Family Drama - Montgomery,TX

I have been dealing with this for about five years now and it is real. Most gyno doctors are now not giving women anything to deal with this. Mine wouldn't. So finally this summer on my own I had a saliva hormone test done at a compounding pharmacy and found out what all my hormone levels are and am getting some bio-identical hormone help to balance them. Am having to pay out of pocket. Also had to start taking a very small dose of something for anxiety and it has kept me from just screaming at my husband. I greatly fear that I could easily destroy every relationship.

I had a friend who went through this VERY thing when she started the peri-menopause phase of this change of life. I finally had to sit her down and say - in the absolutely most loving and kind way - that she is hurting herself and hurting her loved ones.

I had to tell my friend, "Gina, you know I love you so much. I don't know if you realize your friends are dropping like flies because they don't know what's going to set you off and they don't want to risk making you mad. I really think this is because of the peri-menopause thing. If you go to the doctor and they say it's not then that's fine, but at this point you have nothing to lose just by asking."

You CANNOT help those who won't help themselves. It really is that simple. Our emotional connections is what complicates things. Our morals and values of ...."it's my mom, I have to be there for her like she was for me" card gets thrown in the mix, you over try, they are stubborn and set in their ways and bottom line.....it ain't happening. I have learned through personal and professional experience, that older people are set in their ways and until THEY are good and ready, will not change. Menopause changes everything. Relationships being the number 1 effected. I have been experiencing this with my MIL for the last 10 yrs. My best friend went through the worst experience, as menopause brought out a psychotic break in her mom and she had to commit her. I also experienced this with my Eldercare client and her children. It has alot to do with pride, who they see themselves as, who they'd like to be still, the acceptance of their decline, mentally, emotionally, physically. It is also the refusal, not so much the denial, of believing that they are still the parent and refuse to be told what to do by their child or that they are being a burden to their child. You will, regardless of your age, ALWAYS be the child. SOMETIMES it helps, if you had someone else address her or if you sit and speak to her with your heart, not your anger and frustration. YOu said it yourself, you don't think she knows how much she's hurting people...........so tell her. She could also be very set in her ways and that's that. You have to get over the guilt of trying to protect her and care for her, especially if you have tried your best to no avail. It also depends on what kind of relationship you 2 had from the start. Was it good, solid or were there resentments and a lack of trust? There are many little psychosematic triggers that aid or hinder these situations in both of you. I'm sorry you are going through this, I see it often in my clients children. Bottom line..... you cannot make her help herself. Good luck T..

Once you tell her and she refuses to listen, there is nothing you can do. She will just have to suffer the consequences of her behavior.

I didn't particularly believe in menopause either -- till I went through it. Man, it can sure suck, and yes, it can change your personality. I've seen it, and experienced it personally.

Thank god for synthetic hormones. It's a new day!!

Oh sweetie I don't think you can help someone that doesn't ask for it or want to be helped. Just pray that one day something will click in her and just be there for her when she's ready and willing. Good luck honey!

You can't help someone who doesn't acknowledge that there is a problem and that they need help. You can put the pill/medication in front of her, but you can't make her take it.

You can try taking her to lunch and talking to her gently in an effort to try to get her to understand that there is a problem, but if she refused to acknowledge it, there is really nothing you can do.

Would the others she has hurt willing to do something like an intervention?

As if it were not bad enough for women our whole lives because of our hormones, bodies etc. we get stuck with menopause on the back end. I am getting close and I will tell you that I am terrifed of this. And then they find something for it and it causes cancer! REspect your mothers decision not to take hormones (if that is what they want to give her) as it is not a very safe route to go. I suggest looking up naturepathic remedies that might help her. You say she is in denial but I have to believe that deep down she knows she has changed. Heck-I am starting to notices little changes myself. I don't know what else to suggest but just please don't desert her. And remember unfortunately there is a good chance this will be you later in life as our hormaonal situation often is hereditary.

After my mom finally had a hysterectomy she was somewhat a nicer person. Her base personality was still the same but she did seem to have a lot less rage inside that spilled over for the littlest thing.

Look into herbal and holestic remedies for menapause. Hormonal replacements do make the symtoms easier to manage -- however they also prolong menapause.

Soy isoflavones and black cohosh helped me alot.