First Christmas Without Santa Claus

Just because she doesn't believe literally in Santa anymore doesn't mean suddenly becomes an adult. I wouldn't dream of either of my kids staying up on Christmas Eve to wrap and set things up. That's adult time, we have done pretty much the same thing for years regardless of how old the kids are.

We put together bikes or toys, finish wrapping and fill the stockings. Sometimes there are in laws sometimes just my husband and myself but it's always adult. We have a couple drinks, listen to music and have fun being "Santa".

There is magic in Christmas morning, even for kids who know there is not a literal Santa. At eleven she has many more years of fun and excitement, why treat her like an adult?

I completely agree with you. She needs her sleep and Christmas morning is magical, however the presents arrive.

What do you mean no Santa. I am 62 and so do believe. Google "Yes
Virginia There Is A Santa Claus."

When you stop believing, you get underwear!

My daughter is almost 18 and she knows there is no Santa or Easter Bunny (HA HA, She'd never admit that to use because in her mind... you don't believe == you don't receive) but there is no way she'll ever get up in my house on Christmas morning without a filled stocking from "Santa" and on Easter morning a pretty basket from the "Easter Bunny".

Like clockwork, my daughter who will sleep til almost noon will be up by 4am to "check" and see what is under the tree. Same with Easter Bunny.

Just because she does not believe in it does not mean she needs to stop enjoying the tradition of it.

You are a model for her and what you are doing in her childhood is what she will do with her children.

Like others said, she is not an adult. Let her wake up to the special Christmas morning and have a surprise stocking.

Merry Christmas!

She is still just a kid! We don't "do" Santa in our house, but we make Christmas so much fun! Your daughter shouldn't have to stay up and wrap presents just because she doesn't believe in Santa anymore. It will spoil the fun!

I do want to say, that I am a little concerned about her Christmas Day meltdowns. Wishlists are so fun, and you *should* be able to wish extravagantly, but melting down when you don't get everything you want shouldn't be acceptable. I don't mean to make you mad, but I don't know how you put up with that every year! :)

Why do you have to have a year without Santa?

My kids are 26 and 17 and they have yet to not having something under the tree from Santa.

My daughter, the 26 year old would make wish lists a mile long. She was never afraid to ask for anything. As for asking for a horse, trust me, she did. I said a horse would be lovely, but then Santa would have to buy us a whole new house because we had nowhere to put a horse. It kind of helped her see how silly the idea was. That WAS asking a bit much considering all the millions of kids in the world. :)

My son, the 17 year old, he was always happy with anything. He just wasn't one for saying that he wanted things. He worried more about getting things for other people. He's still that way.

From the time my kids were little, we went through their clothes and toys and donated things they'd outgrown to the local rescue mission. We donated nice things, not things that were worn out or stained. Also, we went to the store and bought everything necessary for a Christmas dinner and donated that to the mission as well. There are so many homeless families and little kids without a decent coat or rainboots. It was pretty easy to get my kids to think of things beyond what they would get.

I think your daughter should go to bed at her regular bedtime. My son is 17 and he goes to bed fairly early on Christmas Eve. He knows not to come out of his room or mess with my mojo. My ex husband can never wait to give him his presents, so Christmas morning is all Mom and Santa. And I love everything about it.

Your daughter is only 11. Just because you told her there really isn't a Santa, I don't see why she has to miss out on the fun or surprise of Christmas morning. Why stay up with the adults? She's far from being an adult herself. I mean, why even wrap presents at all? I fear this could be the year that Christmas comes to a screeching halt as she knew it. She's too young for that to happen. There's no reason to completely lose the magic of Christmas.

Just my opinion.

She may no longer believe in Santa or choose not to but she is still a child.
Not an adult.
I would have her go to bed at her normal tiime giving the adults their time to wrap presents as you always have.
It will still be a nice surprise for her to wake up to the "magic".
Just because she is starting to age does not mean she is instantly granted adult status.

The adults till get to do things the kids do not.

Also, you need your own time together to keep your family strong. Having your own traditions (staying up late to wrap & talk) is chance to talk alone & continue couple/mom& dad traditions alive.

In our homes.. Even my mom and my husbands parents home.

Santa still comes to each of us.

I suggest you give your daughter a budget and actually allow her to purchase some Santa gifts for each of you. She is not to tell what she purchased and she can wrap them, tag them and put them under the tree,without the rest of you knowing...

If she wants to help with the siblings Santa gifts and wrapping.. Do some of it a day when it is just the 3 of you..does not have to be that night.

And FYI, Santa has always been on a budget at our home, because he gives gifts to every child around the world and it is rude to ask for expensive gifts, In any situation...

My sons are 18 and 15 and we still do "Santa." Of course they don't "believe" but we all play along with the fiction anyway. My parents did the same thing, until we all started going to Midnight Mass as late teens and then we got in the habits of opening gifts when we got home.

I don't get your husbands point of view. I agree with you that she should go to sleep and be suprised in the morning. I personally never confirmed that Santa wasn't real to my oldest when she started questioning. I still reply that if you don't believe you might not get presents;)

As for the meltdowns, I think most of that could've been avoided by saying even Santa has a limit on what he can spend. When my daughter would ask for something outrageous that's what I'd say and plan to say with my 3 yr old whenever she starts. Luckily she's still asking for reasonably priced stuff and nothing over the top just yet.

Staying up late is for new year's eve, in my opinion. I'm with you on all accounts -- I'd rather she go to sleep on time. Does she have siblings that she's wrapping presents for? One thing that may help is making her "santa" for the others -- that's what my inlaws did as their children learned the truth, and I thought it was sweet. But I don't think staying up too late is good, and her presents should still be a surprise (and from santa, to maintain the illusion for any other children).

I got presents from Santa until I was a mother myself. It doesn't matter if she knows the truth. Put your kid to bed on time and have "Santa" leave her a gift anyway.

I wrap, label and hide the presents as I buy them. If you do that, you avoid a late night.

She should not stay up late with you for all of the reasons you outlined. What is your husband's reasoning for wanting her to stay up? She's still a child, not an adult, even though she no longer believes in Santa. Christmas morning will be something of a letdown if she's already seen all the gifts. Normal bedtime is best.

What does she want to do? Do you have other kids in the house? I', going to assume you do...

My older kids have always helped play Santa, for them that's what keeps it magical. There is a decent enough age gap between my older 4 and my younger 4. My youngest just turned 3 so Santa will be around for a while, and my oldest is 21 so I have been 'doing' Santa for YEARS! lol

I enjoy their help and their company, they also love to go Black Friday shopping with me and to help me get stuff for the younger ones. What I do though is not put their stuff out until they go to bed. This way there is still the element of surprise.

I don't think either one of you are wrong, compromise...maybe she can stay up and help for a while if she wants, but when it comes time to start putting out the big stuff she has to go to bed.

holy cow - totally siding you on this one. hubby sounds like he's not the one dealing with the meltdowns. at 11, if she's still throwing these kinds of trantums - uh yeah. get her as much sleep as she can get. and whats the point of EVERYONE staying up till 1-2 am, and then getting up and opening the presents they put out? i don't get it. nope. even after "santa" is no more, the kids still don't get to "play" santa. until they have their own kids. sorry!

ETA- C., you know what? honestly, i would tell her (and HIM) - as long as she is throwing 3 year old style tantrums about presents, she is NO WAY mature enough to stay up. honestly, that would decide it for me right there.

We don't wrap Christmas eve - we wrap beforehand.
Christmas eve we take a drive late at night and look at neighborhood decorations/light displays.
When we use to live near a major whole neighborhood display, we'd park and take a walk up and down the street.
We'll bring along hot chocolate and/or warm cider.
Then we come home, put the Santa Key on the outside of the back door and settle our son into bed.
Once he's sleeping, we put presents in stockings and under the tree, and hang the Santa Key on the tree, then get to bed ourselves.
Everyone stays in bed at least till sun rise or whenever we wake up (that gives us all enough sleep).
When we wake up we have breakfast (nothing elaborate - English muffins and coffee) (that takes care of low blood sugar) and enjoy speculating and looking at it all before it gets torn apart (and take before pictures).
Then we tear into it!
After all the packaging and wrap is cleared away, we take after pictures - and start playing with the toys!
In some houses (not ours) - I've heard it said it's not Christmas till somebody cries.
Sometimes I think there's too much of an expectations build up, so a meltdown is an emotional release.

I would do whatever I could to prevent meltdowns on Christmas Day!

What do you mean there is no Santa Claus!

I am a firm believer in making sure the true meaning of Christmas is kept at the forefront of the holiday, which we try to do (but with children, it's harder and harder each year with all the commercialism). Now, with that said, I completely agree with you. I also have an 11 year old daughter. She is like an only child since my other two daughters are 21 and 24. She has suspected for the last couple of years. Every time she would ask me outright if Santa was real or was it me that got the gifts, I struggled with "lying" to her. I would simply answer that I still believe in the "spirit" of Santa Claus and like I told my older daughters, when you stop believing he stops coming (that'll keep 'em believing for a very long time)! I think the "magic" of the morning is half the fun! I still love getting up in the morning and seeing the stockings full on the fireplace and the beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree. We have countless photos of exactly that from every year.

But, I do have to say, my daughters have never cried or had a "meltdown" because they hadn't gotten a certain gift. It was always explained that Santa has to give gifts to ALL the boys and girls and he can't always give you everything that you want or "wish" for. If she was expecting something that Santa wasn't going to bring her, it's the parents' responsibility to prep her for that to avoid the disappointment.

Your daughter has her entire lifetime ahead of her to stay up late and do all the "adult" things to get ready for the following day. I say let her go to bed when she's tired and the next morning when she wakes up, let her enjoy the Christmas Magic that still brings out the child in all of us.

How about wrapping presents an earlier day. Enjoy the night with hot chocolate and a family movie. Let her stay up a little later but in the morning she still receives presents from 'Santa' my kids are 11 and 16 they still believe or don't receive lol. I told my 11 year old daughter this morning we needed her Christmas list for grandmas etc she said and for 'Santa and ms.claus. Wink wink. Yep!

I would ask her and go with what she wants. She may want to go to bed and pretend to still believe. The first year is a tough one sometimes. Or she may want to wrap gifts. If she does do not tell her she gets to stay up super late. If you don't mention that there will not be the expectation. Maybe you can start the wrapping earlier now since you will not have to worry about her being in bed.

Well I do not see why she cannot stay up a bit later on Christmas Eve and join in the festivities. Why does it have to be all or nothing. If her bed time is 10 then let her stay up to 12. But your response that you were never allowed to says you do not have a say in the roost. Honestly if her dad said to me she can do this and that and it caused a melt down I'd have said go talk to your father on this one. I'd have gone for a walk or something out of the house

Have her stay up till 1 or 2 to wrap presents? No.

IMO, Christmas is mainly for the kids at that age, and I want them to experience the magic. In addition, who the hell wants an exhausted kid around the house on Christmas day? My kids always woke up at like 5 or 6 in the morning on Christmas, so if they went to bed at 1 they would have had 4 hours of sleep.

I disagree with your husband, but he doesn't care what I think. :)

What is he trying to accomplish by making her do that? Kelthy, below, talks about festivities, but I don't hear you talking about festivities, I just hear that your husband wants her to help wrap. If he has some vision of this being family fun somehow, then he should let you in on what this vision is going to entail. If he is in agreement with wanting to make Christmas special for her, then he shouldn't be wanting her to stay up late.

How about Binky's idea?

And I agree with another comment about the meltdowns. That is never appropriate after about age 5, and at age 11 it's ridiculous. You should set up Christmas so that she never expects a horse. If my kids ever asked Santa for a horse, I always used to let them know in advance that they wouldn't get a horse, because Santa couldn't afford to get a horse for everyone, so to ask Santa for something smaller.

But at 11, she needs to start having some manners. If she melts down this year, take away all her presents and send her to her room.

Can you compromise? Let her stay up until ten or so, which will likely be 'late' for her, and then off to bed?

I agree with you, if she usually doesn't handle disappointment well on Christmas day-- well, I'm not sure that's likely to change just because she knows it's mom and dad and not Santa. Sometimes they will just be disappointed anyway because of sky-high expectations and down-to-earth reality. Maybe it's time to create a new tradition in some way of letting her stay up with you and watch a funny Christmas video until an hour past her usual bedtime, then you and your husband can wrap away until the wee hours.

I have 2 kids, one believes (10 yo) and the other knows (14 yo). I have a hard rule that "you must believe to receive". So my 14yo helps us do the good work of Santa, ie, she helps Santa eat the cookies and drink the milk we leave for him. But she does not get to see anything (gifts) or help with the stockings. There's gotta be some surprises, right? Santa will always bring gifts and stockings for all of us who believe in the spirit of Santa. Even 10 year olds and 14 year olds and 40 something year olds :)

I'd let her stay up a little later than usual, but not more than an hour or so. I'd also surprise her with a a filled stocking from Santa on Christmas morning...just a little Christmas magic. When she's expecting nothing from Santa, that would add an element of extra fun.

In our household, when you stopped believing, Santa started doing an awesome job of filling stockings...sometimes having something so large that he just put the stocking on top of it. Everyone in our family receives a stocking...my mom fills ours, and I fill hers. We're always sure to announce a "thank you, Santa Claus!" for our special stockings.

She's 11. She is old enough to decide part of this. I understand the issue you're having. She may still need to have something under the tree though. If there are other kids they are going to hone in on sis didn't get anything from Santa. Plus the reality of "No Santa" is different when you're a kid and wake up that first time and there's nothing there.

I'd even let her stay up a little late but not hours and hours. When she starts showing signs she's tired it's off to bed or letting her lay down on the couch while you and hubby finish up.

What a way for her to make special memories with you guys that she'll remember the rest of her life.

Shes a child, even if a very small component of hee belief system is gone. Don't advance the child to adulthood just for the sake of making a point that a childhood fantasy has ended. There is still magic to be had, dreams to live out, the magical waking and being excited at the transformation of gifts under the tree. I'm 42 and wish someone would let me have that magical moment and surprise me with something special under tge tree, even something small, that they paid enough attention to know i wished for something and took the moment to care enough to get it, wrap it and surprise me. Please don't shove her to adulthood, it will happen too quickly on it's own.