Having Issues with Self-worth as a Stay at Home Mom.

I am a mother of two girls who are now grown. They are 26 and 23. I only got to stay home with them until my youngest was about a year old. All I can say it was alot easier to work outside the home than it was to be home with the kids all day having to take care of everything around the house. When I went to work my husband and I had to share responsibilities and he will be the first to tell you how hard being home with two kids alone is. I feel it is important especially now days for mothers to stay home and guide their kids instead of sending them off to day care to pick up bad habits of other children because there is not enough people to show real love and attention when needed. Have your husband read these letters and then let him spend the entire weekend home with the kids while you go work some place and let him see everything you really do. A lot of men think all women do that stay home with their kids is watch soap operas all day, I know first hand that is bull! If he doesnt listen just give me a call and I will teach him a thing or two! ha ha. Best of luck. T. Miller, Kalamazoo Michigan.

Hi S.,
I lead a lot of women's small groups and I hear this complaint often from stay-home moms, particularly from those that had a career before choosing to stay home with children. How sad that those of us who choose a life of love and service to our families can be made to feel inadequate and beholden to our "working" husbands. What it really comes down to is communication- which can be difficult if the man involved has a very self-superior attitude. I am extremely blessed to have been "retired" from my job at Procter and Gamble for 10 years now and at home with my 9 and 7 year old daughters. It is a point of pride for my husband that he has enabled me to stay home. He never gives me the "WHAT have you done all day?!!" that some of my friends get from their husbands. But the key has been our communication. We have researched the fact that if a person with our workload were in the marketplace we would command a 6-figure salary. He regularly comments that he couldn't do what I do. I also remind him of that frequently! : ) You have to tell him how you feel. I told my husband that the one thing that I didn't like is that I didn't have "my" money anymore, that I needed to come to him for money to buy a little something for my girls or myself. Our solution was that I got a stipend (hate the term allowance, makes me feel like a kid) every month that I can spend in ANY way that I see fit and he cannot comment. That has helped immensely. Just remember that you and I have the most important job on the planet, and our impact will live well past us.
Separately, I am relatively new to Michigan and looking for "artistic" friends. I am an oil painter. By the way, re: the topic above, I just got paid for a large commission and it is MY money! Anyway, I agree that you make a great effort and I'd be really interested in chatting with you! Feel free to respond if you have a chance.

There is no job greater or more valuable than being a MOTHER and raising self-sufficient, responsible children. I recently caught a TV show where the mother (a SAHM) wanted to prove her value to her husband so she hired a nanny, chef, chauffeur, housekeeper, and a window washer. Their total bills for the day were just under $2,000. Her point was to prove to him that her time and efforts were in fact valuable and were worth something.

I have felt this way for years. I have a severe seizure disorder and I am also a full time student. Yet, like you, the laundry is always done, dinner is always cooked, lunches are packed, and the house is always ready for company. Because of my seizures, I do have an income. However, it does get thrown in my face from time to time that I don't work. I simply don't let it affect me because I know all the things I do for my family. That's all that matters. Maybe you could have a strike, take a day off and let nothing get done and let him see just how much you actually do.

Good luck and best wishes,
S.

I once heard a story...no idea if it was true or not...about a woman in the exact same situation as you. What she did was to take a day off. The day starts out normal and the husband leaves for work...however when he gets home he realizes that something is terribly wrong. Their are dirty dishes all over dinning room table, the kitchen hasn't been cleaned up since dinner the night before, the kids are still in their pj's, the laundry is not done etc. The husband searches the house for his wife only to find her in soaking in the tub. When he asks her what happened she said she decided to take the day off. Now whether or not this is a good idea is totally up to you, but I found it is amusing. If you haven't already maybe try sitting down and talking with him about how he's making you feel. Explain your days and what you do and how long it takes etc. I don't know how involved he is around the house, but maybe he could take a day off and see your day first hand? Maybe discuss what would happen if you were to go back to work even part time...such as him pitching in with laundry, helping to prepare meals etc. I don't know if any of that is helpful. I am sorry you are experiencing this and wish you the best.
Blessings
M.