Friend Who Is an Alcoholic...what Do I Do?

Updated on July 15, 2009
L.B. asks from Kansas City, MO
7 answers

I have a friend that is an alcoholic. Just in case, it will be he/she. This person lies about drinking and hids it. I don't understand addiction and so I have a hard time relating. I am always there for this person but not understanding this disease I can't get through. I have gone to AA for an open meeting but when it came time to speak up of being a new person and getting their coin he/she won't do it. I have taken this person to the doctor and etc. Their spouse is about done with it and it would be terrible to see them split up. This person is about ready to lose their job, spouse, home, etc but I can't get through and honestly I am getting exhausted! He/She says they want to quit and understands what they will lose but then I catch them drinking. Does anyone have suggestions? Additional programs?? Sponsor? I am located in the Northland.

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More Answers

J.B.

answers from Kansas City on

It's hard to watch a friend go through this. Being supportive and praying are the only things you can do. As much as they say they want to stop, they have to take the steps to do it. You can have an intervention and force them into rehab, but it's up to them to really do it. Maybe suggest counseling to get to the root of why the drinking happens. I know it's hard, but you are not responsible for them, as much as you love them. You have to let them do what they are going to do, and just be there for them. Good luck and God bless!

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

I think you can do a lot more through prayer. I grew up with an alcoholic father and my mother made the mistake of getting drawn into another relationship with a man that ended up making her life miserable. She spend 2 separate marriages of 16 years to each of these men. What a complete waste!

My grandmother also owned a bar. So I've seen more than my fair share of this stuff. They need to want help and you can't make that happen.

Put your friend on as many prayer lists as you can and update with those lists if any changes are made. Pray without ceasing. You might need to stand in the gap for this person for 20 years or more!

Suzi

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C.M.

answers from Kansas City on

If your friend really does want help, I can recommend the Addiction Recovery program through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You DO NOT have to be a member to participate in the program and it is totally free. The address all types of addictions not just alcoholism. I have known several people who have used this program and it works. You can visit the following link to find out more information about when and where they meet. http://www.providentliving.org/content/display/0,11666,66...

Hopefully your friend will find the motivation they need before it all falls apart. Good Luck and thank you for trying to help.

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A.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I would just butt out. You can't help an alcoholic who doesn't want to help him/herself. Let them know you will be there for them when they decide to get help, and then don't hang out with him/her. They need to understand there are consequences to their behavior, and you obviously will be tempted to intervene unless you just stay away. I hope s/he decides to get help.

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M.J.

answers from Kansas City on

You can contact Tri-County Mental health. They have an alcohol and drug prevention/intervention department. They can guide you and help you in any way you need. Good luck!!

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N.R.

answers from Kansas City on

Having "been there" as the alcoholic, let me tell you that this person won't sober up until he/she wants to. You can arrange an "intervention" with friends, family members, and anyone closed to this person who cares about them, just keep in mind it may or may not work. You can't "MAKE" someone do it if they don't want to right then. It's a very exhausting battle for those around them who care. Sometimes we have to truly hit our bottom, before we will even try to change. The bottom can be raised for some people so that they don't have to lose absolutely everything....it can't for others. Some people die before they get that second chance.

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K.C.

answers from Kansas City on

I am so sorry for you, my brother was a terrible alcoholic and I tried everything to help him quit drinking, even moved him into my home. Nothing would stop the drinking. An AA sponsor told me he had to decide on his own to quit, no one could change him but himself.
I walked away and didn't look back, it was very hard but losing me did make him stop for quite awhile, tough love helped but not enough.
He died last year from cirrhosis and in my heart I know I did all I could to help him
Good luck to you and I think you have to give up to make the person want you back.
God Bless
K.

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