Not to divulge too much, but my husband and I have a lovely daughter. Prior to having her we had MAJOR issues with his family after his mother died and father quickly remarried a younger divorcee with her own adult children and fulfilled her financial fantasy of a dream house, jeopardizing his retirement. We were not close with her and then lived 1,000 miles away for several years. We visited minimally once per year and typically had drama because the new wife is a control freak and particular about everything being her way, although she tells people she's easy going. They did not visit until after we had a child and refused to stay with us or even give us their cell phone number while they were supposedly there to see us. They didn't even accept invitations to see her at her happiest time of day and join us for breakfast on their last day in town. Honestly, they seemed to pit stop on their way to and from Florida just to say we visited once to keep up appearances. That was when our daughter was 4 months. We'd stated that we wanted them to be her Pop and Nana and they said that's fine. And they also uttered that she'll call us whatever she decides. Well, now our daughter is 20 months and very verbal. She has been calling pictures of them Pop and Nana for several months. We've just moved back closer to them and when we visit they don't accept being called Pop & Nana and constantly try to redirect our daughter to call them Papa & Nanny. My sister- in-law is very close with the second wife and had wanted her daughter who is 3.5 years old to call them Memere (mom)and Pepere (dad). But her daughter calls them Papa & Meme. His sister tries to get our daughter to call the second wife Meme. I know this is far too complicated for what it is, but when his dad and wife had visited they also pressed how special it was that their first grandchild chose the name Papa and didn't seem to want our daughter to call him that. There are a lot of stubborn people involved, and sure I might be one of them, but I just want this resolved so my daughter can have consistancy and not feel rejected or wrong. Today I asked her what she wanted to call her grandfather and his wife showing her their photos. I gave her the options they seemed to want and what she's been calling them. She likes Pop & Nana best. My daughter is smart and could relearn them by different names if it was pressed, but I don't want to do that to her. I want what's best for my daughter and don't want to upset his family since things are finally on the up and up.
I asked my husband to resolve this with his family prior to us visiting them again so we're all on the same page and move on from this little tangle. Your advise please.
Thanks for the advice. I discussed it with my husband and he wants for our daughter to continue to call them Pop and Nana, as she has been. He doesn't want her to call them by something else and thinks it's not a big deal for them to follow our daughter's lead. I figure it's his family so I'll let him handle it how he chooses. I don't want to press the matter and make it a problem between he and I. So we're not going to address it with them, but continue to refer to them as Pop and Nana. I'm not sure how this will go, but come her birthday and Christmas which are back to back, we'll see how they sign their card, should they send her one this year.
How unfortunate that they agreed to "names" initially, and now have reversed course on that agreement! I'm afraid you'll need to "pick your battles" and this one might not be worth the acromony involved, especially since your daughter is caught up in the middle of it. I agree that consistency is good, but maybe your husband could strike a compromise with them, and explain how this is confusing their grand-daughter? Good Luck!
Since she has a cousin who calls them one thing..maybe consistant woudl be best and not so confusing. I know they agreed to the one set of names (why can't we call call the grandparents grandma & grandpa?) but I do not htink the control freak will let it go and will continue to correct your child and make her feel bad..I am sure you do nto want to giv ein to her..but this is causing you way to much emotional stress and making the gap wider. If you want a relationship with your father..you may just have to do things her way or she might not let you in at all.
My son has only one grandma as my mom passed n 1999, so I really wanted MIL called Grandma..but my BIL had to have his 3 kids call them Oma & Papa and they see them more..so when we see them with the othrs they all look at Nick funny for him calling them G&G..we did not choose Oma & Papa, and I feel it is unfair also..so I know how you feel..but no one in our family is asking us to change. I know how small things can bug..
That seems to be a lot of worry over names? With the other family tensions, is it possible to be reading too much into this aspect? My daughter is the second grandchild for my inlaws, and I know that they decided to be called "Nana" and "Papa" for the first one, so I never even considered coming up with new names for them. They are just, "Nana" and "Papa" for my daughter, too. I asked my parents what they wanted to be called (as this is their first grandchild) and they selected "Omi" and "Grandfather." Hey, not typical names- but that is what they wanted to be called. It might be a little confusing at first for your daughter to catch on to the new variations- but if it furthers a little more continuity (in names) and cohesiveness in your family- maybe it is worth it?
let them be called what they want to be called. it really is for their benefit anyway. your daughter won't remember what she "used" to call them, and if you handle it breezily, she will do the same. asking her what she would prefer to call them will just confuse her, just direct her and she will follow.
Wow. that's really alot to absorb for a little child! Why would the in-laws be like that!? Well, to give you an idea of what happens in my family...On my husband's side, his dad remarried (over 25 years ago), so the wife is considered Grandmom, and he is PopPop. BUT! my Dad, decided he wanted to be called PopPop. Sigh! My daughter is only 17 months and doesn't see either one of them because we're 300 miles away. There's no easy solution, for me. I just try to differentiate by using our last name after Grandmom, or PopPop. When she starts speaking, I'm hoping whatever she wants to call them they will embrace. I'm sorry you have to go through that with your in-laws. A thought though--Maybe you shouldn't make a big deal of it. and just let it go. Maybe since you are feeling like you need to resolve this, its feeding more to the fire. Let your daughter make up her own mind, and say "oh isn't that wonderful!? She loves to address you as her "Pop and Nana"!" I'm interested to hear what others say. Lots of luck.
I feel for pain! My son is 5 and my husbands parents have 2 older granddaughters..they call my inlaws (Nanu..and Grandpa)...I hated that Nanu thing..reminded me of Mork and Mindy! I told them they would be grandma and Papa..and that is just the way it is..they dont have an issue with it. And as far as my Bro and Sis in law..we dont really have a relationship with them (thier loss!) so i dont care what they think...I still think Nanu is the worse grandparent "name" I have ever heard in my life! What were they thinking!
