"Family Issues"

If you are thinking about a divorce with only this 'feelin' you will have a hard road ahead. It will have more problems down the road. You married for better or worse. that means NO MATTER HOW WORSE! Unless you have a Biblical reason (adultry) you have no grounds for a divorce and don't you dare make that little guy grow up w/o a daddy.

I will recomend the same thing. work it out if you can for the kids sake. they deserve a whole and happy family. It's hard when you first have a baby. A lot to adjust to, but it will be better. esp when the kids is over a year. You won't regret it.

I remember when my daughter was younger that my husband could do no right. He was trying at his maturity level. We actually separated for 1 year and 7 months. I figured if I was on my own I may as well be on my own. Very angry by that point, btw.

It sounds like you are feeling the space/isolation that comes with the baby. You may have a moms group for friends, but they aren't giving you the closeness you want with your husband. If that sounds familiar, then here is what it took for my marriage to be reconciled.

1) Pass the 1st 6 months of infant time. I don't think I was able to "hear" much by then. We'd been married 5 years and I was so alone... with a baby now...and tired even though baby slept 5 hours at night. I wondered if he was cheating since he wasn't being affectionate in or out of the bedroom... nothing suspicious was going on in retrospect.
2) I read Dr Laura's book even though I'd given up during the separation...helped a little, but we were separated and it seemed like he didn't want me back. I'd recommend a different book first... see below...
3) Got counseling after my husband started being helpful and thoughtful... in case it was a "trick." He had tried to guilt me into moving back in with him to save money, because God hates divorce, it's best for the children...I felt like he was trying to manipulate me since he didn't want me back. 14 months later I started counseling for myself. Eventually husband was brought in. Our counselor said he was secretly thinking we were headed for divorce. My husband likes to be "right" so I very waspishly told him that he liked being right more than he loved me so we were done.

During a pause in counseling I found a book called Distant Partner by Dr. Les Carter. Based on what little you said and where you are at with the young baby, I would recommend you start with this book. When I read it, I kept thinking this guy had a camera in my home or something. I could so see "us."

http://www.marriagemissions.com/the-emotionally-distant-h... is an excerpt.

I learned I had reaction patterns. No matter what he said, I would react unhappy and blow up. He didn't stand a chance with me.

Eventually he became more involved and affectionate about the same time I learned how to keep myself from hyperreacting. My husband had been protecting himself and not allowing himself to love me because he was afraid I was going to leave him anyway... Insecure guy and affection (not sex) starved, aggressive woman do not make a good combination.

Long story short, I learned from the book Distant Partner. Saw some changes in my husband...Extended myself a little and saw my husband meet my changes...etc. until we got back together. I really hope you can find it in yourself to work things out. Yes, it's better for your son, but it's would also be better for you. I now have the husband I thought I married 10 years ago. My kids have their dad and he is so much more involved with baby #2 (who I call our "love child" when it's just us). Now I gladly do what's in Dr Laura's Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

Give yourself some slack. A large part of this may be hormonal, but you mentioned some insecurity so we may have enough similarities for this to help you. (My dad was unfaithful and so were both of my grandfathers...)

Please feel free to call me/email me. I was the exact same age as you when this happened in my marriage.

Most women would give their eye teeth to have a good husband, provider, gread with their kid and come straight, home from work. How did you ever come up with a problem from that? I feel you are insecure for some reason that has nothing to do with a husband. You maybe could go get counceling. If you are complaining to your husband and he has done nothing that could make a person want to leave. I guess I just don't understand why you feel this way, but consider yourself blessed and quit worrying about feeling insecure about your marriage if you can or get some kind counceling if you can't manage to not be worried.

B.,
I'm so glad you are reaching out. You have recieved some great advice. I hope you find something that works for you. Here is what worked for my husband & me.
I have an 8 month old & I absolutely adore my husband. When she was 5 months old we came into a full-blown crisis. When we weren't enjoying our precious daughter, we were so caught up in the "tasks" that needed to be done that we weren't meeting each other's needs. We both take our marriage vows very seriously- divorce is just not an option for either of us. We really had to sit down & hash it out. We came to a decision: either stay married forever & be happy, or stay married forever & be miserable. When we actually said it out loud it made us take action & make changes for one another. We asked God for help, and we have been doing incredibly better. It's still hard, but we know we have to take care of one another, not just our baby.
I will pray for you & your family. Good luck!

You are still very young in your marriage, please give it time and work together on your marriage. It is normal to feel insecure about your marriage after so little time together. My husband has never even looked the wrong way, yet when we were first married, I constantly worried about "what if?". You can't do that, it will drive you nuts. I talked to my husband about it a little and found out that he was just as insecure about me as I was about him. It shocked me- I hadn't even looked the wrong way either!
We made it without a marriage counseler- but it wouldn' thurt for you two to go see one- if you have a pastor at a church- they can help. It is tough adjusting to married life and then life as a SAHM. Make sure you tow spend time together as a couple- get a babysitter and DATE!!! Remember why you married him in the first place!!! Even after 10 years of marriage, we still have to take time away from our children(we have 4)and just be together. It doesn't have to be anything fancy- we go rollerblading at the park, or walk around the neighbor hood, or just go to a video store and look for movies for a couple of hours.
Your insecurites will fade as you realizes how much your husband really does love you and your baby and how much you really do love your husband, and youre marriage will grow stronger. PLEASE, don't let this cause your marriage to fall apart, use it to make your marriage stronger.
God bless and don't give up! it is worth it!
~C.

Dear B.,

Thanks for reaching out. Marriage and family can be hard sometimes. You didn't list any reason to even consider divorce in your request, so no one knows what's going on or how to help specifically, but since you listed that you have a great man for a husband and you have a 5 month old, I strongly suspect this is a hormonal thing on your part. DON'T get a divorce. Good men are incredibly hard to find, and hard to keep, and divorce is life shattering for all three of you.

Try getting out with ladies once a month to vent a little, maybe they can pray with you. Read "Created to be His Help Meet". Ask God to show you how to love your husband, to show your husband how to love you, and how to stay married. Take some hormones--Arbonne has a cream called Prolief, that you can apply once a day even while pregnant or nursing that calms your hormones naturally.

This feeling will pass, and your husband will grow and learn how better to make you happy. You should spend some time trying to make him happy in the mean time. Pray for him, pray for you, and pray for that baby. You can email me if you need to vent, or if you have a specific problem you need help with, or if you just feel hopeless. I'll chat with you! :)

Hugs,
A.

P.S. Marriage is worth the work, the blood sweat and tears, just like children are worth the work. But your children grow up and leave, your husband is your life partner.

P.P.S. See "Fireproof".

Hang in there B....the first year of parenting is very difficult. Everyone is insecure. All of a sudden your husband is sharing your attention...dispite loving your son, he may feel a little isolated. Mom and baby bond much more quickly and easily.

As for new moms...you lose your own identity for a while when baby comes along. Insecurity is bond to follow. I say give it time and carve out couple time.

You feel insecure about your marriage like you think he's cheating on you, or like you think you could do better?

If it's the second, I'm going to jump to a conclusion here and say, "Stay out of the chat rooms." Those places can ruin a fabulous marriage.

I recommend "The five love languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman and "created to be his help meet" by debi pearl (nogreaterjoy.org)

S.

I agree with watching the movie "Fireproof". And be sure to watch it together. Me and my husband watched it and then I purchased the book that went along with the movie "The Love Dare" and did it for 40 days, and it was a life changing experience for me. My marriage is better than ever and my husband was so excited about it he was telling all his friends. It's one of the best things I've ever done.

B.,

Well, I know where you are coming from.

On one hand, they say to always trust your instincts when it comes to these feelings. That is what I did when I was newly married with a little one. I got very suspicious of my husband, being out in the "grown up" world and I was stuck at home. I started to check his pockets, and really LOOK for something going on that he wasn't telling me.

On the other hand, I think when we are stuck at home, with no adult interaction, our minds start to wander...

Go with your gut, but try to keep it in perspective.

Read the book. The 'the proper care and feeding of husbands'by Dr. Laura Slessinger. if this does not answer your questions, then I do not know what will.

he goes out and slays dragons so that you can stay home and raise your son. what a blessing.
Be the best wife and girlfriend any man will die for and he would have no reason to stray. that would give you peace of mind.

my thoughts

Hmm ... you don't say much about why you are unhappy? Being a stay-at-home mom can be hard. Maybe you are feeling isolated or underappreciated?? Maybe you aren't spending quality alone time with your husband?? Not taking time to yourself? Any chance you are depressed? Having kids, and the new stresses and change in roles that come along with them, can be hard on marriages. Having children has definitely intensified some of the existing issues in my own marriage, and my husband and I have to work a little harder at maintaining our relationship and avoiding bad habits. It seems like it would be a good idea to really think about why you are unhappy, so you can figure what to do to fix it. Talk about your feelings with your husband and enlist friends and family for support. If that doesn't work, consider talking with a counselor or clergy. I hope things get better.

"small marital problems" are no reason for divorce. seek counseling. Good luck

Sounds like you might need some individual therapy for yourself - you don't mention any problems, just trust issues on your part. You may have some issues in your past that need to be put to rest - baggage that you need to let go of. Perhaps marital counseling would be good in addition to that, with the goal of learning how to have the best relationship you can. If your parents weren't a healthy role model for you relationship-wise, you're bound to feel freaked out. Marriage isn't easy but it's worth working on :)

Good luck

I wonder if you may be suffering from some postpartum depression. It really changes all your outlooks on things. Talk to your doctor if you think you may be. Staying home is HARD! It takes so much out of you. Be sure to get out of the house for something everyday. I have had to really work on that one myself. HTH

Good Morning B.,
I am a 25 year old mom of a 3year old and a 9 month old and I went thru the same thing with my husband after we had our first child. I am think it was because I just had a baby and I hadn't lost all of my baby weight yet and all of the adjustments in our life were just too much. That first year with our son was HARD! It did get better. I was at my breaking point ready to just give up, and one day I was watching him with our son and thought WOW, he is such a GREAT dad, I know he loves me and our son. So I sat him down and talked to him as an adult. No screaming, yelling or attitude. I told him how I felt and everything that I was going thru. He told me how he felt as well and how I had distanced myself from our marriage. He just didn't say anything but he said he missed me a lot. Ever since we REALLY talked things have been GREAT! We have our ups and downs but we just had our second child 8 months ago and we are going to celebrate our 5 year anniversary soon. Marriage is tough, but it is worth it for a man that loves me and comes home to ME, and a loving father to our kids.

S. R.
Bedford, TX

B., you are not making it very clear why you do not trust your husband. All I have heard is that he works long days, comes home and spends time with his family. Are you afraid that he is spending too much time at "work"? Does the hours that he works match the pay that he brings home? Do you welcome him when he comes home? Men can get a whipping at work and need someone to listen to them. Sometimes or most times men are very much defined by their job. In other words, if work is not good, life is not good. They need a soft place to land where they feel loved and respected. Do you make yourself available to him? Do you have someone to baby sit for you, so you and your husband can spend some time alone? As often as we can my husband of 30 years, and I try to have a date night as often as possible. Don't do anything until you have tried everything you can to make it work. If counseling is in order, I suggest a Christian counseling service. It's not all about you or him, its about two people giving 150%. But you may just find that making some changes on your part, may make some changes with him.
J. W.

B.,

I have been struggling with the same thing. I started attending Celebrate Recovery for a couple of weeks now at Crosstimbers in Argyle and it is amazing. If your husband hasn't done anything to make you insecure then don't throw your marriage away before you give it a chance. Divorce is an ugly thing for a child to go through. Please please give God a chance to work in your relationship. If you want to talk more send me a message and I will send you my email or cell number.

Hello B.,
congratulations on reaching out to other moms! It is not unusual at all to feel down when your baby is still so young. There are so many new responsibilities and challenges, so many changes in such a short time. I know I found it to be a tough time with lots of tears in some ways and awe over my new baby in other ways.
I know that my husband had a very hard time with this change, and your husband may have his own challenges as well. Open communication is so important - if you feel you can't talk to him, write him a letter. Find out what is going on for him, too. Share what you are going through.
From what you are saying, it sounds like something you can work out, don't consider divorce unless you absolutely have to. Whereever you go, there you are. If you don't work out your challenges in this relationship, the same challenges will just show up in future relationships. That's just the way it works, and it is good, because it means that you can take control of your life and the degree of happiness in your marriage.
Many years ago I found amazing help with the book series of "Real Love" by Greg Baer. I actually took a bunch of his weekend seminars and other trainings since, and I can honestly say that my live has completely transformed. I am looking at things in a whole new way. I got lucky to learn about this before I became a mom, and I am sure it would be awesome for you to check out his stuff.
He happens to come to Grapevine on Saturday, 2/28 and Sunday 3/1. Drop everything and come, it will make that much of a difference - I know it has for me and so many other people I know. The event is at the Unity Church in Grapevine. Childcare is provided if you can't leave your baby with anyone.
Greg Baer has a full day seminar on Saturday, speaks at the services (9AM and 10:10 AM) on Sunday, and then he has a 3 hours seminar on Sunday afternoon (1-4PM). Go to any or all of them, but make sure you go. Details are at http://www.reallove.com/events.asp.
You can get more info about his work at www.reallove.com.
He has 7 kids himself (I think 3 of his own and 4 from his second marriage...they are all grown now, and I have met some of them personally - they are great people). He knows what he is talking about - and he is funny, too, so no boring lectures!
I promise you, this can change your life and the life of your family. Take your hubby if he is willing to go, or go by yourself if necessary, but go.
Keep in contact with other moms and find places where you can feel supported, accepted and loved. It will give you strength, and you can take this strength into your marriage and to your son.
All the best to you,
M.

I think you have received some really good advice here, but I wanted to add a little about my experience... I had my first child at 29 years old. We were totally prepared for kids emotionally, financially, physically (space in our house, etc), but still, once the baby was here my hormones went into overdrive.

It didn't even realize it until she was about a year old. Strange thoughts crept into my head, so I talked to a counseler about it and found out it was postpartum depression. I remember distinctly thinking, "Why am I so sad and anxious all the time? There is absolutely nothing wrong with my life. I should be counting my blessings and enjoying this time." But when I couldn't shake the feelings, I got help.

On top of that, being new wife and mom is a huge adjustment. I also kept thinking that these changes in my life (becoming a wife, having a baby, moving into a new home) were all things that I wanted and were very exciting to me. So, why all the anxiety? They are just stressful things!!

Talk to your husband and try to let things go if there is no cause for your concern. Tell him that you need him to understand what you are feeling and need his help to reconcile it. If you can communicate with him, without accusing, I bet he would understand.

Hang in there and don't even think about the "d" word until there is no other option.

Good Luck!
C.

Hi B.,

I think it is so important to continue the love and affection with one another between you and your husband. This will also help with some of the insecurities that you are feeling. You have just had a baby and are staying at home with no adult interaction. Your feelings are certainly ones I felt just a year ago when my son was born. It's important to try and set aside some quality time for the two of you. That was the foundation of the family you have now become! He sounds like a wonderful husband. Give yourself some time to adjust and try to plan some time for you both.

After almost 45 years of marriage, I can tell you that marriage is a journey. As you travel, you encounter "potholes" and "detours." TALK-TALK-TALK! Keep up the communication. Get counseling if you can. Be aware of you body and the changes that are occurring. Talk to your doctor/pastor/best friend, anyone who will listen to you and help you sort out your feelings. Most of all, get close to the Lord. Marriage is always a work in progress. Omit the "D" word from your vocabulary and you'll one day look up and be glad you went through everything! Most of all, remember that the first year of parenting is the most daunting.

I agree, you mention divorce, but you don't really express why. That is a big word B. and so I have to feel you are very unhappy or you would not have used it. My guess is that your husband does not communicate well......like a lot of men. I would consider marriage counseling if you think your husband would agree to go. If not, then go alone. I would also consider a part-time job. Maybe the extra money would take some pressure off of your husband with the bonus of you getting out of the house. And I'd suggest you make a regular date night with your husband. Of course you will have to start with making sure you have a reliable and safe babysitter for your little one.

Watch the movie "Fireproof". You can also purchase the book that goes with it "The Love Dare" and they also have a couples kit. I know they have it online at www.familychristian.com
This is something that you can do on your own. Just watching the movie has made a difference in so many marriages. If you do any kind of counseling make sure that it is Christian Based. Since you have a 5 month old it would be a good idea to go to the Doctor and make sure you don't have a form of depression or that your thyroid levels/hormones are normal, your body has been through a lot. Also once you have a baby it seems like you never get enough sleep, this can also affect the way you feel and see things. Don't give up on your marriage, so many woman would love to have a husband that wants to spend time at home with his family, in fact isn't that why you get married, to spend time together?

Hi B., everyone thinks getting married and having a baby is like living 'Happily Ever After' but it is not. In fact, having a baby so soon in your marriage makes extra work and not always so fun unless you and your husband both were super eager to start a family right away.

I do have to agree with the others, take "Divorce" out of your vocabulary. Scratch it out of the dictionary.

Most young wives and mothers look to their husbands for happiness, romance, and the fairy tail but your hubby is young too. His idea of marriage was probably company, sex and housekeeping. Not so romantic.

Check with your doctor. You may be suffering from postpartum depression and need a little help. Then get your hair done, your nails done, take a long bath, and leave baby with grandma or plan time with husband when baby is asleep.

Talk with him and be selfless. Words of respect and love go along way with a man. He may even think going to work and coming home is showing you he loves you but you will need to let him know that you need something a little more. Affection.

When he is away, make time to read a good book, or a magazine, join a momma's group, keep yourself busy, keep yourself interesting. Sometimes a man who goes to work and comes home and lives a dull life is a real blessing. It is good he finds you company enough.

I hear some good advice below and am thankful so many wives are so understanding.

God bless and take care of you, C.

What did he do wrong? Is sounds like he works, comes home, is a good father and a good husband… why would you want a divorce? If this is just your personal insecurities, maybe you should seek some counseling before you break up what sounds to be a nice family.

Good Luck!
E.

I know where you are comming from I have been there. I would try talking to your husband and letting him know how you are feel. I know this is going to sound silly but its also time for you to find something to do for you and you a lone. I know you love your husband and your child just as much as I do but I know that when I figured out that I had to do somthing for myself I started to feel good about me again. By doing something for your self I mean join a club, sport, something that just for you. I hope this helps. It helped me. Please dont feel that you have to have a divorce thats a scary word for any marraige. Just take your time and you will figure out what is best for you and your family.

The first year+ is the hardest! Men are funny, if he's working and coming straight home,that's very good. He might be so beat from work and just shut down so you feel the distance...not sure. This is the only thing that worked for us - offered monthly and only $79 (totally beats any counseling), go to Basic 1 through www.sosinc.org. We did three counselors, a pastor and two church seminars and nothing worked. Basic 1 is cheap, three days and WORKS (not religious based or a cult). Go separately. Hopefully he can go, then you're both on the same track and it's amazing! Watch the video on the site. Please, do it. It changes lives!! Much luck.

Being at home with a small child day in and day out can be hard and leaves lots of time to "imagine" things. Perhaps you need some time out with other adults. On the other hand, take the mental position that everything is wonderful with your marriage until something actually happens to make you change your mind. You might try this experiment....hire a two hour babysitter a couple of evenings a week so that when your husband gets home from work you can have some time alone together. I'll bet both of you would enjoy the reconnection.

I only read a few other posts, but I agree it sounds like your husband is a great guy. Please don't throw the word divorce around casually or threaten just to get a reaction. This is so wrong. I know you are adjusting to a new baby and that is a BIG adjustment, but try to count your blessings and be thankful that you have a husband that provides you the gift of security so that you are able to stay at home with your sweet baby. Make the extra effort and do what you can to make your husband WANT to come home, it will pay off big for you. If you still have doubts about him, don't be afraid to talk to someone. Marriage is not always roses and candy but it's a commitment and worth fighting for. And you seem reasonable so remember it's not just about you anymore, you have a little boy that NEEDS a father present all the time. Marriage is about two people constantly trying to outgive each other. So tonight when he comes home, dress up a little, cook his favorite meal, and tell him how much you appreciate him working so hard to allow you the privlledge of being able to stay home and raise yall's son. It's a start to a better tomorrow. I wish you the best and have you in my prayers.

If your husband hasn't done anything to cause you concern then you need to pray pray pray. God isn't sending you those thoughts but the devil will. He is a liar and a theif who's main goal is to steal your securities and happiness. Rebuke the devil and all his lies. Speak out against him and show him that your God is boss and you won't put up with his lies. Believe and know that God is bigger and you can restore a level of comfort and peace in your home. Sounds like you have a nice start to a great family, don't let a liar steal your happy times. Take them back!!
Blessings,
J.

Trust and honesty is the most important. If he has not given you reason to doubt then I would start focusing on what he does right to make the home happy and right. The Devil will try anything and even death to stir things up so do not listen to that inter self that is destructive. Unless you find something. Talk Talk Talk to him and get into family games and activities. Share what you are feeling. My neighbor hated her hubby when she was on the pill. Could be harmones. But pray a lot and spend time with God. Help him to understand. For years I thought men thing like us but no way. When they are providing they believe that is the way they show their love. But we want their time and devotion. Women want cuddling and sex is more important for men, in most. Learn to except differences and learn. It took me years and still I will totally never understand men. Right now into a relationships but will not be fooled thinking we are on the same page. You have to teach them what you want and how to love you and your son. We do wife things and are proud and think this is the way we love but they want sex as their reward. Care, love and even if the feelings seem to be gone. If we pretend to care about a person and he is our world actions follow our spoken words. The Bible says hung by the tongue so be careful to only speak loving and with a focus of caring. God Bless G. W

I would suggest counseling or, if you're not quite ready for that yet, buy the DVD "Fireproof" and watch it a few times. Excellent movie and will really help! You took solemn vows, girl. Unless there are some serious issues you haven't mentioned, you gotta give it a chance. Trust your instincts about NOT wanting to put your little boy through a divorce. That would not be fair to him. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

Best of luck,

M.

You didn't really give any info on why you have the trust issues so I am just going to have to try and work with the little you gave..

Sounds like you are simply just not getting enough attention. Plus you have lot's of time at home without your hubby which sounds like it is giving your imagination to much time to conjure up stories of what he "could" be doing. I have been on both ends, I have been a SAHM and I have been the career mom. Trust me your day seems like it goes on twice as long as your husbands. He's out of the house and in social environments so to him his day fly's by. He is so busy at work I am sure he doesn't have the time to even think about anything but work so when you quiz him it seems unjust to him.

Don't crate problems where there are none. It sounds you just need some extra TLC and attention. Tell him. I am sure you are both exhausted at the end of the day but if he came home and was all over you and acted like it was almost unbearable to have T. away from you that day, wouldn't you feel better??? So just tell him.

This DEFINITELY does not sound like ANYTHING to get a divorce over, especially if a child is involved. Save divorce for big stuff like extra-marital affairs and beatings! Short of that you can work anything out if you both try.

Good Luck and God Bless

Hi B., you've received a lot of great advice. I would also suggest that you look for a moms group in your area (early childhood pta, preschool pta, MOPS (mothers of preschoolers), etc.). I quit work shortly after I became pregnant with my first, and throughout my pregnancy & the first year of my daughter's life, I felt so isolated. I didn't have friends or family who stayed home with their children. When my daughter was a year old, I found out about the North Dallas Early Childhood PTA and joined the group. What a lifesaver! I made so many friends who were in the same lifestage; it was a great experience.

If you're not attending a church, I'd like to invite you to visit Watermark Community Church in Dallas (off LBJ between Hillcrest & Coit). They offer some programs that you might be interested in, like Marriage Foundation Groups for those married three years or less, Re-Engage, to help couples reconnect, Square One for first time moms with infants (a new 7-wk session starts March 5), and even an online Bible study that you might be interested in called The Journey (we're currently studying Psalms, learning from David's many struggles and how he dealt with them). Additionally, our senior pastor, Todd Wagner, is great at communicating God's word and making it relevant to everyday life. For more information, please feel free to contact me or go to www.watermark.org. Blessings... J.

The first year of a your first child's life is hard on the parents... I'm not experienced in more than one, but you are not alone. I went through it myself with my husband and one of my best friends was the same. It has a lot to do with hormones, splitting attention with another individual, and being stretch thin yourself. Staying at home is wonderful to be with your baby, but you may not be getting enough interaction with adults. It's hard to find a good man, especially one that works hard for you to be home with your little one. I can say is it gets better as you get into a groove with your little one and adjusting to life as a wife and mother.

I would say if you feel the issues are yours, then they probably are. You don't expand on why you are feeling this way and why you would want a divorce, a very drastic measure (been there done that... with no child involved and that was hard enough!). You may need to talk to your doctor because you may have hormonal issues like postpartum which can be helped with medication. Also, if you are on birth control, depending on the kind, it can really screw up your psyche (been there done that too!).

I wish you all the best and I send you prayers! Take care of yourself and your family! :-)

I agree with the post partum depression. I felt differently about my husband after having both our kids. With my first I had strong feelings of divorce for really no reason. With my second I had a euphoric (sp?) for about 3 weeks after, then depression. Again, the same feelings for my husband. There is lack of sleep involved, hormones, etc. That can cause issues with your marriage and yourself. I would suggest counseling without knowing all of the detail. I never went to counseling b/c I somehow knew what was happening; however, once my daughter started sleeping more and I stopped breastfeeding it seemed like things got back to normal. Plus I was pretty open about my feelings with my husband about what I was feeling at the time. Good luck!

Hi B.! I don't see why you don't like that your husband works and spends time with you and the baby. That is good! I'm not sure what you refer to as your trust issues... If he only works and comes home he probably doesn't have a girlfriend on the side! :-) Did he cheat on you beore? Why do you feel insecure about your marriage? May be you are overwhelmed, tired and want to get out of the house? May be you need him to express his appreciation for you more? Do you feel unattractive? Is he not attracted to you anymore or doesn't seek intimacy with you? You are young and had a baby pretty much right after getting married. Babies are wonderful blessings but do require a lot of work. If you don't pay attention to your needs, the marriage can easily fall apart. Talk to your husband. If you are unsecure about yourself, get working out, lose weight if you need to, dress up, plan activities out of the home with your husband. Get a babysitter and have date nights a few times a month. Love yourself, and love your husband. All relationships have difficult times. Pray together and play together. Keep communicating with your husband. I think your marriage is not falling apart. You just need to grow in your relationship together. Openness and trust are key. Hang in there and God bless you!

What Angela said!!

And just one thing to add: it is quite possible that your husband is going through some "times" of his own with regard to coming into his role as husband, father, provider, leader, etc. My husband has been going through some "stuff" right along side me going through my "stuff" and it helps me love him better to see that. Husbands are people too!
Pray Pray Pray -- see to it that you are not seeking from your relationship with your spouse what you were designed to receive from your relationship with God. Pray that he does the same. You and your family are in my prayers as well.

The first years of a marriage are sometimes tough. Add in the responsibilities, stresses and intense feelings that come with a baby and they can really be multiplied.

You are right to not even consider divorce because you would be putting your son through a lot and it wouldn't fix your problems. You are also being a great wife and mother to reach out for help.

I would recommend that you guys attend some counseling. If you attend a church, see if you can get some counseling through your pastor. Otherwise, make an appointment to see an marriage and family therapist. You may want to go alone at first and then together. After talking to a therapist, she/he will have a recommendation on that.

The most important thing is to understand, for yourself why you feel insecure. Is it a consequence of how you feel about yourself or has your husband done something in the past to cause your trust in his commitment to you to waiver?

Your post sounds sad to me and my heart goes out to you. Have you considered the possibility that you are experiencing some post-partum depression? It is hard to tell from the little bit you wrote, but it is something to consider since you are obviously not happy and have a young baby. If you think this is a possibility, be sure to make an appointment with you general practitioner ASAP. Don't put it off. If you are depressed, you don't have to continue feeling that way.

Good luck and hang in there. This too shall pass. Life and marriage is full of ups and downs. An up is surely around the corner!

Honey, you need some counseling. NOT marital counseling, individual counseling. First of all, it sounds like you may be dealing with postpartum, and second, you outright said that your husband goes to work, comes home and spends time with the two of you, but you feel insecure about the marriage. If there are no REAL reasons for you to feel insecure, then it's all in your head and you need counseling. Something in your past is leading to these feelings and you have to figure out what that is and deal with it. Don't consider divorce at this point at all! Sounds like to me that you are afraid that it's going to fall apart and thinking that if you just go ahead and divorce that you won't be hurt in the end, but that feeling and insecurity will NOT end with a divorce, it will follow you throughout your life, leading to many more failed relationships and the real loser will be your son. He deserves better and so do you! Please take my advice and go talk to a licensed therapist about all this......Prayers and Blessings to you!

Hey Girl!
Hang in there! Having a baby is hard. It changes everything. I was 25 when I had my son, and honestly he wasn't planned at all. We had just been married and were still in our 'party phase' when we found out we were pregnant. According to my obngyn, your hormone levels grow every day that you are pregnant, and because of that, it takes just as long (90 months) for them to go back down to a normal level (pre-pregnancy hormone level). I had a little depression after my son was born and took it out on my husband. My doctor put me on Zoloft and recommended marriage counseling. We did both and saved our marriage!

B.,

I know where you are coming from. I am almost 30 and have been married for 10 years with two small children. I work from home (kids at school) and my husband is out in the corporate world all day. It is very hard to be isolated. I agree with the other posts to not casually use the word divorce. I think you have trust issues (as I do) and no matter what he does you're not going to believe him. My husband is great, but I'm always looking, wondering what is he doing? A lot of it comes from my own Dad and my parent's divorce. I have recently done a lot of reading about relationships and it has really helped. YOur husband can't meet all of your needs. You need girlfriends to talk to because the husbands just want you to get to the point. I would visit the library and start reading self help books or relationship books to try to get yourself through this. What was really hard fo rme was being nice to my husband when he was basically ignoring me all the time. I had to be patient (which I'm not) and wait for him to come around. He did after a few weeks. Enjoy the time you get with your little boy, because you will never get it back. If you divorce you will be working all the time and he will be gone every other weekend. You should let your husband know how you are feeling so he know where you are coming from. Only you are responsible for your feelings though, not him. He can't help though if you have not discussed it with him. They can't read our minds!

Good luck and God bless.

I told my mother that once, many years ago, and she told me that she told my father to go do something outside of the house. So he took up tennis and found a girlfriend too! I never complained about that issue again. I learned to really appreciate my husband and fell in love with him more because he loved to be with me & the boys. I got involved in Bible Study women's groups and realized the problem was me...not my sweet husband. His home was a refuge and I'm so thankful that I have him in my life. Seek counsel to save your marriage if you have to. My parents were divorced and it was not fun. Try to make it work if at all possible. Best wishes!

You have received great advice But have you maybe considered what your husband is feeling? With the new responsibility of a baby (family) and the failing economy he is probably feeling the pressure to provide for his family. That is awesome. Men aren't programmed like us. They are the providers and the conquerors. They are not naturally emotional. we have to show them and it takes time. He seems very responsible, you are blessed, some aren't. Here is a website that helps with family issues.
www.familylife.com