Growing Kids God's Way Concern

It takes parents to raise kids. Using books are okay but a parent's instinct is still the best thing. I did not use any silly methods. I just raised my kids. Yes, I spanked. However, with the second child spanking didn't work but taking stuff away did. You parent according to each child's personality. I will say this too, fear of a parent is not necessarily a bad thing.

I believe that I am a mom first not a friend. My kids have friends, but they only have one mother and they need to understand that I am the mom and I set the rules and that I love them unconditionally. However, I can be disappointed in their behavior if it is not acceptable. I now have two well adjusted kiddos. My daughter is in college. My son is a junior in High School. Neither are perfect but they understand that actions can have a positive or a negative consequence.

M. A-
I love the responses you've gotten so far. I have some experience with folks who have taken the course, and, unfortunately, have seen some of the same results. The thing that concerns me most in ANY program (parenting or otherwise) is when it seems to need a 'militaristic approach' in order to work. I believe life is just too messy for that approach to really work without creating some really bad side effects (ie kids that act out when NOT around parents).

All of that said, my first question would be, do you feel like you need a parenting class?? If not, then just politely thank your friends for their interest and pass on the class. But if you'd like to take a class, then investigate the GKGW techniques and see if they match with your personality and parenting style. If it does, then take the class. The only other thing I would say is that NO book, article, class, or guru is going to get it right every time. So take everything you learn with a grain of salt. Try it out and if it doesn't work, pitch it.

My dad always said you can judge a tree by it's fruit. If that method of parenting doesn't create love, peace, and joy in your life AND in your kids' lives, then by all means try something new. :)

Hope that helps!!
K.
mom of 3 (6, 4, and 3)
www.TheMommyJournal.com

I personally have not heard of this class - however, if it were offered we would most likely not participate as we are already raising our child in God's way.

I think parents of today that are in my age group have forgotten how they were raised or pushed those ways aside - thinking they can do a much better job than their parents. Unfortunately this is the not the case. If they are younger parents they most likely were not parented and have no idea so they are reaching out for anything and everything.

If you see how these parents and their children behave the decision should be very easy - don't participate. If you feel as if you might be able to provide positive input into the lives of some of these children - than continue to have them involved in your life. If you do not think you will have a positive impact on their lives - disassociate yourself with these children and parents.

Ok, I have to say that this sounds horrible to me. I found a website that talks about how to start it in your church or ministry, and just the way it reads sounds so dry and unhappy. I mean the love of God should be a happy thing, and it's always good to learn new methods on how to put God into your teaching of your children, but it should be a happy way. I say run, not walk, away from this class. It's up to you, but it does not sound very pleasant to me. I have not personally taken, or know anyone who has, but if some of the responses below are any indication, it doesn't sound very good. Sometimes I think people take parenting too far, and they forget that they are only children, and shouldn't take away being a child from them. It's ok for them to expand their minds and be a little free. Yes they need discipline too, but they also need to be a kid sometimes. Here is the website I found in case you are curious http://www.growingkidsgodsway.org/get_started.html I just looked it up a little more, and this course just sounds horrible. On one of the websites this is what it said: "accepting the belief that mothers do not have a mothering instinct, that our children are by nature depraved to the point that we cannot trust them to know what is good for themselves in any circumstance, and that the parental relationship is always to be put before the children. GKGW cannot be separated from its Prep siblings; it is a foundation stone in the philosophical building of Growing Families International (GFI) and cannot stand alone." Oh my goodness. I mean this sounds a bit like a cult as some of the other parents on here had mentioned. I can't imagine raising my children to not allow them to have any bit of individuality. Here is that website as well http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/exposes/ezzo/ezzokids...
Good luck and I hope you make the right decision for you and your family. It doesn't sound like you need a class to me, though.

D. H.

I've never done this class before, but I do know that there have been many cases of failure to thrive with infants whose parents follow the Babywise method. Try a Google search of founder Gary Ezzo. I'm all for consistency and obedience, but these methods tend to be too harsh for my taste. Try any book by Dr. William Sears (or askdrsears.com) for gentler methods that preserve your relationship as well. Other really good books are something like Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, Listen So Your Kids Will Talk or ones by Barbara Coloroso (kidsareworthit.com). Best wishes.

Hi there,
I was in a play group a few years back with another mom who took that class.
After she took the class, she could only talk about how she needed to use
"the stick" to hit her kids, where she could hit them to make the most impact
and keeping them in line. At one point, she said she shouldn't talk about this
program with moms who didn't agree with it. I spoke with my pediatrician
about this program and the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) does not
endorse it in any way. The author of that book also wrote "Baby Wise." He
was also expelled from his church in California. In fact, he doesn't have a real
ministry degree or expertise in children's psychology. It is HIS interpretation
of how kids should be raised.

You know what is best for your family, not your friend. When I look at parenting books, I keep several things in mind. First, how credible is the author? Is this person an expert, or is it just someone's opinion on raising children. How successful is the program?

In my experience, our friendship ended when I made it clear I would not hit my kids with a "rod." In my opinion, Jesus never advocated hitting small children with a rod.
He is portrayed as the good shepard, and shepards use their staff to lead wayward sheep home.

My advice? I absolutely agree with the others who have suggested avoiding this program.

Oh, dear. Run in the other direction! This class sounds like a cult and they control their kids w/fear. If your friend thinks that you need to take this class, then she needs to recruit more into their cult, so that in turn they can feel justified. It sounds like they are looking to eliminate a child's free will. I understand that as a parent we need to have a certain level of control over our children , but our children also need to develop their abilities to make their own choices, no matter how small those decisions are, so that we can then positively reinforce and celebrate those good choices. It is indicative of how this parenting method is ineffective if the children turn into some one else, once out of parents' presence.

We need to raise our children, with the idea in mind that eventually they have to make their own choices and become adults, other wise we are raising followers run by fear and not leaders driven by good choices. So, again.... RUN!!!

I have never heard of this class. We go to our Church every Sunday and help with SS classes. I think I will ask around now. Is this a particular religion that this class is being offered at?
I have never taken a course on how to parent. I have watched what others do and how the act with their children and I pick up things that I think are useful. I have 2 very well behaved children, with or without us around. Their teachers are always commenting on how well behaved they are, including babysitters. We have fun together , laugh, act silly and then we are also very serious about good manners and behavoir. I think kids should be kids, have fun and know their limits.
I bet you are doing a great job. I would tell your friends that your not interested, Thanks, but no Thanks.

You know whats right for you and your kids. Doesn't sound like this is something for you. It doesn't sound like anything for me either. Although I am curious and will check it out so I can judge for myself.
Good Luck

Sounds like the kids are afraid to test around mom and dad so at every chance they get they test everyone else. It sounds like this class teaches the parents to disconnect from their kids. How sad is that? Anything too rigid without any flexibility is doomed to failure in my opinion.

If Ezzo is connected with this program, it is bad news. I used to work for the WIC program and we were told by memo from the AAP to discourage parents from strict infant feeding/sleeping schedules because it can cause failure to thrive. The reasoning behind this is: infants automatically know when they are hungry and if you start putting them on a schedule they start to lose the natural ability to self regulate. This can cause infants to no longer know when they are full, and lead to failure to thrive or overeating. Sometimes you do not see these issues come up until the child is older.

Sounds like the mama you are talking about is worried about how people perceive of her so if she has perfect children then her life is perfect. I try to avoid people like this but if you are friends with her and she makes another comment, tell her that what you are doing works for you and your kids and you and your kids are happy with your parenting decisions.

I guess the thing that gets me is that children need guidance but they also need room to grow and develop into their own little being. If you dictate every second of your child's life, how are they going to learn to make good decisions?

Good Luck to you and to your friend.

Follow your heart. If you feel you are raising your kids well, be diligent in your parenting and stay aware of your convictions. You are only responsible for teaching your children behave and respond to others. You aren't responsible for how those other kids behave.

There are several families in my old church who advocate this class and seeing how they are and how their children are, which matches your description of Growing Kids families, is the reason why I never got involved with it. I too, share your observations. You are not alone. The parents come across as major control freaks. They have ZERO tolerance for disobedience in their kids and that expection sometimes seeps onto other kids not their own. The kids seem sad and depressed, as if they are on edge, as if they'll be caught in disobedience at any moment. Neither the parents nor the kids seem to have any life. They are literally lifeless. No joy, no harmony, no happiness. It shows on their faces, which are usually blank, expressionless and void of any joy. Most of these kids hardly have any manners. They aren't friendly kids. If I say hi to them on Sunday morning, they literally just stand there like duds and stare at me....until their parents order them to say hi or good morning. Its as though this class teaches these children to only recognize the existence and authority of only their parents.

I've never taken the class but I've been around enough families to see the harm this class can do when its wayward theories fall into the wrong hands, with wrong hands being defined as control freak parents who want to rule over their kids with authority; lazy parents who don't want to take the time to teach and nurture their kids how to behave in a world where other people, not just their parents, have authority. I know there are alot of Growing Kids moms on this site and I don't see any of them rushing to defend this class. Maybe you have made us all aware of something that needed to be brought to light.

If that little boy throw your daughter's food on the floor again, I say to take his food and throw it on the floor. See how he likes it! (I know, that part isn't in the Bible)

Quite a few families in my sunday school class at church have taken this course and loved it! Out of the 5 familes only one is like you describe. The kids are great everywhere even w/o the parents around but I think they are that way out of fear! The parents are very nice peope but expect 1st time obidence with everything. They homeschool their kids and now they go to another church b/c they moved but the last year prior to moving, their kids did everything with them!! They quit putting them in their own Sunday school classes even!!! I don't know why other than they wanted control and the SS class didn't do it right!! Who knows!! The course is Great!! I would take it and see what you thought about the class. Concepts are neat and sounds good! I wouldn't judge GKGW based off those kids although it might be a good indicator, judhge the class for yourself. Could be parents are teaching the concepts right to their kids!!

I don't know anything about this class, but I do know that it sounds like you have good common sense and instincts. God sent those children to you and if you ask Him, he will inspire you in what you should be doing. I don't think this class is for you.

If it's not broken, no need to fix it! Maybe ur friend needs an eye opener on how her son acts when she's not around.

Well first of all there is no class needed to be a great parent. I know about this class but haven't taken it but I know some people who have taken/taught it and they are really sweet and have lovely children so maybe it depends on an individual's approach to the things learned in class. Like I had some friends who were really into this book that I think was called Baby Wise. All about how to get your children to sleep and eat on a schedule. Now I think there are some good tips in there but when I personally picked up the book it just did not feel right to me when I skimmed through a few chapters. The book seemed to say that if you didn't use their system you would have terrible kids who would never sleep or be on any kind of schedule. My son is two, has always slept great and still naps well. My friends who used this were very militaristic with it. Like if their kids did not eat lunch and wanted a snack an hour later, they couldn't have it. They would have to wait until the prescribed snack time. I am more like if my son doesn't eat lunch he probably isn't hungry and I feed my boy any time he says he is hungry because he just isn't a big eater overall. But on the other hand I had other friends who used it and just took it as a guideline and threw out anything that just didn't fit with them as parents, and in my opinion the latter have some of the finest children I have ever seen (other than mine of course;). But both are good parents. So maybe Growing Kids God's Way is not for you or only for you to take and learn some tips but not uproot your whole parenting style. If she is a really strict mama she would have probably been that way regardless of what method she found for parenting. But if you don't want to take it, I would just tell her. You are your child's parent and advocate and have every right to decide what you think is best:)