty trained either! I'm so glad I'm not the only one. You didn't mention this, but I imagine people think your son is older than he is and that they have all sorts of expectations he can't meet....

I don't have any sure-fire solutions, since obviously I haven't completely figured this one out either, but I do know that potty regression is very, very common with a new sibling. After all, your big boy sees his baby brother getting all sorts of special attention when he's on the changing table. And just about all preschoolers imitate new babies in an effort to direct some of that attention back to themselves.

So ... I guess, whenever it's feasible, try making your son's potty time a time when he gets all the attention in the world showered on him. Probably easier said than done, but the more he gets positive attention for being a big boy, the shorter this phase will probably be.

Probably part the baby brother thing. Let him help you with baby.. Like changing diapers.. Tell him diapers are for babies.. And tell him to show little brother how he is so big and goes on the potty.. Hold the baby.. And then hold the babies hands.. So it looks like he is clapping for big brother.. When the baby makes poop in his diaper... Show big brother how yucky it is.. .. Good luck.. This may help somewhat..

It is a control issue and HE is in control. Does he fight you to sit in his car seat? the high chair? But when it comes to the potty parents are afraid to tell the child he MUST sit on it. No choice, dont ask, just place him on the potty and tell him to sit for 3 minutes. He knows what he is supposed to do, so there is no need to tell him. IF he should go in the potty tell him he's a good boy and leave it at that. Do you give him stickers for eating his food? Getting dressed? Potty training should be a natural part of growing up, but too much fuss is made over it and kids know its special and they can control their parents. Think about how much time you spend changing him, fighting with him, talking about him. All this takes away time from the baby.

SO now he is being bad and WOW "mom is paying attention to me again" When he misbehaves warn him, count to 3 and immediately put him in time out, then ignore him. He knows what he did wrong, no need to talk about it to anyone. On the other hand when he is being good, helpful, sweet, etc. give him a lot of attention and tell daddy how good, grown up, smart he is. It also might help to complain about the baby. Oh no not ANOTHER messy diaper. Oh no the baby is CRYING AGAIN. I wish he was a big boy.

Hi. I have to admit, potty training can be terribly frustrating. So just know, you aren't alone in your frustrations! I had a similar experience....except my daughter decided she wanted to start potty training a few weeks after baby #2 was born (I was going to wait longer so that I could be a little past the sleepless phase, but since she asked and wanted to go, we felt like we had to run with it!) Then she regressed and started having "accidents" although I think they were more for attention, etc. So here are a few things that we did that worked for us......we put her in underwear except for naps/bedtime. If she had an accident, I didn't change her right away. I didn't leave her in it for a long time either, but long enough for her to get uncomfortable and whiney about it. Usually I would tell her "Oh honey, I'm sorry you had an accident, but you know that pee pee and poo poo go in the potty, so you need to get into the bathroom. I'm not ready to change you yet because I'm busy doing something, so you'll have to sit on the potty stool for a minute until I can get in to change you." Then I'd escort her into the bathroom to sit on the plastic potty seat for a little bit. Again, I just let her sit for a few minutes so that pee would get cold or that she would get fussy if it was poop. I realized that before that I was changing her too fast so that I wouldn't have to deal with the mess, but then she wasn't really experiencing much inconvenience or uncomfortableness! Then, I just would encourage her with things like "I know you'll do a good job next time, because you are such a big girl." We also tried an alternative to potty treats. I tried to make the potty treats be a surprise. For a while we had a little toy wrapped up and was a present she would get when she went poop in the potty. I think the element of surprise was fun and intriguing and she wanted to go potty to fill up the sticker chart to get the surprise. Also, I would try to encourage her to go at times when I had to go. "Do you want to go potty with mommy? Do you want to go first or do you want mommy to go first?" And then we would encourage her about being a big girl and doing big girl things.

Just remember that you are right.....this phase will pass. It may seem like forever and you may want to pull your hair out, but your son won't be going to college in a pull up! I agree with some of the other women's posts.....don't stop potty training entirely for a break, but maybe just mentally change your tactics as a break.

Good luck!

Sounds like it is all about the control. We had a similar situation with my daughter (we had a new baby, moved out of state etc.) We knew she was ready physically and cognitively, but emotionally, she had other things in mind. What we finally did was put her in underwear and place a few potty seat around the house. We showed her where the potty's were and told her the diapers were only for sleeping. We told her. she could use any of the potty's she wanted and she could just do it herself or ask for help. We DID NOT set a timer, remind her, or ask her to go (which we had been doing). She could hold it for hours, which made us nervous (UTI's) but, when she realized we weren't going to say anything, or give the diapers back, she started using the potty on her own. Pooping in the potty took a little longer, but we had the rule that she had to ask for a diaper and go in the bathroom to do it. She finally used the potty to poop in when we placed one in her bedroom (she tended to poop first thing in the morning- in her nightime diaper). I know some people say to just stop for a while and come back to it later (which I think is necessary when a child just doesn't get it), but if he has already made some progress, and regressed, it kind of seems like a waste to completely stop. Just be consistant and give him lots of love and attention. Good Luck.

girlfriend i feel you pain....
we had the EXAT same problem for the EXACT same reasons and reacted the EXACT same way.....as dr. phil would say, hows that working for you? lol
it is his only way to be the star right now, even if its a bad way...as far as his little mind thinks...punishing, getting angry, belittling, wont do a thing.....we did all that and it grew to be more of a power struggle, and by belittling i dont mean on purpose, but anything negative about it at this point will just take him down.
so what did we do? we stopped making it an issue. every time we tried to get thim to go to the bathroom turned into a confrontation...so we stopped asking, we acted like we didnt care one way od the the other....we cleaned up the mess without a word, gave him kisses and hugs and cleaned him up....after 5 days, he started pooping in the yard(weird i know), after 10 days, when we'd giciven up and decided that hed figure it out by kindergarten, he casually came into our office where we were and announced he just pooped in the potty.we all rejoiced, and there was NEVER another poop accident sice.now naptime, if he didnt pee befor nap he would have na accident. he is 5 now and still wears a pullup at night, dr. said his body is just taking a little longer to develop the chemicals used to alert bladder during deep sleep and that it could take until 7 or 8 max but dont sweat it. but once we stopped getting angry, making the pooty issue a big deal, it no longer was one.and they hate being all yucky, whether they admit it or not.
we even had in preschool 2 days a week too. and it helped...its all about the power.and he loves his brother and there were no problems, there was much more jealousy 2 years later than at firsrt....give urslef 3 weeks....he will come around!if my son can, yours will. he was dubbed "most stubborn student ever" at his preschool.lol.
hang in there and try to get some sleep in the day!
ps-one more thing-----do NOT have him in pullups, of course hes gonna go in them because he can!!! goodnights for nap and sleep are fine but otherwise NO WAY! remeber, they hate the mess too and it will expedite things for you...sucks at 1st and ull have to commit to clean up for a bit, but when they realize its big boy underpants time, they will stop.
every kid is different.what works for some may not work for others. this is what worked for us. he absolutely refused t oclean up his mess and would end up smearing it everywhere in rebellion. when i would say its time to go potty he refused fighting all the way in kicking the potty over, i mean u cannot FORCE/hold them down to do their business u know? i knew this huge fight wasnt the answer and it just made him feel worse about himself. taking the toys awya and priviledges...it just made him go deeper into himself and more depressed and didnt solve the problem at all....and geez, they are only three! 3 years in this world...i have learned over the years that little ones really do just want to please us.....they light up inside from our approval....if they are fighting the potty thing its ot about the potty, its something else and u know your son more than anyone...i bet he is a wordeful good little boy....and he loves you to the moon! rememebr that and hang in there....i know you are tired and wishing for a long bubble bath and a chance to shave your legs,l ol its will get better!