Friend Just Had Her Son at 29 Weeks-need Been There Done That Advice

Do the same thing you would for a full term baby i had two premies that are now posties. If baby is still in hospital, go clean her house,yard,take food that can be frozen for later( label and date)visit her.

Once she is released from the hospital, offer to drive her to the hospital to visit the baby. I could not drive for a week or so after my baby was born (and she was in the NICU).
S.

I have not been there and done that, but I would think anything that helps her spend time with her baby would be a help. Offer to catch up her laundry, maybe? (Better-- show up with a container of whatever her laundry soap is and just tell her you are doing it.. if you "offer" folks sometimes decline b/c they feel weird about it). Or pretend you are a maid service.. and come over and vacuum/sweep/mop her floors and clean up her bathrooms one day.
I think offering to drive her and come and sit with them would be helpful too. Or perhaps, if she doesn't have a lot of family around, offer to come sit with her baby when she needs a break so that "someone" is there. (I don't know if the hospital will allow it, so you'd have to check first). Does she have any pets? Maybe offer to pet sit at your house for a little bit, so she has less to deal with at home?
Another idea... put together a "goodie" basket for your friend to give to her baby's nurses. I'm sure she would like to express her thanks for their care and concern, but she is a little busy right now... Or you could just take it up there on her behalf.
Maybe a journal for her to write thoughts in during her baby's time in the NICU. Does she have someone to photograph her and her baby at the hospital? As long as you are careful about the flash, I think you can do that. I have a friend who's grandchild never was released from NICU, but they have a beautiful photo of her on their wall along with all the other grandchildren.
If she has other children, offer to keep them for the day (or several days). Feed them, bathe them, play with them, read to them, take them shopping for something for mom and their new baby...
Bless you for being there for them. Am sending prayers for the family.

Good Morning,

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Dear friend of a new Mom:
Please let her know to keep faith. God creates miracles but it takes personal power to create hope. Having hope is a choice and although this may be a wonderful yet scarey time, she can't loose touch with her amazing ability to choose her strength. Everything we need we have within us. I had a dear friend that had her baby at 25 weeks. Her little girl's weight dropped all the way to 1.5lbs. She kept her faith and stayed strong...with the help of friends. Her little girl is now a powerful 7 year old. She has no physical or mental challenges due to her difficult entrance into the world. God will give each us what we need in our life. Sometimes the challenges can be an incredible lesson. Through all of this God is shaping her because he is giving her the opportunity to make courageous choices for being. I have her in my prayers.
S. - Courageous Coaching for Women

I had my twins at 33 weeks, and they had to stay in the NICU after I was released from the hospital. It was terrible having to be separated from your new children. Plus, I couldnt drive because of my C-section. You may want to offer to drive her around if she needs it. Also, what other posters said about offering to clean, do laundry or housework would be helpful. When the baby comes home, offer to watch the baby so she can catch up on sleep or take naps. It's very kind of you to help out!

Hello.

I had my daughter at 29 weeks. She was smaller, weighing in at only 1 pound and 2 ounces.

What your friend is going through is a very serious ordeal and her little boy is going to need some time in the NICU. How much time depends on his condition and any complications he has, but I'd guess about 3 months before he comes home. You friend will experience all sorts of emotions, most of which she won't understand herself. If she is religious, as you are, she might find comfort in that. As for what you can do - be strong for her. She is going to try to be strong, but it is all so heartbreaking to deal with, that she will need others to lean on. Also, she will be driving back and forth to the hospital allot. When I was in that stage, cleaning my house was not a priority - not when I could be sitting at my daughter's bedside. So my Mom and a friend would often come over and clean, it was a big help. Also, try to remember that it isn't "over" when her little boy comes home. Sometimes that can be even more stressful, because it means his care is in Mom's hands and not his doctors. Usually babies this early come home with special needs and medical gear. I'm sure your friend will do wonderfully - if she takes it one day at a time. As a last note, her son may need her full time care when he comes home. If she is in a position to consider being a stay at home now, she should begin working it out - just in case. My daughter's doctors told me there was no choice - I had to stay home with her, although I was going to anyway.

God Bless you all.

Hi, I had my little girl at 26 weeks and the one thing that I remember is no one would acknowledge I had a baby-no congrats or anything. It was like everyone was afraid she wouldnt make it so if no one acknowleded her it wouldnt hurt as bad. Well you know what I had faith and my 2 pound baby is 4 yrs old. I find that the biggest help was people to come and see me and to see her. I was about an hour away from all my friend so I didnt have many visitors. I had to stay at the Ronald McDonald house which I am greatful for but I did get lonely as the only place I went was to my room or the hospital. I was really scared when I first came home from the hospital with her as I also had a 2yr old so I think if I would have a friend stay with me for a few days it waould have been nice. My daughter did have a colostomy so it took alot of time and my 2 yr old in someways got pushed aside. She no longer had a colostomy and is perfectly healthy. Tell your friend to keep the faith and have confidence in Gods will. S.

My son was born at 32 weeks so not quite as critical as your friend but having meals would be wonderful for her and her family. And even thing she can pack for lunch. I used to spend the day at the hospital with my son (so having a lunch packed would be very helpful so she doesn't have to buy hospital food), come home have dinner and then go back for the evening feeding and bath. Ride to the hospital if she needs it. I had a c-section so I had to have someone take me everyday and the times that I didn't have someone to take me were terrible. Also, if she can pump breastmilk for him for when he's ready to eat that would be fantastic. It takes dedication to pump till they are ready to eat so being supportive on that front is always helpful. Gerber breastmilk storage bags are a wonderful gift for that. And if she wants to breastfeed she does not have to give up on that. I pumped for 12 weeks before my son learned how to feed. If she has any questions about that just send me a message! I felt like it was the one thing I could do for my son!

if you knit or sew, make her some little baby clothes! my son was also a 29 week preemie and it was so hard to find clothes to fit him...I even needed to use doll clothes! Especially socks to keep his little feet warm in the NICU.

As for supporting your friend, how about making some meals for her, driving her to the hospital, or caring for her other children if she has any? My hardest problem was getting to the hospital and also getting someone to watch my 2 yo daughter, who was not allowed into the NICU. And I was exhausted, physically and emotionally, from pumping my breastmilk, driving to ICU to have the baby tube-fed, then trying to come home and cook for my family.

Emotional support is also a big help...just being there to listen. These little ones take one step forward and 2 steps back....progress is very slow, and emotionally wrenching especially with all the usual post-partum hormonal mood swings coupled with the lack of a "normal" parenting experience....for example not having a baby at home and looking at an empty nursery. It is hard to see all those mommies with full-term, healthy infants bouncing on their knees, while our little ones are fighting for their very lives on a daily basis. So just be there to listen!!

Hello! I was wondering how your friend and her little baby boy was doing. I had twin boys at 24 weeks, 1 lb 10 and 1 lb 13.
You have had tons of advice. I was stuck in Biloxi and was completey un-prepared for what all was in store. I also felt completely alone. I was grateful for anyone that would drive to visit. Thank God for my parents, because they watched my 4 year old at the time. It was hard for me to find preemie clothes also. Has she had a babyshower? Please let me know how she is doing. I know I did not give much advice, I did not want to repeat what was already said. If there is anything I can do for her please let me know.God Bless!

I would say if she has other kids, to help her out with them. She might be spending alot of time at the hospital with the new baby. My twins were born at 31w5d and I spent alot of time in the NICU with them. My husband was able to be home with my 2 year old son at the time so I could see them. Also you could always make her some meals as I am sure cooking will be the last thing from her mind right now.
I hope that helps.

I actually gave birth to triplets at 30 weeks and 1 day..They weighed 2.9,2.10 & 3.1..It is very scary...2 of mine where in the NICU for 6 weeks and the last came home at 6 weeks and 5 days..I don't know where she lives but I lived in NY at the time..It is very difficult because you feel like it was your fault..Like you did something wrong...I had to go to the hospital everyday..Tell her they have amazing technology now....medicines and such...Mine just turned 4 1/2..They are all healthy and great...Just be there for her..

Anything in the form of support. Designate one person to be the organizer so that she is not overwhelmed by too many people at too many times. Maybe you can get a couple friends together to provide meals for her and the family for a week or longer depending on the size of the group. This takes that extra time from her so she can devote visiting her newborn. Organize a prayer group to go and pray for her so she knows that more than one is routing for her babies strength and growth and that you all believe the baby will make it. Offer to grocery shop,babysit of she has any other children or clean the house.
Don't overwhelm but support her in everyway you think would be helpful. I think it would be nice to help shoulder some of her responsibilities until she regains some normalcy.

My brother had a baby in July at 30 weeks. I don't have much advice, but maybe some encouragement.

My nephew is now five and a half months old. He spend six weeks in the NICU and was out and home with them a month before he was due. He's thriving and now weighs around 16 lbs. after being born at 3lbs. 13 oz.

It's tough, but nowadays, medicine can perform miracles.

Keep praying and believe in the wonderful care he is receiving from the nursing staff, my sister in law gave birth to her son early, weighing in at 4lbs. He is now 2 months as of yesterday and weighs in at 8lbs. The parents will need your support and prayers. G.

There is a lot of wonderful advice below- not much I can add except if you can find a way to be able to visit the child with her, please do--It ment much to me to have my pastor come by with my husband to see the baby-do you or your husband have a pastoral role in her life (small group leader, Sunday school teacher, or similar)? You may be able to see the baby with her or her husband if you do.

My son was born at 27 weeks and was 2 lbs 5 oz. He's a fabulous little 4 year old now and is doing great.

Most of the answers were great, so I just have a bit to add. Help her get to the hospital and/or watch her other kids so she can be at the hospital is definitely a big thing.

If you can spend time with her while she's there, it would give her someone to talk things out with and reason out what is going on, especially if you can be there when the doctors do their rounds. Having someone else hear what is going on, what will be done and the progress helped me as their were times I couldn't remember everything they said because I was too focused on one part of the conversation. I ended up having to log things in a journal , so I could go back to it and digest what was going on. I also ended up going to the bookstore a lot to look things up on what the doctors meant and/or the risks/effects of what they were going to do (you could do this for her, so she can stay with the baby).

When making her meals, make them so their easy to heat up in the microwave. Also, if you could make her meals she can take on the go, that would be helpful so she can eat while in the car to the hospital or on the way home. Complete balanced meals are best as she still needs to recover from delivery, make milk for the baby, and stay healthy.

Definitely, cleaning, laundry, getting the room completely ready (we didn't since we thought we still had time) are also very helpful. And certainly just being there for her.

Maybe giving her a print out of our responses, thoughts, prayers and signs of hope will also be good for her to see that there are other "mamas" out here who have been there and we are all rooting for her and her baby. I didn't know anyone who had gone through what I was going through, so I felt alone, I wish I knew about this website then. We'll all help answer any questions she comes up with.

My daughter was born 4-6 wks premature.
Not nearly as dramatic as what your friend is going through. She weighed about 5lbs and lost a bit after birth. She also had jaundice and was diagnosed with SIDS "Sudden infant death syndrome". We had to learn infant CPR, and have her on a heart monitor at all times.
It was scarey, she was so small and fragile. But we got through it all. When they said she could go without the heart monitor I was scared to let them take it away. But I had to trust in God that she would make it. She did and now she is a happy,active,healthy 22 year old!

Just give lots & lots of love, and pray alot.
Good things can happen :)

Hi there! Although not born quite that early, both my children were preemies, as well. You didnt happen to mention if your friend is married or not, but in any case, I would think that the best thing you could do for her, is to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on when she needs it, and to just be there for her. She will surely be spending lots of time in the newborn intensive care unit, so Im sure she'd appreciate if you could help her out with household chores (cooking/cleaning), watching any other children she might have; or even joining her in the NICU, if the hospital will allow it. If she doesnt already have all the baby supplies/furniture, you and other friends might wanna help out by getting those things for her as well. Another thing you might want to do, is locate an infant CPR class for her, and possibly join her in taking that class.(Its not a bad thing to learn regardless, ya never know when it might come in handy.)

This is all I can think of off the top of my head right now, but if you have any other questions, please dont hesitate to drop me a note.

The Lord bless you and keep you always.

T. B.

i haven't been there, but what happened does pull at my heart. i will pray for her, the baby and family.
i used to be with mary kay cosmetics. when ever something like this, or similar happened, the consultants would send a notecard to the person in need. you know your friend, if you think that she would appriciate, or be comforted by reciving a card in the mail, saying that some one out there is praying, (this is just from me, not every one in MK) let me know. i would be happy to send the card.

The only thing your friend needs right now is prayers and support from family and friends. My daughter was born at 26 weeks and she weighed 1lb 9 1/2 oz. My husband and I never for one minute lost faith that she would be alright. And the Special Care Ward (where she stayed for 4 months until she gained sufficient weight) at the hospital here in the Bahamas was just amazing. Today my princess is 13 years old. She's gorgeous, does gymnastics, she's a long distance runner and is excellent in school. Prayers work. I never wanted people to feel sorry for me because she's a blessing. Just be there for her, that's all she needs.

HI LP,
The only experience I have with this is when I was 13 years old and my aunt gave birth to twins very early. The surviving twin weighed 2 lbs 10 oz, and was in the hospital a while. I remember she wore my cabbage patch doll's clothes for a while until she grew in to the preemie clothes, (even preemie clothes were too small for her!)
I also remember going to stay at my aunts house for a week to help take care of the house and her first born son who was a toddler at the time.
Is your friend able to pump her breast milk and feed it to the baby? Or even breast feed? I have read stories that helps them to thrive better, while they're so tiny.
We will pray for her. I hope all goes well! Take care!
V.

God bless sweetheart...my heart aches for you but prays for some resolve. We are not alone...we share sorrows and joys...