Having a Third Baby in Your Late 30'S...

Updated on April 10, 2012
R.S. asks from Chicago, IL
15 answers

Hello,

I posted about this a while ago and am back to thinking about it. We have two beautiful children, exactly two years apart (8 months old and 32 months old). I will be 38 years old in a month. We know we want more children, and have always talked about having 4. At the same time, I sort of wanted to be done having children by 40. While I normally would think that trying now for a third would be out of the question (the thought of two kids under two is a bit scary!), we are also beginning to think that maybe it would be a good idea to try anyway. I am still nursing my 8-month-old during the day and night and have not had a period yet since he was born. So, although I know it's possible to get pregnant, I just don't think it will happen that fast. Has anyone else been around my age with kids this young and decided to have a 3rd sooner than expected?

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

I would suggest that IF you want another, try now... I was 37 when I conceived and did so easily. However, thereafter, it was a struggle and it never happened for me again. 38 while it's older, it's not too old. I say go for it.. do it now... 'good luck

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

At this point there is no need to scrutinize the months passing. Anytime in the next year or two will be no big difference. I had my third at 39 with two very young older ones (same ages as yours). I love it! My husband is gone most of the time and I have managed just fine, but everyone is different on how many "little kids" they can handle at once. But you're right, you won't get the big comfortable spread where the next older sibling is self sufficient unless you wait a few years. To be honest, I'm 41, and feel no different than I did a few years ago, and if we were in a different economic situation, I'd probably have a fourth even with my youngest being only 2. Most of my friends started trying for kids in late thirties and ended up with the pregnancies in their early 40's. None have had problems. Just depends on your personal tolerance and health. I love having three at my age, and they all have a great time together, my older two love having the youngest to look after, and she loves keeping up with the big kids. Yet they're all close enough in age to be playmates and have similar interests in activities. In other words, I can take them all somewhere at once and they're all happy-no one is left out for being too young, and no one is too "old for it" and bored.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

I was exactly in your situation. Next month I am turning 40, and we are just now trying for our third. I am soooo glad I waited. It's been nice to catch my breath a little bit and really get my house in order! I did some painting, and lots of things you just can't do when you have a baby!

To be honest, I kind of wish I was due soon with a third. I wasn't sure if we were going to try, so I kept holding off....My just turned two year old is potty trained, and he is coming along nicely with getting himself dressed. I've always found the 24-30 month age hard, though, so I am thankful that I am not struggling with a newborn and a two year old again. I found that rough the first time around.

I think it will be awesome to have a super helpful 5 year old, a 3 year old and then a newborn.

3 moms found this helpful

M.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

I think you should try. You are already busy with two you might as well add one to the mix.

I had my 3rd at 38 but my 2nd just turned 2 when he was born. My 1st and 2nd are 3.5 years apart so I did have more of a spread. Yours are so close you wont notice a difference. :)

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L.F.

answers from Chicago on

I had my third child when I was 38. I had #1 when I was 33 and #2 when I was 36. It was harder on my body at 36 than when I was 33. But it felt the same to me having a baby at 38 as it did at 36.

We started trying for #3 when #2 was still nursing. I ended up miscarrying. I got pregnant again when #2 was 18 months old. The funny thing is that I think it would have been easier to raise #2 and #3 if they were born closer together. (#2 is so much easier in temperament than #1 or #3.)

My kids are now 6, 3-1/2, and 15 months. I'm a SAHM and I'm managing just fine, although life is busy. I wouldn't mind having a fourth, but I'm very satisfied and feel complete with three. My sister had her fourth at the age of 41, so that gives me hope that I still have time to decide whether or not to have one more.

I am turning 40 this year. Some of my friends from high school (same age as me) are grandparents already! It's weird to me to think that my children are the same age as their grandchildren! Anyway, I don't think your biological clock is ticking too loudly yet. You have still have plenty of time. Good luck to you!

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R.C.

answers from Phoenix on

I caution you not to plan another baby just yet for a couple of solid reasons. Please click on the following to learn more about the risks of conceiving less than 18 months after giving birth:http://www.babycenter.com/0_are-you-ready-for-another-one... and http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40990120/ns/health-childrens_....
I was weeks from 36 when I gave birth to my 3rd baby. My 2nd and 3rd were just 20 months apart due to a contraception failure. It has been a wonderful, difficult 4 years. My husband and I thankfully have a strong, committed marriage, but 4 years of never sleeping through the night due to getting up with either one or both of our youngest every night has been hard. I am thankful that all 3 of my children are healthy and without physical or mental challenges because that would have made things even more difficult. I'm a stay at home mom now 38 yrs old and my husband 42.
I encourage you to wait another 6-9 months before trying for #3. Give your body a break and it may thank you with less complicated pregnancy and a healthier child. Don't rush through life or you may enjoy it less than you anticipated. Nurse Midwife Mom of 3 blessings

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

I only have 2 but my second was born the day after I turned 38. I got pregnant within 6 weeks of trying (just after the first was 2) so you never know.

1 mom found this helpful

C.W.

answers from Lynchburg on

Hi 1-

I had TWINS at 37 (I guess just turned 38 at delivery).

Just be aware...the odds of twinning go up after mid 30's...so perhaps you will round it off with 4!

Best luck!
michele/cat

**we thought we were rounding off with # 6...we have a lucky 7 now...all 2 years or less in age. If you have already been juggling two...you should be good!***

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C.G.

answers from Chicago on

If you think you will want even one more child, I would not wait. One of my best friends who is just turning 37 this year and got pregnant with her first two when her husband simply sneezed on her is now seeking fertility treatment in order to have a third. What she's learned is that her egg production has greatly dimished. According to her fertility doctor, this is the norm for women in their late thirties. She was totally blindsided and figured she would have no trouble conceiving as late as she wanted. Every woman is different, of course, and you may have no problem if you wait. But it might be worth talking to your OB/GYN about it so you have a good feel for how long you can hold off. It might help you make the best decision.

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N.B.

answers from Chicago on

I became pregnant with my daughter at 38 (delivered at 39). I'm 41 and she's now 2 and we've been trying for our second for over a year. We just completed an IVF cycle with no success, due to poor egg quality/quantity. So for us, a couple of years made a big difference....so don't wait too long.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think you are setting an artificial "age limit" of 40. What is different about 41 or 42 than 40? I had my first at age 41. I couldn't fathom being pregnant again while still nursing. Your body needs time to recover. I would wait.

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K.M.

answers from Memphis on

I had my third in Nov. at 42. I was 37 with my 1st and 39 with my 2nd. I knew that I wanted to have 3 and knew I would have to have them pretty close together. I say go for it. However, I do agree with that it might be good to wait a little longer since you are nursing. When you are older it can be harder for your body to sustain a pregnancy and nursing because of hormone levels especially if you period hasn't returned to a normal cycle.

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

My first child was born just before I turned 37, and my third -- and last -- baby was conceived/born last year when I was 40. It definitely took longer to get pregnant with #3 (maybe 7 or 8 mos). With your two kids already close in age and young, you will be worn out during a pregnancy. That's what I wasn't really prepared for, especially as I got bigger and moved more slowly. You just don't have the energy to chase after them and keep up with housework and job (if you work outside the home). I was also pregnant thru the winter, so carrying my younger son with me and him bulked up with winter coats, getting up and down stairs, etc was really exhausting. Giving them baths was also difficult with the big belly...and my husband does a ton to help. There is an 18mos difference between my first two kids, and I knew never to do that again. With 2-1/2yrs between #2 and #3, it feels like a lot more breathing room. Also my two kids were old enough to play together while I tended to the baby; granted, they also fight a lot or conspire to cause trouble. It's different when your #2 is also pretty much a baby.

If I wasn't approaching 42, my husband agreed that we might be talking about #4. I think that we are both just sad that the baby is growing so fast and so damn cute. We're still in the weeds and will be for a couple more years. You probably have a little more time if you plan on stopping at 3 kids. If you really want to have 4 children, then you need to get going on #3 now.

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K.C.

answers from New York on

My friend has a beautiful little boy who is 3 yrs old and 2 girls in elemenatry school. She celebrated her 42nd B-Day a few days ago.

She was planning on having just the two girls. They were blessed with a surprise -- and he is as cute as a button and very energetic !

J.B.

answers from Houston on

Well with my second my cycle returned at about 9 months bc they start to eat more and more table food I suppose, I was nursing about 3 times per day at that point. So, if you do try now, just consider that you could conceive at any point before ever noticing a cycle ;) I had my third at 35 so I am a few years younger but I was planning to wait, so that is the part of the question I might have some help on. My second was 14 months when I got pregnant with #3, I was in shock, just bc we were waiting and it was a bit of a surprise, a great on though! Anyway, I was pretty tired bc I had just weaned my second and got pregnant right away, so my advice would be to probably at least wait until you wean #2. I mean, time wise it hardly makes a difference, just a few months or so. I wasn't very sick with my first two, but I was sick until like 20 wks with my third and I can't imagine needing to nurse when I didn't even feel like eating much. So you never really know how pregnancy will make you feel and it may take a big toll to try and nurse and be pregnant. But I have heard of plenty of moms who do nurse pregnant and do great, that is just my personal experience. I do think that after you wean the baby though, why not go for it! My second and third are 22 months apart and it's gone fine, I mean life is like super nuts on a regular day, but well I figured that it would be with three under 5. Plus by the time you have three you have definitely chilled out and then you have the mellowing effects of a few years under your belt as well :) So my best advice is to wait until #2 is weaned or over a year old if you are person who nurses more than a year. In that case if you had to wean, there would be no big difference nutritionally speaking. Good luck to you!!!

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