I have a 3 year old, almost 4 year old that does not like to sit down and eat his dinner. He'll get in his seat, and then he'll start banging his utensils and plate and cup. When we tell him to stop he won't, and so we take them away until after we give a blessing on the food. When we take them away, he'll grab the closest serving spoon he can get his hands on and start throwing food every where! We usually get him to settle down after the walls and floors and sibling and parents are covered in mashed potatoes and then he eats most of his dinner. But I would really like to figure out a way to bypass the food fight. The biggest problem is he's a little mentally challenged. His speech is that of a 1 1/2 year old. He doesn't really understand very much... Any suggestions? Also, he's almost 4 and we cannot get him to use him fork and spoon! He insists on using his fingers and hands. The most frustrating part is when he's at preschool, he does just fine. But at home, he is covered in food by the time the meal is over. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
I have 2 suggestions. One is trying to give a big warning starting about 10 min. before he is to sit down and eat. "you have 10 min to play before we eat, you have 5 min, you have 2 min...etc" The change in activity could be what is causing the anxiety. The other thing that comes to mind is Occupational Therapy. Since he is mentally challenged, some OT could be the key.
A.
he probably does btter at preschool do to routine and consistency- always easier at school. Any chance you can take a meal time with him at his school? It would be good to see their whole routine- what the teacher says to settle children, any routines they follow- etc. The more consistency you can have- the better. If they have a song they sign first- add that to your routine. Use the words the teacher uses to remind of good behavior. The more he also sees that you are working WITH the teacher, the better.
Hi C.,
Our 3 year old son tended to want to grab at stuff that was placed on the table hence we often wound up with spilt milk and various other messes. We found that a quick little switch on the hand with a calm "no, don't grab" has worked well. The "switch" can be a wooden spoon or other serving utensil or a small stick but being calm and consistent about it will prove itself in the long run. Regarding him using his fingers I would recommend you use the same switch on the hand method. You are in charge so when you tell him to use his silverware that is exactly what he needs to be doing. If you are not getting that result then a switch on the hand will bring him to know you mean business by what you have said. Your word needs to be firm, consistent and final and using the switch reinforces that. If he does not act like this at preschool then I believe he is not as mentally challenged as you say. I think he knows how to push Mom's buttons you know...what works and what doesn't on Mom. I'd say that's pretty smart on his part. Be firm, be consistent. You will see great results. Blessings, L.
Set him in your lap until after the prayer, hold his arms, and say your blessing. Then tell him when he is ready to eat without making a mess you will put him in his own chair - or give him the option to eat sitting with you. Eating is such a social thing, babies start out nursing, it is a source of comfort as well as sustenance. It sounds like he just wants attention. In any case, once he starts throwing food, hold his arms again.
Sounds like very entertaining dinnertimes! I think children often do this for attention. Since it's unacceptable for him to behave this way, I'd suggest some discipline - time out, remove from table, take away a toy or priviledge. Once you do this and follow though, I'll be he chooses to change his behavior. Good luck!
I agree with the previous poster- your little guy has learned that he can have a great time throwing food around the house if he wants, with no consequences! Even if his speech is only that of a 1 1/2 year old, he'll be able to understand cause and effect just fine. It sounds like he truly does enjoy eating dinner with the family (once he is done throwing food). Maybe you can use that as motivation- no food until he stops throwing it!
Is the preschool aware of this? Does he eat any snack or lunch there? Maybe they could tell you what they do there, and you could specifically duplicate everything they do or say at dinnertime. Or you could ask the preschool staff for suggestions, since something they are doing seems to be effective.
I can only offer ideas that worked for us. My younger son is a real crazy man. He didn't throw food, but after the table was set (which was sometimes 20 minutes before dinner was ready), he'd climb in his seat and start playing/banging with his place setting. So I started setting his place on top of mine. Then I'd serve his food into his plate after the blessing and hand it to him.
I also had to get tricky with what I served him first. I changed tactics a while back, and instead of making my boys wait until after the prayer to eat, I put salad or raw veggies on their plate while I'm finishing up dinner. They're allowed to eat as much of those foods as they want, and they don't have to wait! Wow, their veggie intake has really shot up! Before that, my younger son would hardly eat a bite or two per meal. And being allowed to eat when he's so hungry and can't control himself very well really keeps things quieter at dinner time.
I also discovered that dipping is SO much fun that he sometimes prefers to eat his salad that way instead of with a fork. We have 99 cent divided plates from Walmart, so I put some ranch in one divider and pile salad in the other (after I ask him if he wants to dip his salad) and he'll grab a spinach leaf or carrot slice, dip it, and eat it that way. Since your son doesn't like to use utensils, allowing him finger foods first might help him want to use a fork or spoon on the foods that really count, like mashed potatoes!
My younger son hates being strapped into his booster seat. But if he won't stay in it (sometimes he wanders off), or keeps standing or climbing onto the table, I tell him that he needs to sit or I'll buckle him in. After I made good on that threat a few times, he has really settled down.
I wonder if you could compare his behavior at home and at school in a discussion with him. I have sometimes asked my son, "Hey, are you allowed to climb on the table at Nursery?" He usually just stares at me, but I know he's listening. "Well, you're not allowed to climb on the table at home, either." For your situation, maybe ask him if he uses a spoon at school (if that's applicable) and ask him to show you how he does it.
Good luck!
In times like these, I like to ponder on the age old wisdom of "Supernanny". You're the parent. For a reason. Don't hand the power to make a mess over to your child. THey need boundaries. If you "let" this happen, and just wring your hands, you have given the child the power in the situation.
I would start putting that kid in time out! If behavior is unacceptable, you don't coerce them out of it - you tell them NO! We don't DO that, and let them sit in an unpleasant place to think about it, apologize and then move on.
You keep tolerating it, and they will keep doing it. They have the power...
If he is a bit mentally challenged, you have to have your expectations fit his developmental age rather than his chronological age. So you may have to pretend he's 2 when dealing with this. Big key is to prevent it. Don't put his plate on the table, and don't put serving spoons out until after the blessing. Then serve the food into his plate and give him his filled plate and untensil first. And watch him closely to hold his hand before he grabs things.
When he does grab, gently take his hand and hold it. Remind him that we don't grab and bang. A short (2 min or less) time out as soon as he starts banging might help too. Just remember how much patience a 2 year old requires, then give him a bit more. It will get easier as his understanding grows.
Don't put the food where he can reach it. Don't give him his plate until after the pray. Also, I would try teaching him sign language and ignore any behavior that is inconsequential. I highly recommend "Signing Times".
Also, by going out of your way to be positive when he does something right. "Wow, you're using your spoon. I'm so proud of you!" Also clearly communicate your expectations.
When we sit at the table we . . . . .
Good luck.
That sounds really frustrating. My solution seems so simple that maybe you've already tried it and it doesn't work. But, what about putting a napkin at his place at the table and make sure he can't reach the food at the table. After the blessing give him a plate with only a few bites of food and then gradually give him more and more to eat.
