Four Year Old Cries When I Leave His Room at Night.

Hi T., I have a 4 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl, they also share a room, but my 4 yr old wants to sleep in bed with my husband and I. Every night he cries when we put him to bed. But now what I do is leave the t.v. on for him and he will watch it until he falls asleep. I don't know if this will help you out or if maybe you don't want them watching t.v. at that time but it works for me. I understand how frustrated you feel with this issue, I sometimes feel like that too.Hope this can help you in some way. Aracely

My daughter did the same thing for a brief period. My husband and I took her to the store and let her pick out her very own sheets and blankets for her bed. Then when it was bed time, I did like the prev. posted and explained the momma had some other things to do and I will be back to check on her in 5-10 minutes. I also made a reward chart..everytime she did this without cring she would get a sticker and if she went all week she would get a small reward. She was BIG into hotwheels so I bought 4 hotwheels and tacked them to the wall up above her door so she coulds see them but not get them untill she filled her chart for the week. then she would get one....to my surprise the can see but not touch thing worked great for potty training my other daughter too :) My friend thought it sounded mean but it worked really quick. I think the main thing that did the trick was the coming back in 5 minutes to check on him, then I would come back alittle later every night. She is 8 now and still says come check on me before you go to bed, but she is always asleep when I go to check on her :) Good luck!

I'm sorry you are having this problem and I feel your pain! I went back to work and my 4.5 yr old has been wanting me to sleep with her. At first, guilt overtook me. I would lie down and inevitably fall asleep and eventually wander to my own room in the middle of the night. Not great. This also led to her coming into our room in the middle of the night. Not cool in my book. I can't sleep with that going on. I eventually started saying I have to do my chores (or in your case, get your sibling to bed) and I'll be busy for a little while but I will check on her before I go to bed. She always asks if I'll lie down with her if she is still awake. I always say yes but have yet to find her awake. She isn't hysterical and that would be much harder but I know how this is tough AND it pulls at your heart strings. I hope you get it worked out soon. Hang in there!

Hi, I have a suggestion for you. Do you have a tape or CD player for their room. I play music for my girls and that helps. I call it "your music" I also have a 13 inch TV w/ DVD and I set a timer sometimes. I hope this would be a help.
Take care,
T. F.

I don't know how verbal your son is but at 4 kids can usually rationalize and understand logic pretty well. Have you tried explaining why you need him to sleep and figuring out what his fear is (does he maybe worry you will go away like big sis during the day at school?). Try to assure him his fears won't come true and that you'll check on him like other moms suggest? good luck!

Ok, this is something I that was on the nanny 911.This mom had the same issue you are having. What they did was made his room some where he wanted to be for bed. They got some very dim lights that plugged into the wall (like christmas lights) these peticular lights, were soccer balls. That was this little boys favorite thing. They laid them over his head board or you could lay them on a table what ever you have near his bed. She then read him one book and kissed him goodnight and told him she would be back in a couple of minutes to check on him. I thought this was a really good idea because she completely involved the child in picking out his lights and made a big deal about it all day. So when it was time to go to bed the child was really excited. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter that I am having the same sort of issue with except she is an only child. I got her a small fish tank that has a light in the top, we feed her fish,read a book and then it is lights out. This works some nights but not all. Good luck!!

T.,
I've had two like that! My oldest just turned 11 and my youngest is 5. They both like knowing I check on them before I go to bed and on those (for whatever reason) particularly difficult nights, I do go back in in 10-15 mins (it takes her longer to settle in and go to sleep than 5-10)and it seems to help. Also, another alternative to the television is lullaby or any calming music. It gives them something to listen to without being actively involved. No matter how tired mine are, if they're watching tv, movies, etc, they try extra hard to keep their eyes open. So, with music, they can still hear it, but it's ok to close their eyes ~ they aren't "missing" anything.
One thing to remember though...every night Brandon succeeds in getting you to stay in his room is going to make it that much more difficult to get him to bed peacefully. Since he's been successful thus far, maybe you could talk to him about whatever bedtime routine/rules you decide to implement. I'd talk about it in the morning, then small reminders and confidence builders during the day so he's more prepared that first night.
I know (we all know)it's heartbreaking to hear our children cry, but sometimes we just have to let them work through it with less and less help from us. When Brandon learns he can calm himself and go to bed alone, he will feel more confident about himself!
Sorry this was so long ~ for me, parenting has never been a quick & easy reply.
Good luck & sweet dreams!
S.
P.S. I just read what Stephanie said and YES a promise for morning snuggles with Mommy and/or Daddy are a GREAT reward!!! At least it helped with us too. ;o)

Hi T.,
I went through the same situation w/my 4 yr old son. My two boys have been sleeping w/ me and my husband in our room since they were born. We recently bought a bunk bed that my son picked out...the first night he slept w/his cousin and had no problems. After a few nights alone he wanted me or my husband to watch him fall asleep. I too have another child that i
needed to put to bed...so i spoke with
my 4 yr old calmly and gave him a choice,( so that he could feel that he made a grown up decision all by himself) 1. he could sleep in the living room on the couch all by himself 2. or sleep in his big boy bed that we bought / he went for the second choice. Also, to make him not cry about it, i let him know that when he wakes up in the morning he can come a sleep w/ Mommy on my bed. He said OK :) it has been working so far. Good luck.

My son has also gone through lots of changes this past year and at times experiences insecurity. I do sleep with him until he falls asleep. I notice that if he has had a long nap during the day I have a hard time getting him to sleep. So I try to either make sure he doesn't take long naps and or I try to tire him out at night. Sometimes I even sing to him a special song and this always calms him.

Of course you can't spend all your time with one child. So maybe, you might try getting both to sleep at the same time. Try sleeping them together in the same bed if the 4 year olds bed is big enough, then when both are fast alseep you can pick the younger one up and take him to his own bed.

I don't really have any idvice to give you other than just let him stay up and fall asleep on the couch! Okay - that could be bad mommy idvice but that's what I started doing! I really wanted to say that I have 3 kids the EXACT same ages as yours (5, 4, & 2) and my oldest is a girl and 2 youngest are boys. My oldest just started kindergarten also. I just thought it was funny that we had something in common.

Take care and good luch!

I don't unfortunately have advice. Just want to commiserate. My 5 year old AND 2 1/2 year old have been sleeping in our bed with my husband and I and 2 cats (it is fortunately a cal king) But I am going out of my mind! My husband seems (as do both the girls) to sleep through everything (snoring, kicking) but I am at my wits end! I cannot get any sleep with this crazy setup! This started about a MONTH ago!! We moved and then they were scared in their own bed when Daddy was away in California...now they won't go back to their own room! If you do get any good advice will you let me know??!! PLEASE?!

A.

Hello T.

For as long as I can remember, since my oldest was about 6 months old, we have had a bed time rutine. After dinner we take a bath get jammas on brush our teeth, pick out a book read then it is bed time. Daryl my oldest is 4 and Charles is 3. They both ask when I get home from work what are we doin next I'll explain what is goin to happen up till dinner then they plan out the rest of the night. That has been very helpful. We also play classical music, I've been doing that since I was pregnant with Daryl, I think that helps them sleep too because it blocks out the sounds of the TV in the living room or what ever other noises are goin on in the house. We give lots of huggs and kisses. Latley my youngest has said there were ghosts so I told him that spiderman would not let the ghosts get to him and besides the ghosts were nice. I always assure him I'm right down the hall in the living room on in my room.

I hope this helps.
C.

When we travelled this past July, my son had a great deal of difficulty settling into his new room. Although it can be time consuming, and may not be any better than what you've already tried, I would sit in the room with him but not lay down with him. This was especially helpful if he was hysterical (not just fussing). I would sit where he could see me but in such a way that he could not see my face (that seems to keep him engaged). By doing this, he was able to finally settle himself down without requiring much from me. Every couple of minutes, I'd move a little further from him & a little closer to the door.

Now, if he is fussing, whining, and just dragging bedtime out, I do it a little differently. I'll lay him down. If he's pretty noisy, I'll wait 2 minutes before I check on him. Then leave. Then I'll wait 4 minutes before I check on him. Then leave. It usually doesn't require much more than this. In the rare event that it does, my next visit is 6 minutes later. At this point, almost 15 minutes have passed since first laying him down. If he's still pretty fussy at this point (again, very rare), I'll go back over the checklist (make sure he's not thirsty, dirty, wet, in pain, temperature is comfortable, etc).

Try a few, find what works for you & your family. Best of all, you're seeking advise and there were alot of good suggestions I've read here already.

Good luck!