Almost two weeks ago, my two boys (8 yrs and 23 mos) and I were in a single car roll-over accident landing upside down). By some miracle we all walked away with nothing but seat belt burns and a few scratches. My 8 year old is dealing with it okay, talking to friends and our pastor. When it comes to my toddler, I'm not sure how he's doing. His nightmares have seemed to increase, (he's also cutting his two-year molars)and sometimes he'll just start saying "Momma vroom-vroom owie". I try talking about it with him so far as saying "Yes, momma's car did get an owie, but we're all okay." and just reinforcing that he's safe. Is that enough?
Has anyone else had this experience?
In my VERY unprofessional opinion, if you don't see any major changes in his attitude, like him being unusually clingy or crying for no reason, I would say he is probably fine. I think as a mom we worry and guilt ourselves for any thing.
God was watching over you and your family, so be safe, and just keep loving your babies, and I am sure they will be fine.
It's good that you're talking to him about it. Also sand tray therapy is very good for toodlers. They can express themselves through the figures that they place on the trays, they say that the healing comes from just them doing that. I hope that you are all doing well, give yourself a lot of nurturing, get a massage, talk to your friends and family, what a scary thing, but what a miracle you are alright. Good luck, C..
I'm sure he's fine, but if you have concerns, I suggest talking to his Ped. It is reasonable to consider that he may have been mildly traumatized by this event. Your ped. may recommend a children’s therapist that is qualified to help a child, EVEN one this young. A child can have long term trauma even at a few months old. When I was 3 months old, my mom almost got hit by a fire truck, with the sirens blazing. When it happened she screamed. I had never heard a siren before, and apparently associated the siren as the source of my moms fear. I was afraid of ALL sirens until I was about 10 years old. I would hide every time I heard one. They would wake me with night terrors if I heard one going by. Something that may be of assistance is you letting him “draw” what happened. I don’t know how verbal he his, but if he is fairly verbal (mine was) sit him on your lap and draw a picture of what happened- especially if you can show him the 3 of you being okay out side of the car. This may help him get closure so to say. Something else you can try, if he’s afraid of getting in the car now, is just letting him play in and near your parked car. My son fell in the shower at 9 months and had to get 3 stitches in his eyelid. After which he was terrified by having to get in the shower. The Ped. told me to make sure it was dry, then put toys he likes to play with in there for him and let him play for 10 or 20 minutes at a time. Slowly it worked to get him over his fear.
On a somewhat unrelated note, although I’m sure that you already know, please be sure you by you little one a new car-seat. Once the seat has been involved in an accident, it is no longer guaranteed, even if professionally installed. Since you’re going to have to replace it anyway, you might as well replace it with one that will grow with him until he no longer needs to sit in one. My son is 28 months and we just bought him the Britax Regent. With the way the CA laws are headed, we wanted to get one that would last until it was no longer required. (CA laws are leaning toward 8 yrs and 80 lbs.) The Regent uses a 5 point harness and is good from 1yr/ 22 lbs until 80 lbs and approximately 5 FEET. It costs about $270, but so do most of the five point convertibles that only last until 40-65 lbs. my little gut weighed 37 lbs at his 2 yr check, and our convertible only went to 40 lbs. At just barely 2 years old, I wasn’t yet comfortable with putting him in a seatbelt restrained booster, which is why we chose the Regent. Plus, a 5 point harness is safest for as long as your little one fits.
Anyway, I know much of this isn’t what you were asking about, but I think that it is soooo important to keep this in mind if you haven’t yet replaced his old seat.
My car slid off the side of a cliff when my daughter was about 1 1/2... for a long time everytime I went down a hill she screamed - the nightmares didn't last for too long - I just reassured her - - - and tried to drive really slow especially on hills... He probably feels like you do - time will heal you both...
My daughter is now 16 and still afraid to ride a roller coaster, but is learning how to drive just fine!
Hi K.-
First, I want to ask - how are you doing? What a traumatic event that you went through. I was glad to hear that you and your kids were able to walk away from this. I am a counselor who specializes in caring for the emotional needs after an auto accident. It sounds like you are doing some great things -encouraging your older son to talk to supportive people and watching for changes in your younger son while reinforcing support and safety. Given his developmental stage, processing this kind of event is different. It is also hard to sort out if changes he is experiencing is related to the accident or if it is just part of his developmental changes. He will most likely "play out" his feelings (lots of car crashes in toys) for a while and will need reassurance about the car's owies. Is he able to get in the car and go for rides post accident? Like some of the other responses, you may be feeling awful for having gotten into the accident in the first place. Yet, you did make sure that you all were buckled up and that probably helped you all walk away from this. For that, you should be commended! Please take care!
