hi Shaun,
I work with dentists on a daily basis. First, it would have been a great idea to bring your child to the dentist while you or your husband goes, so she can see 1st hand that it isn't a big deal. Also, pediatric dentist are very good with kids. They are more patient- that is what separates them from general dentists. For her 1st appointment, their main goal will to be to make it a positive experience, whether she gets a real cleaning or not. She may jus be getting familiar with the chair, and looking at the instruments this time around. They might just try to get her to open her moth so they can look in, and that be it.
You have no worries about strapping them down or anything horrible like that. I always recommend to patients that they call the office to see if you are allowed to go back with the child. (I wouldn't make he appointment with an office who wouldn't allow me to go back.) Many offices do not allow it because they say that they child will act up when the parent is there- but I think that is some kids. My child was the opposite- so I told the office that as long as I was there- she would do fine. Just talk to them about it, they may bend their usual rules.
Because your child hates the "doctor", make sure you do not call the dentist a "doctor"- her association may make it bad from the beginning. So she will need to be reassured that dentists are gentle, and nice, and fun. So call tehm "Dentist Smith" or whatever- but not "Doctor Smith."
I always recommend getting children books about going to the dentist. I have always gotten books on whatever subject it is that we will be experiencing- and that does the trick for my child.... it just familiarizes them with what to expect. Not knowing what to expect is the worst thing. Your dentist office will have wished you would have called to ask them details rather than to worry.
So call the office and talk to them honestly about your concerns. Just be okay with nothing really getting accomplished on your daughter's teeth, should she be uneasy this time around. The next time will be much easier- afer you praise her for being such a good girl. Also, the dentist will have a "treasure chest" for good patients- and she will love picking out a surprize! You might end up amazed that your daughter may even get a full cleaning on her very first appointment... you never know- keep your cool, so she does the same.
Good luck and call her dentist! God bless!
A.