My son is 10 years old and has no friends. We live in a very small community and there is only 2 other boys in his class. He has tried to be friends with the other kids in his class but they just can not seem to get along. We are noticing that his behavior is getting more and more disruptive and he no longer cares about anything. I am wondering does anyone think that the lack of friendship in his life is causing some of this disruptive behavior?
We have the option to move him to a larger school where he would have a chance to interact with more kids his age and possibly build friendships. We are just not sure if this is the right choice. Could someone please give me some advice on what I can do to help my son??
Just wanted to add we have talked to both him and our 11 year old son and they both would like to go to the larger school. It is a discussion we have had with them quite often over the last year and a half and they both have consistantly said they want out of the small school. Just a little concerned that they will not like it once they get there...
C., I think that the lack of friends could be causing the problem. If the bigger school is an option I'd think about it. But first, is there a sports club they could join that would put them on a team with boys their age? That may be a happy medium. They could stay in the smaller school and be around more boys.
A bigger school might mean more potential friends and more ways to get involved: sports, clubs, hobbies, etc. I think he would be much more likely to find some kinds that have something in common with him there.
If he is already unhappy and not caring at 10, I would make the change now. The sooner, the better in my opinion. Especially if that is what they both want to try.
Whatever you decide, I would still try and find something for him to get involved in, whether it's a sport, book club, or even picking up a hobby like model airplanes. It really doesn't matter, but it sounds like he needs something that interests him to care about.
Best of luck!
Aren't there ANY after school classes? Any sports he can join? There are TONS of classes he can take...art, music, etc.
I say go for it, move to the bigger school. They are less likely to have the "big cliques" but several smaller groups where kids can find their way.
You have to encourage him to "join" something. Kids will NOT join on their own (told to me from a wonderful school counselor). It is your job to encourage this.
Your a good parent to make such a big move for your kids. They are only young once and this time will go by FAST, you won't regret making sacrifices.
Let them go to the larger school. It will take time to adjust, but obviously, if there are only two other boys in your 10-year-old's class and he isn't friends with them yet, it's not going to happen.
Give him the chance to start over before he gets too far into his tweens.
Best of luck!!!!
A. A.
www.wichita.citymommy.com
Sometimes small schools are not always better. My boys go to a small school and there is still a lot of bickering and bullying. Luckily, this year, some new kids moved in and they have made some new friends with some really good kids. My twins are in the fourth grade and really like their new buddies. I do too! They are good kids. Last year, they were so unhappy, that we almost changed schools. Listen to your kids. It sounds like they are ready for a change. Bigger schools can be scary to us as parents, but children need to go to school and feel secure and happy. I say, if the situation does not improve by the end of the year, make the change!
Maybe start by putting yourself in his shoes. Remember back when you were 10, and then ask yourself, would you rather be around 2 girls you could possibly be friends with or would you like a bigger choice of friends. It sounds to me like he may be a little lonely and it could be turning into his disruptive behavior just so he can have some kind of attention. I would talk to him and see if he would like to go to the bigger school.
We had a similar situation with our daughter - small school, small classes...she wasn't clicking with the few girls she had in her class. We waited it out several years, and finally moved her to a bigger school. She has done great ever since. She made friends right off the bat! Bigger school = more kids = more chance of finding kids he has things in common with and can make friends with. You could talk to your boys about it one more time to feel sure it's what they want, but it sounds like they would be happy to make the move.
Why not talk to the principal of the larger school and see if the boys can come and "audit" classes for a day and see how they like it. You know the grass is always greener...this would at least give them a chance to punch outside the box and make a more informed choice. If you do this, make sure the boys know this is their opportunity to talk to other kids to find out what other sports or extracurricular activities THEY are in and see if they are things the boys would be interested in.
We moved from a larger school to a smaller school bc we were having problems with the teaching staff...but if my kids wanted to go back and had a valid reason for wanting to do so I would listen to them. I grew up in a small town and was the "outsider" coming into a small private school...I can say the kids there made my life a living hell for many a year. I discussed it with my parents who couldn't believe or even fathom kids could be that cruel...so please, LISTEN to what your kids are telling you and at least give them some options. If they are that miserable, how much worse could transferring to the big school be? If you are worried about them not liking it once they get there then you need to set up the agreement BEFORE they transfer that they would have to stick it out for XXX amount of time NO MATTER WHAT. No exceptions. If after XXX amount of time they still want to transfer back to little school, then fine but they at least have to stick to your original agreement.
I also think friends especially at this age are very important, I also think a few good friends is better than a whole bunch of OK friends. Maybe you could try to meet a few Mom's from the "big" school to get ideas about after school activities, sports that kids from this school do and take your son - see if this helps him develop friendships with kids in this school before you make the switch. You also have to ask yourself if this is your problem or your sons. Sometimes we want our kids to be just like us ie., social/outgoing and sometimes they just will never be that way - he may be perfectly happy just having his brother to play with. ASK and ask again, but trying some new outlets to make friends is a great option! Good luck!
I don't think this is a decision for a 10 year old to make, it's a grown up decision. Of course he is waffling about what to do - he's only 10 and doesn't know what to do!
You obviously care very much about making the right choice and change is hard no matter what your age is...
Smaller schools are not always the oasis that people think they are. Larger schools usually have more choices. Have a think about it over the holidays. Good luck and keep us posted!
I moved from a small school where I knew everyone (but didn't have a lot of friends) to a big school where I didn't know anyone when I was 12 years old. The first few weeks were a bit tough, mostly because it was a big school and I didn't yet know my way around. But I quickly made friends, and it was great. And it was also easier to stay away from the people that didn't like me and would tease me at my old school. Make the switch!
At the bigger school, there were also a lot of different clubs, sports, and activities that were not available at the small school. I was able to get involved in color guard, which was awesome! I also was in a bunch of plays. It was a great way to meet new people and make friends interested in the same things I was.
Hi C.,
I agree with the larger school having more choices. I think that would be helpful to him. He would surely find someone to connect with if there were more children to choose from. He is obviously very selective in who he is friends with and that isn't a bad thing. If he is shy it might be beneficial to wait to move him with the beginning of the next school year, since all of the kids in his class would technically be new to each other and he wouldn't stand out as the new kid. Good luck!
I moved a lot when I was a kid and went to small schools and large schools. I got along well in all of them. The smaller ones everyone knows each other and sometimes can't be yourself because you are afraid that the whole town will know about whatever you do. In bigger schools you can blend in the crowd and usually don't know everyone so you can feel like everyone isn't going to know everything about your life.
My kids have also been to small schools in military life and now in a larger school district and have a lot more opportunities as far as college that are not always available in smaller schools. The smaller schools don't get as much money so usually have less programs available and usually don't have programs where you can earn 2 years of college for free or even take college level classes at a cheaper rate. My oldest son graduates this year and will have at least 20 college level credits from a university college when he graduates high school. He is also doing the A+ program where he can earn 2 years of college for free at a local community college. I don't know if he will use the A+ program because he wants to go for a 4 yr university degree but being in that program will probably earn him some scholarships.
If your kids are looking forward to going to a bigger school then they will probably do fine. Sometimes getting out of a small town that everyone knows you is a great change in life. As long as parents stay involved in their kids schools then no matter how big or small the school is the kids always do better when parents are involved.
If they are unhappy and telling you that they want to switch schools....what's the problem? If you want the situation to change then you have to change something.
Good Morning C., If both of the boys want to go to a larger school and you can do it. By All means do it!
Yea they may not like it to start with but they may blossom and really start to have more friends. Get involved in sports or what have you.
I would definitely give it a shot, the more kids the better chances of finding that One great friend to hang out with.
Small schools can be great in small towns etc.. but if there are only 2 other boys his age.. WOW Bummer!!
God Bless you C., hope & pray you have a wonderful Christmas Season.
K. Nana of 5
I know how cruel a small school can be I was the outsider from kindergarten all the way up to my junior year of highschool. Once the only friend I had moved I switched to a bigger school and made a few good friends. But There are still big cliques in any school and there will always be bullies but with a bigger school it could mean more friends to help back them up. also encourage them to check out new activities but do not force it upon them like some parents. Kids will be miserable if you make them join clubs or sports that you think they should be in but they do not happen to be interested in.
But I would talk to the principle at the new school and see if they can get a tour of the place so that their first day isn't as scary as it could be. Thus they also get to see what other kids are doing and see if that perks their interests up. By all means if they truly say they hate their school then it probably is a good idea to switch but I would wait till the next school year so that they are not lost on school work and they may not be the only new kids. best of luck
