Going Back to Work - Katy,TX

Hi, I didn't read the other posts, so this might have been mentioned, but in the CFISD, unless it has changed, they have late buses so kids who are involved in sports will have a ride home after practice. It doesn't stop at every stop, but it just means the student has to do a little more walking than they would to their regular bus stop. If that is not an option in Katy, then I would see if another mom could bring her home, and offer to barter some carpool time on the weekends when you are available. I know I would take other kids home after practice all the time, because my work schedule was very flexible, and it wasn't a problem.

Rebecca,
I know it is hard to give up the control you have had for the past 10 years. Your main goal has been to create a good life for your children. Although that goal hasn't changed you have been forced to change things. That is so hard, but most of this is about control. The more you can release the better off you will be.

Your children may just thrive and gain independence. The five year old may just love all the action, and sleep great too! When grandma is out of town maybe it would make you feel better to enlist friends they can go home with. You can reciprocate on the weekend. Create a routine where the kids call you every day when they get home. If homework is difficult they can save it for when you get home. Choose a time just for that. Say 8pm for example. That can be your time to sit down and see if there are any concerns. Give Dad a chance. He may do it like you, but if he does it then it could be a great opportunity for Dad and the kids to bond.

You are modeling a strong woman for your girls that can take care of herself. This is an amazing gift.

Don't try to do it ALL! Enlist help, but try not to be too controlling about the help you get. Don't expect a perfectly clean house or healthy meals every night.

Insist on either a family dinner, or a family breakfast on Sunday mornings......something like that. This way you can create a tradition being with all your girls.

I work from home. If you would like to know more about creating something like that I will be glad to pass it on. It would not be an immediate solution, but take a few months. Maybe you will only have to work for a little while!

Keep us Mama's posted so that we can support you.
All My best,
P.

Have a family meeting and discuss things in advance. That helps. Also, set up a carpool with daughter's friends so she can still get to tennis. no, she should not have to give that up. Find someone on the team who has a parent who can take TO practice and you guys TAKE them home. It will keep another family from 2 trips also.
Your husband is not good with the after school stuff b/c you have always done it, most likely. He still may not have the same type of talks with them, but he'll figure out homework and dinner stuff.
My husband was never good at carpooling the kids (remembering who went where at what time) or cooking dinner until he had practice at it. LOL!

Likewise, when he started traveling a lot, I got good at putting air in tires, checking the oil and fixing toilets. We get better at the things that get us out of our comfort zone when we practice.

Lastly, approach this as new skills to be learned by everyone in the family. A learning experience for all! It will help your older 2 kids become more self-sufficient. No need to apologize or feel bad that the family has to make changes---just talk about it as "this is necessary for the whole family and this is what we all must do."

Good luck on the new job!

I think that if they are in a safe environment/neighborhood then your older girls could be okay. There are many kids out there in the world much younger who are latch key kids. Having an adult in the house is also a plus. I have always had friends who were SAHM's and they were more than willing to car pool the kids after school and other activities if I didn't take advantage. It's not really much trouble to drop a child off at the house if their kids are in the same activities and they live in the neighborhood anyway. We do Soccer, T-Ball, Dance, Tumbling, and Gymnastics. My thoughts are that busy kids stay out of trouble. As for your other daughter I think it will be okay for her if she sees you during the work day. When you take breaks drop by and see her. Unless it makes it more difficult. Then just give her some space to adapt. After Summer vacation things will be different anyway because she'll be going to school with the older kids.

The biggest thing I think you are going to face, very soon, is Spring Break and then eventually Summer Break. Your oldest is too old for child care but there are programs in some States that allow younger teens to be a "Teen Aide" in a child care center. They don't make "wages" but I think it's more for the benefit of having a protected environment for them to spend the day.

Your employer may not have a program for the older kids when they are out of school but why not introduce it as an option after you've been there a while.

Here's a link to the Oklahoma State Child Care Regulations and the definition and requirements for the teen aide is in it.

The definition is on page 2. and their responsibilities are listed on page 11.

I don't know your State laws about pay rates in this instance but that could be something that you could check out. They are basically a young teen in a proteced environment and are role models, play with the kids, get the classroom ready for crafts, lots of helpful things,and can run errand to the kitchen or office for the teachers.

http://www.okdhs.org/NR/rdonlyres/C###-###-####-C005-45D1...

Hi there. First of all, as a mom and a business owner I totally share your conerns- but let me share my perspective as the child of an entrepreneur mom and professor dad:

My mom worked incredibly long hours growing up. My grandmother was home with us most of the time, but she couldn't speak English or drive. She did cook, but she was pretty abusive toward me. But my mom knew we were safe in the sense that there was an adult most of the time.

As we got a little older, we took the bus home and were home alone until our folks came back. We lived far from town, so it was dinnertime by the time they came back.

When they had a restaurant (on top of other small businesses they ran) we worked with them. I waited tables and started saving for college when I was 13. We learned the ins and outs of the business, like it or not.

We turned out FINE. My brother is happily married with a very very well paying job, two kids, the good life. I'm an artist and a business owner (who spends A LOT more time with my kids.) I teach part time at my daughter's school, too, just to be home with her.

My mom's work showed me that I can do anything I want to, just like she did. By working hard, she taught me work ethic and it shows in everything I do. People notice it about me. I notice that among all the people I know, I am the most likely to follow my interests. I have a sense of confidence that a lot of my friends lack. I get that from following her example.

My mom working was a gift. She struggled with it, but we never got in trouble, we made good grades (at least in college), we have great families, jobs, lives. We're blessed. I can't imagine who I'd be if my mom felt so limited by us that she never did all those things and never served as an example of hard work. I'm grateful that she sacrificed time with us to show us how to live.

I struggle with the question, too. I try to find balance. I wish you all the best.

There may be an after-school care type program through the school or campfire, boys and girls club that might help with the after school time for the two older children. They also have activities associated with them and do homework assistance. You might check that out. Also, if the older one has a friend, teammate and a mom who might be willing to assist they could help with getting her to and from tennis practice.

It's not ideal, but it can work. I've been a working mom the whole time and now my children are grown with children of their own. They missed out on some things because it was just impossible to make all the pieces fit...but that is life and it will always be life. They had all the necessities and then some and we worked to try to incorporate as many optional activities as possible. Even if you were home, time, money and other factors sometimes make it impossible for them to do everything that comes up so don't spend time feeling bad about that.

Sit down and talk with the children and ask them for their input. You'd be surprised how very mature some of their answers will be and that way they'll understand that how they behave and respond is key to everything working as it should.

Congrats on your job. I understand the economy thing and have to do what your family needs to do. I was never a SAHM but was lucky enough to stay home for 7 weeks after my last was born. It was wonderful.
Make sure the first couple weeks back you have quick or ready made meals. One night even treat, if possible $ wise, to take out or eat out.
Set a visual schedule for the kids, homework, chores, what needs to be done by the time Mom & Dad get home. Also leave love/thank you notes. Teenagers may say they don't like that but deep down they really do.
I found breaking up the house work and doing a little here and a little there helps alot. For the first few weeks, don't worry too much about the house. It will be more important YOU get your rest and quiet time. Especially while you get back into the swing of working outside the home.
Oh, can your 10 & 13 year do their laundry? Mine have and just them getting it into the washer & dryer is a big time saver & help. You may have to help the 10 year old to put away, or your older can help the younger.
Have family meetings when it gets overwhelming. Your family will understand hey guys I really need some help here, and a few extra hugs. Keep talking with them. Also remember to tell them how much you love them and appreciate what they are doing.
Make your 5 yr olds "new school" a wow this is going to be so great thing. Remind her you are close by. That is awesome that your company does that.
Check with the coaches or some other parents. Maybe even offer a little gas money if they can drop off your daughter. Is there a late bus? I know our high school & jr highs have late buses that runs to take home after school activity students. My kids didn't like it too much because it is one bus for ALL the neighborhoods, so they could be on it for a while.
Take time on the weekend to just chill, no work, no cleaning; just something you all enjoy, even if it is watching a movie or going to a park. Whatever it is that pulls you all together and gives you peace of mind. May want to have 1 evening for a date with you husband; again even simple things like watching a show curled up together or going for a walk, or ice cream or a drink (may need it the first month LOL). Just we time.
The first month may be rough but then again you are planning and preparing which is smart. So it may be super smooth.
Best of Luck & many Blessings!!

Are you able to make personal calls from your new job ? If so, make a point - no matter if grandma is there or not - to call and chat with each girl when they get home. That way you will know they made it home ok and have some time to see what happened that day with them. Have them do their homework when they get home and when you get there, you can check over it, help with any problems, etc. I would also spend part of each weekend making up and freezing meals so all that has to be done is put it in the oven. Or have grandma get something in the crockpot and keep an eye on it. That way you aren't spending all evening cooking. As far as sports go, let her try out. Is there someone she knows that can drop her off after practice ? Could your MIL at least drive enough to pick her up on those practice days and the times she's gone have one of your daughters friends bring her home ? Just some ideas. So glad you found a job and I know everything will work out !

Congratulations on getting back to work so quickly! I was laid off in May, and though I was one of the lucky ones to get back to work quickly, many of my former colleagues are still looking.

Your 5 year old may have a rough time adjusting to the new schedule initially, but I think after 2-3 weeks, she'll have acclimated well. One word of caution: the ability to stop in and say hi is great, but it may make her have separation anxiety when you leave at first.

Both of our kids (3.5 and 22 months) are in full-time Day Care. It stinks, but they do get used to it, and they're both well ahead of norms in learning/development which I strongly attribute to the structure of the Day Care facility.

Is it possible, for your older children, that you can see if a friend or a teammate has transportation and would be willing to help get her home from practice? You may want to offer gas money to make it less of a burden on the other family. But, that would be my recommendation.

Good luck! I hope you enjoy being back in the working world.

Way to go. It is tough out there, and you did well to find a job with child care to boot!. I would not worry about your 5 year old. She will be happy for the new adventure with mom. As for the tennis team, when I was in school, my parents were always happy to give rides to my friends to and from after school practice. I am sure you can work something out with someone else on the tennis team. Make sure you let people know your situation and your needs, and they will be happy to help out. Good luck!

Congrats Rebeccas, It is such a hugh step!
Your story sounds like mine. Full time Mom for the past 10 yrs, I left my office 2 weeks before the birth of my first and never returned; we have been living with one salary for the past 10 yrs, but with the economy going so bad, I figured out that it would be insane not to start thinking og going back to work, but then I needed another training, after 10 yrs, I felt really behind. Fall of 2008, I registered with a local university as a full time student for a Master program, 4 kids, a traveling husband, it was hard, but I really was determined, never came late, never missed a class and last december I graduated, with very ggod GPA. Your are lucky to have someone on-site, your MIL, and a day-care close to the office, it is a big plus; but most of all, it is about your detrmination, you, yr spouse and the kids, make them understand that your are a team, sure they were used to having you around 24/7, things are going to change, talk over those changes, new expectations, the change is going to affect you too, waking up and dressing up, girl, but once you ge to the routine, you will love it, he, yr spouse will see the other side of you and the kids will definitely enjoy seing you dress up; if they have to drop some activities because you have not have a perfect schedule, it is ok, explain and let them know that you all are working on something better, I am telling you, I went through it with school and the kids understand. Now I am looking for a job and it really makes me feel good to hear from someone who has been in my shoes and is standing up to be a professional outside the house again; please give me some tips in job search, I will love to hear it first hand from someone like you.
Thanks Girl and most of all good luck.
Vava

These are times of great need of prayers for the family. I am the same boat, sort of speaking, but my child has
autism. So, I only work parttime and as little as possible.
the only suggestion I have for you, is to let your work at home go, and spend all the time with your kids

Wow...you are very fortunate to find a job in this economy especially after being out of work for 10 years. count your blessings there! I was laid off 4 months ago and still are not able to find work.....worst part is job offers that have been coming in are less than unemployment I am collecting now.

You are about to enter into a major family life change - it won't be easy but it will work out. My mom went back to work when i was about 13 and it all worked out just fine......if you have a friend or neighbor that could help with pick up or take care of the kids that would be helpful. You be surprised on how other women in your own neighborhood that are willing to help.
Last but not least....just pray! It will all work out.
M.

Congrats on your new job!

1. Get Grandma to help with dinner and making sure the kids do their homework. If the kids have questions about their homework, you or your husband can answer them in the evening. They're at the age when they can do their homework unassisted.

2. Call your two oldest kids after they are home.

3. Enlist a mother on the tennis team so your oldest can get a ride to/from tennis. Offer to do something in return, like watching her kids for an evening or making dinner or something. It takes a village, right?

4. Your youngest might have a problem with the longer day at first. Can you take a break around 4 or 5 and spend 15 minutes with her? That might give you both a nice break before you have to power through the remaining time. Before you both know it, she'll be in elementary school and won't have the long days at your pre-school.

Kids are more resilient than you think. It might be an adjustment at first, but they'll be just fine.

There are most likely some parent of some of the other students that might be able to help with the car trip to and from. Have your daughter let you know, if any of her special friends are also on this team. Contact them and see if they would be willing to help with the trips. As to meals after work, the crock pot is very good, plus on your days off you can cook and freeze meals for the week head. Plus there are lots of quick meals that can be cooked. Good luck, you are very lucky to have found a job, with the problems that are going on now.

Your pre-schooler will probably be the best adjusted! That will be a long day and as long as they give her a good nap, she should be fine. It will take a couple of weeks for her to adjust (as well as the other 2). Give them the time. Try not to get mad or angry. It is an adjustment for everyone!

As for the older 2, let the older one take Tennis at school. Is there someone with whom she can carpool or can DH pick her up on the way home from work?

As for DH- you need to sit down with him together and work out all of his expectations. With you working full time, he is going to have to help around the house a little more.

Let the house be dirty, let the wash go a little. It will be okay.

Good Luck!