I have a friend who is in her early 20's (Jen) and is "best friends" with someone in their mid 30s (Misty). They do not have anything in common except that they work together. Initially, Jen enjoyed spending time with Misty but then things became weird. The problem is Misty is not one to react in a normal way. She blows everything out of proportion, has a strong personality, and can be aggressive. I think Misty is just insecure and uses this cover to compensate. She is not a bad person but Jen just doesn't seem like they are on the same page. Jen has been avoiding her because she is afraid of how she will react to her being honest.
I know Misty will have hurt feelings, but I would want someone to be honest to me. That being said how do you tell someone that you don't want to be friends anymore without really hurting someone you will still see on a daily basis. (I am asking for Jen-I will not be getting involved at all :))
Let Jen deal with this herself.
The only thing worse than two people not knowing how to handle things is a third person getting involved and trying to figure it out for them.
No offense intended.
I strongly believe that because they work together your friend needs to not be so honest. She can just gradually distance herself. By acting not interested and by avoiding her Misty will gradually lose interest herself.
I also suggest that just by spending less time with her, Jen may discover that she does enjoy spending some time with Misty. Perhaps this is an opportunity for Jen to learn more about her boundaries and how to enforce them so that Misty and others like her don't overwhelm her.
If Jen chooses to be "honest" and tell Misty that she doesn't want to be friends she will be hurting her feelings and be making life at work more difficult. You said that Misty blows everything out of proportion. Openly rejecting her as a friend will likely bring on the drama. This will not be good for Jen's job.
I used to be straight forward and it caused hurt feelings even though I tried to be nice. I have distanced myself from a nieghbor who I once considered a friend. I was worried how she would react because of her history.
She lied about me to a few people, but basically just waves at me when I pass her as if nothing is wrong. I worried for nothing.
I've found that some people are so self-involved that even when you distance yourself it never occurs to them that your involvement is missing.
On the issue that you'd want someone to be honest about something like this, I think that's a debatable idea. I mean, the main reason that you might want to be honest about something like this is because you expect the person to come to some realization about their questionable behaviour that you think they should change. If Jen decided to tell her the truth, should Misty be trying to do something with the knowledge that Jen doesn't like her zest for life and her rambunctious personality? Maybe not.
You just distance yourself. Without knowing what the issues are or what Misty said/did/does frequently..., Jen can politely tell her that what Misty did hurt her feelings or made her feel uncomfortable, and that while Jen still thinks misty is a great person, she just needs some time to veg out and regroup. If problems at the office arise, Jen could go to HR if Misty harasses her. But, hopefully, if Jen still remains friendly and cordial at work then she can avoid the whole weird talk and just tell Misty that she is just tired and feeling unsocial. but even if they do talk, Jen can still avoid her, but still be friendly and professional when they see each other at work.
Well I don't think there is a pc enough approach on the planet to tell someone you don't really want to be around them without hurting their feelings. If it were me, I would just probably take the path of least resistance as they are in an office setting. A "break up" in an office is super uncomfortable, so in this scenrio I would personally down play it. Be busy a lot, decline lunch invites, etc. You don't owe anybody an explanation when you don't want to spend as much time together. If Misty wants to know bad enough she will ask and maybe be open to hearing what is up, but likely she will just pick someone else to be her abrasive self with until they can't take it. If she does bring it up, if it were me, I would just tell her as nicely as possible but truthfully, what was bothering me and see what happened. Hope it all goes smooth, I know things can get really uncomfortable around the water cooler! Boy, I am glad I am not in an office anymore with a bunch of women, MEOW!!!!
Well, my suggestion appears to be one of a few others who've already shared. Since they have to work together Jen should just be more and more 'unavailable' to outside the office activities and share less and less about her personal life. If she were to come out and tell her why, working together would be unbearable and cause more problems for her and co-workers.
People just grow apart naturally and this is how it needs to look to everyone.
