Finding Time to Do It All?

Just how big is your house?
I had three kids in six years, breastfed them all (though never two at once that just seems crazy unfair to both you and the younger baby, time for big sib to be weaned already!)
My house was 3/2 and about 2,000 square feet, plus dog, cat and a bit of gardening.
I cooked real food, MOST of the time.
I did ALL the house/kid stuff, except for the heavy stuff, which husband either did or we paid someone to do.
I eventually got a housekeeper to come in twice a month which was SO WORTH IT.
Why are you spending money on private school and gymnastics for a 15 month old and a three year old?! I'm sorry but that's just nuts. Your money would be better spent on cleaning help and maybe sending the three year old out to a community based preschool three mornings a week.
Your life sounds way more chaotic than it needs to be, stop trying to do/have it all and focus on the daily wants/needs.
I know in those days my house wasn't perfect, and neither were my kids, but overall we lived a fairly nice, clean, orderly life, it CAN be done.
One thing that REALLY helped me was bathing/showering in the evening (I LOVE getting into bed with clean skin/hair and it was nice to take my time and do it leisurely after kids were in bed) and also I did my grocery shopping one or two nights a week, so I could do it alone and in peace while the kids were home with daddy.
I think you just need to get organized, and maybe if your three year old is being super needy/clingy you need to learn how to say no, mommy is busy now, and send him/her out to play or set up some paints or play doh or something.
And play dates and mom's groups are supposed to be fun not an errand on your never ending list, again learn how to say no and set limits, I'm exhausted just reading your post!

You're doing too much, and you have too much. Grandma didn't have a car or take kids to play dates, and no one took little kids to gymnastics or put them in private school, certainly not at this age. What are you thinking? Grandma didn't wear make-up. Grandma sat on the front stoop and the kids played with a handful of toys with neighborhood kids. If you didn't have a friend in the neighborhood, you didn't have organized play programs or mother's groups with transportation! You played with your siblings. You had down time. You didn't have so much stuff you couldn't put it away. You made do, you handed things down, you shared. Kids were told "no" and we allowed to cry without anyone thinking they were a terrible parent. And Grandpa probably didn't work 60 hours a week either. My son's grandfather carpooled to work, and all the men left at the same time and came home for dinner. Had to - carpool was leaving. My son's grandmother didn't have a car most days so we took the wagon and walked to the store to get groceries. We walked to the beach or the playground, we played in the yard with a ball and bubble soap and driveway chalk. We drew and did puzzles but w didn't have so many toys there was no place to put them.

People wore clothes more than once before washing, or they got rinsed out of fresh food stains and hung up to dry. Kids got wiped down but not bathed every day. Dinner was with fresh food but it was often stew or soup, with a huge use of leftovers. There was a much smaller house and much less stuff, so straightening and cleaning wasn't as huge a taste as you are making it.

What if you rotated the toys - put away 1/3, give away 1/3, keep 1/3. After a few weeks, switch the stored toys for the ones they are playing with. Do not buy any more until you give something away. Scale back your expectations of cleaning. Beds don't get made every day - it's okay. All will survive.

Baby naps, toddler gets quiet time in a bedroom even if no sleeping is involved.

Not sure what "husband does whatever" means - maybe that can get looked at.

Certainly some people were nursing 2 kids and getting pregnant, but they didn't have the options that you have to prevent this, given your high risk situation. Maybe it's time to wean the 3 year old? Nursing 2 is probably too much for your body. Have you talked to the pediatrician about how your 15 month old and 3 year old do not sleep through the night, but wake to nurse? This is very bad for their brain development, and if neither you nor your husband are sleeping through the night for 3 years, you are at serious risk from the side effects of sleep deprivation. You should not be driving. Nobody's brain is getting the rest it needs. Keep nursing if you want to, but absolutely not at night - no child this age needs to eat at night, and they are running you ragged for no benefit to their health.

sounds like you need to get a routine and list in place.

You' got too much stuff. Just because you have a bigger house doesn't mean you need more stuff to fill it.

Hire a professional organizer to come in and get you squared away at first.
You are not helping yourself by stopping in the middle of a chore. You are only making it worst.

Hire a cleaning crew to come in and clean the house weekly.

start in one room. Work your way around it. Seriously. If you haven't touched something since you moved into the house ? You don't need it. Donate it.

You seriously need a schedule. You are running all over the place and running yourself ragged. Get a calendar. Get into mommy groups within the gymnastics or whatever you are doing and get a car pool going - you drop off - they bring home. It really does work.

You shouldn't be dealing with your bills on a daily basis. Schedule that into your calendar and make time in your day for it. If you are dealing with it daily? You are dealing with it too much and need to schedule it. If you are that deep in debt and need to deal with your finances DAILY?? You have bigger problems. Than a messy, unorganized house.

Why are you TRYING to do it all? You trying to be Wonder Mom/W.? Girl. Stop. Delegate. Your older kids can pick the toys up. That should be their jobs. Period. They bring it out? THEY PUT IT AWAY. If they can't put it away? Put it in a box and keep it from them. If they WHINE about it - tell them they have to take responsibility for their toys. It will teach them. You might not like it - but it will work. Toys are PUT AWAY when you are done playing with them. The "M" stands for MOMMY NOT MAID!!!

As for meals?? Make a menu every week. Shop by that menu and what you have on hand. and what you have coupons for. Stop trying to make gourmet meals. Use the KISS method - keep it simple silly - and go with what works.

SCHEDULE. ROUTINE. YOU CAN DO THIS. Delegate. Stop trying to be wonder W..

Sounds sappy, but just like the Trace Adkins song "Your gonna miss this", let me tell you...you will someday look back at this madness and smile. It will be a while, especially if you are pregnant.

I was blessed with a MIL that always told me "a messy house means happy kids". My husband also splurged on paying for a housekeeper every two weeks when my kids were that age. It was $40 a cleaning, but she did the sheets, actually moved knick knacks and dusted under them, did the floors bathrooms and kitchen. It was difficult getting the house prepped for her, but I always loved having that done for us.

Years and years later...house is still messy most of the time, housekeeper no longer comes, but my kids are grown, happy and loved. You all will make it to the other side of this, and I promise you will smile at the memory of the madness!

You are in the thick of it All you can do is hang in there and wait for baby to grow a bit. At certain ages, you need to find extra money and do take out. Feed the kids grill cheese, every night. Make it simple. I was a cloth household until I had my third child. She is 3 and we are still not going cloth napkins again and we are still using paper towels more than I would like. I am currently staying on top of the basics, so adding more laundry into the mix isn't something I feel like doing. Diane is right. Make is simple.

Stop nursing the toddler, make hubby in charge of putting toddler to bed, while you clean the kitchen. Cleaning that kitchen every night will do wonders for your mood when you wake in the morning.

Get out for two hours every Sunday morning to shop with no kids! Enjoy the silence and allow it to refresh you. Toddler may not like it, but go anywayl. Let hubby deal with crying for a change. You need to give yourself time away from the crying.

Check out the Flylady. It's the only way to stay on top of the house and everything else.

But you are in the thick of it. My oldest two are 21 months apart and it was brutal. My hubby took had two big international trips when my baby was 6 and 12 weeks. Being left alone for over a week with no ability to even talk on the phone? Oh my. Two under 2 is brutal. Just hang in there and know it will get easier!

One more thought, set them up with an easy sensory bin while you are cleaning the rest of the house. Put a blanket under it for easy cleanup, but set them up with something really engaging. I also did speed cleaning sessions during nap time. I'd spend 30 minutes cleaning, and 30 minutes on dinner prep. Let them trash one room while you clean the rest of the house. And do the bulk of the cleaning on Saturday when daddy can hold baby.

It's always a scramble when there are little kids in the house.
Cut yourself some slack.
You ARE trying to do too much.
There use to be something my Mom used to help keep the kids contained while she got a few things done - a playpen.
Forget playdates for now - toddlers don't play that well together.
If it were me, I'd drop church, moms groups, and gymnastics too.
Try paper plates for awhile to get ahead on the dishes - then you only have pots to clean.
Get good with the crockpot - great for soups and stews - and if you use a liner then cleanup is fairly easy.
The house will get cleaner when the kids start kindergarten - until then - just worry about keeping your head above water.
Try getting rid of more stuff.
The kids don't need a ton of toys to play with.
Consider putting the toddler to bed in the clothes she'll wear tomorrow - then getting her dressed in the morning will be one less thing you need to do.

If worse comes to worse -a frozen party sized pan of Stouffers lasagna or mac n cheese would be a quick easy meal and maybe leftovers for a few days - they never killed anyone.
Scrambled eggs for supper works too.

Wow, I am tired just reading all this.

You need to make a daily schedule list and break that down into am and pm chores. It does work. I was a full time working mom and went to a SAHM and had everything upside down and clothes piled everywhere. I nursed my second and still did all this. My meals were made from scratch and I made a menu for five weeks so that I could pull from the odd week to the main weeks depending on what was available. We always had chili and spaghetti on the list which was cooked in quantity and frozen. Any meals from the night before were the next day's lunch. Saturday night was left over night for everybody. My kids thought it was a treat to get grilled cheese sandwiches and vegetable soup when we were close to the end of the month before payday. Hubby got paid once a month and we made it work for the whole month.

You break things down to laundry, diapers, vacuuming, meals prep and cooking, dishes, bed changing and such. Included was a nap for everybody. We also went out for fresh air after the nap to the park. If you need help PM me.

My routine got so good that the house stayed clean and I was able to go out and do my shopping with one child while the other was in pre-kinder. Also was a member of the spouse group on base and we had activities without kids attached to us.

We didn't do gymnastics but we did go outside and play hard in the snow banks and such daily in the winter and played with the local kids in the summer. Money was tight be we made it work and all was good.

Time to cut out all that is not needed. Simplify your life.

the other S.

All I can say is that you are not alone, and that it gets better as the kids get older. When they are so little, just making it through the day is sometimes as good as it gets.

For me, it got better in 2 ways
1) Once a kid is about 5, he can actually help and be helpful. My 5 year old can load up the laundry (we buy the premeasured detergent packets) and start it. He can bring dishes to the sink while I load the dishwasher. It's little stuff, but it does help.
2) Once kids start school, you can find moms in similar situations and get a network. I found a family up the street who's daughter gets along with my boys, and sometimes on a Saturday, we trade them off - they spend 3 hours at my house, then 3 hours at their house. Just think of what you can accomplish in 3 hours without kids under foot.

So, my advice is to remember that this is a phase in life. It's exhausting, and do what you can to give yourself a break. But when you can't get a break, remind yourself that this phase won't last forever. I promise.

ETA: A specific tip for the cooking: About every 6 months, I get my husband to take my kids out of the house for a full day and I spend the whole day cooking. I do something called power cooking (you can google recipes). Basically, the concept is to take a base ingredient, and make a whole bunch of meals out of it. For example, it's as easy to brown 1 lb of burger with onions and garlic as it is to brown 5 lbs. So do 5 lbs, and then split them into 1 lb meals as taco meat, sloppy joes, etc, that just need to be heated up for dinner. Get gallon size ziplocks and put together everything for multiple pot roasts that you can thaw then just drop in the crock pot in the morning. In a day, I can make about 10-12 meals. That means that once per week for more than 3 months, I have a ready-made meal waiting. It's so worth it.

I think you expect too much from yourself. You have a toddler and a baby and are breastfeeding.That's as hard as it gets! You should be ok with letting some things go in life right now...be more chill. :) When your kids are older you will have much more time! Right now just worry about the essentials. We and most people we know don't hire people to clean, cook, etc. If you are feeling too frazzled it's time to cross some thing off your list...let hubby take a kid to a birthday party or skip it. Forget about having the cleanest house or being super organized at the moment. Keep meals simple. Use paper plates. Make sandwiches. Or put some meat, potatoes and veggies in the crockpot in the morning. When your kids are older things will change...you just have to get through the baby/toddler phase. Wait till they are older and you can give them chores around the house. My son takes out the trash, vacuums, rakes. My daughter sweeps and cleans windows. They both clear the table and load the dishwasher. It's great...next I'm teaching my son (he's the older one) how to cook and to use the washing machine. Remember: your goal is not to entertain them and try to make them happy. Your goal is to teach them to be independent.

If I was in your shoes this is what I'd do.

I would put my toddler in a nursery school, play group, preschool a few mornings a week. Then you can ditch the play dates and gymnastics.

I would wean her. I am all for breastfeeding but that's what I would do. I would find another way to have closeness with her.

I would just accept that it's nuts for those first years. Accept that it's nothing like what you thought it would be. It's like boot camp. You get through it. It does get easier as they get older.

Love Diane's response.

This sounds just like me, only 10 years ago. I've learned a lot since then! Some advice is to rotate toys and only have one bin out each week, then rotate. Baby proof and declutter to keep order in the house - so they aren't pulling stuff out everywhere. You might think you have no time to declutter, but make the time. Spend a half hour each day at least and whittle away on it. OR have dad go to the park each Saturday and you can organize.

Have a routine similar to preschool. I used to do snack time/playtime/craft time/nap time, etc. and we used to have limited fun outings a few afternoons a week. I tried my best to grocery shop with the kids which was insanity, but it was an outing and it got it done. I had a momma's helper teenager a couple times a week for an hour or two, so she could run around with the kids in the house and out back and I could do the cleaning or work. It was actually therapeutic to have cleaning and hands free time.

I worked at home too, so I know how hard it is. I worked late nights and I worked during nap time. I wore my infant in a sling a lot so he was happy and I could get things done. We took a lot of walks to burn off energy and get me out of the house. Have your toddler learn from you how to clean up and sing a fun song when you do it.

Cut down on serious cooking and cut corners by cooking on Sundays while dad has the kids or by using your crockpot. OR just make really simple, but healthy, quick meals. Meal plan each week and plan lunches and dinners.

My routine has a daily chore like Monday meal plan, Tuesday wash sheets, Wednesday groceries and errands, etc. I also have a daily routine that helps me do a load of laundry each day, set times for setting up dinner prep, doing dishes, etc.

Really, you'll have good days and bad, but it really does sound like you are trying to do too much. I'm learning from other women now that they only try to accomplish a few things a day and they set boundaries to not take one more. For example today I need to get a work job done, do a load of laundry and a load of sheets, and make cookies for the kids' lunches (we have food issues too, so I have to cook a lot from scratch). Anything else that gets done is gravy. Skip church for a few weeks until you get more centered at home (but have the kids go with dad), limit playdates to things away from your home, so you can spend time pulling stuff out and sorting through things. Commit to finding a home for every item in your home and toss (donate) the rest. I am finally finding some peace now that I have most of my stuff organized. I'm surprised how much that helps. I also do my weekly planning in my calendar which makes me feel in control of my routines. Everything gets written on the same To Do list to keep things simple.

One other thing. Breastfeeding alone is like a full-time job. I think you need to go easier on yourself and see that you have two full-time kiddos and anything else you do on top of keeping them safe and fed is amazing.

what about a mommy helper? an older child that can come entertain your children while you do dishes and laundry and clean up. if someone is avalable that could free up some time for you to get mommy stuff done.

at age 3 i had my daughter doing dishes with me. she would put the pots and pans away while i did the breakable stuff. then she would stack all the plastic cups and i would put the stack in the cabinet. my 5 yr old would do more but he is older and i trust him to stand on a chair and put the mugs on the shelf and to put the plates away (corelle so durable but not unbreakable)i let go of all expectations of organized cabinets and occasionally i get an avalanche of pots when i open the door but i don't really care because i get a smigeon of free time while kids are doing didhes for me.

i gave up on makeup. i shower when i can and i make the kids help sort laundry... (they each pull their own clothing out of the basket of clean stuff so all i have to do is put it in the proper drawers) they see it as a game and race eachother to get it done. when dd is home by herself and ds is at school she has fun throwing cloths into a pile.

we don't clean our chicken coop daily. it gets done once a week. for the spot under the roosts, and once a month for the other areas of the coop. we use a deep litter method and they free range during the day. (we have 9 chickens) eggs are removed daily and fresh feed and water is added if needed but auto waterers and feeders are making that simpler.

i have posted questions about kids toys cluttering my house and them not picking them up. i downsized a bunch, put 1/3 in their rooms and the other 1/3 in the basement for storage and the remaining 1/3 are special time toys that they have to ask to play with. and they have to put all toys away when finished, or they have to put them away on saturday before they get screen time (we only allow free screen time on sat and sunday afternoons the other times its just an educational game on the computer on weekends they get to choose what they play or watch)
i also have a no toys in xxx room policy. we just installed bamboo with a dark finish and learned (the hard way) that it scratches easily. so nothing is allowed in that room unless were playing a family board game and that gets put away soon as its done.

when my babies were little and wanted me to hold them while making dinner i put them in their high chair and had that next to where i was working (a safe distance from the stove and oven and kept sharp stuff outta reach) i let them sample the stuff i was cooking and pretended i was a cook on tv explaining everything as i went. they were kept happy with food bits, and mommy talking to them.

my house is never clean. my dishes never totally done, i usually have 3 loads of laundry waiting to be washed. i do what i can when i can and say eff it to the rest. i know that once both kids are in school i will have plenty of time to clean up and have a show ready house but till then i dodge the lego minefield and use baby wipes to quick clean messy stuff. and i try not to look at the rest of the clutter. knowing one day i will take care of it all!

Nursing two is definitely your choice, but I know that is physically draining on a person - so that is likely taking some of your energy and it takes a lot of time too. But good for you for being able to keep it up so long - I was ready by a year for each of mine to get my body back.

The 3 year old can help pick up toys and do basic chores (putting silverware away, dust, wipe the table). I wouldn't expect any to be done well, but it builds the foundation that it takes a family to work together to get it all done.

Do the kids nap? If they are sleeping through the night, you should be able to get a good amount of stuff done while they nap.

For the kitchen - that's one thing I CANNOT let be dirty...ever. If there is a dirty dish in the sink it raises my stress level. So my kitchen is clean - and if it's not I'm stressed. It doesn't take that long to do the basic top level cleaning of anything in the house...honestly one nap should be enough to do a quick wipe down.

But cut back - say no to all of the family gatherings, birthday parties, activities, etc. If it's too much, don't drive yourself mad. I LOVE the kind of chaos (we live it too) but it's my circus that I love. If it isn't for you, cut things out.

It sounds overwhelming to me too. If I were in your shoes I would work hard to simplify my life. One thing I'm sure would help is to get up before everyone else to get yourself showered and put together, have a cup of coffee and organize your day. Also I think if you'd lay down with your toddler, he/she'd nap too and maybe you could both catch a 30 minute nap. I would definitely cut back on outside activities doing only the 2 most important to you. This stage of life is pretty crazy naturally. It will get better