Going It Alone at the Pediatric Dentist?

Nope- I wouldn't send my child back into a room with a person I don't know without a parent with them at age 3.... nope nope no!

I don't care if it is at the doctor or the dentist or anywhere else- THEY are 3! Maybe I sound paranoid- ok... i'll be paranoid. I would go to a different dentist. I could sit behind the chair "out of view"- if that is the issue... but I would be in the room! (and no- I don't think that all people are creepy freaky people... I just think that a 3 year old should be with people they are familiar with at all times... )

But that is me....

-M.

That is normal I think. My kids all started with a pediatric dentist at age 2 1/2 and they also get them from the waiting room and don't like the parents to go back. Trust me, the kids really do better that way.

It is normal. both my girls go back with out me and it makes them feel like big girls and important. I have a 7 and 3 year old.

NO!!!! Three year olds cannot defend themselves against other children let alone adults with issues that is why we are the Parents!!! My three year old went to a new pediatric dentist when we moved. I was with my son in the exam room. My son was scared and started crying. The dentist informed him that he would call his father if he did not stop and that his father would be "handle him". I told the dentist to stop his exam and not to threaten my child. The dentist flipped up the tray with the exam supplies and threw an instrument against the wall. We left and called my husband who informed my son he would never be mad if he cried and that the dentist was wrong. We filed a report with the dental licensing board and found out he had numerous complaints and a drug problem. He is still in practice in Pa but now he has another dentist with him. I tell everyone not to go use that practice. IMAGINE IF MY SON WAS ALONE!

It is normal and the children do just fine. If you are needed they come get you.

It is a part of growing up, mom. We have to learn to let go in small steps.... this is a small step. Your little one will be fine.

I konw it is hard letting go... I have a 16 yr old girl now driving... Scares the he$$ out of me but I know I have to trust that I've taught her well and let go.

Yes, you are overreacting...

OMG I feel so bad for Rachel K you poor thing!! That's awful.

But on to this post, I would definitely find another dentist. I have a 3.5 year old and took her to a dentist when she was 2, we went back with her and she did great. THen when I went to take her again at 2.5 for her next cleaning she freaked out and I haven't been able to get her back since, but you can be sure I will be there for her to make sure she's ok.

Good luck.

I have heard of this before and I think it is really wrong. First, I won't be ordered by anyone not ot comfort my child. Second, I know my child and the situations to make her comfortable. Third, the dentist is invasive and I don't think being in the hands of strangers like that is okay.

I go to a pediatric dentist, and they don't make the parents stay out. My kids do fine, but I have seen them do exams on children sitting on their parent's lap. And they see kids as young as 18 months - 2 years which is when I started taking my kids. I have never seen a child hysterical, including my 6 year old who had 2 teeth pulled.

So, it is a myth that the parents make things harder on the kids or even the staff. I would never let my child go alone at least for the near future. And I know lots of dentists don't do that.

Trust your own mother judgment and knowledge of your child and don't be bullied or intimidated by a "professional" with a fancy degree on the wall. S/he is not really an expert on anything but teeth.

I would never let my child this young go back alone. No way! They shouldn't be doing anything uncomfortable or scary for them to be "grabbing" for mommy anyway! I saw something on 20/20 a while back about some Pediatric dentist that did this and was doing some things behind closed doors that would make a mommy turn into a mommy bear! I won't go into the details but it was wrong. If they don't feel comfortable with you being there then I wouldn't feel comfortable with my son being in their care.
I take my son to our adult dentist. They have no problems at all with me and my other son being in the room with him. And just to add, I think 3 is a bit young really unless he is having some problems.
My vote is to move on, it's too easy to find one that will accommodate your wishes.
Best Regards,
C.

I would find a different dentist.

Our pediatric denistry offices do that as well. I got to go with him the first time because he was only 18mo and chipped a tooth. After that, he went alone (3yrs old now). Typically, they say kids usually begin regular visits between the ages of 3 and 5 when they enter school. I personally don't have a problem with that policy. They are pediatric specialists and are very well accustomed to treating little ones. I know my son would be wanting me to hold him, squirming around and not cooperating if I were with him. Knowing I am right outside waiting for him, he does much better. The dentist and hygienest are very good at communicating everything to him in a way he can understand, they are gentle with him, entertain him, and involve him in everything that happens. He said he gets to hold the "tools" before they use them and he gets to watch it all on tv. It is always hard to let a little one gain more independence and control, but it is good for them. I could tell he felt good about the role he played in the whole process. He talked about it all the way home with great pride.
I did meet/talk to the staff before scheduling his first appointment. I needed to know I could feel comfortable with them caring for my "baby" before I would just send him back alone. They also say, this is their "general policy" and they will allow parents back if they wish to accompany thier child, but will also warn of how it can make the experience more difficult for both of them.

We had a similar experience with the one of the so-called "best" ped dentists in our area. I found the "no parents" edict to be the first in a line of annoying office traits - from an obnoxious, harried dentist to consistently rude staff.

If it were me I would run for the hills.

I take my kids to the same dentist that I go to and they do great - it is a small, friendly, extremely competent office and staff where they actually APPRECIATE your business.

Yah, I would find somewhere else. My daughters pediatric dentist has parents come back with the child.

Our pediatric dentist insists that we go back with them, even with my 10 year old!! It will be a scary experience with out mom! I would find a new dentist!!!

I read your so what happened and I think you are being very smart!! I was just talking to a friend who was telling me about this at her dentist and I was like no way would I ever let someone who is a virtual stranger be alone with my child! So I am with you all the way, I would never do that either.

My 5 & 3 year old go back alone (at the last visit our daughter was 2.5) and did fine. We kinda pumped up the idea of going to the dentist & made it seem exciting. Neither my husband or I have any fears of doctors or dentists and try to make sure our kids don't get freaked out by them either. They were both excited about it & were happy to go back. It may have made a difference that they were together even though I wasn't with them. If you aren't comfortable with it though then you should find another dentist.
Oh, one other little tip that I hadn't thought of until the receptionist mentioned it; don't let them watch Finding Nemo around the time they will be going. Apparently lots of kids react badly at the dentist because of the dental scene in the movie. I never thought of it before she mentioned it.
Hope you find something that works for you guys.

Sorry but if I can't go in then neither can my child. I was little and had to get a filling I didnt know they would be using a needle I freaked I begged, cried or my dad to come hold my hand and instead of getting my dad the girl came back with an extra assistant they held me down while the "gentle" "caring" pediatric dentist drilled without giving me novicaine. I get anxiety just taking my kids to the dentist.

I took my 2 year old to the dentist and they had him sit in my lap. They do suggest that you let them do all of the talking and not to interfere, but I was there the whole time.
Also, I bought a book about going to the dentist and we read it for about a week before his appointment. While at the dentist, I would tell him, look there a chair just like the one in the book we read and things like that.

I can't believe they would not only be doing new "scary" things, but take a kid so young away from his mom. They shouldn't do anything that warrants "grabbing for mommy". I just took my 3 year old to the Ped Dentist and not only did I go in with him but he sat on my lap the whole time. Although he didn't cry, she said most kids that age do. He was allowed to take a break anytime he asked and overall, it was a really pleasant experience. You know your child.

Most young children do much better without mommy fretting away next to their chair. This seems to be standard procedure at most pediatric dentists, though you can probably find one who will let you go back.

I take my children to a regular dentist and they suggested my children go in the examination room when I had my examination so they had an idea of what took place.

Personally I wouldn't go to that dentist office if that is their policy.

Why not have them go to your dentist?

Hi Jennifer,

I too would be uncomfortable with sending a child that young back alone with an unfamiliar person. My friend had a similiar situation only she did not find out about not being allowed to escort her child until they got to the appointment; I wonder if she went to the same dentist you have called. I see you are from GR. We go to Dr Novak (on 44th near Breton) and are very pleased. I don't think he is a pediatric dentist (since my mom and I use him too) but he and the hygienists do great with kids. I guess I can sort of understand that pediatric dentists' policy, but each child is different and I know that if I had my three year old go in another room with someone she did't know, put sunglasses and a bib on her, put her in a chair that moves, and start putting odd devices in her mouth, she would be beside herself. I was next to my girls for both appointments, holding their hands, and they were perfect.
I say try another dentist.

I don't know what the norm is. The one my kids go to allows the parents to come back to sit with them. I don't think you are overreacting, I would just look for someone else.

No way - I'd find another dentist asap. We have one in our city that shows fun Pixar and Disney movies during the cleanings - my son is 4 and has had 2 now...he barely notices what they are doing, he's so into the movie. No way though I'd be cool with them taking him back alone. That's crazy.

Recently there was a horror story on here about a dentist pulling a child's tooth without the mom's permission! Granted that child was older, but still!

Wow, that's not even something I would even CONSIDER. We're going at the end of the month for his first cleaning and something tells me my son is going to like it. Either way both mom and dad will be with him.

The only time I'll let my son go alone is when HE tells me it's okay.

working with 3 &4 years old i agree they do better with out the parents in most cases but you know your child best and how they react to strangers. also before you take him to have him go alone you should take him first and have him sit on your lap or near you so he can see you get your teeth cleaned and so he or she will know what to expect . also there are several good books about going to the dentist to read to your child

I'm late reading too, but I wouldn't allow this either. I would find another dentist even if I had to drive awhile to get to him/her!!

No, it's what everyone does. If you don't want to do this then keep calling. Our pediatric dentist and every other pediatric dentist in this practice takes back mom and dad and siblings too. It's sometimes a room full of people. I wouldn't let them make my kids go it alone.

I am a dental hygienist and mother of two. At my office we allow parents in the room but believe me with my experience they do much better without mom or dad. I would find out their protocol and as long as you agree with it it is ok to let him go alone. For example at our office we don't force them to do anything because we want them to have a positive experience so if they don't want their teeth cleaned we try next time. Hope this helps!

Not for me.....I will go in to my child's appointments when they are very young. You are NOT overreacting...find another dentist.

Blessings...

Yes, it's the norm. They really do it to make it easier for them, not for the kids. My son was terrified his first time when he was 3. I really regret having him go back there alone. I am currently switching to a regular dentist that all of us can go to. Maybe they won't be as child oriented as a pediatric dentist, but I'm sure they will treat the kids with kindness. I will be going in the examining room/area with them no matter what.

I read this late but yes, yes, yes go with your child. I am able to stand alone only one parent, please as per dentist request space is limited. I go and hold my son's hands when necessary for support. I don't talk other then if I'm asked to do so. I had a bad experience with letting my oldest go alone as per the dental office. It's big red flag to me! my son's was put into a papoose without my permission and it made him fear the dentist, it took years to fix the mental damage the other dental office did to him.
Now with better patient dentist that work with a child and allow parents it takes less time and is less tramatizing for a child. My sons now go to a dentist that cared better and respected him wanting a parent with him. It's a better more positive experience...good for you! stay with your child and trust your gut!

I didn't read the other posts, but just wanted to mention that pediatric dental offices are generally arranged as an "open area" with half walls surrounding each chair. I had no idea about this until my kids went. I have always accompanied mine, but understand why the dentist has their policy. I think you should find a different pediatric dentist. It's kind of like the doctor not letting you go back with your child when they need a check-up.

Hi Jennifer, I haven't read anyone elses responses yet, but we, too, are in the GR area and go to Amy DeYoung, pediatric dentist. I was nervous at first because my mom works at a dentist office and they are so lax there that my kids could sit on my mom's lap while getting their teeth cleaned. The ped. office is wonderful. My kids LOVE going there. They have a special waiting room in the back for the kids too and to them, it's their "own special place". I understand that you have some reservations, and that is totally normal. They do let you go back the first time and see how things run, etc. and to get an update of the visit, but after that, they go back on their own. Give it a chance...it's really not so bad. I hope you find something that works for you.

I changed dentists because of this, my daughter was 7 at the time, still I don not think I shouldn't be allowed to be next to her. they just wouldn't let me in, sorry but I do not feel comfortable either I'm glad you're changing dentists.
how funny I also found that dentist from this site too, great recommendations and that's why I tried that office but I got a huge surprise when they didn't let me in, my daughter was really scared even though she was 7 at the time.

When my first child was 2, I started calling around to find a dentist. I started with the on listed as a pediatric dentist and they told me the same thing. There was no way I would send my 2 or 3 year old back there alone. I called some other offices, and even though they were not listed as "pediatric" dentists in the phone book, I found a GREAT one that does so well with all 3 of my children. The first visit was a "happy" visit where they watched me get my teeth cleaned, took a ride in the chair, looked at and touched some of the instruments, and then counted their teeth with the Dr. using the mirror and a tool. My oldest is almost 7 and my twins are 4 1/2. They all started going at age 2, and they all like going to the dentist. My oldest now goes by herself and she and I get our teeth cleaned at the same time in separate rooms, but right next to each other. I schedule my twins on a day that I can go back with them. I would keep looking around for another dentist until you feel comfortable.

My dentist let me come back the very first time with my son, just to ease the anxiety. After that, he went by himself which they said was best. I would definitely want to go back the very first time just to get him settled and make sure he's not terrified. I would look for a different dentist if it's "non negotiable". Every child is different. They shouldn't make general rules like that and not allow for exceptions.

thats crazy.
If you decide going to the dentist is something you need to do, pick a different one who lets you go back.

You can go. If it is just a check up. At least thats how they roll here. You can also be a stick in the mud and go in. They can not tell you you cant go with your child. Thats my understanding. It maybe there wishes you dont, they cant keep you from it.

My son had a bunch of mouth work done over the summer and I chose not to go because he would get really emotional with me there. If i was out in the waiting room he did ok with the nurses. since this is you sons first time, they will most likely want you back there with him anyways.

Be mama bear if you dont want him going alone. He is your baby:)

This is normal at the pediatric dentist we use. They recommend you bring the child in around 2.5 years old so they get used to the idea. You go back with them and sit in the chair and they take a quick peek in the mouth if the child will allow it. Then around 3 years old they attempt the first cleaning. The office is very open and all the staff are great with kids. They say that children are much more cooperative when the parents are not back there. They did bring me back and let me peek around the wall where she couldn't see me. They only do as little or as much as the child will allow them to do. They don't try to force anything or hold them down. They are more concerned that she has a positive experience. We actually just went in this morning for her second cleaning (she's 3.5 years now) and they said she was a little chatterbox and gave the dentist a hug.

My advice would be to give the place a try since it is so highly recommended. Trust that the staff has a lot of experience dealing with kids and they know how to make the whole experience not so scary. Also, talk to your son about the dentist before you go in and try to make it sound fun. Maybe check out a few kids books from the library about the dentist so he'll know what to expect.

I love my dental office. They're not a pediatric dentist but they're still great with kids! They're so gentle and caring. They don't care if the parents are there or not. I always schedule my girls at the same time so I'll bounce back and forth between the exam rooms a bit to make sure they're comfortable and cooperating (never a problem). Then I'll sit in the waiting room. With my boys I'll walk them back so I know which exam rooms they're in and then I go back to the waiting room. There has never been a mention of not going back and honestly, if there had been I would have found a new dentist, at least at that age. That is NOT an age that you want the child freaking out and creating fear of the dentist.

I love my dentist so much that even when they stopped accepting our insurance, I have stuck with them and just paid out of pocket.

Every kid is different - some do better with Mommy there, and some might do better with Mommy not there. Keep in mind that kids may pick up vibes from you and if you are acting too nervous, that alone could make it harder for them, so maybe that is the rationale behind having parents wait in the waiting room.

Still, I would at least find another pediatric dentist where staying with your child is at least an option.

i absolutely would not allow that. my 3 kids go to the same dentist as my husband and i, we have never made an issue of going to the dentist, they love going. my boys(5 and 8) had appts 2 days ago, so of course my just turned 2yo girl had to come with us, so we were in the room while 5yo got his teeth cleaned, she insisted on sitting on the chair with him and watching - when he was done, she moved into his spot for "her turn". lol! the hygeniest went ahead and did a full cleaning on my teeny tiny 20lb 2yo girl, and she loved every minute of it. dentist came to check her out as well, he did a full exam of her teeth, the whole office was cracking up. the only problem came when she had to get out of "her" chair so the 8yo could have his turn. so she sat on the knee part of the chair to watch him as well. clearly, my 3 kids have no fear of the dentist, that said, i still wouldn't go someplace where i wasnt "allowed" to go back. last time we went, my boys had two dif hygentists at the same time, so i went back and forth from one room to another. i'd prob "let" my boys go back alone at this office if they wanted, but that's a whole dif animal from being prohibited from going back.

Just a suggestion. You might consider popping in at the office and just checking out the staff and getting a feel for them and the place. With out your child even if you can swing it. You could tell them your concerns and ask if it would be possible to view the "space/chair/work area" and ask what procedure is- is there always and assistant/hygenist present, what do they do if the child gets upset.

It seems to be standard practice in my area for the actual pediatric dentists to do this. I was a little anxious but only because i was always with my kids 24/7 so it was weird to wait for them, but they were fine and the work area was a huge open bay and there were always several assistants around so the dentist was never alone with the kids, plus i could hear from the waiting room, when other kids were freaking out.
I will say we ended up switching to a family dentist with a much smaller office with a little closet type room for the chair but an open door and while they encourage me to wait, they wouldn't have a problemwith me standing behind my child. and observing.

I love the suggestion to get books about it and even pretend to be a dentist and have your child lay their head in your lap and let you play "mommy Dentist" and give them a clean new tooth brush for thier dolly or teddy bear.

In our dentist's office, it's a clear view from the waiting room to the dental chair. The doors are all glass and you can see the child's profile and a full view of the hygienist and dentist at all times. If the child asks for mom then they allow mom to come in. They're interested in causing the least amount of stress for the child.

What I would do is visit the office first and check out the layout and see if you can see everything from the waiting room.

I went to a pediatric dentist as a kid and he screwed up my teeth by pulling some that weren't even loose among other things. As a result, I've never taken my kids to a dentist who basically charges more money just because of that "pediatric" designation.....

Our dentist is not a ped dentist, and she welcomes parents into the exam rooms. Too bad you live so far away! But I'm sure if you ask around you'll find a better dentist for your son.

i didn't like this pratice either but i found that it was more of me liking going to the dentist then him! lol he was excited and couldn't wait. the only issues i had was they claimed my son had like 6 cavties and needed to fill them(they lied i found out later). my son had a recent surgery so he did get scared when they pulled the needles out and wouldn't let the dentist touch and kept hollering for me but they still wouldn't let me back there even after i explained to them what his fear was. so i took him out of there right then and there and found another dentist and they were fine with me being there and that's how i found out they were lying about the cavaties! so good luck

Updated

i didn't like this pratice either but i found that it was more of me liking going to the dentist then him! lol he was excited and couldn't wait. the only issues i had was they claimed my son had like 6 cavties and needed to fill them(they lied i found out later). my son had a recent surgery so he did get scared when they pulled the needles out and wouldn't let the dentist touch and kept hollering for me but they still wouldn't let me back there even after i explained to them what his fear was. so i took him out of there right then and there and found another dentist and they were fine with me being there and that's how i found out they were lying about the cavaties! so good luck

I totally agree with you on wanting to be back there. I think it should be a fun thing not a scary one and if they don't let you back I think that would be very upsetting for a 3 year old. I would look for someone that is more kid friendly if I were you.