Grandparents & Step Grandparents

As a child I always called my step grandmother, grandma martha. Now, my children have 2 regular grandmothers and 2 stepgrandmothers. We actually gave everyone a different name. One is grandma and the other true grandmother wanted to be grammy. The steps are nana and bebe. Nana was her choice and bebe I came up with because her name was debbie and my daughter could say it. Everyone knew we wanted to give them all different names so that the kids don't get confused when we say we are seeing a grandmother.

My husband is stepfather to my 3 children (24,21,16) His mother is not a loving sort of person and has never acted like a grandmother. My kids called her me-maw when they were younger and as they became older the boys called her June or June-bug and my daughter called her gram-k

R.,

How is your daughter's relationship with these ladies? Are they warm and loving to her? Do they treat her as a "Grandma" should? If they do, and she loves them, then let her feelings toward them be your guide to what they should be called, because the relationship there is between her and them, not you two.

I know that's hard to swallow. I do not speak to my father, and haven't for years. Unfortunately, I have to tolerate him at family events and such, and therefore he does have a relationship with my son. As much as it galls me to admit it, he's good to Mike, and truly loves him. I can't let my feelings about the man taint that, because it is not fair to my son. He will make up his own mind when he's older, but for right now, I just have to go with what is. He calls my father Grandpa, because his cousins do, and there's not much I can do about it.

Family relationships are rough, and rocky ground for a lot of us. The best we can do as parents is try to shield our little ones from the worst of it for as long as we can. If your daughter loves these women, then it doesn't matter what she calls them, because our feelings about the name stem from our feelings about the person. If they aren't good to her, then it still doesn't matter what name she calls them. If your husband is uncomfortable withg his step-mother being called Grandma out of loyalty to his Mom, then go for Nana, or Grandma L, or something that's easy for your daughter to say and remember.

Jess

my kids have many sets of grandparents so 1 set is nana and papa and then there's grandma sue and grandpa don. it is pretty much anything the child can say that can be interpreted as a term of endearment. when the children get older let them make their own decision on what to call them. even if you cringe at the idea they may get along splendidly with their grandparents.

I am a stepmother and stepgrandmother. However, I raised my stepchildren and their mother really never had much to do with them until they were adults. They do call me Mama. the grandchildren are in the situation you have. I am young at heart and have interacted and played with the grandchildren since they were born, which has formed a bond. They call me Grandma C. or Gippy, an endearment the first grandchildren started because she couldn't say grandma. I am comfortable with either and until the children were 7 or 8 (still have 3 under that age)they didn't understand until explained to them about extra grandma. children have an uncanty sense of who is good to them and who isn't. let them enjoy when they are around each of the grandparents.

My husbands mother died when he was seven and his father remarried when he was 10 and my husbands entire family hated this woman, so I understand. When I was pregnant we had decided that we were going to call her either Auntie or MeeMaw. In reality, looking back on it almost 2 1/2 years ago, we really had no say in the matter as our daughter decided what she was going to call everyone. My mother is Gram Gram, my father Pop-op my sister Gicki and her name is Victoria. Its hard, trust me I know, but you have to let them make the decision. We finally realized that while my husbands gripe was with her, the baby's was not and she treated her like her own grandchild. As awful as it sounds, both fathers saw some redeeming quality in those women, thats why they are around. It took my husband losing his father to realize this, now the only person he has in a parental position is his step mother. I know that they must have been terrible women for you not to like them, but if they are treating your child well, bury the problems in the past and be the bigger person, allow them to feel the love from your child that you never felt from them and as silly as it sounds, be careful how you act around them, children can sense everything and will treat them differently and even poorly if you do. Good luck!

How about GRAM (means small weight):LOL...and Grammy for the other one...

Good Luck--

"YOUR" issues are with them "NOT" your children. If they are loving grandparents to your children then they should be called grandma or whatever. Don't make you and your husbands probelms your childrens probelm.

There are lots of things you can do.... ask them what theyd like to be called tell them that your daughter is going to call her grammie grammie and you would like imput.

Here my mom is grammie and My mother in law is grandma very small differance but enough so that the kids know the differance.... my husbands mother has a serogate mom... though we dont know the woman very well.... My mother in law wanted my children to call her grammie as well and I said no.... my kids call her shirley, but when My mother in law is reffering to her she calls her mema... and the lady signs all bday cards this way.

I know in sweden grandmothers are farmor-fathers mother and mormor-mothers mother

Theres also Nana, Baba(witha long a)and mema that I have heard instead of calling someone grandma.

Best of luck with this!

S.

I’m going to warn you, based on the latter part of your inquiry, you might get a little defensive at these suggestions but if they don't feel right... I probably just don't completely understand the situation and you don't have to give it another thought.
I’m having a slightly similar situation with my grandmother and my son... not with the name he calls her but the relationship altogether which I have still been unable to facilitate with her. I was told by some professionals that I should focus on the fact that I have given my son the tools to know what works for him and what doesn't. I have to allow him to build (or to choose not to build) his own relationship with her. This is all going along with the notion that the women in your situation are safe. If safety is an issue, I’m a big believer in waiting till the children are old enough to take care of themselves in risky situations. I’m not sure if any of this has helped but I know that for my situation, it was most helpful for me to focus on separating my own issues from the preemptive issues of my child.

make up a word to mean gram. my mothers mom is grm to most of us and our grandpa is poppy.

as long as it sounds nice and the kids dont mind saying it-it should be fine.

lots of luck
K.

theres also nema, oma, my nephew joey calls his gram nunu so the posibilities are endless.

Hi R.,
I know exactly what your going through. I myself asked this question. I went with how I felt. Growing up I have a step mother which is just a few years older than I, and I have a sister that is 9 mo older than my daughter and a brother who is 7. Growing up I never wanted to call her mom, therefore I wouldn't want my daughter to call her grandma, just by her name as I did. Also my grandfather was married to another woman since I was born, and growing up I always called her by her name. She is also very very close to everyone in the family. My mother is going on her third marriage, and we are all pretty close to her soon to be husband. I will still call him by his name and so will my daughter. My mother would prefer her to call him opa....because she calls her oma. If the marriage dosen't last, I wouldn't want my daughter to question where her grandfather is. I hope this helps, and it all depends on how you both feel, and they way you explain the situations to your children is the most important part. I'd be interested to hear how you make out.

I have a similar issue. My dad is on his 4th marriage so i have a few "moms" My birth mother is grandma, 1st stepmom is Nana (she rasied me so this is really who the boys know) 2nd step mom is not in the picture (thank god) and my dads current wife is MEMA (she didn't think she was old enough to be a grandma, but she is) My hubbys mom is Nannie. Thankfully we don't have the same problems with grandfathers!

Wow! I had a bunch of Grandparents for my 1st daughter. My mom and her husband were Grandma and Grandpa Ken, my Dad was Grandpa, paternal parents were Granny and Pop-pop, my 2nd husband's folks were Grammy Grace (her name) and Grandpa Butch (not his name, he called my daughter Butch). Let your daughter decide what she wants to call them. My daughter came up with all these by herself with very little effort. It was just what was comfortable to her. It's amazing how we sweat these things and kids solve them so easily, lol! Maybe Lucia will end up being Lala and Sharon end up being Shar-Bear or some silly thing. Wait and see.

You can try other nicknames instead. What about Nanny Sharon, or something along those lines, or Nonny. My son calls my mom Nana because that is what her mother was to us, but you could call her just about anything. I know that is sucks that your relationship isn't good with these women, but as long as their good to your kids that's all that matters. My father in law is horrible with his own kids. But he's great with his grandkids. I don't particularly care for him myself but he's great to my son and that's all the matters.

I had similar issues. It's true that it seems that the little ones decide on their own usually. It seemed if I referred to the grandparent by a particular name to the children, that stuck. There are many nicknames to use for grandparents. My nephew made up the word Nina (said: Neena), and it has stuck with all the grandkids. We have a papa, Meemaw..I've heard of Mimi...You'll figure out what works for your family. Good luck!

Hi R., I to have a broken relationship with my fathers now wife, so i had a similar problem with what my now three year old daughter should call her. We did decide on first name, but she calls her miss sue as a sign of respect for her being an adult and and authority figure. I decided on tis because it is the respect she is going to have to show a teacher or baby sitter so it seemed appropriate considering she was never my mother, and i never called her mom. I do like the idea of using aphudonem for grandma and grandpa too in a situation like this one. Hope this helped and good luck.

I had a little bit of this when my boys were growing up with 4 grandma's, my grandmothers, and my mom, and their dad's mom. we had different names for all, but my mom, who we got along with the best was Grandma, then we subsituted, Grandma "name" for the others. I guess you have to take what you can right now, my boys now have only my mom and she lives in another state and after many years, (10+) the relationship with the other grandmother is getting better. A little bit of "grandma" is better than nothing I guess is what I am trying to say.