Feeling like a Loser

If you would like someone to sit down with you one on one then I recommend calling Kevin Kitch ###-###-####. He will do a financial needs assessment and help you find any ways to cut down and find a budget that works. He will come to you and it is free...completely.

I have no solutions for you - I feel the same way at times. I work full time, receive $0 is child support, but he can buy a mercedes for his g/f, lol.... and like you I make too much money for assistance. I have to put my daughter in daycare, but keeping her safety in mind, I wont put her in just any daycare, but I cant afford the most exspensive either.... so, I pay $90 a week and then $5 a day each day I am late....
I wonder at times how it is others wont get a job because they will lose money from the state.... these are words from my own former sister-in-law.... It floored me when she said that. We have no extra money for Chuck E Cheese or dinner out once a month or even a movie occassionally..... but we struggle and take advantage of the quality time and do things like walk through the mall just to get out ot weather permitting we spend the afternoon at the park, play kick ball and pack a small picnic....

I wish I could help but I just wanted you to know you are not alone in the way you feel.

Vote Democratic.
C. S.

S.,
Have you actually sat down and figured the cost of working? Jonni McCoy, author of Miserly Moms, says that it costs an average of $10/hour just to have the privledge of working. So if you're making $12/hour (just an example), you're really bringing home $2/hour.
I suggest you sit down and figure out how much you spend related to working (wardrobe, taxes, daycare, lunches out, convienance food because you're too tired to cook, gas, coworker gifts, etc.). If you're married and your husband works, can his insurance cover the family? If not, you can often get individual healthcare/insurance on your own. There are several companies and plans out there. Then look at the bottom line - if you subtract all the expenses you pay to work are you still in the red? If so, can you supplement this amount by working from home? Such as in-home daycare. If you have an office job, depending on what you do, perhaps you can work from home (via internet/phone) a few days each week.

I've been there too. I was a workaholic teacher barely getting by. There were always more bills than money and my insurance SUCKED! When my second baby arrived, I was paying more in daycare than my mortgage! I worried about the babies at work and work when I was with my babies. I couldn't do my mom job or my teacher job to the best of my abilities and I hated that. We took a huge leap of faith after reorganizing things and I started to stay home. I do supplement some income by having an in-home business. It was the best thing I've ever done. I love getting to spend time with my babies! I was able to participate in things with my second that I missed with my first.

Keep your chin up girl. Where there's a will, there is a way! You just have to find it. You shouldn't be this stressed out while expecting - so please take care of yourself. Reach out to your spouse and family to help you find a solution that works.

Something that may help with the food is something that I saw recommended on here before.

http://www.angelfoodministries.com/

You sign up to get a box of food for $30 (it's a LOT of food for the price too!) and then be at the host site on the pick up date to pick up your box. Be sure to check the order due date and pick up date. They have a set menu for each month that you can view prior to ordering. They also have specials each month that you can add to your order for another $20 or so that usually contain a lot of meats. There is no income limit you have to meet to order, they take orders from anyone.

Keep your head up and never give up. Keep on trucking and eventually you will get there. It might help to find a financial advisor that could give you some free advice. There are some out there that will help you.

Most hospitals (and even some doctor's offices) have a "charity" form available for people who can't afford their bill. You just fill it out with all of your circumstances, and sometimes, you are required to only pay a portion of your bill. Sometimes, they completely forgive the bill. At the worst, they will usually set up a payment plan, even for a very small amount per month. We've done that before with a deductible payment. I think we owed $250 and only had to pay something like $25 a month (and that was what I told them I could pay - that wasn't what they told me I had to pay) until it was paid off.

I second the angel food suggestion. There are no qualification procedures, and no income requirements. You don't even have to register or anything like that. You just fill out an order form and turn it in with your money on a designated day and then be at the pick up site on the distribution day on time to pick up the food. The food is good quality, not dented or grocery store rejects, and one box is supposed to feed a family of 4 for a week I believe.

If you belong to a church, speak to your pastor about any programs they may have that would help. Our church has a program for people who are in need on occasion where they send out an email to all the people signed up on this particular distribution list for whatever the person needs and the people who can help them do.

Join your local freecycle group (www.freecycle.org) and watch for items that you can use for your family rather than having to spend money on them. We've given out practically a whole house full of furniture on freecycle and have received several useful items for free as well. I've seen people give formula, diapers, even cars on occasion.

You are a hard working mom doing what you can for your kids and you yourself said you have a good job that pays well so there's no way you are a "loser" just because you're finding it hard to get by on what you have. This is an age-old problem that many people face daily so you are definitely not alone. There are some things you can do to make your situation better. It just may take a little time and a lot of ingenuity. If you have faith and pray for help and guidance, in my experience, things always turn around eventually.

Good luck and God bless!

First off I would like to commend you. Raising three kids with one on the way is HARD work. At some point every mother feels the can't do enough to provide for their kids and family needs. That's normal just so that's clear.

As far as things I could recommend. I know this sounds strange but get out your bills. Make calls to each and every one of them, ask them if they offer a program for families with low income (phone companies do this). If they don't ask them if there are any promotions going on that would lower your bill. As far as other help I recommend going to your local social security office and asking them if they have any programs or groups to refer you to. Apply for WIC, they have higher quota's than foodstamps and other programs. WIC does offer shots for FREE for children under 5. I know that only helps a little but every little bit helps. Clip coupons, I know it seams time consuming but I do it and each time I shop I save at least 40% on my grocery bill, if you have a grocery store in your area that doubles or triples coupons then go there. Look into getting a nanny, I know you are thinking you can't afford it but in McKinney my friend is a nanny and only get's paid $200 a week (so depending on what you pay for childcare it may be worth it), she also does cleaning and cooking as well as running errands for the parents.

I really hope this helps at least some. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me.

I would have to agree with Cindy S! Amen, Sister =)

Hi S.,

I know your situation all too well. My husband and I went through the same thing, too rich to get any help and too poor to pay for everything. My strategy was to eliminate any extra expenses like cable, eating out, and even got rid of the $7 bill pay fee (at that time $7 seemed like $100!) just remember God gives us the courage to prevail. Keep your head up! Things will get better!! :-)

Please don't feel like a loser. Sadly for a lot of us, this seems to be the way it is! My husband and I talk all the time of how we would almost be better off to get lesser paying job and mooch! We pay almost $6000 for healthcare and then still have to shell out the dough when we go to the doctor and so we avoid going if at all possible.

These ladies here have sold me on this Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey (if you look under my name you will see all the positive responses I have gotten on it) and I am going to check it out and take the classes! Maybe you should check it out too. The church here has all sorts of activities for the kids, and for a donation will serve dinner that night as well, so I am looking forward to it!

Hang in there! You aren't alone!

Good luck!

File for child support at the Attorney General's office! Even if you don't know where the father is, you really just need his name and they will research his income and file an order for support. Even if it takes awhile to start collecting, the amount starts accruing that day the papers are filed and acruing interest. You will get your money sooner or later and it sounds like you and your kids need it.

I dont know if anyone sugested it but www.angelfoodministries.com is WONDERFUL! It has saved us a TON on food and the food has been great. No applying anyone can order and they use churches as hosts just cause every city has one so you dont need to attend there to order and they arent supposed to prosolyte to you too either. You can also order as much as you want. Good luck!

One thing I would do is to make a list of priorities for your bills - food and shelter come first. I would put off paying any medical bills if possible - just pay what you can afford so you can keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Usually the hospital will demand a certain amount up front for the deductable - just tell them you don't have it if you can't afford the whole amount - often they will relent and just have to bill you what you can't pay at the time. Deductables have gotten SO high I think the majority of patients can't pay them all up front - you are not alone if you can't so don't let them make you feel like you are a loser - this is one of the most expensive times in your life with kids in daycare, etc., but it will get better once they are in school. I have no idea how I afforded all that when mine were young!

You don't mention the kids' father - I don't know if he is in the home or out, but if he is out make sure he is paying his share!

You probably have thought of it but don't be afraid to downsize if needed - either your car, apartment, etc. if you have to. I know when I was in an apartment I was always looking for e better deal - once when I found a better deal I wrote a letter to my apartment manager letting them know I wanted to stay but I would have to move if they did not match the other complex's rates - and they did (they did not want to lose a paying tenant).

Your maternity leave is a good time to brainstorm ways to save/make money.

Good luck and God Bless.

ok well, I have four children and yes there are days in which i feel the same. mine are 5, 4, almost 2 and 5 months. we are on food stamps and medicaid,but still feel like we drown sometimes in bills... i say go back to the basics. Cut back on the "extras", like nails, hair, movies, out to dinner,etc....then see if you and a friend can gather up the outgrown toys and clothes and take them to a good resale shop to begin making some extra money or at least money/credit to buy clothes in the future. clip those baby coupons. go online and signup for the formula companys if your using it. huggies.com has lots of coupons they send out. and just start nesting and preparing for the time you are off. plus, see if you can qualify for help from food stamps if its just you as a single mother, if not, have you checked on WIC? let me know if you need anything else.
L.

First of all, you ARE NOT a loser. You have quite a bit on your plate right now-been there and done that and I survived. Believe me, there were many times when I honestly didn't know where my kids next meal would come from. I was a divorced mom of three at the time and worked (about 14 years ago) and I wasn't eligible for food stamps, medicaid, etc. I worked and made only $9 an hour at the time. I had great FAITH and knew if I stuck with it and didn't give up that things would be better. Do you belong to a church? If not, contact the nearest one and asked to speak to a pastor, minister or priest. Get yourself some spirtual counseling. Also, many churches have various ministries that are there to help those in need. Find someone who may be able to give you financial counseling. There may be something that you are not seeing since you are feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. God has blessed you with three beautiful girls and another one on the way. HE wouldn't give you another if HE felt you couldn't handle it. I know that seems trite, but you must hang in there for the sake of your children. Do you get maternity leave from your job? That will help some. Also, look into WIC for you and the baby? IF you feel the need to talk let me know. Pray. Ask God to give you strength. I have prayed for 14 years regarding my older son and God has heard and answered my prayers. Many times things happen for a reason and I Have found that they don't always happen on our timetable but on HIS!

I will pray for you and your children. Don't ever give up and again, you are not a loser. Let me leave with something: We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It's a matter of personal choices-blessing or curse.

Blessings
M.

You are not a loser even though I know we all have low points. Keep your head up! Once you stop working if you are taking cut or not being paid you will qualify for WIC for all of the children in the household. They certify you for a year so you don't have to worry about be taken off for at least a year and the baby won't need formula anymore. Formula is so expensive. You will not only get formula, but you will also get cereal, milk, cheese, juice etc. for the other children. If you are not going to be paid you may want to check and see if you qualify at that time for medicaid or at least the baby. If you ever have to go part time I would def. check with medicaid. My friend was on medicaid and she worked part time. I know this doesn't help your present situation but you will be in my prayers. Don't give up..

Perhaps you would qualify for WIC. This will help cover some of the grocery basics. Also, if you belong to a church (or even if you don't) I would speak to your church about getting a bit of help. Many churches have ministries that cater to their parishoners who are in financial need. Hope this helps!