My sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) just had a baby, and I want to buy the little fella a gift from his aunt. Here's the issue: She and I don't like each other. Background: For some reason, she decided early on that she wanted to have nothing to do with me, yet she adores my husband. She has even been rude to me (coming into my home and not speaking to me), and we just ignore each other now. We all married in the same year. We had been together for a couple of years; they had just met several months before. (So neither of us married into a family where the other was already established.) She has literally expressed enthusiasm while greeting my husband and then immediately rolled her eyes when it was time to greet me. We're not hostile toward each other, though...just stay out of each other's way.
Anyway, I was not invited to the shower (really okay with that) and feel no obligation to "shower" her with any love. I do, however, think that it's appropriate to get some kind of gift for the little one (boy). Any ideas? For my girlfriends' babies I wrote checks and bought things that were really needed, because I continue to participate in the children's lives. I kinda do things for them regularly. I don't expect this to be the case with this new baby, so I'd like to give a one-time acknowledgment.
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You ladies are awesome for running to my aid like this. I have already started looking into the personalized book idea. I had these as a child and adored them. To be quite frank with you, I do not anticipate any real relationship with this child. I don't mean to be negative, just realistic. We see each other only at family gatherings, where we say hello and keep moving. I am pregnant myself, and I cannot fathom getting together outside of those times just to get the kids together. We really do not enjoy each other's company, so I don't see us sharing intimate times. The whole thing is awkward. (She included my husband and excluded me for all her announcements throughout the pregnancy. I don't even know the baby's name.)
Oh, boy, thanks for letting me vent a little. I just don't like the nastiness and don't see any reason for it.
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Maybe I am just too new to this, but I think that it is difficult to have a separate relationship with a new child whom I can only see when the mother is around. I have probably have not communicated this clearly, but we do not spend time together. I see her, maybe, twice each year. After hellos (no hugs, even), we stay on opposite sides of the room. I do no texpect to be able to develop a real relationship with this child because I would have to go through the mother. I call it a "one-time acknowledgement" because it will be our "welcome to the world" gift. Of course, I expect to send some birthday cards and maybe gifts over the years. I just imagine that I would not want someone who treats me so ugly to come to my house to visit with my child. Maybe I am wrong, but how is that even possible? I am just not a person who thinks that a baby changes things. She is still the same b---- she was a few years ago, and I'm not gonna act like she's not (though I am not rude to her--I just keep my distance). I don't hold that against the child, but I also don't have much room to have any separate relationship with the child. How do you guys juggle the in-law thing when you've come into it with the best of intentions and stay out of the way while being sweet to everybody only to get knocked onto your butt because somebody made an assumption that won't go away?
My husband and his brother were nearly in tears when they read the book. They thought that it was truly sweet, and I was nearly in tears with their excitement.
Thanks again for your ears and ideas, Ladies. I hope that you are all well.
You could also do a really wonderful and classic children's book along with peel-and-stick personalized book plates. It's thoughtful, personal and opens the door for you to build his library as he gets older!
A small savings bond?
Sounds like you have the gift idea taken care of. I think your relationship, or lack thereof, is being handled very maturely. You are obviously doing what you can with the situation as it is. With your pregnancy, you do not need any added drama or stress and keeping your child away from it as well is a good idea. I hope you have wonderful family on your husband's side. Otherwise, having close friends that treat everyone respectfully can be all the family your children need.
You really need to be the adult and call a family meeting over this matter!! Both spouses should not have allowed it to ever get this far!! Once kids are involved, there will be more family times together and your child deserves the right to get to know their cousin and future cousins. This behavior is not even tolerated at daycares. It is time for your husband to stand up for you and say you deserve respect as his wife and a human.
You don't want your child to grow up and ask you why you did not let him get to know Aunt so and so. My mom kept us from our dads cousins and I still get upset about it-about 30 blood relatives I never got to know as a kid. We have tried to connect as adults but spread too far away physically.
For all of my friends' and family members' new arrivals I have been getting these REALLY cute, soft, cuddly curved pillows from Angel Dear. My boys both sleep with them, and are both very attached to them. My 3.5 year old has his "Froggy" pillow who accompanies us on every long car ride, airplane trip, and is always by his side when he gets out of bed. It's basically his security blanket They are only about $15 and can be purchased online from a site called www.AmericanGiftFactory.com .
It was also a great gift for me, since I place it under my elbow when I am sitting with them in a chair, feeding them bottles/sippys, and doing story time. I don't know the lady who gave me mine VERY well, as she's my mom's friend, but every time I see my son with his I have warm thoughts of her. Maybe a good ice-breaker item?
I am curious as to why your husband does not put her in her place. As far as the gift, if you were not invited to the shower, then why buy a gift. It seems pretty clear she wants nothing to do with you. She has a problem and behaving like a child.
its very odd that you would only like to give an one time acknowledgement. if you would like to do something nice for the baby then do so. i would focus on the baby. i also would give birthday,christmas and send cards for other holidays. i dont do gifts/cards for the parents but for the baby/child.
a savings bond in his name
Is this about your relationship with your SIL or the baby? I would focus on the baby. I think personalized gifts are always nice. You can always find great stuff on etsy.com if you haven't already looked there.
I know a couple of moms mentioned savings bonds, but you have to have the childs social security number to get one. I don't think it would be appropriate for you to ask your SIL for her new baby's SSN.
I don't know about the rest, but I must have received 15 blankets for my son. I had to end up giving many away.
I think the idea of a savings bond in the child's name is awesome!
Sorry about your situation. I can't imagine how uncomfortable this must be. Best of luck to you!
I personally would of loved a embroidered blanket with my sons name and date of birth on it. I think that is more from the heart than anything you can buy at Babies R Us or Target.
I agree with Julia S. that a personalized gift would be the nicest. I like her idea of a blanket, but something that would be of use longer might be nice, too, such as an engraved picture frame or even a very nice book with a dedication to the baby from both you and your husband. Since she loves your husband, she will have to accept the gift graciously from BOTH of you. Whether or not you have a good relationship with the mother, he will think of you as his aunt, so it would be nice for him to have something as he grows that has your name on it.
Hi, I am J. and there are so many good gifts like you can give him, but I suggest you some gifts are Gift Baskets, Feeding Sets, Toy Gift Sets, Build Your Own Set etc. Like you also can give him some home made gift like making a card or baby hand or leg print... Good Luck!
