Help!! 11 Month Old Dd Hitting and Tantrums

K.-
I too have an 11 month old that is doing the same thing. He throws a fit when changing his diaper and also when playing with my 3 year old. For us, I think it stems from her grabbing and taking things from him all the time. We are working on that, but the diaper changes are brutal. I just talk to him or try to redirect him with a toy while I'm changing him, but so far, it's not working out great. Unfortunately, I don't have any great advise, but wanted to let you know we're in the same boat and I'm hoping it's a phase. We never went thru this before either, but also didn't have another child to compete with.

They will hit wether or not they have someone showing them how to do it, don't know why. Just hold her hand and tell her it's not okay to do that. she should grow out of it and if not there is something more going on.

Welcome to toddler-dom. Sounds normal to me! I know I'm not much help but our son has been having tantrums since he was about 12 months old. They are looking for an audience. I would tell her once that it hurts your ears for her to scream. If she keeps it up, which she will, off to time-out for 1-2 minutes.

She's testing you. Whatever you do, don't put up with it.

Hold her hand down when she tries to hit and say "no hit" and be firm. She is frustrated and that is fine, however hitting is not. When she is pitching a fit, put her in a playpen, some place she won't hurt herself until she calms down. If she is that mad just letting her know you will not respond if she is acting like that. It won't be over night but at that age they want their way and want it now and will lash out at whomever is around if they are upset about it. Telling her she has to lay still for diaper changes as that is just the way it is and be firm. Try distracting her and do it quickly. Don't have to ignore her but put her somewhere or down immediately away from everyone until she calms down and she will eventually make the connection she isn't getting her way when she acts like that. Do not give into her and please tell your 7 year old she is a saint and to be patient, before too long her sister will be following her around and worshipping her! :)

Hi K., I have a little boy and he will be 2 this coming Friday. At about 12 months to 15 months he started hitting throughing fits and so forth. I started telling him that if he didn't stop, that I would have to put him in his crib until he calmed down. And that is what I do. When he won't stop the tantrum, he goes in his crib until he can calm himself down. Once he stops crying I will go and ask him is he ready to get out and he ususally tells me yes. Now most of the time all I have to say is "Do I need to put you in your crib?" and he will so no and calm down. That doesn't mean I don't still have to put him in his crib sometimes. Children you daughters age can't talk and this is her way of communicating and they do not know how to control their emotions. They also need timeouts sometime. By giving them that timeout and letting them get control of themselves, your teaching them to control and get control of their emotions. Tell her that you love her but do not like her behavior and that until she stops she has to stay in her crib. Hope this helps.

K.,
If you find something that works please let me know! My son is also 11 months, will be 1 on Aug 2. He is doing the same thing. Not just with diaper change but when he is pulled from doing something he likes to do or from a toy he likes. Also when he is being held and wants to be down on the ground. I have been asking around and so many people tell me to put him in the play pen. I have a crib and it is upstairs from the play area...it seems invaluable by the time I get across the house and upstairs...he has forgotten what has happened. I do not know what to do either!

11 months old?? Holy cow! That's young for this behavior. At least in my experience it is. If she's throwing a fit when someone comes near her, it's probably because that person does something she doesn't like. Watch how your 7 year old treats her and see if there's something she reacts to (other than her coming near). As far as the hitting and tantrums, it's probably to see what reaction she can get. I think it's because she doesn't like or doesn't want to do whatever is going on (like diaper changing), but she probably does it because it gets her the result she wants. (like stopping the diaper change, or going away, or putting her down when she hits, etc.) At that age, I'm not really sure what to do as a consequence. But maybe try pulling her out of the environment she is acting out in. For example, if she starts throwing a fit because sister is coming near or doing something not inappropriate, but that she doesn't like, pick her up and put her in a playpen or her room or somewhere removed from the situation and tell her to stop crying or "no." She may not understand "stop crying" or even "no" but at least she will begin learning the meaning of the words because she's isolated for her behavior. I think eventually she'll get the point that she's not supposed to react that way. As always, react very positively when she behaves in a way you approve of, and negatively (without yelling or being "scary" to her) when she behaves inappropriately. Good luck. Hopefully it will help. I'm not used to dealing with that behavior in someone so young.

Put your 11 month old in a Peace palce when she is like this and walk away. come back in a minute and say: I will come get you when you calm down. Take a breath and and show her how to breath and calm down. then hug and move on to activity when calm. Do this for a bit and eventually, you will leave longer and let her calm herself down. My son was calming himself by around 20 months...so it takes a while but worth it. both of mine go there to calm down and usually only have to walk over and they are calm and reay to talk about it or move on to something else.

Have you had her checked for an ear infection? They make even the sweetest kids act like little monsters!

Wow!! Have you considered what is going on in her little world right now? Have there been any changes? She is at an age where she will develop a lot of new skills fairly quickly--talking, walking. Children get frustrated at that age because they know what they want but their bodies aren't quite there yet. Usually when children act out, they are trying to tell us something, but at this age it our job to figure it out. I would highly recommend spending more time with her away from work (laundry can wait, ask hubby to go to the store for you, etc), and possibly consider childcare for part of her day. Little friends can help. Remember, negative attention is attention and you don't want her to learn that this early. Cuddle and watch her favorite program or read a book together or play in the yard together, but don't get harsh. Try to cuddle for a minute before a diaper change--slow down and try to be patient and consider some other avenues to stimulate her. Children can't self entertain for very long at her age....Sister might need a break, too. Good Luck!