Friends' House Drop Offs?

K.,
Try setting up a playdate in a neutral location, like a park, so that parents can get to know each other as well as the children. We find meeting after school pick up for a snack is a great way of making this happen. Another opportunity is to organize a weekend informal get-together at a park/playground for a larger group of children in the school. Good luck. A.

K.- You have every right to be protective- there's some scary people out there! It's hard in the military to get to know people, and build those trusting relationships. It's okay to say to the parents having the party "I would really feel more comfortable if I could attend with [insert daughter's name], so I would like to help out with supervision of the children at the party." More then likely, the other mom's will respect you being protective over their kids [especially if military mom's] or have kids w/ "issues". My 3.5 year old was allowed to go to her first birthday parties without supervision last week, but that is only because we know both parents very well- we've been friends for about 3 years. Even if the other mom does think you're weird. I wouldn't really care- at least I would know my child was safe. :) Hope my blunt advice helps!

L.
Mommy of 3.5 yr old Bridgette, 2 yr old Anya & 5 month old Leilani. We're stationed at Fort Meade until we get orders- whenever that is... lol!

i've had bd parties for my daughter and also gone over to other people's houses. i grew up in a family where noone knew what happened inside our 4 walls so i was extremely protective of my own daughter when the time came. after meeting the hubby of others i use my instincts tell me if there is any concern w him. i let those be the test. and i believe more that these instincts were on more times than not. i never left my daughter until she was 9 yr old but for 2 hours or less or i was there at bd parties and i met both mom/dad. i am in shock now that people down here where i now live in the country just drop their kids off (my daughter is now 11) to stay the nite. i would never do that w/o meeting always, establishing a friendship first where they have day time only, than working up to the nite time. on the other hand, i now open my house up for my daughter to have people come over despite their parent's lack of need to meet both my hubby and me. it makes me feel more safe knowing i have control of the situation.

K.,

I know what you mean. I too am a Military Wife/Mother. My daughter is going to be 9 in March. If you don't feel comfortable, then that's it. You say no. However, see if you can get together with the other couple(s) as families at their house, that way you get to see how the Dads act around their own kids & what the home environment is like. Believe me, I've said no a lot over the last 9 years! I don't know what area you are in but I can tell you, once you make a few good friends, they can fill you in about a lot of people. Get involved in the school too, esp. if they have a PTO, if you have the time. If you have time get involved in events like the book fair or volunteering on other stuff if you can. That's how you find out the low down on a lot of people. Luckily I am able to work out of my home so I am overly involved at school, everyone knows who I am & so what if they view us as overprotective, it's our kids!

Hope this helps, keep your chin up, stand up for what you believe, don't give in to pressure!

C. M
AF Wife (Retired now (1 year))
Hedgesville school district

I think you need to let go a little. I understand the need to "know" the parents but since your daughter isn't going to be spending weekends or weeks with these parents, I don't understand why you feel the need to keep your daughter from exploring her own social atmosphere. I think your need for control is inhibiting your daughter's chances to be social and learn to interact with other kids, and adults, without constantly looking over her shoulder to see if she's ok in your eyes and if you're approving of her. I'm not saying you should let her walk the streets on her own at the age of 5 but I think that you could let her spend an hour or two with these other moms and their children and ease yourself into the idea that your daughter is not going to be in your line of sight every waking moment and you have to let go. I think you are concealing your need for control and over-bearing attitude under the guise of "caring" when in fact, you're hindering your daughter from being social and learning to be around other people without your constant helicoptering.

I would just be up front with the other mothers and tell them exactly what you say in your note here: I am new to this area and am uncomfortable leaving my daughter until I get to know everyone a little better. Or, you could invite the mothers, kids AND fathers over for a get to know you gathering.

K.,
I can't think of any parent hosting a birthday party that wouldn't LOVE a little more adult supervision help. I have always stayed when my boys go to parties, and the other moms' seem to appreciate it. I offer to help with games, food, whatever. I have never been the only other mom hanging around. Same with playdates, I stay and the mom and I visit, or when we invite, I make sure the mom knows I would like her to stay and visit with me. If we become friends, and the boys stay friends, then I might consider him going over without me. But that is rare. You can't be too careful, and you shouldn't feel bad about doing the right thing. J.

HI K.,
I never, ever leave my kids with anyone that I do not totally know and trust! This includes all children in the household, the mom and the dad. 5 yrs old is too young to just leave without being there. We are military too so I know how hard it is to get to know people in a short space of time. Don't let anyone make you feel awkward about it because nobody is going to watch out for your kids like you do. Keep up the good work! I usually suggest meeting out somewhere like a park, swimming pool ect. That way, you can still visit with your friends and the kids can play while you are monitoring them.

Maybe you should suggest meeting outside the home somehwere. Perhaps, if you and another mother or two met at a local Barnes and Noble, McDonalds, Library, Playground, or Chuckie Cheese, then there would not be a problem for mothers to stay. Put out the suggestion so that it sounds like not only do you want your daughters to get together for a playdate but you would also like to talk with the mother as well. The mothers could enjoy a cup of coffee while the children play. I would rather do something like this, then it is only for an hour or two instead of entire afternoon.

K.,
We have a 4yr old girl, and since day one, most of our close friends gave us a nick name of "helmet parents" due that we both are very anal and very protective of our daughter - may it be with family and friends or her school.

Honestly, you are not the only one feeling over protective of your child. You have every reasons to be and never, ever be concern or worried of how the other parents would think of you. Bottom line here is that you are taking precautions for your daughter.

My suggestion would be that you have a one-on-one chat with the parent(s) of your daughter's friend. Get to know them and share with them your concerns and expectation. Until you do so, nobody would be able understand why you're doing things as such. If any of those parents are not understanding enough and in turn would treat things the negative way; then you know that they are simply not the "type" of parents that have similar values or someone that you can trust to protect your child in their hands.

On the same note, you have to have a mommy-and-me talk with your daughter to let her understand the consequences as well as your rational behind your action of being a protective parent(s). Let her pick her top 3 good/close friends that she'll like to invite them to come over to your house instead. That way, she knows that she can still have fun with her close friends and eventually create a bond with someone that you can trust.

Do not feel guilty about it. Just be glad and proud of yourself that you are still getting to know your new environment, and the people around you - it takes time. It's better safe than sorry.

I know it may be easy for me to share all these with you now; my husband and I will have to deal with this too - one day. However, since we've practiced what we preached since the day our daughter is ready for sleepover (at age 2yrs old!) we have open discussion with our daughter and explain things to her. It takes a while for her to understand and comprehend, but she seems to be able to understand our intention. So far, she is just content with the same group of kids(with age varies from 1yr - 11yr) that we all used to hangout together as a group - parents and kids all in one house. She often look forward to meeting these kids.

Something about me:
My husband and I works fulltime, been married almost 8yrs. Our daughter is the only child and she just turn 4yrs old, and is in pre-school. We spend alot of time together as a family as well as one-on-one. I'm asian, and we both have similar "military-household" background.

Good luck to you and welcome to Richmond!

- R. D.

We're military, too! And we never "grow up" with families the way other families have, either. So there isn't that trust. My son recently turned 5 and all but one of the parents stayed with their child for the party. We haven't done play dates but I would expect the parents to stay for that, too.
Really, I would just tell the parents that when your daughter comes you'd like to stay too! That's what I plan on doing! There are too many things that can go wrong and I wouldn't forgive myself if I had some small doubt (or large doubt) that I didn't listen to! When my son is older he can go places on his own. Right now, he doesn't know enough to handle situations on his own!

I also don't feel comfortable with my kids going to a friends house to play. My son is 5 and I just feel like it's too early unless it's someone I know from church. If friends want to have play dates, we invite the family over for game and dessert night so we can get to know them a little better.
I talked to a friend that has teenagers and she says before one of her children can go over to someone else's home, she calls the parents and talks about what is in their home. She is very bold but can communicate quickly what is acceptable with her,, i.e. Is there anyone in your home who smokes? Are there any violent video games? pornography? alcohol in the home? Will you be in the home? Will the TV be on?
I admired her for being honest and giving her kids the chance to play with others, but also setting up very clear expectations. I grew up living in the country so once school was over, we really never went over to people's houses. And when we did we were at least 7-8 yr old for birthday parties. We were not allowed on sleep overs, but people were always welcome to come to our home and sleep over. My mom felt the same way about not knowing the men in the household well enough to know what their standards are. When kids are playing, I also feel more comfortable if the door to were they are is always left open and they are not left alone in the house with a male member of the family.
I knew growing up that my friends thought my mom was strict, but I didn't really care and looking back, I'm so glad that she kept me from unwanted experiences and yet provided a safe atmosphere for us to play in.

WE are the same way. My daughter is 10.5 now and my son is 8.5. What we did was invite their friends over to our house for play dates. I also invited the Mom's to stay and have a snack and coffee so that I could get to know her. It worked out well and I got to know the parent enough to let my daughter go over their house. it took awhile though, it is not an overnight thing. We also taught our kids from a young age about the "touching", now a days you cannot be too sure. As for sleep overs, that did not happen until recently. WE allowed her friends to stay over, but she just recently slept over her friends house, it took us 3 years to be comfortable with the other girls family. My husband is a cop and I am a medic so we have seen the bad and in turn has caused us to become VERY over protective of our kids. I hope this helps.

oh K.,
i will be that mom staying over at my daughters' wedding night ;0
mine are just three but i have to tell you, there will be no parties without supervision even in their late teens. just the stories i read online about predators and what not, i would not risk it at all. yes, stay, and if you start getting the looks just make a joke about it; yes yes i know i am paranoid but i ain't leaving :)
it's not about being ready, scary stuff happens and as much we want our kids to have a normal childhood, that normal is non-existing at this day and age. after i moved to this country and got pregnant i started reading about pedophiles and people hurting kids, i got so scared i could barely breathe. i started idealizing my childhood and my home. how at 4 and up we used to be able to go out on our bikes and play with other kids for hours and hours at the time without parents and nothing bad would happen.
well, that has changed all over the world, it's not just here. we have two choices; take a chance or not take a chance and keep kids safe. guess which one i am signing up for. yup, you guessed it.
good luck and don't worry.

I know you stated that you are overprotective but you HAVE to allow your daughter some freedom. Yes she is only five but unless any of these moms/dads have given you reason to distrust them then I say go ahead and let her stay at their house for a couple of hours. My son is 2 1/2 and I realize he is too young to be left at a birthday party but many of my friends who have 4 and 5 year olds, without question, leave their kids to play at a birthday party. The question you should ask yourself, is do you want your daughter to be paranoid and as distrusting as yourself? Good luck :) Sorry I may have sounded harsh.

I am pretty strict about dropping off my kids. I have to get to know the parents. Since you don't feel comfortable with any dads, you can politely ask who will be there etc. If the Dad is at work - then that alleviates problems. I also invite a lot of kids over to our house. Hope that helps

How about having some Mommy/Daughter outings. That way you can get to know the Mom's better and by knowing them better you'll get a sense of their husbands too. I completely understand what you are going thru. I have gone thru the same thing. We mostly have friends over to our house and only after I know the Mom and mostly the Dad do I feel comfortable letting him go there. It sometimes amazes me how relaxed some Moms are about letting their kids come to my house since they don't really know me (but I think me being a teacher in my son's school also gives me some credit?).
Good luck!

If you trust the mom, I think it's reasonable to drop the child off for a playdate. If you're concerned, it's ok to make sure that the mom isn't planning on leaving the kids with the dad or with an older sibling. You can also ask things like whether they keep guns in the house.

K.,
My heart is with you and I understand. First it's wrong for anyone to say you're not letting your kids grow up because your concern with their saftey. Just because one mom's kids made it through life without ever having a problem doesn't mean everyone would. If you poll most women at some point at least one thing has happened in their life that they didn't feel comfortable telling their parents about.

1# I believe if your gut tells you to stay; do so. I would call the mother ahead and ask her if it's ok and how can you help out. If she wants to know why I would be honest in a way that expresses it's your concern and not accusing her family of anything. It's not only the father you have to worry about but curious things that can happen with other children who may have learned inappropiate things. Kids are curious with each other.

2# I have often invited moms and their families over for dinner to get to know everyone. It's not just touching issues but what do they let their kids watch on tv? (one mom let girls at a sleep over watch, 40 year old virgin; I am very open minded but I found this movie not right for 13 year old girls) Do they have guns not locked away? The list goes on and you can only know things from hanging around the family. Do they talk about adult subjects around the kids?

I find that mom's who are very protective are also protective with your kids.

3# No matter if you leave your child or not; you need to have the conversation about appropiate behavior because things don't just happen at other peoples houses; they happen at school, on the school bus and right in church. Keep the dialogue going often in a way that's not scaring them but so they know they can come to you with any concern. But most important I feel people don't tell kids what to do in a situation.

Lastly for anyone who is reading this. I think we don't teach our girls enough about self defense. It's the first step to not being a victim. It's not just little boys who should take various class but our young women need it. I think it's just as important as riding a bike. Better to know it and never need it.

My son just turned 6 and I still stay at his parties. If I don't know the parents too well and he knows only a few kids there I offer to help out right away and if the host says they don't need help, then I use the excuse that I don't know how he will act and might be uncomfortable not knowing a lot of kids. But most people understand and are totally fine with you staying. Very rarely will you be the only Mom staying and if you do stay you get to meet even more Mom's. We've also done playdates where I have to stick around (i.e. parks, playgrounds, the pool) that way there is no question of parents staying and you get to know the parenting styles of the other parents. We let him stay by himself with only a handful of people. He knows we trust him and we give him his independence in other ways. Go with your instinct. If you're not comfortable don't do it. It is possible to be overprotective but I don't think you are being so. Good luck.

Hi..My name is T..I just want you to know that I,a mother of 2 boys,feel the same way.My boys are now much older.However,I was the same way you are.
I never felt comfortable letting my boys just go over to anyone's house to play.If I didn't KNOW the parents.This day in age...you can not be too careful.
I wouldn't even let my boys play outside.Unless I was outside with them or there was a large group of kids outside and,that was just this past yr with my 11 yr old son.

I see parents in my neighborhood,letting kids at the age of 4 run around outside at the playground by themselves.
That is ridiculus!

People may think I am over protective.But my children understand and they don't have any problems with my rules.My oldest son is 15.He is happy staying home,playing video games and hanging out with his friends for now...But when he decides it is time to start hanging out with friends(outside the home).I will still want to know the child and his/her parensts before he goes out with them.

Sorry,if I got off your main topic...

As far as what age you should let your child stay at a party.It to me,would depend on how well you know the eprson having the party.I think 5 is still very young..I wouldn't have left my sons at a party that young unless I really knew someone there and they could keep an eye on them.
I would say age 8-10 would be a safer age to feel comfortable leaving them at a party.But that's just me.At that age they are a little more mature and also able to express to you if anything happened.

I hope this helps you feel better.
You are NOt over protective.

You love your child and want to keep her safe.We can't protect them from everything.But it is our responsiblity to do our best.

K., Don't worry about being overly protective at this age. I just think to myself, "do I want to take this risk with any thing happening to my daughter" and you will always answer no. We invite my daughter's friends to our house and she never went to any other house untill I was comfortable with the surroundings she would be in. I always asked if I could stay at the parties and volunteer to help. My daughter is now 8 and I let her go a little more often but I am still and will always be cautious when it comes to her safety. Never give that up and I will always say " Better safe than sorry because I can live with that".

Hi,
I can totally relate to what you are saying. But I found that once I let my daughters visit a friend for the first time without me being there, it got easier the next time she got invited somewhere. Plus, after they come home,all they want to do is tell their mommy everything they did on their visit. Also, the time away from your child gives you time to miss them which makes you love them even more when they get home. About the birthday parties. Some parents stay and some parents ask if it's okay if they drop their child off, Which is usually find with the parent throwing the party. It's not out of the ordinary if the parent stays at the party. But either way, I'm sure your child will have a great time...

K.,
I remember when my daughter started getting those invitations. ( and I grew up in a small county south of Richmond....literally my friends parents went to school with my parents....so when I suddenly realized that i "didn't know" the parents of my child's friends, I became anxious!!) Anyway, I did a few things to help. I became involved at school. At the time I was a single mother working full time, so it was difficult, but I managed. That way I met the children and a few of the parents. The birhday parties I always stayed, in order to participate and get to know everyone. I was never the only one! ( i stopped staying at the parties around second grade. ) The afternoon invites, as nervous as I was, if I had met the child or the parent and felt ok about them, I would let my daughter attend the playdate. If I had questionable feelings about the family, i would decline the invitation and counter by inviting the other mother AND her child to join us in some other activity. That way you get to know the mother AND you see the interaction between mom and child. I didn't let my daughter spend the night with a friend untill late 2nd grade. By then I had established relationships with several parents and felt comfortable. And it was not beyond me to ask around about new families!! I figure everyone has the ultimate goal of keeping our children safe! Lastly, I will tell you that you will come across a friend that you will determine is not a friendship you would like to nurture.....be it for whatever reason. I experienced this with a little friend of my daughter's. I just started to notice how manipulative the child was and then paid very close attention to the home life and decided that there would be no more playdates. I took the easy way out and just kept declining invitations and eventually they stopped. Later, without going into too much detail, I learned that my gut was right! I had a pediatrician tell me once "you're the Mom, always go with your gut." I live by that! Good Luck, she will be fine, so will you!
D.

Hi K.,
You are NOT the only over protective mother out here. My daughter is now 7 and she's never gone to a party without me or allowed to stay overnight at anyone's house. Just like the other moms stated, these are crazy times. Frankly, you can't even trust folks you sit in church with day after day, Sunday after Sunday, because they too are proving to be just as crazy. Look at that crazy youth choir director from Bishop Reid's church in Baltimore. You have to do what you feel is comfortable for your child. And if another parent thinks you are being over protective, then let them think that. This is about you and your peace of mind. When my daughter was 5, she was invited to join a sleep over party for one of her buddies at church. I said No. The parent ask why. I stood right there in the church and told them that it's because she's not ready for that and I'm not comfortable with her sleeping over. That was it--take it leave it!

You can invite other friends to come over because not everyone feel the same way. They might just be comfortable doing it. Some people look forward to getting rid of their kids :-) I don't. Hope this helps.

Hello..I have 7 children, and their ages vary, from 26 yrs. to 9 yrs. As a mother, you always want to protect your child when they are so young and innocent and that is justified and responcible. At 5 yrs., you do not want to have to explain to a child how cautious you have to be in todays world because of how crazy it can be. It is a fact of life that there are predators out there who will prey on anything that is weak, innocent and vunerable. I experienced my oldest son telling me 2 yrs. after the fact that he had been molested by a babysitters son. My son was angry because he felt that his parents did not protect him. Do what you have to do to protect your daughter Stay with her.

Are the dad's home when the play dates are happening? Most dad's never are. Since you are friends with the moms why don't you all have a playdate together and while the kids play for an hour or so, you and the mom can visit! You can create a win win situation if your daughter is upset with not being able to go to a friends home. What helps for me is on a school day my kids cannot have playdates...only on a Friday or Saturday. That doesn't mean they can't play outside or have play time...just not in a friends home. You have to follow your heart...and only you know if your overprotectiveness will someday hinder your own daughters progress or trust of others...but there is nothing wrong with being protective unless it becomes unhealthy. I don't think you should feel bad just create an atmosphere for success!

I, too, am a paranoid and overprotective mother - and proud of it. We have faced similar situations as the ones you described. As far as birthday parties to, I have started asking when I RSVP whether or not parents should stay. If they say no - I then weigh how well I know the parents and decide if my son can go or not. As you said, parties are not as much of a concern for me as drop-off playdates.

I just cannot get past the feeling that other parents are not as observant and protective as I am - maybe they are, but you can never know for sure. Actually, my 6-year-old kindergartener has only gone to a friends house once to play without either me or my husband - and, only for one hour. However, we are really involved with our church, so he plays with friends there alot.

Maybe you could invite your child's friend's entire family over for lunch or dinner. While the kids play, you could get to know both parents so that you feel comfortable. Or, you could suggest some playdates where you meet at a park...

Your daughter gets to see her friends at school, so she is not a complete recluse. Don't feel bad about being cautious with people you don't know. Just keep in mind that she will not be 5 forever and, at some point, you are going to have to let her go to a friend's house to play. I am talking to myself here, too!! Hang in there...

Hi, I am not a military family but I am alone 3 weeks out of every month with my husband only being home for 6 days at a time. Leaving the children in the house of someone else , is very difficult and each mile stone of a childs life presents more dilimas...I have a 18 yr old girl and made it so there is hope. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wantinng to stay at birthday parties, I wish more mom's would have. The case of letting your child go for playdates is another story. I would go over myself with my child for the first couple of times just to see how the family interacted, and what kind of supervision was around and so on...then trust my gut. I would also like to mention that dad's are not the only worries when it comes to leaving children there are mom's ,siblings, other kids, and friends of other mom's to question. This is your gift ,blessing from God and you know best!!!!

if you wantto stay then stay. i dont think anyone would think you rude or anything for staying at least at the age of 5. maybe when she gets to be 13 but until then i feel it could go the other way and feel as though a mom is using this as free babysitter. if anything tell the other adults IF they ask that you love and enjoy watching you child play and you wouldnt rather be elsewhere. this way they dont think you dont trust them with your daughter and you become the "snotty" mom. we know you are just being catious and care for your child and what you thik as far as your child goes is all that matters.

I would think that any parent throwing a birthday party would welcome any additional parental help. Just let the mom know when you RSVP that you are still uncomfortable with dropping off(as moms, we understand these kinds of things) and so you will be staying with your daughter and would love to help in any way while you're there. I think an extra pair of hands (and eyes) is always welcome in a group setting, especially when dealing with a group of children. This will also help the other moms feel at ease if they can't stay with their child. I feel so much better about knowing that an additional mom is there, and I can't always stay with my son (which is why we almost never go to birthday parties).
Also, on the other hand you can't be afraid to let your child grow up. If you know the mom and have spoken openly and frankly with your child about what's okay and what's not (appropriate touching, what they are allowed to watch on TV or play in video games) then it's okay to let them go to playdates and have fun with friends. My son, also in Kindergarten, is extremely social and wants to play at other people's houses every day. When he gets home, he as to account for everything he did. My neighbor once told me that her older son was watching sponge bob and the younger kids were playing in the same room, my son spoke up and said, "I'm not allowed to watch Sponge Bob" and the neighbor made her son move to a different room and that one was turned off. I have never been so proud!
A mom can handle watching 2 or 3 extra kids on her own, even if you don't know the dads... As long as the mom is there, she will know if one of the extra kids are missing, getting hurt, whatever... I know when I have someone else's kids over, I watch them much more carefully than my own children. I don't ever want to have to tell someone that I had to call 911 for their child. I want to hand the child back to the parent in perfect condition.

You need to let your daughter grow up. Let her have fun at the birthday parties. You don't need to stick around and watch her every move. Leave your cell phone number with the parents and go. Let her go over to her little friends houses. Just as long as you have met the child and the parents. They won't let anything happen to her. Again, leave a contact number. STOP being over protective! That is your problem, not you daughter's. You daughter won't have a fun childhood as long as you stop her from doing things that children do in order to grow up. They need to be around their friends, they need to have fun!! I've been there, done that! I have two children (now 22 & 24). They went to parties, they stayed at their friends houses. And believe it or not I have always considered myself over-protective, just ask them. They grew up to be wonderful young adults. No problems with the law, great personalities, hold great jobs and very social. I had a hard time letting go myself, but others kept telling me I had to start cutting the cord. It won't be easy, but you have to do it for yourself. Right now, if you want to stay at the parties, stay. But I think I'd stop when she around 8. Good luck!

A 5 year old is too young to leave at a party with other children that you really don't know, but she does. Afterall, if you do not know the parents, you do not know the kind of environment that you will be leaving her in. Always, meet the parents first so that you can get a feel of the environment that the child that she is visiting is lives in. That is your right as a parent. Your daughter can still have fun while you are sticking around just to make sure that she is ok. Mother's always live by emotions and gut feelings and there is nothing wrong with that. So, if you feel that sticking around at the party to keep an eye on your daughter or until you feel comfortable about leaving her, I would do that. Eventually, you'll be able to leave her at the parties, and play times without worrying about her too much. Hope this helps.

E

K.,
As an overprotective mom myself, I feel your pain. I never let my kids go over to friends without me unless I knew the parents. You could suggest having your daughter's friend come over with her mom for lunch or just playtime. That way you get to know the parents.
I was in the classroom a lot when they were little so I got to know everyone. That really helps! Luckily my kids kept the same friends for several years. I want to say they didn't go to houses where I didn't know the parents until maybe third grade. By then it is usually kids they know well and you can trust your child's judgement for the most part.
We all stayed at birthday parties for several years, mostly because we moms liked to socialize too. Just don't expect there to be extra mom food. We just stayed in the background unless needed.
Hope this helps,
Patty

I am also a paranoid, very protective mother but in this day and age it seems you cant trust anyone. I think that you need to do whatever makes you comfortable. Maybe even explain to the mothers that it is uncomfortable for you to just drop her off and that you would love to have mommy/child play dates. You can do a luch together where the mothers can visit and the children can play. If they think you are being 'weird' or 'overprotective' then they are probably not people you want having responsibility for your daughter anyway.

I have to agree with the other moms. I do not agree with letting my boys stay over their friends house. So many parents do it and think nothing of it and yet they are the same ones wondering how could something have happen to their child. We keep our kids close and make sure we keep them active in activties outside the home. As for birthday parties I would not leave your child alone at a party. I have been to too many parties were parents were there but did not pay any attention tho their child.. and their child is the one picking on other kids, climbing on things they shouldn't be or acting bad. SO even if your child is good that doesn't mean another child may not pick on them. Also you can still be at a party and not be involve with the child at the party. I just stand in a distance and watch over my kids. I still want them to play with their friends but I don't want them to be too far out of my sight. SO yes you are doing the right thing!!

Never do what you aren't comfortable with. You have a right to be concerned for the safety and well being of your child and you don't need to worry about offending someone or embarrasing yourself. Be confident that you are doing what's best for her right now by putting limits to her playing at someones house with out you. She might be upset at first but she will get over it. It's not a necessity in life. She is only five, and unless you truly know and trust the families and their children I would not let her be dropped off. I have 3 kids. An 8 year-old, a 7 year-old and a 5 year-old. My kids have gotten into bad situations when another parent I thought I could trust was not supervising them. Even my 8 year-old doesn't get dropped off at other people's houses unless I'm really close to the family. Bottom line, you may be more comfortable later in the year, next year, or never. You will know what's right for your family. But be brave to be different. Be proud that you are such a caring momma. Don't be ashamed that you want to protect your precious child. When you say no, don't regret it. And be creative on ways to say no. Like "I'm sorry, my daughter is just not ready to be dropped off alone. Perhaps I can stay and help you watch the kids and we can chit chat over coffe, if you don't mind" or "We can't today, but how about we invite your friends to meet us at the park or come over to our house for a tea party?" Good Luck. Hope it helps.

Hi,
There is nothing wrong with being paranoid about leaving your child. I think eventually, though, you may want to try leaving her for an hour or two with someone you feel a little connection with. Then you can stay for the first 15 minutes or so and show up early to pick her up and stay for another 15 minutes or so. Believe me, I know how you feel and that is what I do. I like to poke around the house a little and talk to the mom and let her play so I can see how the kids interact and what they will play with. Then I like to get there early and chat about what they did, etc. That way, you come across as very friendly and responsible parent. I hate for you to not let your daughter enjoy playdates. They can be really fun for kids and definitely part of their growing up (as much as we hate it!) Also, I find most dads to be at work so I wouldn't worry about the dads so much.
I don't know what advice you got about parties but I almost always stay. I like to make sure my son and daughter are ok and the moms/dads almost always need help passing out cake. Don't worry about others....worry only about yourself and your family. Who cares what they think!
Take care,
S.

First of all you are the momma. If you want to be paranoid then go ahead. I have put together a list of questions that I ask each parent before I drop off my child. I also put important information in my child's back pack and SHOW IT to the parent when I drop off. Lastly, I go online and check the sex offender list for the area. At first I felt bad for enforcing my pecularities on other people. Then people began to rely on me when they needed help stating, "we know how protective you are over your own child, we feel comfortable with you." Don't ever compromise yourself. Be objective and fair but mostly trust your intuition.