Getting 24Mo Old Out of My Bed

Role play during the day---Have him get his jammies on, brush his teeth, say his prayers, get clothes out for tomorrow, etc.(whatever his normal bedtime routine is). Then pick out 3 books for you to read to him. Tell him after the books you are going to pretend it is night time and he is to stay in bed "all night". You put him to bed lights out or nightlight (normal routine). Leave the room for several minutes. Then come back in all excited (after he has stayed in bed) and say "You did it! You stayed in bed all night! Now you can pick 2 books to read (or a game or fav breakfast" or whatever motivates him). Do exactly the same at bedtime. This can take up to 2 weeks to become a habit---it only took us 3 nights. You can have him pick out what the "reward" will be--books, game, breakfast the night before. If he doesn't stay in his bed at nighttime, the next morning you say, "How sad that you didn't stay in bed all night. I guess we can't read your 2 books, (eat fav breakfast, or play fav game), but tonight we will try again!" (Keep smiling and speak pleasantly---this is something you want him to want to do on the next try because it is so pleasant.) Good luck and remember you want to build your relationship not put a rift between it!!

Why do you want him out?
Mammals are meant to sleep together! It is primal urge.
You love snuggeling up to your husbands warm body don't you?
Yet we make our children sleep all alone?
Our family has always slept like a pack of wolves...children drapped over each other, piled on us.
When the bigger boys didn't want to sleep with us anymore they eventually went to their own beds or moved to the floor.
My teenager will even sometimes still sleep in my room on the floor (particularly after family movie night).
It is such a precious thing to have my whole clan piled around me.
I remember one precious time when my daughter was 18 months and she rolled over in her sleep to look for my breast (she could pull up my shirt herself) anyway she found her brothers nose instead and started nursing! He slept right through it! But we were hysterical!
We would have missed that moment if we all hadn't been snuggled.
They will leave eventually, just think of it as a precious time before you get up, leave the house (and them?) to work all day. They obviously want the connection.
Don't you?

P.S. There are ways to safely co-sleep with a 3 month old (and siblings) and your intimate life doesn't have to suffer. Ours has always been great because we have to be creative. With little bodies in our bed we can't just roll over and have a "quickie". After 20 years together we are still "making out" in closets or laundry rooms (just like we did when we were dating as teenagers).

He probably wants the reasurance that he is still loved also! He sees you spending so much time with the baby that he wants that time to be equal. Have you tried taking him back to his room, and staying with him a few minutes? Then tell him that you are going to go back to your room, but you will be back in 5 minutes to check on him. Make sure that you do check. Go back to him and reasure him that you are there, tell him that you will be back in 5 more minutes. You may have to repeat this a few times, but just the reasurance that you are coming back may help him to stay in his room.
I had a friend that tried the M&M thing...giving the child an M&M if she stayed in her room, but, I prefer the reasurance method. May take a few times, but he's only wanting to have as much time with you as baby does. (Maybe since you said you usually don't get those extra winks any way, you can just nurse the baby in baby's room?) Good luck!!

Locking him in his room is likely to scare the heck out of him and cause lots of resentment. Honestly, I would let him come in if he is feeling like he needs to. Talk to him a lot though about how big boys get their own beds because they don't need mommy and daddy like babies do, etc.... He is probably feeling a bit insecure because of the new baby, and just needs a little extra attention. My 16 month old sleeps with us and I am 3 months pregnant. I do not plan on kicking my son out when the new one is born. I want him to feel welcome too.

We have used a baby gate to keep our 2 year old in her room. She now stays in her bed without a problem and we don't use it anymore except to keep the dog out because she doesn't like her door shut :)

If having him in bed isn't a huge issue right now, I'd say let him come in! It will help him bond with his sister and reassure him that he is loved and hasn't been 'forgotten' with this new little sister in the house. I would NEVER lock a child in their room. The 'self sooth' method is completely outdated. Loving and reassuring a child is what gives them the confidence to self sooth- not sticking them in a room to cry all alone. Good luck!:)

Give him lots of attention during the day, let him help out, keep a routine. When he comes in simply take him back without any positive or negative reinforcers. He wants attention- don't give it to him. Just keep taking him back. Might be hard for a few days but it will work. If you don't want your children sleeping in bed with you then surely don't let a toddler- they only will fight you more as they get older.

Hi Theresa,
If you don't go back to sleep anyway, does it really matter if your son is in the bed, too? But if it does (and I guess it does or you wouldn't have posted this request!), I can tell you what my Mum did with my brother. We had a little toddler table and she would fill a plastic bowl with cereal before she went to bed, and leave a little jug of milk on the table, with spoon. When my brother walked into our parents' room early in the morning she would tell him to go and have his breakfast, and in a very short while he would go and do it himself without disturbing my parents. That got them about another hour, because he'd watch Sesame Street and something else while he ate breakfast. Not saying it would work with anyone else, but then again, maybe it would.
This is just my opinion, but locking a child in his room seems really mean to me, and more of a fire hazard than a safety measure. My son's only 1 year old so I don't know about this stuff, yet, but I think I would try to explain to him that he had to be really quiet and not wake Mummy or Daddy, but that he could come into bed with us after a certain time (ie after the sun's up). Or, if he couldn't get in without waking us, I'd put a big cushion on the floor next to the bed for him to curl up on. Dr Sears in his Baby Book recommends something like this. It's not unusual for little children to need the comfort of Mum and Dad's presence when they first wake up.