Having a Hard Time with Puttung My Son in Daycare.

Hey E.,

Your concerns are certainly valid because no one wants to put their child in daycare but circumstances force us to. I was in the same situation, and I will tell you the first few weeks are really hard on you emotionally, but then it gets easier, especially when you see your child learn to interact with other children and learn new things. I think my son is really well adjusted and very sociable, and I attribute that to the fact that he has learnt to interact with other people outside of his home. It also greatly helped that I found a very loving stay at home mom who is absolutely amazing and only watches two other kids!

A little about me.......I am 27years old, married and have one 11month old son. For me, the decision to go back to work made sense because this way I can afford a better lifestyle for my child. Even though I could probably stay home, that might mean sacrificing a college fund for my child, so look at it like in the long run, you will do better for yourself and your child.

Hope this helps you out. And sorry for all the detail.

Thanks,
O..

Hi E.,

I put my son in daycare a month ago when he was 3 months old. It was so hard at first, thinking I was going to miss out on so much. I have no regrets. I have a quick meeting with our "daycare lady" at the end of the day to go over anything from the day (anything abnormal, last feeding and diaper change, anything cool that happened). She has been wonderful in making sure that my child is cared for and loved while I am at work. I love having an excuse to focus on him when I get home, and on the weekends. You will still have the firsts- the first time you see it. It is just as wonderful to witness it your first time, even if he may or may not have done it already.

Daycare also gives your little guy a chance to socialize with others and be comfortable away from you. My little guy always gives me the biggest smile when I pick him up in the afternoon. He has obviously had a fun day!

It will be hard at first, but it gets easier. Good luck!

I know how hard it may seem, but it sounds like you have a great opportunity of a great job and your son will probably have some difficulty being away from you at first but it will give him a great socializing experience. My son loves going to his daycare at my gym and the daycare ladies house twice a week while im at work. I was only off from work for 2 months after having my son, but I still got some great time spent with him before i went back to work but still have lots of time on my days off with him as well.. Good luck with your decision, M.

You aren't overly anxious; you are understandably concerned.
The great job that will help your family out -- is that the same as "necessary to put food on the table"? Of course any extra money will help the family out, and it's wonderful (and rare) to find a "great job" -- but if your family can do without the extra money for a couple of years, I bet your son will be a lot happier with mom at home. Or any parent. Maybe the other people on this site are too afraid to say that; no one wants to seem judgmental.

I've been a SAHM, a full time working mom, and a part time working mom. My husband and I have always taken turns staying at home: one parent works while the other stays at home. We tried a supposedly wonderful day care for a while, but I would stay there at extended periods of time at lunch time (to nurse my girls when they were babies) and I saw how miserable the babies were. Not always, but much of the time. Babies just don't get the attention they need at daycare.

It would be nice if you knew someone you trusted to watch your baby while you worked -- he'd be a lot happier and catch less colds. IMO, there's no reason for an 8 month old to be in a daycare setting unless your family can't survive without you working. He has plenty of time to learn to socialize -- that's what preschool is for.

Hope that doesn't sound harsh. I wonder, can you find a part time job? It's a great way to balance adult time with baby time. Good luck.

E.,
I tend to agree with Karen that if you can stay home, you should. I am a single mom and had to put my daughter in daycare for the first time when she was 5 months old. At first I only left her 2 days a week and then gradually worked up to full time. She is in a great daycare where all of the teachers are educated and really love what they do, and I know that as a fact because we (parents) "pop-in" all of the time and all of the kids are happy and well taken care of and I went in to nurse her 4x a day every day for 9 months after we started there, but I miss her every second of every day. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish circumstances were different so that I could be the one home with her. If you have already decided to put him in daycare, though my best advice is to ask the teachers not to tell you if he hits ay major milestones while there. That's what I did and ignorance is bliss. I truly get to believe that the 1st time I saw my daughter take a step was the first time it happened. Also, really do get a good reccommendation on a daycare (I would rec. mine, but the waiting list is usually about 8 mos. out-- probably not very helpful for you). If you look around and can't find onethat you feel comfortable with right away, see if you can find a temporary solution until the right daycare opens up. Good luck.

You are no different from any other Mom who has to put their child in daycare. Be reasured that you are not alone. Your feelings are perfectly normal and it will take time to adjust. I found it helpful with my two older kids that I started them about a month before they had to go full time just to help them adjust (me adjust) In the beginning it seemed that it was the worse thing I had done I felt as though I was in someway abandoning them. They were 1 and 3 years old. I do have to say that it got better I did cry every morning on the way to work but they did great!! In hind sight it was difficult but rewarding and in the end, I was being to hard on myself for no reason and got to really appreciate the time spent with my kids but away from them as well. Best wishes and be assured that you will do fine and so will your little guy.

Don't worry-I was the exact same way when I had to finally put my daughter in daycare. I always swore that I would never put my child in daycare because I didn't want someone else raising them, but that's so untrue. At the end of the day you are still the one raising your child, teaching them morals and values and beliefs. I completely understand and honestly it was harder for me than it was for her. She loves it and we actually spend better quality time together now than when I was at home. I just try to look at it as a learning experience for my child. If it's better for your family for you to take this great job and your child will be in a loving and learning atmosphere than it will be better for your family overall. It gets eaiser I promise. Also, it is good for your child to be interacting with other children to develop socially, but by all means do what is going to benefit your family in the long run.

I understand how you feel! I returned back to work in Jan FT for the first time. At that time my son was 2 1/2 and daughter 14mos. Prior to that no one had ever watched than other than grandma, and my friend since middle school so I was toatally freaked out about the concept!

Its hard at first but its takes time and they do adjust! Most important is finding a place that you all feel comfortable with. It was so stressful for us looking and mine children eneded up going to a very expensive one because other places were not as nice and clean. We had to up our price.

Now both kids love day care! My son is in preschool and daughter is moving to the 2's! Socially they learn alot from it. Honestly if I had a choice I would stay home but I need to work. I miss them but I know they are safe and learning so much.

OK sorry to ramble but I remeber those feelings like it was yesterday and its OK to leave them in day care if you need to work. It feels good to work and help out finacially plus to relate to actual adults. Well good luck.
A.

Some advice my mother gave me is - you can always change your mind. To me that meant, I had to give daycare a try, otherwise I'd never know if I was doing the right thing or not. I figured I'd tough it out for a month, and if at the end of that month I still felt uncomfortable, then my husband I could talk about a different course. At the end of our month, we decided to stick with daycare and we're so glad we did. Our son is very well adjusted, has little anxiety, is well ahead in his learning and development -it's been an excellent supplement to our life at home. Every parent is different - some feel comfortable at home with their children, some feel comfortable having their child enjoy the surroundings and stimulation in daycare. If you do decide to try it, make sure you feel a warm sense of caring from the teachers/caregivers. Bond with them as often as you can, hang out there, visit often - whatever you need to do to feel comfortable. Obviously it's nice if you can choose a facility close to where you work, then you can always go visit or be close should the need arise. The people who work there understand your hesitation too, so talk to them about it. It helps them to also be attentive to your child's transition. Hope this helps and good luck! Oh - one other thing - you may want to look for a NAEYC certified facility - it's a very strict certification. (national association for the education of young children) ;)

First of all, if your family needs you to work, then you don't have a choice. If you're not feeling misgivings because you're worried about the place, then just know he'll be okay.

I think it's best for a child that young to be with his mother, but you know what? It's even better for a family not to be financially-stressed and tense. As long as you give him your full time and attention when he comes home, he'll be fine. Although you'll probably bawl your eyes out for a while.

I don't think you are being overly anxious about putting your son in daycare; you're feelings are perfectly normal! I also have an 8 month old son, and I have been working full time since he was 2 1/2 months old. It was very hard in the beginning to leave him with the babysitter, so I started back to work part time and eased into full time work until we were both used to my new schedule. I miss him when I'm at work, but I know he is being taken care of really well. Plus, when I get home, he has the biggest smile for me, and just makes my day! Just remember you are trying to do what is best for your family, and he will be just fine! Good Luck!

Don't feel like someone else will be raising your son. You will always be the mommy and it is really good to get away sometimes. I am also a SAHM, but I wasnt always. It was nice to work when I could, the adult conversation, and feeling challanged and important outside the house. Just make sure you really check into the daycare. I have worked at daycares before and you really have to be careful. A lot of times they pay young people little money and therfor they don't take thier job that seriously, and don't pay enough attention to the children as they should. I worked at one years ago (not the nicest place) one of the teachers was actually spanking. She had told me she had an agreement with some parents, but I soon found out she was spanking a lot of children. You should supprisingly pop in on the day care sometime to check them out when they don't expect it. I also worked at one of the top day cares (and one of the most expensive) you have a better chance at getting a good teacher that cares about your kid, but it was the same there. Young girls not getting paid much. And their is a lot of sickness. And the daycares want the teachers to come in sick because they need the teachers. Their is always a lack of day care teachers. I was once left in a room with 27 children, alone. I'm not trying to scare you, but really look into who you are leaving your child with. Maybe you can get a good recomendation from someone that already knows the place. When I had to go back after my son was one. I took him to a friend's mom that watched kids at home. Someone you know and trust is always the best bet.

I have an almost 3yo son and an 11 month old daughter and I just went back to work full time about two weeks ago. To be honest, the waiting to start work was harder than actually coming back. Of course I miss the kids, but I enjoy working and the transition has been relatively painless. I know it's difficult, but once you get used to a routing and schedule it gets much easier. You're still his mom and he'll always love you and miss you. Hang in there and hugs, you're not alone!

I have a 3 year old that has been in daycare since 8wks and just put my second child in at 12 wks. It never gets easier--I still feel utterly guilty every day (though I know my 3YO is really flourishing in her preschool program, which she probably wouldn't do at home with me)--but as parents, we get used to doing what we have to to make things work for the well-being of the family overall. I think it's called adulthood?! :)

Heck, if I had my choice I'd get to stay at home full-time, never work and live in a million dollar home and have everything easy-peasy, but that's not my life so....a good daycare/preshcool makes it tolerable. Good luck and know that you are not the only working mom that feels that way!!
-m

I had the same problem when my son was 14 months old. To make matters worse, he was so upset that he wouldn't play and he was always wanting to be held. The teachers told me that this was normal and that one day it would just change and he'd be fine. Believe it or not, three weeks later, one day, he had a great day. Ever since then, he loves school. It's hard for me to leave him but he runs up to his friends and talks with them, he sings songs they learn, draws pictures and is speaking in complete sentences already. He's been in day care for a few months short of a year, and it's great. I love his teacher and so does he. It's nice to have some adult time, and it's also necessary. The 2 of you will appreciate eachother more when you do spend time together. DOn't worry. You'll still have plenty of time to raise your son, and you'll see him grow and learn like crazy.

One of my favorite things about putting my daughter in daycare was hearing her talk about the new people she was meeting and the new activities she was learning to do. Of course your son is a little young to report back, but he is old enough to appreciate the social interaction with other kids. And hopefully you've chosen a place where he will get to do art projects and learn songs and stories that maybe you don't know or have forgotten about.
I won't lie; it's hard at first. He's not going to be happy to see you go, but just remember that he is being given all sorts of enrichment opportunities and most important remember that you are NOT a bad/neglectful mother!! Kids don't learn to function very well if they're sheilded from the world forever- he's going to have so much fun!