Okay so I am almost in my third trimester of my third pregnancy. I have two boys ages just over 3 & just over 1. Yes I am blessed with two healthy boys and I do understand that a lot of women strive for even one child and aren't lucky enough to have just that. I am not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me or anything like that. When I was prego with my first I remember laying in the room for the anatomy ultrasound just hoping and praying it was a girl, the lady said that's a penis and I was just in total shock. My parents divorced when I was 8 and my Mom moved out, I still saw her on weekends but I did not get to do a lot of the Mother Daughter things my older sister did with her (my sister is 10 years older than me so she was graduating high school when they divorced). My sister still lived at home back and forth while she was in college so she helped out as best she could when it came to school dances, boys, make up and hair...Just general things like that, so I always knew I wanted a daughter when I had children so I could get to do those things I missed out on with my own Mom. Well I figured okay, a healthy boy, great, not what I imagined ever having (it just never dawned on me I would have a son)...Well I figured, there is always next time. So we decided we wanted them to be two years apart and started trying in August 06 and were prego with #2 by October... I hoped and prayed again for a girl, everyone in my family was just convinced it was a girl and much to their disappointment and mine, it was another boy. Ryen was born in July 08, very healthy and on his due date. I love my boys to death and everyone tries to make me feel better by saying how much easier boys are and how girls can be just awful. That is not what I look at, I think of all the things I long to do with a daughter...I try to think positively about it because I think okay I am raising these boys to be respectful, decent, kind and loving so that one day they will meet a girl and make me some granddaughters (lol). Well I am prego with #3 and we know it is a boy, had a 4d ultrasound and everything this time because it was offered. I want to try again in a couple of years when we are hopefully in a much better financial situation and economy but my husband thinks I am ridiculous. I refuse to have my tubes tied (I am only 25 any way and I cannot be for sure that I am done and do not want to regret it later). When I was prego with my #2 Ryen, I bawled at the doctors office after the ultrasound. I went in the bathroom across the hall and just bawled sitting on the toilet. I knew I was being ridiculous, call it hormones if you will. I did not cry this time, I was certain it was a boy just because of how much I wanted a girl. Granted I will not have to buy any clothes, I saved everything from the first one...I also have a nephew who is 18 months older than my 3 y/o so I get his hand me downs. I have no nieces, my sister just had a boy in April. I feel ridiculous for feeling this way, but am just absolutely crushed every time I see an adorable little girl outfit in a store or online...or see an adorable little girl in an ad on tv or in the grocery store. Have any of you other moms felt this way when you wanted either a boy or girl so bad and got the opposite? Mind you I do understand how blessed I am so please do not message me saying that I should feel lucky or anything like that. I know I am blessed and I understand everything happens for a reason, I just cannot seem to get over how much I wanted a daughter and it looks to never happen.
I never said I do not love my children. I am a stay at home Mom and am with them 24/7. I love my boys, my second is "my" boy. He is such a Mama's boy and my first loves to do anything with his Daddy. I think it is kind of unfair to think that I would love a daughter more than I love my sons, it is another child and there is always room in your heart for more. I know I am not the only one that has gotten upset over having another of the same gender. I am the youngest of three, I have an older brother and sister. My husband is the oldest of two and he has a sister. I never said it was all consuming, yes I think about it but I have plenty of other things keeping me busy during the day as a stay at home Mom. I just thought I could get some positive input from other Mom's that have been through the same thing, not be told how I should seek help and be happy for healthy children. I never said I was not happy, just feel like something is missing. Maybe I will feel more complete after this third baby is here in January.
I am the mother of 3 boys all born with-in 4 years of each other. I absolutely love being the only female in the house. You are blessed to have healthy children :)
I was also blessed with all boys. And I know that feeling when you walk into a store and all the girl outfits are soo cute then you walk over to the teeny boy section and pick out the t-shirts and jeans for your boys. It can be hard some times. I just try to do as much "pink" stuff as possible. I have decided to look forward to having my boys get older and let them take care of their mama and treat her right. I also have a rule about the toilet. If your gonna use moms bathroom use must sit and push it down. I was so tired of sitting on a wet seat. They can stand to pee anywhere eles. Don't let it get you down too much. When your stuggling with your teenage boys you'll be glad. I know you have heard it before because I've heard it soo much myself, but the fact is, it's true.
I'm sorry you are having another boy. It must be very discouraging as it seems you might not get to realize your dream. So many times we have dreams that don't come true and we have to learn how to redirect the focus. I wanted to have one boy and one girl. I got them but they are in reverse of most boys and girls. Our daughter is very athletic (she attended her first few years of college with a scholarship) so there were a lot of things I didn't get to do with her that I thought I would because of her personality. She was a strong-willed child and a real challenge growing up but now seeing her direct that drive toward her future, we are so pleased. Our son is very sensitive and didn't have the same drive with sports though he was very gifted. He is so laid back that we wonder what he will do in the future. But he will be the sweetest husband one day when the right young lady comes along. So I understand your pain somewhat.
What I have found is to not discuss it with my husband. I have some close friends who I have been able to vent with over the years, but I never wanted my children to know that I had different dreams for them. I tell them how proud I am of them and then to my close friends, we talk about the dreams we wish we could have had and we encourage each other to be positive.
It sounds like you know how blessed you are so that is great!
The things that are the most painful are the things I would suggest you start with. When you see those adorable girl outfits, I would buy the cutest one and take it to a homeless shelter or save it for Christmas time when they have those Angel Trees out. I always watch for sales and I stock up for the needy. I also love getting those cute dress up kits with the crown, little heels, etc. There are so many great opportunities with Christmas coming up. I just love this time of year to fulfill my need to buy little girl things. Then I picture in my mind the look on the little girls' faces when they get something so special.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of shelters out there. Some families have to leave in such a hurry with only the clothes on their back so they would love to have new clothes. I think a little girl in that situation would love the opportunity to "escape" and dress up as a princess.
When I see cute little girls in the store, I always stop and compliment them. Their smiles really warm my heart. It's not the same, I know, but it is working for me.
I'm sure you can think of other things that will also bring joy to your day. Have fun with it!
I read an article a little while back discussing how some women "mourn the loss" of the child they wanted almost as much as actually losing a child. You aren't alone in your feelings. While I wasn't as deeply affected as you are, I was really sad when I found out my second child was another boy. I got over it long before he was born but I still want to try again (although I'm sure I'll end up where you are with 3 boys, dh is one of 3 boys). I have a great relationship with my mother and I long to have a daughter to have the same kind of relationship with, despite the fact that I absolutely adore the boys I have. Have you talked to your doctor about it? What does he/she suggest for coping with your feelings? If it is affecting you that deeply, you may need a counselor or even try depression meds, it would be unfair to your boys to feel unwanted if it got that bad. I know you love your children, it happens to many women I would just suggest finding ways to help you resolve these feelings. Personally, we plan to try one more time and if it's another boy (we of course would love as much as our other two) we will look at adoption in a few more years for a daughter rather than put ourselves through trying a 4th time.
I don't know how much merit there is to this, but I had a woman tell me that if you track your fertility, to have sex on the days up until you are at your most fertile. I guess the word is that female sperm swim slow and last longer than their male counterparts. Male sperm is said to swim faster and die off quicker. So, if this works, the idea is that if you have sex up until your most fertile day, the boys will die off and the girl sperm will make it to the egg on your most fertile day. Again, i don't know how true this is, but a friend of mine said it worked for her. Keep it in mind, it couldn't hurt. Good luck, and lots of women feel the way you do. Good luck in a couple years, of getting that little girl.
I know how you feel. I have two boys; 5 1/2 and 27 months. I am pregnant with our third and last baby (due end of next month). We have not found out the sex. I am praying for pink, but most importantly I want the baby to be healthy. I was very sad when we found out my second was a boy, but I am much more prepared this time. I know several women who have three boys and say they wouldn't change it for the world. I, too see the cute girl outfits and wish I had a daughter to buy for, but if it's not meant to be, maybe we'll have granddaughters that we can buy for and spoil. Just wanted you to know that your feelings are normal.
You have a long post...your psychological emptiness (a hole of sorts) is so painful you truly feel a daughter is going to fill it.
Your pain is real enough...but you should strongly investigate other ways of dealing with it than pursuing a daughter (biological or adopted).
I believe children need our unconditional love in order to reach full maturity and psych health. It is a handicap for them to have a parent who needs them to fill some void. This daughter you want already has a job and she isn't even born. Her job is to make you happy. Wear those cute dresses etc. Kids are perceptive...what if she senses her role and tries to fill it? Will she ever feel good enough? Will she resent it...after all...growing up is a hard job in and of itself?
How will your sons feel..if the dream girl arrives? Will they sense they were just some stepping stones?
I'd feel stressed to try to hide my joy over the daughter to not hurt the sons! How does that saying go...be careful what you wish for?
Parenting (Or entering any human relationship) from a position of neediness is a weak position. It is risky for all parties. We need to parent from a position of strength. Our kids need it.
Please try to find another way to find emotional peace. One of the cheapest things I can think of is Emotional Freedom technique. But you may want to look at prof help as well.
aw,you are probly just supposed to have the boys first and when you are older with more money and time and have sent all the cute boys to school-try again and it will be a girl and you will stay home with her alone and shop and everything!! I had 3 girls (I really did NOT want a boy either) then my 4th was a boy and its perfect, and he is the baby prince with all the little mommy helpers( my oldest is 19!)and definitly dont tye the tubes cuz you'll be sad later!Have fun with the boys for 4 years, and then have the little princess-good luck-stuff really does end up right later! :) you are totally normal for hoping and don't worry,if one of the responses you read sucks(i read them),just erase it people are stupid :)
