Going on Vacation Without Daughter

My husband and I went away for the first time in 3 years in May leaving my 3 year old with my parents who she's seen only every 6 months. My parents live in Michigan so we flew into Detroit dropped my daughter off at the airport with my parents who met us there, and then my husband and I continued on to California. She did great for a full week. We called every night and she would talk to us for a few minutes but then go back to playing. She didn't start asking about us until the end of the week and once she knew we would be back in a couple of days she would stop asking. She never had a problem. She was extremely excited to see us when we did come home but also sad to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa. She has not seen them since May but still asks when she is going to stay with them again. I definitely recommend doing it. My husband and I had a great time.

Hi!

I went through the same thing, I left my twin daughters when they were 4, mind you I never left them over night before.I stressed about it for a few months before my husband and I even left. Let me tell you, my daughters had a blast when we were gone. My parents told me how good they were and well behaved. I called home every afternoon to see how they were and by the third day they didn't want to get on the phone with me because they were having so much fun with their grandparents. I didn't force them to get on the phone with me either because then they would sense that something was wrong and I didn't want them to feel guilty for having a good time with out me. I know it's tough, but hopefully you will have a good experience as I did, going away for the first time.

Good Luck!

On the advice of our Lamaze coach, my husband and I have gone away for at least a weekend alone every year since our first child was born. My mother and/or sister took the girls and we had a wonderful time. Remember the reason that you have children is because of your original relationship. Your daughter will have a wonderful time with her grandma and you'll have a great time alone with hubby. Go for it and don't feel guilty.

My hubby and I went away just after my son turned 1. He didn't even notice we were gone. I called my mom once and that was about it. He was perfectly fine. I had a good time. Don't let your stress ruin your trip. Your daughter is in good hands and there is nothing to worry about. Just think how excited she'll be to see you when you get home. Honestly, she'll be just fine. If you mom keeps her entertained she won't even notice your missing. She'll be having to much fun with grandma, I suggest you do the same.

When my daughter and son in law go on vacation without the kids it's harder on them than the kids. I'm always the one to babysit and my grandkids hardly mention their parents because they are having a wonderful time. When their parents come back the grandkids don't make a big deal out of it at all. At a young age kids don't really have a good concept of time so a week to you is about 3 days to them.

Go away and have a great time. Your mom will enjoy special time with your daughter.

Goodmorning G....we just did this 3 weeks ago and my daughter is almost 3. We only were gone for 5 days and she stayed at my bestfriends house, who also has a almost 3 yr old. At first I was nervous, how would she react?, would she cry for me alot?, will she go to sleep for her? I didnt call the first day, just becasue of us traveling, so the 2nd day I called to check in, and she was FINE... I was suprised. When she did ask for me we told my friend to tell her that I went to work, I dont work...but it worked. I finally talked to her on the phone the last day of our vacation, whick was the drive home and just kept telling her that I would be home in a couple of minutes and she was still fine...they are amazing she had no problems, just the normal fighting of 2 yr olds. I had the best time in my life and for the first time in 3 yrs, it was a refreshing break, the last day I had a knot in my tummy because I couldnt wait to see her, and of course as soon as I did, all of the reasons that I left her came back, back to reality haha Enjoy your time, dont call everyday she will be fine!!! If you dont enjoy the "time off" and your break, then maybe next time you should bring her or stay home. I think you will be just fine too.

Go on your vacation and try to enjoy it.

She will do just fine. You'll be the one that may weep from time to time.

It will be good for both of you and your mother will enjoy your daughter as well.

D.
I'm 60 years old, married for 38 years and have 2 grown sons and one daughter-in-law.

Hi there!

I went away without my kids for the first time in 5 years!! It was a girls weekend out actually and I was gone for 4 days. I was SO nervous and felt guilty and everything, but the minute I walked out the door and met up with the girls we had a GREAT time and I was surprised how little i worried. It was so great to sleep and have someone else cook for me!!!!!!!!! We laughed a lot and it was just so fun. This is a great opportunity for you and your husband to go away and have some alone time, time to reconnect...you'll get to SLEEP IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not cook or clean for a week. And I'm assuming you trust your mother, so there will be no need to worry!!!! I understand all your feelings though. But it really was fine and it went by so fast. Towards the end I was dying to hug my babies and when I finally did we had the sweetest time! Absence makes the heart grow fonder!!! :)

Hi G.,

It is very hard to leave your child for the first time and the feelings of guilt are normal..... but let me tell you. It is super important for you and your husband to get away and enjoy yourselves.

Even thought is is easy to put your children first (especially when they are very young, because they are so needy) it is important to remember that the relationship that you have with your husband is the most important one and needs to be nurtured.

your daughter is old enough and she will be fine with grandma for a week. Do not let her see your guilt and do not allow her to let you feel guilty. just let her know that this is special mommy and daddy time and that she is so lucky to have special time with grandma.
My husband and I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old and we have been getting away at least once a year with out kids since my first was a little less than a year. the first time was the hardest to walk away from my son and get on an airplane, but it gets easier and the time I get to spend with my husband ( uninterrupted by kids s so necessary for our marriage,)

I hope you have a wonderful vacation.

W. K

I think your daughter will have a wonderful time! Is this the first time that she is staying overnight at someone else's house? Maybe you should have her stay over one night before you leave, so she knows that it is only temporary.

I would hype up the stay at Grandma's that she is so lucky to be a big girl, that she has her own vacation. Plus, I am sure Grandma has tons of fun activities planned for her.

I left my son with my husband for a weekend when he was only 3 months old. (annual girls trip to Vermont, couldn't pass it up!) The whole ride up there, I cried and worried, and cried some more. But then it hit me, "he's going to be just fine!" And he was! Since then, we've left him for little trips here and there with my husbands parents- who dote on his every move- and I just don't worry. You deserve to go have some fun!! Just keep remembering that and you'll be fine!!! Lynsey

First, don't feel guilty... you and your husband need some alone time, so plan on enjoying ourself!

Get her excited about spending the time with Grandma! Ask your mom what she plans to do with your daughter while you are gone and let your daughter know some of the things planned.
Pack some of her favorite things.... a stuffed animal or baby doll she loves. Tell her that she and "toy's name" are going to have so much fun at grandma's house doing 'whatever' with Grandma!!

Let her know when you will be back. Ask your mom to put a circle on the calendar on the day of your return and have your daughter X off each day till you get home.
Be sure to call her a few times. Tell her that you are enjoying your time and ask if she's having fun... let her tell you about her day. tell her about yours.
Also take a lot of pictures to show her after you come home. Maybe have her help you put together a scrap book of your trip. Ask your mom to take pictures of her while you are gone so you can add her activities to the scrap book too.

One more thing I just thought of.... maybe take one her her toys with you and take pictures of her toy in various places you to.... for example, if you go hiking, take the toy and get a picture of it on a trail.... add these photos to the scrap book too. then she can be excited to see where her 'friend' went with you.

I have a friend that gave me the advice to make it a special thing for the child....not that you and your hubby are going somewhere special without her. Tell her she is is such abig girl now that she is allowed to spend "special time" with Grandma a "grandma/granddaughter vaction" and help your Mom to have some things planned for your daughter to look forward to. Like going to the zoo, aquarium, arts and crafts to do each day, lots of coloring books, etc. Maybe ask your Mom to take your daughter to the toys store to pick out a new toy, game or video. Maybe have her take a trip to the book store to get a book that is special for her and Grandma that they can read together while you are away. Think of ideas that would make it real special for her to be spending the time with Grandma that she won't dwell on the fact that you and your husband are not there. Good Luck and enjoy the vacation!!!!

I have never done it myself(i wish:)) but I was 3 when my parents traveled out of the country for 2 weeks.My mom's mom watched me and even though I did miss my parents I did not resent them. I had great time and loved the presents and goodies that they brought(interesting enough it's the only memory I have from then I was 3....reuniting with my parents after that trip).I also was a nanny and stayed with the kids when perents went away. Sorry to say but kids hardly asked.She will be fine.......not sure about you:)

Hi G.!

Firesete of all Good for YOU!! I waited till my DD was five, and only took and over-night the first time... What a mistake! LOL

First of all, yes, she will resent your going away, and yes, she will be angry when you get home. If you just accept this as something you can;'t change, and handle it with a matter of fact, guilt-free reaction, it will go more easily for both of you. Just like starting preschool, she'll cry when you leave, and then be fine 10 minutes later...

When my older daughter was 4, I had to go into the hospital for a week, to deliver my 2nd daughter. She was a high-risk delivery, and I knew I'd be gone five to seven days. So we had a wall calender on which I drew pictures on each day that I would be away. ( day one: mommy driving in a car, day two: mommy in a bed, day three, mommy holding a new baby.. etc)

When my daughter would whine 'where's mommy" my mother in law would take her to the calendar and she could count off the days till I came home, and what I was doing each day I was away. I'd suggest drawing pictures of things she'd find boring.. no swimming or movies lol..

I haven't read the other posts.. I just wanted to share the calendar idea.. It saved mew many times in different situations as they were growing up. They are now 18 and 13 and still remember the calendar fondly...

Val

Hi G.,

Your daughter is old enough to have a wonderful time with grandma! She will likely not resent it if you do not give her the idea that she should. If you act guilty or anxious about your going away, then she will think you are doing something wrong. Kids take their cues from us. If you focus on this being HER vacation, the fun time she will have with grandma and the special things they will do together, she will look forward to this. I would suggest leaving behind a little note for her for each day that grandma can leave for her, maybe at bedtime. Leave her a drawing pad and new crayons, and ask her to draw a picture of what she did each day so that you will know how she spent her vacation - she will feel like she is doing something fun and special, rather than being left behind. Enjoy your time away with your husband.

The first time away from the kids is really hard! But good for you to go on a kid-less vacation. It's good for you and hubby, and it's great for your daughter too. Don't feel guilty. My parents went to Puerto Rico when I was 4 (my brother 3, and my sister 2), and we had my parents friends stay with us. We had a great time breaking up our routine and my mom very much needed a break from us! I remember this now, and it reminds me how important it is for parents to get away together.

I have had to go on 3 business trips this year, without my kids (19 mos and 5.5 mos now). I cried and cried when I left each time, but they are in good hands with my husband, I called every morning and every night, and they were happy to see me when I returned. My older one is capable of holding a grudge or being resentful, but he didn't. His joy at seeing me brought tears to my eyes. My little one still hasn't given up nursing, even after 3 4-day stretches away from me(I pump while I'm away).

If your daughter knows you trust your mother with her, she's going to be great, and you will give her all kinds of tools for the rest of her life.

I went to training for my job when my son was two. He was still in his crib! My husband, his Dad stayed with him, but he still went to day care during the day. He was fine. I was the one that was a wreck. Luckily I was able to call him twice a day at least. If your daughter loves spending time with Grandma, I am sure she will be fine.

Your vacation is just a blip in her life..........like we always say "this too shall pass". If she does have a bit of resentment, like you fear, it will pass.

My husband and I went away when my son turned 2. We were away for about 5 days. When we got home, he wouldn't look at me.... but after a good night's sleep, the following day he was back to normal.

Enjoy your vacation!
~J.

HI!!! My husband and I are going away for 3 days, 2 night at the end of October. I am already a wreck with worry at times. My girls (7yo and 2yo) will stay with my parents. Sierra (7yo) is "living" there this summer (they live right next door) and Isabella (2yo) goes over often. The girls love Grandma and Poppy and my parents will be wonderful. I am worried that the girls will wear my parents out (they are both in great shape) but Isabella is a VERY active child. Isabella is also very much a mommas girl. Her second favorite person happens to be Poppy with Grandma a close 3rd. This is only the second time my husband and I will go away alone since Sierra was born.

I am trying to remember that they will be fine and enjoy but the other alone vacation we spent was fun but we really missed Sierra. My advice to myself and you is remember that you left your daughter was left with the people that raised you and if you think they did a good job with you then they will be fine for a few days with their grandchild. Our children will look to us to see how we react to determine how they should. On leaving day smile, act happy, tell her you love her, give big hugs and kisses and confidently walk out! You could leave a picture of you for her and take one of her for you but make it an adventure and enjoy being away. That is my plan!!! God Bless! A.

I have not done this myself, however when I was a baby my parents went on a couple of vacations without us (the kids). I hardly even remember them, but I remember having a great time with my aunt. We did things that we didn't with our parents. It was exciting, and we didn't really miss our parents. Have fun, relax, and enjoy your vacation.

I haven't read all of the advice you have recieved, but I don't agree that your daughter with resent you.

I just left my son (4) with my brother and SIL for a week while I was away for business (my husband had my two-year-old twins). My SIL planned great activities and we called it "Camp Cousin" because she has two boys of her own. He was 3 hours from home and I called once each day at lunch time (nighttime made him sad because he was so tired). Each day had a different theme -
* beach day (at a pool with a picnic),
* party day (they made decorations all day, baked cupcakes in the afternoon, decorated them in a big mess, and had a big bubble bath after dinner)
* shopping day (they had lots of errands to do and the boys each had lists to find at the grocery store and $1 to spend at the $ store)
* backwards day (chicken nuggets for breakfast, pancakes for dinner, clothes worn backwards, walk backwards, etc)

There was a calendar on the refrigerator with simple drawings of what each day would bring, along with the a stick picture of me on the day I came to pick him up. She made a simple 10 page photo album of his week for the memories and sent him home with a goody bag (leftovers from her boys birthday parties and a few snacks) for the ride home. AND she sent him home with clean laundry!! :)

He talks about his vacation all the time and I'm sure your mom can have just as much fun. Remember, this is not YOUR vacation and she HAS to go to Grandma's... This is HER vacation and she GETS to go!! If everyday has something to look forward to she'll love it and beg to go back (which is the only thing that should make you feel bad).

Have a great time and don't project your stress on her - she'll be fine! :)

Hi G.,

I understand how you are feeling. My husband and I had our 1st vacation away in June from our little girl who was 17 months old. It was very hard to leave her and I felt so guilty, but I tried to relax and kept telling myself she will be fine and she was. It was so healthy and refreshing to have those couple of days without her, even though we missed her terribly and talked about her the entire time. She was fine with my parents taking care of her. Babies and toddlers are very resilient and will adjust when they have the love and care while you are away. She was a little clingy and needed some extra attention when I got back, but it only lasted a day and she was back to her playful self. Enjoy the couple of days away.

Sue