I don't know what's going on but several friends of mine have told me they are considering getting divorced. I don't know what to say! The issues vary from financial to social to anger management. The spouses don't seem interested in counselling...so that is leaving the women feeling stuck, abandoned and isolated. I don't know how to be there for my friends while they are facing such difficult times.
I'd love your suggestions.
Every case is different and there isn't one blanket answer, but in general, nobody really knows what goes on in a marriage except the people who are in it, so I would stick to just being supportive without wanting to know the details.
Remember that there are two sides to every story. If you respond with an opinion, be VERY careful. They get back together or a mind is changed, you look like the bad guy. I recommend counseling for themselves because you do not know how these women handling their marriage in actuality. Being married, I'm sure you know the dynamics within a relationship than one person's story.
Best,
Jen
My best friends listen to me. Just listen. Show compassion. Don't take sides. Be careful about giving advice even if they ask for it. And continue to do the everyday things that you've done with them up until now.
Say nothing...just listen.
Domestic disputes (in my mind, a lead up to divorce IS a domestic dispute even if it's not physical or just even irreconcilable differences) are tough because both sides are angry and a lot of the time they are not sure why. Saying anything that might take one side over the other is dangerous because for no particular reason both sides might defend each other to deal with a perceived threat from you before they go back to fighting each other. It's one of the reasons police responding to domestic dispute incidents consider them to be one of the the most dangerous encounters because there is no predicting how either side will respond. Other than to suggest counseling (and one side can go even if the other side does not), it's probably best to just say you hope they work it out to their satisfaction one way or the other and then change the subject.
You can remain neutral--just listen, don't take sides, and be a good friend. It really depends on how close you are to the person who is getting a divorce too. If one of your longtime girlfriends is getting divorced, you could show support by fixing a meal, offering to clean house or do laundry, or even watching her children if she has a court date or needs some "me" time. Sometimes a friend in this situation just needs a break from the pain and heartache of divorce. The daily grind can be become difficult at this time. It's good to have friends who can be a sounding board or care enough to help when asked:)
Take care,
M.
I recently struggled with this because my best friend told me she was filing for a divorce and I didn't really agree with it. I know that it is not my place to judge her or her decisions, but it was hard for me to support something I didn't agree with. Ultimately, it came down to me supporting my best friend, regardless of the situation. I did tell her that I don't agree with some of the choices she has made lately, but I am willing to do anything and everything that will make this easier for her and her daughter. She appreciated my honesty and the support.
Listen a lot. Be supportive. Help if you can. But keep in mind that they may NOT divorce in the end and never say anything really negative about the other party. Don't say anything to O. spouse that you wouldn't mind their partner hearing.....
