Getting 6 Month Old to Attach to a Lovey

The best thing that I did was sleep with the item I was trying to get my son to attach to. It happened to be a little stuffed duck (super soft). I slept with it for three nights so that my scent was on it, then started by always having him hold it when I was holding him. Then when he had it, and I wasn't around, it still smelled like me and it reminded him of me!

There is no replacement for mommy, this is something she needs to grow out of and she will, if you don't feed into it. Dad should be enough, and if not she needs to learn that as well, it does not make any sinse to replace the comfort of a father with and object. bad idea mily. J.

Hi E.,

This might sound a bit odd, but have you tried the t-shirt you wore yesterday? Back when I was in "mommy training," I babysat a colleague's twin babies and she always left me with the t-shirt she wore the day before. It smelled like her and was very comforting to the babies. I would toss it over my shoulder as I held them and it worked nearly every time.

Good luck!

Chose a lovey. (one that you can replace if lost)
Every time you hold her, nurse her, change her diaper, take her for a walk...give her her lovey. It may take months or weeks. You are producing a habit, so make it a habit to carry it around.
Your daughter just may need you. It be part of her personality. At six months, nothing may soothe her but her mom, but teach her through your own confidence that she is safe and well and starting this early is a gift to her and to you. Crying is human and an energy release - don't be afraid of it yourself.

I would stick to one particular thing. Bring it everywhere you go. Especially when you are feeding and most of all when sleeping. The she'll get used to seeing this one object everywhere and naturally want to have it around (after a while)
Good luck!

I would try squirting a little breat milk on an item you want her to use. I would also suggest that you make sure it is an item you can get exact multiples of (and begin rotating them as soon as the attachment starts). Also - if it is on the smaller side- it makes it easier down the road. My daughter loves one of those little blankets that have an animal head on the top. Good Luck!

Whatever you want to give her you need to give it to her even when she is not upset. With my son we always left his "snugli" in his crib with him at night when he was falling asleep. We would take it out when we went to bed. As he has gotten older (he is almost a year now), he snuggles with it all night. We also put one in both of our cars so he could just have it around when we're driving. I also gave it to him at night as he was drinking his last bottle. Good luck!!

Dear E.,

It may be too late for this one in your case, but what all three of my kids used was their burp-rags (which my son named "night-night" when he was 18 months old, and we still call them that 18 years later. My son was a "spitter," and I had a cloth diaper around always - nursing, sleeping, whatever, and he became very attached - and my two girls did likewise, even though they didn't spit up as much as he did. I loved the night-nights - they were smaller that blankies, so they didn't get as gross from being dragged around on the floor, and there was always another around when you needed to wash one.

I don't know if you can really "pick" or assign a lovey - I didn't try, it just came out of familiarity . . .

Good luck!
B.

I was in the same boat as you with my second son, who is now 14 months old. As weird as it sounds, we put a worn t-shirt into the crib. Now, b/c I was breast feeding & anytime my son smelled me, he'd want to nurse & with me going back to work, we needed him to be "okay" without me, so we used my husband's shirt. To this day, he still sleeps with one of my husband's "dirty" shirts.I do have to swap them out every few days, but it works!! I know it seems strange, but it's comforting to him & he never has a problem falling to sleep @ g'ma's when it's date night.
Maybe it'll work for you, too.

The thing is, every child prefers something different. If you have noticed that she shows even the tiniest preference for something, anything, choose it and use it consistantly. I noticed that, pretty much from birth, my daughter was really annoyed by anything super soft (like fleecy soft or satin smooth). Her "lovey" is a crocheted blanket. But she wasn't instantly attached to it, it's been her blankie since she was about six weeks old. It took time for your daughter to develop an attachment to you, and it will take time for her to develop an attachment to a lovey, so pick something and give it to her consistantly, like every nap, bed, and snuggle time and anytime you go somewhere, even when she's with you. But it's a great idea to try to get her to develop one- if a child's only security item is their parents they have a much more difficult time making any sort of transition or being away from mom for any amount of time, and unfortunately we can't be right there 24/7, no matter how hard we try!

As for what everyone else says about you creating the problem, they are right but don't listen to them anyway. As long as you have thought the entire thing through to conclusion (ie, you and your husband are both okay with having kids in bed with you indefinately) then no one else can tell you that your decision is wrong. It is making it harder for you to be away, but all babies at this age go through phases where they prefer mom, no matter what the parenting style. I do agree, though, that you should leave at least once a week and let dad take over- it will do them both a huge amount of good, and we all know as moms that just leaving the room doesn't cut it, because you want to run in and rescue them both at the first cry. While I totally support your choice to attachment parent, you want to make sure and give your child the chance to form the same attachment with dad, too, and you want your child to have the right tools to transition away from you, which you are already seeking out by trying to introduce a lovey.

Find a small soft blanket and sleep with it for a couple nights. Once it has your scent on it keep giving it to her all day long, especially when she nurses or you are snuggling with her etc. After several days she should start to get attached. I found my son's tag blanket at walmart for about 8 dollars. He actually has 3 of them so I can rotate them so they can be washed etc and so i have a back up if one gets lost. I suggest finding something that you can get a few of that are identical so that you alway have one. By the way we now have to take taggy EVERYWHERE we go. He is 13 months and i got him attached to one about 5 months ago for the same reason.

Hi E.. My daughter never did attached to anything else but me. In fact, I got a double whammy, because when she nursed she started playing with my wedding rings, and pretty soon THOSE became her lovey, so she needed me AND my rings to get to sleep or calm down if she got beyond where she could calm herself. Try having her hold onto something (that's not more or less permanently attached to you!) while you're nursing. That's the only thing I can think of, and wish I'd tried it myself!

And congrats on the attachment parenting thing. I did it with my daughter too, and though I made a couple of mistakes that made her a *little* too attached (especially at bedtime), I really have no regrets. She's extremely well-adjusted, VERY loving, smart and creative. And I wouldn't trade all that snuggling time for anything in the world (though I would give a lot for better sleep!) The time goes by so quickly, might as well enjoy it while you can!

My experience is that babies with attachment parenting parents don't usually choose a lovey. At 16 months, my daughter alternates lovies. I tried to get her to attach to one forever, and finally she chose a specific bear, and then she shifted to Elmo, then Ernie, etch. It's something you can encourage, but ultimately I think they choose what they want. My little girl didn't choose a lovey until I night-weaned her. I think it's something they do when things like that happen. If you are co-sleeping and still nursing, odds are, you are gonna be her only lovey.

Sorry!

E.,

What about having you carry it around for awhile... not only will she see that it is important to you but eventually it will have your scent on it. Smells have such strong associations that it might just do the trick once you give it to her!

Good luck,
K.

Dear E.,

The problem is that you are making your babe to reliant on you for comfort & therefore they only want you. Thus the separation anxiety. I don't mean to sound harsh but you said it yourself, you wear them all the time. I want to be with my kids all the time - I do, but I want them to know independance (as much as possible in today's world). I knew it far more than they ever will, but now we have an awareness of the evil that lurks looking for our beautiful children. You shouldn't be looking for a lovey, but for playfulness without them attached to you. Good luck & God Bless!

I am an AP as well, but our kids have done the same thing. I give them to Daddy and they cry. I still do it with our 2 month old. I feel they need to know that they are safe with Daddy as well and create that bond with him. I have him hold the kids and if they cry, it's ok. Daddy keeps telling them they are safe and loved. I might come by and kiss them and tell them that I love them, but if it gets them going, then I just let Daddy handle it. I figure if they are fed and changed, then the crying is purely emotional, and while that is important, so is their relationship with Daddy and it's important for them to be comfortable when I am not away, as that emotional discomfort is far harder on all of us....especially if that happens when they are older.

When we took our 3.5 year old to pre-school, he saw all these kids screaming and holding on to their mom for dear life....while the parents physically pushed them into the gate and shut it. He looked at me puzzled and then said, as he trotted off, "Don't forget to pick me up." I picked him up 3 hours later without a hitch.

While it might be ok to bond with something man-made, I didn't want my kids reliant on comfort from a stuffed animal or something else of the like. They had them in bed with them, once we were done co-sleeping, but they never sought them out for comfort. As you know, human relationships are important, which is why you are an AP. I don't want my kids seeking comfort from drugs, food, shopping, etc....so I try to reinforce that human relationships are where they are safe and loved.

I found that I needed to actually leave my kids alone in the house with my husband when they were babies. This way, if she is crying, you don't have to come and "rescue" her. It also allows for your husband to learn to be a dad on his terms. I know when I'm home, I tend to tell him how to do everything for the baby. Let him have is daddy time. My husband figured it out, and all 3 kids have bonded very well with him. So what if her clothes aren't matching or he feeds her green beans instead of apples. Dads definitely take care of kids differently, but it doesn't mean they are doing it wrong. My husband is the one who "kicked" me out so he could figure things out on his own. If you leave, it also gives you a chance to get a break. It doesn't have to be all day. Go to lunch or a movie with a friend. You mention you have another child, maybe this would be a good time to have a special date with him or her. It's important for your 6 month old to bond with daddy. I also am breastfeeding and wearing my 15 month old in a sling. Good Luck!

I don't know about getting them to attach to blankets and such.. the only thing that works with my 10 month old baby boy (the newest love of my life) is to give him the shirt off my back. =) I literally take off my shirt and wrap him in it or lay it next to him so he can snuggle with it. It buys me a few minutes to do what I need to! Hope it helps.

My 6 month old is obsessed with her Bla Bla monkey. She can't take a nap or go to sleep without him. She has looked around the room for him since she was 3 months old every time we would put her down and she would snuggle him and then fall right to sleep when he was in her arms. We had to invest in a couple because he was already getting worn. They are soft, snuggly and the perfect size for little fingers to wrap around. They have tons of different designs and sizes, but my little one loves the small monkey.
Isn't snuggling with your little one's the best. Nothing could be better!

One suggestion someone gave me was to take off the shirt you are wearing and leave it with the baby while you step away or put them to sleep for the night. They are comforted by your scent. I used this trick when I put my son to sleep at night in his crib for a very short time and it seemed to work. As soon as he was asleep, I'd go take it out for safety reasons. As for a specific lovey, I think they either attach to it or not on their own. Good luck!

Good morning E.,

You say that you are a die-hard attachment parent. Therein lies your issue. You reap what you sew. If you want your 6 month old to detatch so you can shower, etc., THEN LET GO!! Don't have her in your body sling, or snuggle with her all night long. That is what your husband is for (nighttime snuggling remember?). Enjoy your nursing time with your daughter and practice letting go at other times. Pick a "lovey" she likes and stick to that one. Don't go offering several to her. You both will be better off in the long run as she has to go to school without you and you without her sometime. Set the stage properly now for both of your sakes.
Good luck and God Bless your family.

M.

If she hasn't chosen anything yet, find something brightly colored that maked noise (my daughter's had a soft rattling sound) and get several of them. The bright color and the sound make them easier to find in bedding or whatever. Hide all but one and put it in her bed while she is sleeping. You might even tuck it under her arm while she sleeps. This will build familiarity with the object. She will probably want it whenever she goes to sleep and then want it more often. Be sure to rotate them and wash them to keep them in similar condition with each other so she doesn't realize there are more than one. Be prepared to keep track of that thing for the next five years (hence the "buy several") and keep it away from playful dogs!!

I would try finding something that is close to the texture of shirts that you wear the most and then sleep with that item a few times yourself so that it has your smell. Sometimes scent is just as important to little ones as sight.Good luck!

Hi E.! Okay, I'm afraid this is going to make me extremely unpopular, but here goes. The fact that you are "attachment" parenting is exactly what it says. YOU are creating this attachment. It is absolutely a problem that your child cries a lot with hubby. THIS IS NOT RIGHT. Your husband has just as much right to bond as you do. If attachment parenting worked really well with your first child, maybe it's not right for this one. That doesn't mean you shouldn't sleep with your child or cuddle or hug. But you should make certain times of the day where every day from (say) 10-11 is Daddy time. Then LEAVE THE HOUSE. Let him really be there alone with your child. Then you come back but her in a sling. Then from 2 to 3 is exersaucer time. Something like that where you have set times of bonding with others and independence. A lovey is fine and a lot of people have a really nice suggestion by using one of your shirts. That's cool. That's not the bigger issue. It takes a lot of care and concern and love to parent as you do. But part of teaching them security is that it's okay to spend time with others and to entertain themselves.

Both of my boys love thermal swaddling blankets. I swaddled them in these blankets as newborns and as they began to "break out" of the swaddle, they would cuddle with the blanket. They are now 3 and 2 and they each have two of these kinds of blankets in their beds (I have a lot of extras so we can always have clean ones). They absolutely love them. My oldest calls them his "Bubbie" (his effort at the pet name I have for him) and he will often take a break from playing during the day to go kiss his bubbie. I don't know how to get a 6 month old to attach to them (?). The association for my boys seems clear because they have had them around since birth and they were swaddled in them (they are also very soft and cozy, but I don't think that's all of it for them). Your little girl is used to having Mommy all the time, and no one/nothing is as good as Mommy!

Give her one of your t-shirts with your scent all over it, one that's not really dirty though. That way she'll smell you close to her even when you're not.
Good luck.
M.

A lovey can be almost anything soft and comforting. The big key is that it carries your scent (Daddy's too). I've got a soft, flat, plush bunny for my son. When I nurse my son, I put it between the two of us. If you don't nurse, you can wear it in your bra for a little while and put it between you when you give him a bottle. I also will give it to him to hold while I am rocking him, any time you are in a close and comforting situation. I also give bunny a kiss on the nose, which my son can see me doing, then have the bunny give him a kiss before he grabs it. I also make sure that bunny comes with us everywhere, so it's always in his carseat and stroller too. I also didn't wash it until I was sure that he associated it with comfort.

As far as the shower is concerned, I put my son in his bouncy chair with some toys and place him on the floor in the bathroom. I then play peekaboo and can talk/sing to him even though he can't always see me. It helps with developing object permanence too. For fun, when you're blow-drying your hair, put the dryer on the cool setting and gentyly introduce him to "wind." I prepared him by counting down before blowing on his toes, the hands, and the top of his head (not his face). The look of surprise, curiosity, and pleasure is priceless!

Hope this helps. Good luck.

From personal experience, my son bonded to his "lovey" himself--he selected it...an old pillow case that had been washed a billion times with a super soft lacey edge. He calls it lacey pillow---so I don't know if you can really force an object--they really do attach themselves. Keep letting her be on her own for short periods of time--that's the best you can do right now! OR the mobile in her crib? Does she like that???

Is there something of yours that you use everyday like a hair tie or your shirt that you take off before your shower. Let her hold it while you are in there. Just a thought. That way she will have something of mommy while you are showering.
you could try just holding a little lovey while you hold her . if you put her down put the lovey down with her, then when you pick her up pick up the lovey also. try it for a few days and see what happens.
But just remember what she gets attatched to now is going to be hard to take from her later.
Oh oh, maybe you could record yourself reading her a book and then daddy can play it for her while you shower or do something else.
Good luck and take care
B.

Hi E.,
My son carries around the Jockey T-shirts I sleep in. I gave them to him when he was an infant. He's almost 6 now and still sleeps with them. The good thing is if one gets lost or dirty, he just takes another one out of the drawer - it's not like a stuffed animal that can get lost and you can't replace it. I have about 20 of them so he's always happy. At first I wore the shirts so they would smell like me. I don't actually have to wear them anymore but they still comfort him. (The only draw back is that they are all full of chocolate milk stains!) Maybe try giving her one of your shirts that you've recent worn.

Hopefully this is just a stage she is going through but another thing you can do is put on a video for her (Baby Einstein is great for 6 month olds) and that may distract her long enough so you can shower and do what you need to around the house.

Good luck.

Your "A little about me" explains why she is so attached to you. She's only 6 months right now, but if you ever want to detach yourself, you can't nurse forever and wear your kids constantly. My kids both loved their blankies, because they had them all the time. Their blankie helped when I had to leave them with a babysitter, etc. They are now almost teens and still love their blankies, but only at night now. Good luck!