Handling Two Children Under Two

I agree that I can do without coffee but am a much better parent with a shower every morning - especially when I am sleep deprived. I put my infant on the gymini outside of the shower (glass door so I can see them) and the 2 year old watches TV in my bed or watches the portable dvd player outside of the shower for about 15 minutes while she eats some dry cereal with dried fruit. The other thing I had a hard time with was grocery shopping. I don't have a lot of help so I often had to take them both with me. It was hard with the infant carrier and the 2 year old until I started using the baby bjorn. Now that the baby is 6 months they keep each other entertained while I shop and it is easier than when I just had one! I also joined a mother's group and that way I have support when we go to the park. It is nice to get outside in the mornings and having a few other eyes and hands there really helps. There is always someone to watch my older daughter or help her if I am feeding the baby. Good luck, it is challenging but so much fun to see them interact!

Just remember that it is hard at first but then they get older and play together. My eldest son was not super jealous except at feeding time. He got really mad when I gave his little brother a bottle. I had people there to help me for a full six weeks after the birth and that really helped because when he would get mad someone was there to give him some special attention too. Eventually he stopped caring. I shower at night so I can't really give you advice on how to get one every morning. It is just so much easier to do it after the kids are in bed sleeping.

My 2-year old nephew loves to join Mama in the shower. That way, she gets the shower (very important) and he gets intimate time alone with Mama (which he was jealous of the new baby for getting). It seems a good solution for them but I do wonder how she shaves her legs :)

Two under two, be prepared to be busy, busy, busy! I had my first two 18 months apart. You will not have a lot of time to do the things that you usually have been doing. I found that it was best to let go of the activies and tasks that were not important and use that time to focus on the children. Let dad pick up the slack.
I had a basket of books for my little girl to look at next to me while I was nursing the baby, it gave us a lot of snuggle time together, (though at first she had a problem sitting next to me instead of on my lap)
As for the shower, if dad isn't home to watch the kids while you take one, bring the baby into the bedroom/bathroom with you and lock the door. If your daughter likes a certain movie put it on and watch the clock, use a baby monitor to listen for her. Try to include your daughter while caring for the baby, let her get the diaper, choose the outfit, hold the toy, if she is interested. good luck!

Hi C.,
I didn't have kids this close, but two of the best pieces of advice I received were the following: (1) When your older child comes to visit you in the hospital, make sure you are not holding the baby. Either let someone else hold him or have him in the bassinet. This reassures your daughter that she still has your attention and hugs. (2) Have a small gift for your daughter "from" the baby. My oldest still talks about the gift from his baby brother. I am not saying we haven't had to deal with jealousy issues, but whatever you can do to prevent is worth it! Blessings on the new phase of life!
C.

HI C.,
Our daughter and son are 20 months apart. No doubt about it, having two kids is exponentially harder than one. The hard parts seem to go in phases. When the baby is really little he'll of course sleep a lot so your daughter will have some time to get used to another little person being around. I nursed, so for a little while I was able to balance my daughter on one side of my lap and nurse my son too. I tried to take advantage of the times the baby would sleep to spend 1 on 1 time with my daughter, and I wore the baby in a sling of baby bjorn for as long as that would work and that allowed me to be hands free to help my daughter with whatever she was doing.
The other very important thing was that we got them on the same nap and night routine as soon as that was possible. That was critical for us to be able to have a break to rest ourselves or get things done around the house.
As far as the jealousy issue, that came and went for us. We made sure to involve our daughter in what we were doing with the baby and always make time for her. We bought some books about being a big sister and made her feel like an important, special part of the family. We talked about how she was big so she could do things that the baby wouldn't be able to do so that she didn't regress and try to be the baby. And there were times when she wanted to act like a baby again, and we let her do that and would cuddle her and tell her she was our sweet baby girl.
Now they are two and a half and four and good friends. They have a little normal sibling rivalry, but play really well together and are good company. Our daughter even tries to teach our son new things, like sounding out words and putting on his shoes. I love having them this close together. It's is hard at first, but gets better!
I am fortunate to have a really supportive and extremely involved husband too. It takes some work and some patience to stay connected and not let the kids take all of your energy and time. Since we've stayed consistent and with a routine the kids go to bed at 8pm and that gives my husband and me time together.
Enjoy your sweeties. They don't stay little very long!

Hi C.~ I have 2, who are now 3 & 4. They are 15 months apart to the day. Alot of it depends when you wake up, and when your older one wakes up. We managed very well. My son liked helping with my daughter. The older one will be curious, let them be involved in what you are doing with the baby. It's not as hard as it seems. you learn to adjust the second time around, just like you did the first time. P.S.~everything that happens doesn't come as big as a shock with the 2nd one either!

Hi C.,

Your concerns make sense - it IS a lot of work and a delicate emotional balance when you have little ones close together, and it does take a lot from Mama. That being said, you've had some great suggestions here so far, and YOU CAN DO THIS! :) Being a SAHM is the BEST for both you and your kids - hugs and kudos to you for being a great mom!!

One thing that wasn't mentioned yet was tandem nursing ... even if your daughter is weaned by now, she is fairly likely at her age to have a renewed interest in nursing when she sees her brother at your breast, and the very best thing for her and for familial harmony is to let her participate, even nursing both at once (it's very do-able, tons of moms do this!). Rejecting her if she asks will be devastating and will tremendously increase any jealousy and threatened, displaced feelings she may naturally have.

At 21 months she is still a baby in many ways, it's a very normal thing for her to feel scared and displaced, and also to need your comfort and reassurance over and over. Many times tandem nursing is a short-lived thing once the older sibling sees that she is still accepted and welcomed. If interest continues, there are ways to cope with it so you don't feel overwhelmed....some moms designate one breast for each child :), others may designate certain times for nursing the older child (nap and bedtimes, mornings, for comfort if hurt or scared, etc.). I really wanted to mention tandem BF here so you would be aware of this great option and also would know that any interest your little girl expresses in this is very normal and healthy for her. Virtually all developed countries outside the US and maybe Canada have moms that BF for years as a matter of course (4 is the average age to wean) and this gives their kids better immunities, better nutrition, better bonding and security...the proven benefits are legion! As you may have guessed, my 3 yr old still nurses a few times a day and it's a wonderful thing for both of us. :)

Another thing I wanted to mention...you had said your little girl's room was downstairs. Is there any way you could rearrange your home so all bedrooms are on the same level (even if her room has to be smaller - OR even if another room has to be smaller in order to give her a bedroom on the same level as yours). At her age it is best to have bedrooms close by for many reasons - and this might help alleviate the jealous feelings and any sense of being "left out" that she may feel when the new baby is in your room; at least she would be nearer. It could also be exciting for her to make a big deal of her "new" room and put some pretty "big girl" things in it. :)

One MORE idea that could help feelings is co-sleeping, if you are up for that - even if it is just a mattress on the floor of your bedroom so she is in there too. Many, many people co-sleep and I had hoped to do that, but it didn't work for us since our daughter was too excited by being in our bed to sleep properly. The little-bed-in-room idea is pretty workable though.

Hope that this helped in some way - best wishes to you and your family as you add a new little one to your home!

God bless you,

S.

I am in week 4 of dealing with a newborn and a now 23 month old. The first couple of weeks were pretty scary since my older boy became extremely needy. He interrupted his whines of "Mommy, up!" only to throw tantrums. Of course I tried to spend time with him and show him lots of attention, but there was no getting around the fact that the baby was now taking up mommy's time and lap. In just a few short weeks big brother seems to have accepted little brother's presence. He will now sit next to me while I nurse the baby rather than having a fit, and he cheerily greets the baby in the morning. I think, and am hoping, that at this age it is hard for kids to keep a concrete image of life before baby for very long.

I don't agree with the advice to tend the older child first when both are clamoring for mommy. I think you have to find a balance. A toddler can learn to wait, a newborn needs to be responded to.

So far we have had visiting relatives to provide extra hands, and that has been wonderful. I'll admit that I'm dreading the first days when I am home alone with both of them. I'm sure it will all work out somehow though.

-J.

Hi C.,

I highly recommend reading a book, The New First Three Years of Life by Burton White. It is right on it seems for answering your concerns. (and many others) I have a 4 1/2 yr old girl and a 21 month old girl. They are 3 years apart vs. 2 which is easier, but this book really has been a life saver to me. It will tell you it is very hard to have closely spaced children, but honestly I think the challenges start more when the baby begins to crawl and walk. In the beginning your older child is likely to not be quite so jealous as the baby will be sleeping a lot etc. Get this book, you wont regret it. I have found that reminding my older child of all the good things she has because she's older helps a bit. Like she can have ice cream and other food items the baby cant and she has a big girl bed now and the baby doesnt. The only thing is your 21 month old is still a baby and needs you very much now. You may want to have someone come and help you a few hours with the infant so you can still spend one on one time with your older one. If you think your older child will be agressive to the baby you will have to watch like a hawk and not allow the aggression. Your 21 month old is just coming to the point of being her own little person and will start challenging you. You have to gently, but firmly let her know she cannot hit the baby or whatever it is and not be afraid to give her a little "baby time out". This can be done by putting her in her crib for 1 min. when she does something like that and leaving her alone. She will cry like crazy, but a 1 min. time out is ok and honestly if you do it at the beginning you wont have to do it much. You will be teaching her to respect her baby brother. You will have to watch though when the baby brother gets to be 20 months old that he does not turn agressive to the older one. This is very common and you have to make sure you are sensitive to the older child as well and not assume the older one did something to the little one. Good luck and with love and patience, they get it. They just have to understand they are not the only one anymore, because they arent. (My husband with 3 siblings told me that line) and he's right. My two girls play really well together thankfully. I do little things like take the older one out of the car first and put the baby to bed first and she feels she's a little priviledged and the baby doesnt care of course. You've got a ways to go, but enjoy your little new one!!!

I have 2 girls.. one will be 2 in a week and the other 6 months in a week! when i was prego with the 2nd it was just me and the baby because my husband was deployed. He arrived home 3 days before the 2nd was born. So there was a major transitional time for our family. i felt like the older one hated me! there was time she didn't want to even sit with me.. i learned from other parents that you need to take a few minutes and play, cuddle, whatever it is that she loves. And the shower situation was a little easier at first. I just made sure the older one was in an area like her room with entertainment and the baby in a bouncy or the swing. we have a small bathroom so the bouncy didn't fit in the same room so i would do the kitchen with a child proof gate. i breastfed, so i would use that time to read her some books because she could sit next to me and them bring new books as we went through reading. If the baby is sleeping when the other one wakes up just hop in the shower right quick and then go to the other one. i figure as long as you hear crying or talking that everything is ok.. it's when they are quiet that make me worry!

Take it one day at a time and just remember the housework is second. Take that shower and do what you can to feel secure the presence of the kids. Room monitors are your best friends.....
Make sure the first born knows this baby is her's to so she will not be jealouse.
Time passes at this age so quickly. If you need a break find a really available helper even if it means some slight shift in finances......... Or just an hour or two in the same house with a sitter letting you do something you enjoy doing. I have always knitted, sewed, or read a book.
At one point in my life I had 3 children 5, 2 aqnd 2........ in my 20's........ my second litter I had 2 that were 23 months apart. That 23 month litter was eaiser than the ones I had in my twenties, becauase I had learned that just being with them was my job.. You are having them at a good time. It will be good if you just relax and learn to play with them.. IT FLYS by. My kids now range from 40 to 23...............

Congratulations!!

My two younger children as spaced about the same as yours will be. Let you little girl be the BIG helper. That really worked with our son when our little girl was born. He was two at the time and loved helping Mommy. He wasn't overtly jealous of her, but we also made time just for him. We were extremely blessed not to have to deal with the jealousy. No acting out, no tantrums, no being mean to his sister. I'll pray that it's the same for you.

As far as showering in the morning, do while the baby is sleeping but have your daughter in the bathroom with you. If you are not comfortable with that, get up before your daughter wakes up and get a quick shower, but leave the door open.

It will all work out. Don't worry.

Hi C.,

I have two girls 21 months apart to the day. Be prepared for a busy and trying road ahead, but know that it does get easier with every week that passes! Just like handling one when you'd never had any, you will handle two just the same. I would write a lot of the same great tips that Tiffany did below on including your toddler in the time that you need to spend with your newborn which is very important for yours and the sibling relationship that will develop over time. And agree that you can not tend to your toddler first.

This is actually a hard one to give advice on as there are so many issues and circumstances that will need addressing in the first year and every child’s reaction to a new sibling is a little bit different.

Newborns have many needs and they all need to be met by an adult so your toddler will learn quite fast that when baby cries mommy goes running, so that must be the time to ask for a drink, or tell mommy your hungry, or just plain throw a fit. Get use to it. On the other hand, if you are reading to your toddler, lets say, and the baby wakes up form a nap and cries, it is okay to finish reading the book and let the baby cry for a minute. If you drop your toddler at the first sound of a whimper, then she will start to resend the baby. I was also very expressive with my words to my toddler. I reiterated to her often that the baby was little and she was now a big sister and “we” needed to take care of the baby because she could not take car of herself. And when I left the room to attend to the baby I would give the older one a task, like finishing a puzzle, or putting the book away and picking out another one to read for when I got back, or I would take her with me to “help” with the diaper change. In the beginning too I had baby gates up everywhere(multilevel house)so that my toddler could not go where I could not see her, and I had everything at hand for diaper changes, clothing changes, spitting up, etc. so that I did not have to leave the room except to pee…if need be.

Nap time you would think is a great time for doing the dishes or the laundry…but especially in the beginning, you will have to let those things sit for another time. Spend quality one-on-one time with your toddler during baby naps. If they happen to nap at the same time at all, then that is the time for chores, although in the beginning it will be needed personal time for you, or a nap as well!

As far as a morning shower…I can not tell you how many days I have gone shower-less! My husband stepped up though and would get up in the morning with our toddler so that I could either shower or get that extra 30 minutes of sleep till the baby woke up. After I nursed the baby I would then hand her off to him and take a quick shower if his schedule allowed. The morning was a good time too for one-on-one daddy time for my older one. Needless to say…since baby number two I have become a coffee drinker.

Have a network of family and friends too that you can call. At least one good girlfriend who will understand when you call crying that you really just need an ear and a boost in knowing that you are doing “the best you know how”!! And know that it does get easier. Mine are now 37 and 16 mo and well balanced sweet girls. I still loose my mind from time-to-time and there are still many day-to-day challenges, and dirty dishes in the sink, but it is all worth it and I would not have changed a thing about their ages if I could! If you have made it through this response without going into labor…hurray…and if any of this ends up fitting your needs and questions down the road, feel free to keep my email and write anytime!! Best of luck in your delivery and all that lies ahead!

~J.

Hi C.,
My son Mason (now 4 and a half) was 20 months when my twin boys were born. The most important thing we found was making sure Mason still got special one on one time with us. We also called the babies "his babies" and let him help us take care of them, (like bring me their diapers, or throw dirty ones away) so that he would feel they belonged to him to take care of. He really seemed to like that. We also bought a couple of childrens books that we read to Mason that was designed to prepare him for the new arrival(s). As far as making your life easier, I always make them nap at the same time, and go to bed at the same time so their sechedules matched. I needed that set alone time. I never did housework during naptime. That was my 2 hour break during the day to just do something for myself. It really helped me to regroup and be ready to take them on again when they all woke up. Hope that helps.
L.

Hi C.!

I have six children and all of them (with the exception of my twins, of course) are between 18 and 23 months apart. The key to happy older siblings is to make sure they know they are still special and have the new role of "The Helper." Include Big Sister in everything you do with Baby - Have her help by grabbing diapers, a blanket or pillow to aid in nursing/feeding, giving Baby kisses when he is upset; anything to let her know she has a big role in Baby's life. Love on her, too, every chance you get, and she'll be okay!

You will find that having your kiddos close together will be a lot of work, but a whole lot of fun!!

Hi Swettie
well congrats on your new baby in the house I am a stay at home mother of 4 and the best thing I can tell you is have her there in the delivery room yes I know but it has helped me out so much and yes with my second child he sat next to me and when his brother came out I held his brother for a few minutes but I let my oldest son hold him to yes only being minutes old and from that day on when I would nurse I would have my oldest next to me and I have done that with all my children and there was no jealous involved in fact I was just looking at a picture of my 3 oldest holding there little sister and it is just wonderful there is a bond there it is unspeakable I wish you all the luck and God bless you and your wonderful family
Danielle

My son was 22 months old when my daughter was born and shockingly he handled it really well! I was expecting him to be really jealous, because he is a momma's boy but he was really sweet with her. I found in the beginning I couldn't leave them alone in the same room, for even a minute. He wanted to play with her and that entailed bouncing things off her head or driving toy cars on her head, not understanding she couldn't play yet. So I would either separate them with a baby gate or put her in a seat so I could use the bathroom or cook breakfast/lunch and keep an eye on both of them. In the beginning she would never get an uninterrupted meal either.. it never failed he would want a drink or snack just as I was starting to nurse her. Lucky for me she is really patient and calm. Within a few weeks though everything adjusted itself beautifully and it wasn't such a juggling act to take care of two kids under the age of 2. It is busy but not as crazy as I thought it would be. As for showers, in the beginning I would take a shower when I heard my son wake up in the morning. I knew he would play by himself for a 1/2 or 3/4 hour, so then I could take my time in the shower and getting ready. I hope this helped some. Congratulations and good luck!

I have two kids they are 9 and 11 now. When they were babys and they both need my attention at the same time I would tend to the older child first. Let the baby cry if you have to, they dont know any different but the older child does. Don't worry it will all come natural after a while. Remember to give the older child as much attention as possible and let her help you with the baby. As for the shower part you may have to wait until the baby naps in the morning and bring your older child in the shower with you.
good luck.
angel

My first 2 are 15 months apart. They are now 8 and 7. I remember that we played on the floor lots. the biggest thing is that you have to be flexible in your schedule. Still have a time that it is just you and your daughter. A Double stroller saved my sanity. When we would have a hard day a nice walk around the mall or to the park or just around the neighbor hood was nice.

I am a stay at home mom of 4 girls ages 8, 7, 5, and 3

I have two boys, 24 months and 5 months and experienced the same thing. Planning ahead is the key to success! Take your shower before your oldest wakes up in the morning even though it may cut into your sleep time.

Hi C.. I know exactly how you feel. My daughter was just over two when we had our son. The best advice I can give you is to make sure you let your daughter be involved with the new baby as much as possible. Let her hold the bottle once in awhile or pick out his clothes for you. Also, I don't know where your daughter will be when you are in the hospital but we made sure that our daughter was at home when we introduced her to her brother. She was in her own environment and we brought him to her, almost like a gift. We also bought something for her and told her that her new baby brother wanted to bring her something because he loves her so much. My daughter is now 3 and my son is almost 11 months. They can't get enough of each other. They want to be around each other all the time. I would also make sure to try not to make a huge fuss when she touches the baby, as long as she's not hurting him. If you are constantly telling her to leave the baby alone and you get to touch him she might grow to resent him. Try and give them an equal amount of attention also. Set aside a time every day to play with your daughter, just you and her. It's also a great bonding time for the two of you. Congratulations and good luck.

Involvment is the key. Your daughter is old enough to help take care of baby by first handing you need items, watching the baby from her crib the baby while you shower, "to help mommy". Set a special time during the day with mom and daughter where she is the total center of your attention. Provide this for your new one as well telling your daughter and son (from birth) that this is a special time just for daughter/son. Explain everything you do for the baby and how you did the same things with her when she was just an infant. Facts are very important. Good luck. I have three girls one year apart and that's how we got through those stages.
B.

I went through this, my two older girls are 22 motnhs apart.

We moved the oldest out of the crib a month before the baby came so she wouldn't feel like she was being taken out because of the baby. We also had the baby in our room and the oldest was in her own room.

We made sure everyone said hello to the older one before holding or saying hi to the baby (We did the same thing with our dog, everyone greated her before any babies).

The oldest eventually became 'daddy's little girl' since I always had the baby. My husband changed the baby's diaper and put her to bed and held her whenever needed so I could read and play with the older one. The oldest still goes to dad for most stuff, except when she needs "comfort", she comes to me first.

We let the oldest hold and feed the baby as much as possible so she was part of the process not an outcast. We would sit her on the couch so she could hold the baby in her arms. After the first 5 months or so when we started a bottle we would put the baby on the floor on a boppy so the oldest could hold the bottle for her.

They are almost 8 and 6 years old now, with a little sister who is 2. They are the best of friends and very close. (granted it's a little different with 2 girls as opposed to one of each, but the first year or so would probably be the same)

As for the shower thing, I would take one in the morning before my husband left for work.

Our oldest one was also in daycare 4 days a week so I would take a shower after my husband took her to daycare and the baby could be in the crib for 15 minutes - it's ok if they cry!

Good luck!

be patient...buy some new DVD's for your daughter and use them when she gets fussy and needs a break. My two are 21 1/2 months apart too and that worked for me, especially during feeding time. Also, try to take your shower when your daughter takes her nap. You may have to compromise your schedule to taking a later shower in the AM or use the new DVD to entertain her while you hop in really quick! Good luck....the first two months are challenging then it gets a lot better!

All my friends who have children less than 2 years apart have said it get easier when the oldest reaches 2.5 years. This is the stage when they will (or are able to) follow directions. Also, having friends and family help is a good idea. maybe let your sister (or whoever) watch the baby while you spend some quality time with your older child and visa versa.

I'm a mom of twins. Make sure that each child has their own one-on-one time with you and with your husband - maybe find special activities that each one especially likes (as your baby gets older). It's important to talk to your daughter NOW about what to expect. Let her know every day that you love her and don't love her any less because you have another baby. There are some good books at the library that maybe you could go together to to look at/check out re: being a big sister. Re: shower time - it's OK to let her watch an educational video or something while you get 15 minutes to yourself (with baby in a bouncy seat or bassinet or whatever). Enjoy!

Hi C. you already have a ton of great advice here so just one small thing to add....Buy a Snuggly! :-) It's one of those baby carriers that lets you keep your baby on your chest and your hands free to deal with your toddler.
This was a life-saver for me those first few months. Also a friend gave me some really good advice when I had a newborn and a 1 year old to deal with at the same time. Your newborn really just needs to be close to you, your older child truly needs more attention and interaction. Keep the baby close to you in the carrier and they will be very happy and you can give your older child all the interaction they need. While they are sleeping you'll also have plenty of 1 on 1 time with your newborn.
Good Luck! :-)

Congratulations!
My daughters are 18 months apart, my son is 25 months younger and Im currently expecting #4 who will be 16 months younger than her brother.

I guess the jealousy issue depends on the child. There has been a lot of advise that says not to be holding the newborn when your daughter meets her. I'm not sure I agree with that, your oldest daughter needs to understand that the baby is important too. When my daughter met, I was holding the baby and my 18 month old climbed into the hospital bed with us and we introduced her to her sister. She gave her a little kiss on the head and it was the cutest thing ever.

For showers, I put the baby in a bouncy seat right outside the shower so I could see her (and more importantly make sure her sister didn't bother her) and let the older one watch TV while sitting on my bed. Also, you could put your older on in a play pen with some toys.

As far as handling them as the same time goes... Give yourself 6-8 months just to get used to having 2. Change their diapers at the same time. Let your older daughter interact with the baby and try not to act nervous about it. Once the baby is 6 months old or so they will start playing together.

The most stressful thing for me when they were little was going places and getting them out of the car after the baby was out of her infant carrier. I taught my oldest to put her hand on me or on the car while I was getting the baby and she usually obeyed.

My girls are now 4 1/2 and 3 and they are absolutely best friends. My oldest will never remember NOT having her little sister and I think that's awesome!

My girls are 22 months apart. The best thing that I did when the second was born was to take the older one to the park or beach every day for a few hours in the morning. I would strap the little one in a front pack and then, even if I wasn't right there with the older one the whole time it was like I was paying attention to her.

Also, your older one can help with a lot: Can you get a diaper for mommy? Can you put this diaper in the trash? (when the baby is in the swing or something) Can you watch your sister for a minute while mommy ...? *Don't forget to always buckle the second one in, even if the baby is just in a bouncy seat or whatever. With the first one, you could be kind of lax but with the second one, you have to be diligent because the other one will "help" the baby out of the seat.*

When you introduce them at the hospital (or wherever your tiny one will be born) try not to be the one holding the baby when your older one comes in (do the introduction, but hold the older sibling while someone else - not daddy, preferably - holds the baby).

When they are both fussy (like when you are trying to feed them lunch) take them outside for a picnic, that always worked too.

And last, but not least, there will be many times when you have to tell your older one, "In a minute - I'm with the baby" so at least once or twice a day say to the baby, "Wait a minute baby, I need to help older sibling right now." when the older one can hear you. Obviously, the baby doesn't know the difference, but your older one will hear that sometimes baby has to wait and she comes first. And of course, try to spend lots of quality time with the older one whenever possible (while baby naps, or after baby goes to bed at night).

A regular shower every morning? Good luck! :)

I have boys 1 and 3 years. Since the baby was born I have put him in the highchair. I have a BabyTrend that reclines. I put a nice soft blanket on the seat and then strap the baby in. I roll him around to which ever room I am working in and he watches me. I have a clear shower curtain so I can watch him in the chair while I shower. He still naps in the chair at one year. It's great because he is out of his brother's reach (swings and bouncy chairs are magnets for the older sibling) and my hands are free to attend to the older boy.

The boys share a room. In the beginning the baby's cries didn't wake up big brother. Now if the baby wakes up big brother I make up a little bed on the floor of my bedroom for the older one if I have to do and sleep training with the baby in the crib.

Sign your daughter up for pre-school if you haven't already.

Hi there... Welcome to my world! My girls are 23 months apart. I won't lie to you it can be difficult. There may be days where you won't get a shower, but that's ok! What worked for me is making sure my oldest is on a good schedule. We still do the thing she enjoys and she has her time with me, while daddy has his time with the baby. I had her come and meet her new sister at the hospital and the new baby also gave her a gift...a new babydoll in a baby stroller. This was a gift to big sister from little sister. We made it a big deal. She felt very special! I let her help even if it means bringing me 12 diapers at a time! She likes to be rewarded with Stickers and maybe an m&m or 2.Right now those things keep her on track. We also made a big deal about her moving into a big girl bed. I found that big applause for small tasks and letting her help and interact with me and the baby is a great reward for her. It keeps me sane. Sometimes putting on her favorite movie olso give me a few minutes to relax. Just remember playing is learning and the laundry and can be done during naptime! I hope this helps. What works for one may ont always work for the other and I hope you can add your own twist to it. Keep Smiling your kids will love you for it!!!

I have two girls who are now 11 and 13. I remember when I came home from the hospital w/ my little one and the older one was a bit jealous. She also went from being potty trained to going back to diapers!! What really helped was that all our attention went to the older one. The baby just ate and slept so there was lots of time to spend with the older one. I understand you will be exhausted and over whelmed, hopefully your older one still takes naps - maybe all three of you can sleep at the same time. Also, you will have to keep your older one busy while you are feeding or tending to the little one so that your older child will not be jealous. Gradually get your older child involved helping you tend to the baby but try not to leave the older child alone with the baby, you never know. Also, if anyone if your families volunteer to come help you by all means accept!! That will help you out a lot.
Last but not least, ENJOY your babies - they grow up too fast!!!

I had my girls 18 months apart (they are now 5 and 4). I think it helps to have a girl first - not that we have any control over that - but, my oldest (even though she was young), wanted to be a little mommy. Definitely encourage her to help you out as much as possible. The hardest part is getting the oldest to understand being gentle, and that she can't always touch the baby, which she will want to do. Being that my first was so young, I didn't really have any jealousy issues. Before I needed to nurse, I made sure my oldest had whatever food/drink she needed, and would put on a DVD to make sure she was occupied. Also, I let the second baby cry more than I ever let the first - and she turned out fine. If you can't get to the baby the second he wakes or needs you, he will be ok.

I used to bring toys into the bathroom for my oldest, and put the baby in the carseat for my showers. Or, I would try to wait until the oldest was napping for my showers. That way, I could make sure she wasn't bugging the baby too much. It seems overwhelming at first, but it goes by so fast, it will all seem like a blur, so try to enjoy it. And, if you go for a third, it gets even easier. Congratulations!

My boys are 21 months apart, so I know how you feel. I didn't know how my son would respond to a little brother. I gradually introducted the baby. The first day I was home, I don't think the baby left my bedroom and my older son didn't see him. The next day, I let him come in and see his brother and gradually they spend more time together. I has help the first few weeks, so it was great because my older son always had someone there to play with him. I think that's key. After the first few weeks, it was a little harder because my older son had to get used to the fact that I was not at his beck and call. But eventually we got on a routine. Nine months later, he still can get upset when I nurse the baby in the nursery, but not when I nurse him in the family room.
I too love my showers. I would time my showers right after nursing the newborn and before my son woke up. Sometimes he's spend 20 minutes in his crib, but in the long run, if I felt better because I took a shower, our day would go much smoother. Good luck.

You can do it!! I have a boy 2.5 year old in a toddler bed, 11 month boy in a crib and I'm expecting in July.

I helped my first son pick out a toddler bed so he felt like the 'big' boy. And I secured the baby gate so that he was unable to go all over the house without my knowing. Since the room was already childproofed, I wasn't worried about him playing on his own.

As far as the baby is concerned, if he wakes-- bring him in the restroom with you. Put him in a bouncer or chair that you can secure him in so you can monitor him, and he can still see you.

Good Luck!!

I too have 2 under 2, they are 18 months apart and I was surprised how well my son did with his little brother. The newborn was the easy one, my older son has so much energy. Look forward to having someone watch the kids while you go grocery shopping and stuff. I find it hard to do anything for myself, like go to the dentist. It is tough but look for lots of help from grandparents and friends. Remember to get some time out for yourself otherwise you will go batty especially if you stay at home. My husband has had to make sacrifices also, like not going out so much to give me a break. Another thing that I did was not use the diaper genie, there are too many diapers and it was easier to put a bag in the garage and have my husband dump it out when he got home from work. I had my son throw away the diapers and it made him feel important and he would look forward to doing it for me. Include her in all cleaning activies like sweeping and dusting, I found that really helpful! For showers I take one with my older son while the baby was sleeping. Best of luck, it is a lot of work but I think that later it will be easier. S.

I worried about this same issue throughout my second pregnancy. I ended up having twins and they are exactly 2 years younger than my first daughter. I actually worried for nothing. My daughter has never shown any signs of jealousy! She adored her siblings from day one.

One thing I used to do is have a special basket of fun things that would occupy her that I would pull out only when I needed to feed them or something where I couldn't be with her very easily and she was wanting my attention. She looked forward to the basket activities and because it only came out here and there, she was always excited to play with them.

Good luck and don't worry. 95% of the things we worry about don't eventuate and the other 5% that we don't worry about and should, happen without our ever thinking of worrying about them!