Feeling Guilty Mom of Twin Boys

Try going back to the slow nipple with him. I was told by my doctor that you didn't have to change nipples, that it is a marketing gimmick. Try that and see if he will go back to you. Good luck!

its not uncommon for babies to wean themselves off. there are plenty of other ways to bond like bath and play time and even feeding, holding him while he drinks a bottle still gets you that physical closeness, just on a different level. if one still wants to breastfeed and the other doesn't, just let it be what it is. There is no reason to feel guilty, your not pushing him to stop, he is making the choice on his own (hey, he may just be the leader of the pair). I think its great that its such a high priority to you to have that one on one time, thats hard to maintain with more than one kid. keep it up!!

You could go back to slow flow nipples. Babies who switch between breast and bottle do best on the slowest flow nipples, so they don't get used to the faster flow. I think you could probably take a day to switch your boy back, and after that just put the pump away. Nurse all you can, bottle feed when you must, but that pump is like another (mechanical) child to feed that doesn't give you any love. Hope this helps. Please forgive yourself, too. You are doing the best you can!

I don't have experience with twins or bottle feeding but the idea that came to me while reading your post was... why don't you switch back to the nipples with less flow for the little man who is making yucky faces? That way its not easier from one source and he'll work harder at the nipple?? Just a thought.

Good luck and great job Mama, I've only ever had one at a time and that was hard enough.

I don't think it would hurt for them to be on the slow flow nipple still, yes it takes longer to eat but then they would be more willing to feed off of you! Keep up the good work!

first thing I have to say is congratulations on breastfeeding the two of them for 5 months. I was only able to breastfeed my b/g twins for 2 months due to various health issues. I have a few questions for you:

1) Does he make the yucky face when he has the slow flow nipple?

2) does he seem to enjoy nursing otherwise?

Having them on a bottle doesn't mean thatnyou can't bond. I had a nursing nazi watch how the bonding worked between my two and me since we were doing bottles and it has changed her whole perspective of breastfeeding. She now realizes that the bonding isn't so much the breastfeeding but the holding, cuddling, and looking and interacting with them.

feel free to contact me if you want for a twin mom talk, sometimes it's hard relating things with moms of singles.

Good luck

S.

Hi J.;

I am also a mom to three, albeit all boys. My oldest is 6 years older than his twin brothers (the oldest is 14 and the twins are 8 now).

Here's my thought on the bonding issue: I didn't breast feed my boys. However, when it was bottle time I interacted with them, whether it be from eye contact (night feedings, as I didn't want to stimulate them too much on those feedings) or reading and chatting with them during the day feedings. I held them close and have always given them lots of hugs. Each boy is completely different. The 14-year-old has always been very independent. He has never liked to stay still long enough for hugs. It hurt when he was younger, but now that he's older he doesn't mind giving me a hug anymore (go figure).

As for the twins, they both have to have hugs. When preschool let out, most mothers were getting one small hug, I had two little boys plowing past people and tackling me with hugs. On the days I volunteer at school I cannot leave unless I give them each a hug and a peck on the head. Now, one twin is getting a bit bashful and not too fond of a grizzly hug at school, so we just do the side hug and a quick peck on the head.

My twins are much older, but I thought you should know that the bonding can always take place no matter if you breast or bottle feed.

Congrats on the new babes!
D.

Five months of breastfeeding is a great start and you shouldn't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. I wouldn't go to back the slower flow nipple. You certainly wouldn't want to feel like you were starving your son just because you wanted to breastfeed him longer.

Especially with twins, your routine will always be changing, so don't set your expectations unrealistically. And just because you feed your child from a bottle doesn't mean you or your husband can't hold him close and bond with him then.

I do believe that breastmilk is best, but at some point you have to look at what works for you too. Maybe you can work on increasing your milk supply so you will have a greater flow from your breasts (lots of great info online). If you aren't using a double pump, you should try it as that can cut down on pumping time quite a bit. But it sounds like you are being exhausted by the feeding process as it is, so it might be time to start weaning, even if you aren't quite mentally ready to do so.

Hang in there!

Hi J., I just wanted to say I don't think you should feel guilty at all - you are feeding your babies and that's your top job. How you do it - breast or bottle isn't as important. Do what's right for you and your family. Your son might get past his aversion to the slower breastfeeding or he might wean himself - but you are doing nothing wrong! You are doing an amazing job raising twins. Also, bonding takes place all the time - not just breastfeeding. Just think of adopted babies or moms who can't breastfeed - they still bond with their babies just fine and you will too! Good luck!

As the mother of identical twin boys, now 23, I can relate. I tried nursing them (alternating as you have been doing) for several months and they both seemed to prefer the bottle. That was such a discouragement except the doctor told me that it is much easier for them to use the bottle and they were taking the lazy way out! Sorry, that I don't have much great advise to give you. Just know it isn't you.

If he's making yucky faces but still nurses then try to continue nursing if possible. Also, you can try switching to the other breast to see if he likes that better. If you put in the extra effort now, you'll be less susceptible to guilt later on, and you'll know that they both equally got the best from you which is really a lot. You're doing an incredible and awesome job.

Have you considered going back to the slow flow nipples? Feedings would take longer which is certainly a drawback with twins, but it may help preserve your breastfeeding relationship.

Our two year old still take a bottle (and breastfeeds) and is still on the newborn nipple...works just fine for him.

I don' think it has to do with the taste of your milk, rather the faster-flow bottles require less work on the baby's part. To breastfeed, a child must work to get the milk, (it develops the jaw muscle) so it's just easier to drink from a bottle. Good job on nursing twins!

J.,

Don't feel guilty at all. I had a very similar thing happen to me when my son was born. He wound up being an emergency C-section and didn't get to stay in my room with me. Even though I told the nurses to wake me up at night so I could try and nurse him they didn't. Instead they would give him those little one ounce bottles that drip/leak when you turn them upside down. I was angry to put it mildly. I had to go home without my baby because he didn't want to work for his food.

I went back the next day and tried and tried and tried and finally we got it all figured out, he came home with me and is now 5 1/2 and the size of the average 7 year old.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Hi J.,

First, I'll piggy-back what everyone said about not feeling guilty. I gladly breast-feed my twin sons, but I went almost 2 years. Even when I weaned them, it was a heartbreaking ordeal. I think they would have nursed until Kindergarten, if I had let them. :|

We had to deal with food sensitivities, so formula wasn't really an option. The NICU ppl instructed me to give it to the boys, but they were sensitive to milk, so they suffered terrible colic. Only my milk really stayed put. It was so hard. I suffered tremendous guilt.

I'm glad I nursed them as long as I did and wish I had tried to go even longer, but it was so hard.

What I want to say is to remember to keep it all in perspective, and to tell yourself what a great job you are doing in trying. Let go of the guilt.

For advice, I like the going back to slow-flo nipples advice and I think you can just do more skin-to-skin contact. That might help. Also, have you been eating anything different lately that might be getting in your milk?

Please let us know how it goes. :)

THat's awesome you've breastfed this long. If you want to continue to breastfeed I think there are things you can still try. Possibly nursing skin to skin and setting aside special bonding time to nurse.

Have you tried calling the nursing mothers counsel of oregon?

Also, I don't have the experience with twins, but why do you think that there's not enough milk? There are only few reasons that your body wouldn't respond to the demand. But, I know it must be hard to nurse twins, I am tandem nursing right now and they each have one side to their own and my boobs are twice as big as they were my first pregnancy. I can be very tiring.

You are doing the best you can, so don't worry.

I didn't read all the advice, so sorry if I repeat anyone's.

I breastfed both my daughters (at breast and expressed in bottle) and never changed nipple size. I was told by the lactation nurse to go ahead and keep with size 1 because you want the baby to work as hard at the bottle as they do at the breast. By increasing the nipple size they do not have to suck as hard to keep the flow going and if they tend to be a "lazy" eater then they will prefer the faster flow and may start to dislike the "work" of feeding at the breast.
HTH
E.

Hi J.,
I know how you feel. I have 2yr old B/G twins and my milk never fully came in so I had to switch to formula very early on, like at 2 mos. Everything is so pro-BF but some people just don't produce enough milk for even one.(I have a 4mo old Girl and again, my milk did not come in enough for just her so formula again.).

What I can tell you is it do not guilt yourself over the whole BF'd thing. I went through that with my twins and I worried about ear infections, etc that they say BF'd helps reduce and my kids have been healthier than most I know who were BF'd. I know the pressure to BF'd and would of liked to have done it longer also but between the pumping,bottles, diapers, burping etc with twins, you have to decide what is best for your family. My Dr. agreed both times that it was best for me to do formula.

Yes, I know people will respond about don't give up on BF'd but with twins, it is a whole other ballgame and you have to take care of yourself also. I wish you the very best. It will get easier as they get older (and harder in some ways:)

Dear J.,
Wow, congratulations on having twin boys. I have twin girls. I know exactly how you felt. I debated when to stop breast feeding because the girls are 11 months now. But the girls made the decision on their own at 10 months. They would just push me away. It's so hard to let that bond go. If your little boy wants to stop breast feeding it's okay. If anything it will be a blessing for you because it's one less that you have to ween off of breast feeding when the time comes. He's made the decision easy for you. 6 months is a long time to go breastfeeding and I give you kudos for that! I hope this helps. Good luck!