FRUSTRATED Mom--(update) Another Mom on Mamapedia Pushed Me to the Limit

Hey if it makes you feel better I was "that kid". Kids picked on me, other parents picked on me, teachers even picked on me. I was a pain, I can see that now, but I had no control and I didn't know I needed to find control that was not inborn in my personality.

I changed my username back to my name so yeah, I called you that mom.

All four of my kids were born with ADHD as well, freaking bunch of amazing kids!! Two are adults, one is a teacher if that isn't a hoot! All because of logical discipline, structure, and medication to give them a chance of being normal.

It wasn't hard at all when my oldest was diagnosed. The doctor looked at me and said, well you have it too. Whoa!! back up the bus!! Then she explained it. So wait, I wasn't a bad kid, I wasn't trying to drive everyone nuts? I am just hard wired for no self control?

Hum

Then everything they did wrong, well why did I do that. Ohhhh, what would have made me stop? Ah ha! The biggest key is teaching them they can control themselves but it is a skill, not something they are born with. They are not bad for doing bad things but that they can control it is amazing.

My oldest two actually got it down so well they stopped taking their meds in fifth grade and still got straight As. They went back on meds in high school because they knew they needed the help. Like me, even as adults they take their meds when they need them.

It is a good thing, at least I see it as a good thing. I can't imagine being any different.
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Oh yeah, my point, the teacher, she is 23, graduated in four years with two majors and a minor, 3.8 average, she is the non hyper type ADHD. She has it, she can tell you how she was effected, she will tell you she needs Adderall at times, but even doctors, psychiatrists, will ask, are you sure. She will tell you, meds weren't necessary but they helped her be very successful.
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Oh wow, memories, Michelle P's response reminds me of the "positive" rewards. See like most kids with ADHD I couldn't keep it up much longer than the first month or so, so on good days my teacher sent home this green card. Construction paper, my mom has construction paper, not quite the right shade though... Mom, Mrs.....said to tell you she ran out of that construction paper and had to use a different color. It was Christmas before my mom knew how bad things had got.

I apologized of course, said it would never happen again, they of course allowed me to make up half the assignments I didn't want to do, I aced all the tests...half the homework! I still got an A I WIN!

Most kids with ADHD are pretty dang smart, keep that in mind. I could forge my father's handwriting so well by fourth grade he found a letter and went nuts trying to remember when he wrote it.

I really wasn't bad though, I just didn't want to admit I failed, again. So I made don't hide things from me, don't lie to me, the number one house rule.
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Oh, what meds are they discussing? We have been successful with stimulant meds. Lunch is out but with a big breakfast and dinner I hardly consider that is significant side effect.

Three of my kids are on Adderall, and myself. My third is on Vyvance because Adderall makes him angry, very angry. Still with meds, life is easy.
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Okay Momwithcamera made me laugh too. Huh, is my reboot. My brain doesn't like when you try to make it not finish a thought but it stores what you said. So I say, huh, finish my thought, look up while finding the information, and then answer you.

People at work have never seen that because on Adderall I can switch and go back. Love my meds.

Good for you for taking some control of the situation and getting him tested. I have been seriously considering it for my Son who just turned 7 as well. Everything that I have heard from other parents I don't like the side effects of medication so if his test comes back as him having ADHD I would be more interested in attempting to control it through his diet (eliminating sugars and stuff) once you talk to his ped you just have to go with your gut and make sure whatever you decide is in his best interest.

As far as the other mom it happens all the time. I have been on here for years and I every time I post there's always one that makes her point by being hurtful. I don't know what the CAPS telling started but it drives me nuts :) I just posted the other day about an anniversary dinner and what others would make their spouse - one woman responsed that staying home sounds non memorable and since it sounds like we are having money problems it doesn't mean I have to be so lame with my ideas.. She instead suggest I at least eat the dinner in the car in the garage to add some spice. Which made me laugh!

Just take those with a grain of salt. The Internet gives people "balls" they wouldn't normally have. They don't know you and only get some of the situation from the posts.

Good luck on Friday!!

I've seen the horrible consequences of children with ADD who are not helped. I've heard 5th graders say "I can't do anything right, I wish I was dead" These are the side effects of being unable to succeed in school due to ADD. So glad you are doing all you can to help your child.

No one is thrilled about medication. That said, realize that you need to do what is best for your child to be able to be HIS best.

My husband, who I have known since we were 13, has ADHD and as he has gotten older it has become worse. It is not something that goes away, they do not outgrow it. He is considered an adult with ADHD.

Your son will need to learn some techniques and strategies to get through things that other children do not even have to consider. My wonderful husband is so intelligent, he can look at anything and tell you how it works and why, but if you asked him to write it out, it would take him forever.. It is painful to have to just sit there and put so much concentration into his thoughts.

His parents would not allow him to even try medications, they even told him he did not need that crutch, if he would just work hard enough, he could over come this.. So as an adult he refuses to even consider them, even though, we have no idea how they may help or not.

Diet, exercise, techniques.. all take a lot of energy, energy that can be very difficult. for my husband to keep up..

So please go in with no preconceived ideas. Listen and consider with an open mind..

Give your son the best that is available. And never say never. It is a great burden to know you are not like everyone else and that Yes, your brain really is wired differently and it will take more time and energy to get through each day.

This is not bad news, instead it is more insight onto who your child is.

A couple of months ago my son too was diagnosed with Adhd, my husband and I are completely against medicating him what we are doing:

First I am working close, very close with his teacher, we communicate very often in a positive manner, she wants to help him too so it's easier. We have a weekly behavior report card that I made for her, and I boughts hundreds so stickers. He can get up to 25 stickers a week and there are rewards depending on how many stickers he gets.

Kids with ADHD usually respond better to incentives than to punishment or consequences, but he still gets consequences when needed or appropriate.

I send a bottle of Calm forte for kids, which I get at whole foods market, the teacher gives him some when he is too hyper or starting to get anxious.

Vitamins and fish oil capsules.

The most important thing we have been doing is a therapy called neurofeedback, I first looked for a doctor that would know about this and that would not push medicines for my son.

You will find all or almost everything about ADD and ADHD at the following website

Www.additudemag.com

I wish you the best in finding what works for your son and your whole family, this is a bumpy road!

"Taking Charge of ADHD" Russell Barkley
CHAAD

I'm just gonna send a hug, most have already given some great advice, but remember this isn't the end of the world. Two of my boys have it, sure things are a little more trying, but it's not an 'impossible' thing to work with.

Most kids do NOT have the side effects. They either do well on the med or they don't. If they do have a side effect you have to weigh out whether the med has enough of a positive effect to make it a good one to use.

We have been totally pleased with Ritalin. I can honestly say that we have no side effects and no issues. Well, I say that but he does have less of an appetite during the day and around bed time he's starving and needs to eat a full meal.

This is a side effect of the med and he has no choice about it. The med wears off, it does NOT stay in his system, so when it's gone he gets hungry and needs food, a solid meal.

When you go through the trials of trying meds it can get very frustrating from what I hear. Some kids have various side effects but most don't, the med just doesn't work.

I do suggest that you rely on the psychiatrist rather than the pediatrician because the psychiatrist truly does know what they're talking about. They are THE professionals when it comes to meds. The pediatrician is good at what they're qualified to do but please consider going to the psychiatrist for your meds and med check up.

We believe my husband has it, although he has never been diagnosed. He can go 90 mph and then fizz out with the drop of a feather.

I have watched him talk on two phones at one time and research things on the computer. He moves things from a to c, then c to b, then switch a over to b, before you know what happened and in the end, everything is done and in order.

He doesn't like meds so much. They often have very different effects on him. Liquid hydrocodone once made him stay awake for almost 3 days and clean the house, right after a surgery. Some milk thistle thing he was taking in a vitamin made him very agitated and I mean agitated.

He can draw people in and carry on like no one's business, in the mean while, he is fixing a problem and has a solution. When he is home, he often says, "huh" when spoken to, although two seconds later he is answering your question.

He drives me nuts and sometimes I think I am nuts, but I still love him. Exercise is always good for him.

Glad you found out what is going on.
Now you have a lead in on how to handle it although it might still take awhile to find out how to best manage it.
Whether you are against medication or not, if all else fails you try what ever you have to try in order to help your child even if that means medication.
View it as a last resort.

1. Use the search bar on the upper right of this page. Non medicinal approaches to ADHD have been repeated 2-3 times per week for years.
2. Relax. You're asking questions on a public website - you're going to get all kinds of suggestions and opinions. If that's too much for you to handle, stick to just asking your friends and doctors. But you're going to hear blunt opinions from all kinds of people here. Some will be off base, some will be spot on. You need to hear all of them, whether they're offensive or not, to get the answer you need (even if it isn't the one you want). Again, if that's too much for you to handle without getting hot under the collar, don't ask. But at least once a week, someone comes on here to throw a tantrum about how they were treated and nothing ever changes. Do you really want to be that woman?

I'm sure this is tough, and I applaud you for taking even tough comments to heart. I do wish some were kinder with their words, even when they are right, but I don't know that everyone is capable of that.

My two pieces of advice are:

A book called "Kids in the Syndrome Mix". Has lots of diagnoses besides ADHD, but love the descriptions of ADHD. Also has info on medications that is super easy to understand.

Also, when you meet with teachers, don't approach it with a "here's what you need to do" attitude (not implying that you would). Come to the meetings with a "how can we work together"...."what can we do at home that will help him here at school"....."we appreciate that you want what is best for him", etc. type attitude. This will go a long way with the teacher. Of course, you have to mean it!!

Good luck to you through this journey. You are not alone, there is tons of support out there.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't worry too much about whether or not your son displays the "H" part of ADD/ADHD. They are part and parcel of the same problem. You're seeing inattentiveness and impulse control issues, along with a tendency toward melodrama. Just because he's not racing around uncontrollably doesn't mean the diagnosis is wrong.

There are some kids (and adults) who do well with medication but you should be aware it can take a while to find the right one and to know that it's working. It's not an overnight thing. There are, of course, others who struggle with side effects, from personality changes to appetite issues and more. Some kids do alright for a while, and then they go through a growth spurt or a hormonal change (such as puberty) and things go haywire for a while. There's no way to know if those things are in your future.

There are many things that can be done other than pharmaceutical approaches. Many supplements can be used effectively, and with all of the very solid research on DHA over 10-15 years, there's a lot of hope. The new work on lunasin is outstanding and has been helping all kinds of people with various focus issues as well as immunity, inflammation and much more. A friend of mine is a kindergarten teacher, and did not want to medicate her son. He did phenomenally on an over-the-counter product and turned into a top student after years of struggling with behavioral problems and focus. He never needed medication - like you, she was opposed to it.

I see some recommendations in other posts about particular things like vitamins or having the teacher give a child something from the health food store. I have to caution you there. It's not a good idea to play "kitchen chemist" and start mixing/matching vitamins and herbs and that sort of thing. Just because something is "natural" does not mean it is safe! You have no idea where it's made or what quality the ingredients are. Health food store clerks don't necessarily know anything about the thousands of products they sell there - they are just motivated to make the sale. Even most vitamins carry warning labels particularly involving children. And 95% of the school districts will not allow a teacher to give a child anything at all - only the nurse can do that. And supplements can only be given with a doctor's order if it has any warning labels at all (even Flintstones vitamins have warning labels!). Teachers can (and should) be trained in emergency procedures (giving epi-pens and using a defibrillator - yes, my friend the teacher has sicker and sicker kids in her class, so she has to be trained in these areas - pretty sad state of affairs of our children's health).

However, I can tell you from my own experience that thousands of kids with all kinds of issues have been helped by natural and supplemental approaches, either alone or in conjunction with medications. Many are able to get off the meds altogether, working with the doctors, and others never need to start the meds. Looking to the research and to the formulations (and letting that be done by food scientists, not amateurs) is important. So is the manufacturing standards: does the company do its own or does it farm it out (often out of the country)? Are the ingredients on the GRAS List (Generally Recognized As Safe)? Does the company have the FDA's Good Manufacturing Practices designation showing the highest standards? Is there a government patent on the product (not just on one ingredient)? That shows that the product has been proven safe, effective and unique. If there's no risk of overdosing because the product's ingredients are metabolized as food and well-balanced, if it's not in pill form (pills are hard for some kids, and a low percentage is absorbed), and if it's easy to take and good tasting, with multiple benefits, you may find you can get extraordinary results with no medication. That's been my experience.

My suggestion is to take your son to a Pediatric Neurologist that specializes in ADHD, ADD, and other neurological disorders in that group. She would be able to treat your child, insist on frequent check-ups (no longer than 3 months between check ups), and know medications inside out. She would also be willing to work with your child's teachers, 504 team at school, pediatrician, and any other doctors.

If he's not actually hyper and has ADD, there are non-stimulants he could try but you really need to get a specialist on board.

Hugs. Congrats on getting the testing and getting a diagnosis. Now you can understand what you are contending with and what you might do. I too got a response on mamapedia which I didn't care for at first, but really changed my thinking on things and helped me grow.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I'm so sorry one of us was unkind to you. You certainly want to help your child, or you wouldn't have reached out to this website. I don't know a lot about ADHD, but I know that they can be trained to deal with their tendencies so that they act pretty normal. And medication isn't always necessary. Thank you for trying to help your child.

So, are you now thanking that mom for pushing you so?