Grandparents Cancel Plans with My Son Same Day They Are to Pick Him Up

Say yes and then say nothing to your son until they arrive. If they later cancel - no big deal. I wouldn't make this a "favoritism" issue perhaps they had a legitimate reason to cancel. Don't make it a bigger issue than it needs to be.

Have Dad talk to his parents, They may not be aware of their favoritism or feel like it is justified for some reason. In the mean time I would not mention plans the grandparents make until (if) they show up, and make contingency plans. It makes for a happy surprise if they come and no disappointment if they do not.

If their behavior does not improve, tell them point blank that you cannot continue to yo-yo with their plans. If you still want your son to know his grandparents, give them dates when he will be available, but don't count on them showing up. Otherwise, stop giving them access.

Tell them you will only set up a time if they can guarantee they can make it. That is it not fair to your child to keep getting his hopes up only to have them crushed and you have to protect him.

Focus on protecting your son, you can't change his grandparents. The next time they ask say nothing to him until they're at the door. I had to do this with one of my children, who was so much happier not having to deal with frequent disappointments.

You can also say "no, he's busy" some of the time, he's not at their beck and call.

The way I see it is that you have options. You can either let them make the plans and make your son available for that day but don't let him know in advance or decline them the opportunity for taking him out or say yes and them take him out someplace else on the same day and still don't let him know his grandparents were coming to get him.

If I had to choose, I would probably just not let son know this way he won't be feeling any disappointment. No harm and no foul there.

Just don't tell your son until they have called and confirmed that morning!

Tell them to call you the morning they want to get him, not in advance.

I just had to do this with my GD's mother because the last two times she made arrangements in advance, they fell through. It's not fair for the children to have their feelings hurt. So I just finished telling her that from now on, she is not to even ask GD if she wants to come until right before she is ready to have her there. If GD already has other plans, too bad. Better to hurt mom's feelings than the childs!

I would do the same with the grandparents. From now on, I wouldn't do anything about getting him ready until just before they are set to arrive or at least until after I had spoken to them THAT MORNING and confirmed that they are coming.

I would not make other plans that day but would also not tell your son they are expected. Don't bad mouth them in front of him. Just be matter of fact. They must be to busy today. And he will eventually get it on his own. And if they do it a lot then just be too busy to see them the day they call.

Next time either say sorry we're busy, be honest or just don't say anything until they actually show up on your door step. There really aren't any other options.

I have an older grandson and his dad is just like this. He raised my granddaughter more than my daughter did and he is very very close to my granddaughter. He is no relation to her biologically but he would claim her in a second. BUT he is the WORST about actually showing up.

I don't even tell her he's coming by to see her until he steps in to the house. It just hurts her too much to expect him then he forget or just do something else.

So don't mention to your son that they want to do anything with him. Just make it a surprise. If he's older then he might need to know so he doesn't make other plans. BUT once he gets to that age he should know how often they don't show up so he can decide to make the plans or say no.

Let them know your son is busy next time they want him. If they throw a fit just let them know that if they cancel yet again it'll be a very long time before they hurt his feelings and ever have him again. It's not a game. It's your son's life and feelings.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

you say no and protect yoru son.

Haven't read any other responses but at this point I would kinda turn the tables on them

~Tell them yes sure no problem it will be great
~Then I would make a point of not being home at the time they said they would be there to pick him up
~I would also NOT answer their phone calls the entire day
~The next day I would call them back and tell them that you were busy for that day and if they say anything about picking him up - tell them that oh well to be honest since you have canceled so many times I don't plan on you following through so I just make other plans for my son.
~When they protest (which they will) you explain that you are teaching your son that people are only as good as their word and you will NOT allow them to constantly treat him as a second class citizen nor will you allow them to be disrespectful of his time or emotions or feelings.
~Keep in mind that when you do this there are going to be issues but you will have to keep calm and be a united team (if you two are married - can't tell from your post) If you are not married then you don't owe them any time with your son - if they want to see him they make arrangements with his Dad and during his visitations - that way you stay out of it.

*I would NOT tell your son anything*

I'm sorry that really stinks. You could not tell your son until they show up but then that's not really fair of your son or you because you don't know ahead of time. If there's a nice way to talk to your inlaws without causing friction I would tell them how you feel and how upset your son gets over it.