Gift Giving Question - Vista,CA

buy 2 cheap gifts lol just because she's registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond doesn't mean you have to buy her gift from there. go to Big Lots a lot of times the have the same stuff for less. Like you said she's not a real good friend so.....

I would give my gift at the bridal shower because it's a smaller event and people are expected to bring gifts. Then just attend the wedding, no gift. I think she lists the registry on both invites because some people won't be able to attend both.

One gift is sufficient. Not everyone that is invited to the wedding is invited to the shower, so the registry information on the wedding invite is for them. And you certainly don't have to spend more on the gift than you are comfortable with.

If you RSVP for both the bridal shower and the wedding, you would be expected to bring a gift to both. If I were you, I would politely decline the bridal shower invite and go to the wedding instead. Since you don't know her that well and you don't get to see your friend that often, then that would probably be the more enjoyable invitation.

If you go to both events than you should bring a present for each event. When someone hosts a party, shower, wedding, etc, they are giving you food, drink, social time, and entertain, and in return you are giving a gift. If money is tight, then advise the hotess and your friend that you will not be able to atttend.

Good advice from all the moms. If you want to go to both - here is something that I would do. If she's registered for a wok, crock pot, or any kind of specialty cooking thing that isn't terribly expensive - you can buy that item - and then for the other occasion a cookbook that is specialized for that item. You can even join a book club - The Good Cook - and get like 5 cookbooks for just a couple of dollars, and then to fulfill your obligation - buy two or three more in the year. I did this - and ordered the pink and white checkered Better Homes and garden - (Susan G. Komen / breast cancer awareness) cookbook. It's a great 3 ring binder - lies flat on the counter - has a special section in the back. I got like 8 of them - and ended up spending less than $50 - used them for Christmas gifts for my sister, mother, mother in law, niece,best friend, and kept one for myself. Everyone that I gave it to - loves it and wouldn't have bought it for themselves. One wedding that I went to - I was able to get the wok that she registered for that wasn't expensive, and then I added a Wok Cookbook and some chop sticks. The book stores always have a bargain table and they usually include ethnic food cookbooks, and chopsticks can be found at places like Pier One, or other import type places that are reasonable. She loved that I put the book and chop sticks with it - and for less that $10 more - it made the gift seem like so much more. Good luck and have fun whatever you decide to do.

If you go to both a bridal shower and a wedding, you should give separate gifts for both. Shower gifts are usually a lot less expensive, and spending $25-30 is certainly acceptable. You could also make something or give something sentimental.

All that said, if I were you, I would skip the shower completely. Since money is tight and you're not that close to the bride, it doesn't sound like an event you need to attend.

Decline the bridal shower/attend the wedding=one nice gift.

I would check her registry to see what her colors are for her kitchen or bathroom, then give her candles in those colors for the shower gift. You can buy candles at the dollar store, so it won't be too expensive, and every time I've done this the bride has loved it. It makes her think of romantic evenings with her new husband. :) Then give whatever gift you planned as the wedding gift.

A gift is meant to be from your heart and to acknowledge your joy at her celebration...is not meant to break you at the bank or ruin your budget. My experience is that when i put some thought into the gift, the price I pay is less important. Your presence is a gift in itself, so do what you feel is representative of you. Unique does not have a price tag...take some time to be creative. I shop used stores (Goodwill, Salvation Army, Consignment stores) for gifts that are more unique and unusual. Take a deep breath, relax and have fun with this!

Bev A
Visalia, Ca.

I think you should attend both and give one gift at the shower.

I usually try to either give one really nice gift at the shower or 2 smaller gifts, one at the shower one at the wedding..

I know when I got married, I did not care about the gifts, I wanted to spend fun times with my friends and family.

One inexpensive gift...do only what you can afford.

Even if you attend both, you do NOT HAVE to give a gift at both. Even if you just attend the wedding, you don't HAVE to give a gift. It is okay to just give a 'Best Wishes' card for the wedding.

If you attend the bridal shower, I would give a gift since the bride will most likely be opening the gift in front of everyone.

For bridal showers I usually give a gift of some votive holders and scented candles; a scented cache; or a set of nice towels or sheets. If I give a gift card, its usually to Bed, Bath and Beyond for $20.00.

M.

Decline attending the shower/gift and attend the wedding and gift her there. However if you can't comfortably afford to do a gift for either politely decline both and get yourself on better financial footing and celebrate her occasion with a beautiful card and personal note. Unless you know someone and it would hurt you personally if you did not attend Their special day I would not go. As a wedding attendance is not only the cost of the gift, it is the cost of any clothing items you do not have, the money to get there and back, the cost of any items not covered by the wedding party such as a drink or food while waiting for the couple and if there is a cash bar this also is an expense to be considered.Learning that if I had said no early on to attending weddings that I really wasn't invested in I could have gotten on to living a more stress free/better financial life sooner. Good luck with your decision.

If you want to go to both the shower & wedding then you should bring a gift, but a gift card or or a picture frame is fine for the shower. For the wedding a gift card to BB&B will work as well. Since you're not a close friend you don't need to spend big bucks. If you want to go, then you should go!! When I got married I didn't care about the gifts, (although they were nice!) I wanted my family & friend's there to celebrate w/ me.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It will be the right decision!

I agree with the other moms. Go to the wedding, politely decline the shower. Good luck, S.

Attend the ceremony/reception. Decline the Bridal Shower.

It depends on what you want to do. Do you WANT to go to the shower? If you do, then get some kitchen utensils and package them up. Spend $20 max. Then, the wedding, get something else for the kitchen or a gift card for $20...and maybe just write, "wish I could do more" on the card, so she knows that THINGS are tight and that YOU aren't being tight.

If you feel obligated to attend the shower, don't go. Whatever decision you make, when you make it, it should feel good. If you feel stressed after you make a decision, then it is the wrong decision.

If you are not a good friend of this bride why on earth would she invite you to the shower? I have seen brides who invite everyone they have spoken to in the past..because they want the gifts!!! I would decline the shower invitation...especially since your friend who is her sister, will not be attending. If you do go to the wedding, then I would get a $10 or $20 gift certificate to Bed Bath and Beyond and put that in a nice card.
To me, the purpose of these get togethers should not be for the gifts but for the relationships that are being celebrated!!!
Don't put yourself in a financial bind by feeling pressured to give a gift that you can't afford!!!

If you attend both then yes, you should get a gift for both. Even if you don't attend the wedding you should get a gift for that.

However, the shower gift doesn't have to be large...try something around $20-30 for the shower and then around $50 for the wedding...and stick to the registry...you'll appreciate those that do when it comes your turn to get married!

Have fun...
-M

If I were you, I would skip the shower and just attend the wedding, since it sounds like you aren't very close. If you go to the shower, you should get a gift for that. A wedding gift is usually appropriate if you are invited, even if you do not attend. But don't feel like you have to spend a lot of money, or that you must go off the registry. Remember the old adage, "It's the thought that counts"...it really is true!

I read the following from "The Knot" and it looks like pretty good advice! Good Luck!

"Here's the deal with wedding gifts: Technically, you aren't obligated to ever get the couple anything. If you do get them a gift, you're just expressing your goodwill and support of their marriage. That said, most to-be-weds and wedding guests alike consider wedding gifts obligatory. Bridal showers are somewhat different-- though the same rules apply, since it is technically a gift-giving party, one would be remiss to show up empty-handed unless the hosts have declared it a gift-less shower (believe it or not, these do ever happen -- sometimes a party is just a party). That's why for years the etiquette was that no one in the bride's family could host the shower, since people perceived that as a greedy grab for additional wedding gifts. Never the less, bringing a gift to the shower does not technically constitute a "get out of gift free" pass for the wedding. That said, if you want to give the couple a gift at the shower but not at the wedding, that's your prerogative and you are not wrong for doing so. If you're worried you'll seem cheap with only one gift (not that that's at all the case), the easiest solution is to simply split your gift-giving budget between the shower and the wedding rather than overextending your finances to buy two full-scale gifts."

Give here a two part gift.... give one part at the shower and bring the rest to the wedding.

Decline the shower and go to the wedding. Unless you really want to. If so, just go to the store and pick out something YOU like, such as a picture frame...on sale...and give that for the shower.

Pick one to attend and not the other.

The wedding invitation should NOT have had the registry information on it, that is the number 1 taboo thing to do re: wedding etiquette. But, it is proper to give a gift at both the bridal shower (traditionally something just for the Bride, but has changed over the years) and the wedding.

Since your situation is one where you are not very close with her, I suggest choosing just one event to attend. If you do go with two, you could always make something by hand for the bridal shower or put together a little honeymoon basket or something creative that won't break the bank. For the wedding - shop from the registry as soon as possible so you have better options within your price range.

Best,
S.

I would skip the shower and go to the wedding. Buy one gift. Don't worry about it.

I think I would go to both but only bring a gift to the shower. I'd just bring a nice card to the wedding.

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