Family Criticizing Mothering Techniques Before the Baby's Even Born

Hi M.,
I went through the same thing. I went through the emotional thing and worry etc. I too am a teacher and I worried as well. Still do. I have three boys and I am a worry wart. People respond in different ways to different things and how they are said. The no holes bared solution doesn't hold well with a lot of people. I had this problem too. I finally got sick and tired of what was going on and I changed the way I worded things. I knew that people wouldn't change how they viewed things so I decided that for the betterment of myself and my sanity, I would change. Boy was that a good thing actually because it helped me with attitudes of other parents when dealing with their kids (me being a teacher). Word choice is an effective tool! Now, even though my children are older 15,7,6, it helps with them as well.
Good Luck and I hope that things work out for you.
A.

Everything you have said is perfectly normal...I too was a teacher in my former life and thought ALL the same things. Your baby, child will not behave like that b/c you know better! My children have their moments, let me tell you, but never ever do they hit me or tell me they hate me! (not yet any how)
As for not being a good teacher or wife....your students will be fine, do not worry. You are being a good wife, you are bring a child into this world...your husband can live without sex for awhile. Wait til the baby is born and you have recovery time. I just hope he does not give any grief about this!
I have learned over the years with in laws and my own family that you need to watch who your audience is when venting. I have found that close friends do a better job of listening without judging!

Good Luck! Pregnancy does get better.

I am, like another responder, upset. I had to wait until I calmed down to write. You are the perfect example of an HONEST person and I am just about enraged that your family talked to you like that. We all had those feelings. Many of us were too afraid to speak out. You seem like a person that is a "deep thinker" and your little one will certainly benefit from that. As for you not feeling wonderful about being sick, I always tell people that when you are in the middle of a tornado it is hard to see anything but the swirling winds. It will get better. Please know we are all on your side and will be praying for you and your family.

OK, so you have like 130 responses here and I'm not going to read all of them before I put in my 2 cents, so I may repeat what somebody else has already said.

Don't worry what these women in your family are saying. I would tell them that if they can't be positive, then they need to leave you alone (remember what your mother always said: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.")

Secondly, people shouldn't be sharing their horror stories with you. You have enough to worry about without having to think about worse case scenarios. Those types of comments are in bad taste.

I will tell you that I have been trying to conceive my first child for over 16 months, and I do not find your feelings about your pregnancy to be rotten at all...you can't help the way you feel. I will probably also hate and complain about morning sickness.

I'm sure that you are being a good wife. I'm not even pregnant and I rarely feel like having sex. We usually only do it when we have to (to conceive). And don't worry about not going into the kitchen. I'm sure your husband understands...you are carrying his child after all.

Also, don't compare the bad kids in your class to your own. You have a good amount of experience with small kids, so chances are that you will be a better mother and have better behaved kids than the moms of your students, who had no training or experience when they became mothers.

And I can't believe someone would say that you're not being a good teacher because you have to puke...that's just ridiculous. It's not like you can help that.

I suggest that you and your best friend go to a spa and treat yourself to a pampering of some sort..even if it's just a pedicure. And if you need to and can afford to, take some time off work. Be good to yourself...if that means sleeping all day or just vegging out and watching TV, well then by all means...do it.

I'd wanted to respond right away, but I had to wait a minute because I was so very angry with your family who is supposed to love and support you.

It was very brave of you to admit that you have mixed feelings about pregnancy and parenthood. It's smart that you are concerned about what kind of child you'll have and what kind of mother you'll be. And it is inexcusable that your family would treat you in this way rather than being supportive and positive for you!

It is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL for you to feel all of this. I worked in early childhood and know how I felt that it should have made me feel more prepared than it did. I also know the feeling of watching poorly mannered kids and thinking "Ain't no way my kid will do that!" I'm sad that you're having such a difficult pregnancy, because it can be a beautiful and glowing time, but man that first trimester just sucks the life out of you... all of your energy is being funneled into your baby. Know that this will probably pass, along with the nausea. And you're right, you're going through tons and tons of changes and it's difficult to adjust to so many things at once.

As to your family, that's another matter. I'm not sure how you should handle this, but know that they are being cruel and, I'm guessing that they don't remember pregnancy very well if they tell you that you should be able to look past all of the physical ickyness and just be happy and grateful. Every time I jokingly (or not so jokingly!) complained about feeling bad while pregnant, my husband, with a huge smile on his face reminded me that I'd asked for it, which made me smile. We orderd in for 4 months because the THOUGHT of raw foods mixing togehter made me queasy, sex was a thing to look back on with pleasant memories... and it's likely that the sex part won't improve greatly after you have the baby, either!!

As to your fears about pregnancy and delivery, this is my suggestion. Find a good natural childbirthing class... You'll get TONS of information and go in feeling a lot more comfortable. We took Bradley classes for 9 weeks, gained a lot of knowledge, delevered in a hospital w/ a midwife and had a beautiful, healthy baby vaginally w/o any complications (but with an eipdural)... And, I was with a good friend of mine 2 1/2 weeks ago when she delivered a healthy baby boy vaginally w/o any complications (also at a hospital w/ a midwife). Just so you know that things go well more often than not!

Take care and remember that you baby will be yours: you may not be in love with it right away as it's hard to be in love with something that is so needy and causes so much sleep deprivation, but you will fall in love with it more and more each day and everything will fall into place!!!

Big ((((HUGS)))) going out to you! I'm glad you're going to see your doctor and get checked out. I

I'm so sorry you're getting grief and pregnancy horror stories from the people that are supposed to support you. Don't they realize that's the last thing you need to hear? A good friend of mine did that to me about a week before I gave birth to my third. I was so angry and upset with her and she thought she had done nothing wrong. <eyeroll>

Once you get into your 2nd trimester, you'll get some of your energy back and feel better. Don't let yourself get too tired or too hungry.

First of all, your family shouldn't judge you-they should support you NO MATTER WHAT!! Second of all, you can not dwell on the what if's. The only think that will do is cause you extra unneeded stress. What happens is going to happen whether you worry about it or not. Just enjoy the thought that you are carring a child inside you that will love you no matter what. Sure, my kids have told me they hate me, but, they only do it if you let them know it bothers you. Once they realize it doesn't bother you they don't do it anymore. They really didn't mean it , but they all test their boundries. Being a teacher you should know that.

I think you have a lot going on right now. Pregnancy is different for everyone, and it's not always the glowing/shining experience people tell you it's going to be. I have a friend who was miserable her whole pregnancy and call the baby the growth--she is now a happy mom and loves her baby. I sometimes too had difficulties while I was pregnant (I am nurse and deal with very sick adults) between friends having troubles getting pregnant/miscarriage/babies with birth defects or being very ill when they were born, and with my job and seeing the end part of life. I would just advise you find someone to talk to--a friend who's had a baby or one who hasn't but is just willing to listen to it all no matter how strange it may sound, and talk to your doctor. I don't know if prenatal depression is an issue or common, but all the stress going on could set you up for post and talking to your doctor now may alert him/her more for follow up.

And one more thought on the little kids issues--there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you can't/won't make them happy all the time. I got this advice from friends--what's fair is not always equal, what's equal is not always fair, and remember you're there to nuture/protect/teach/love/etc and it doesn't always make them happy. Good luck.

M.,

I think any first-time mom questions her body, her hormones, her mood, what's happening with her baby, etc. I too am someone who talks about everything - positive or negative, so I understand that you're simply discussing what's in your head.

Also, I don't know why, but some people - especially family - feel the need to tell you EVERYTHING about their pregnancies, mishaps, and deliveries. I think it may be because the MEN never want to hear it, they think with someone close to them pregnant, it's time to SHARE. It can be a bit overwhelming and well, uninvited.

Try to take it all in stride. I found belonging to some websites (like this) definitely helped with the questions I had, rather than opening the FAMILY box. I loved the Babycenter website and e-mails.

I also found many books helped me with all of my questions and apprehensions about being pregnant and what's happening with the baby. I owned EVERY baby, developmental, etc book. If you need a little levity I suggest The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy - it's REALLY funny when you need it most.

Unfortunately, I don't think your husband can understand or help much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggestion you exclude him from things, but don't get upset either if he simply just doesn't "get it" when your talking about ligaments stretching, getting kicked on your organs, etc.

As far as your mood and negativity, I think the books and websites will help you understand what's going on with your body and relax and enjoy the pregnancy a bit. Have you thought of a journal? Maybe you can "vent" there, without bringing everyone else down or letting it consume your day? We've all had so variations of morning sickness, siatica, ligaments stretching, etc. It's as much part of the pregnancy as feeling the baby kick, watching your belly grow, and GETTING A BABY!

I too felt pretty awful in the beginning of my pregnancy (first trimester), but it did get A LOT better! And my deliveries were as smooth as could be - despite all my apprehensions. You are normal. Odds are, you and your baby will be just fine. Try to focus on what you can do and what is changing (for the better - like the baby's growing normally), instead of bad. Yes, it's all happening. Yes, you are right to feel how you do. And if you get tired of everyone's "advice" or "stories", just politely tell them you're both excited to see how your story will end.

Best of luck! I hope this helps.

BTW - if you really want some "help" for the fam, check out and see if your hospital has "Grandparent's Classes". We enrolled our parents for the class on the same day we were taking a "What to expect with your Newborn class." It was lots of fun for all of us to get educated. PLUS, the first, second and third rules of our Grandparents class were - "It's your children's child." (i.e. BUTT OUT)

Honey, your family is nuts, not you! Some pregancy's can be rough, you sound like you have a terrific husband. If you have these concerns your OB should be able to calm your fears and help you to relax. In a short while you WILL have a beautiful baby and you will see that all your fears were in vain. Also, pray that the Lord be with you and your baby and your husband. HE will be with you and take care of you and your baby. HE will not give you anything you cannot handle Pray for peace and understanding and your wacky family, sound like they need LOTS of help.

Hi M.,

The feelings and emotions you are having are very normal in my opinion. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my twins. It's hard when your pregnancy causes you to feel so awful too. Unfortunately with your family's comments, I would not share your feelings with them, since their comments are not helpful or supportive. You have been through a lot of changes with marriage, moving and now pregnancy, it is very normal to feel the way you do. Try to be positive around your family even if you have to fake it, because you certainly do not need to hear their negative comments. Confide in your husband or a close friend that can be understanding and supportive.

L. D. mom of 2 1/2 yr old twin girls

your fears are normal, you are hormonal & you have a lot of new changes in your life.

Not every woman love being PG. Some do. Being a parent is very challenging & very rewarding. Nothing is ever one sided LOL

Women LOVE to talk about their pregnancies & deliveries. Don't know why, but it is a fact.....& there will ALWAYS be bad/sad stories. Unfortunately those are what we seem to hear, or remember the most. Kind of like, if you go to a restuarant & the service is bad.....everyone hears about it, but if its good, most people don't say much at all, kwim?
But trust me, as an OB nurse, I have seen thousands of very good experiences.

Hang in there, you have a lot of changes coming your way. Try to take some time out for YOU. Once your nausea is gone, hopefully you will feel much better, have more energy. & try not to worry about the 4-5 year old stuff before its time! Every age has its challenges & rewards.....as one of my 5 year olds JUST came up to me(no lie), hugged me out of the blue & said, "I love you mommy". Its moments like that that make it all so worth it :)

ABOUT ME~ SAHM (former OB RN) to 5 y/o G/B twins & a 2.5 y/o little girl. Married 9.5 years

Oh my goodness. You poor thing. You sound exhausted. Here's the deal: parenting is all about vulnerability and worrying. It starts the minute you know you have conceived and does not end, ever. That's the kind of love parents have for their children. So your worrying is not abnormal. The other issue is that you are not physically well--you do not have the requisite emotional resources to battle negativity the way you normally would right now. So your thinking is a bit distorted. Just be aware of that without judging yourself for it. Ignore your family--they are worried about you but their way of showing it--telling you to snap out it and get happy--is not helping. You need to be validated for WHATEVER you are feeling. It is completely NORMAL to feel vulnerable, anxious, and worried as a parent. It is completely NORMAL to feel tired, cranky, hyper-sensitive, and physically miserable during parts of your pregnancy. It is perfectly NORMAL to observe other families and listen to others' stories and obsess about how your experience of mothering may evolve. Try to relax and let everything you see around you just float by as something mildly interesting but non-threatening. Sure, it's possible your toddler will someday scream I hate you! but that too is normal--kids have bad days just as we do and they have fewer resources to draw on in order to moderate their feelings. It's just a moment in a long string of other moments, some of which will be magical and others of which will be challenging. The thing to focus on right now is taking good care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat right, watch funny movies, whatever it takes to feel better on a given day. It's helpful to read good books on pregnancy--knowledge is power and the library is full of resources that will help you put your experience in context. I'm also a big fan of writing therapy -- it's free. Just grab an old looseleaf notebook and start dumping all the negativity on paper. It helps you unload it and move on. After venting all your worries, try writing a sentence about one thing that you can genuinely feel grateful for that day. It can be pretty basic--"I only threw up once!" Whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of feeling as though there is a right way and a wrong way to feel about your pregnancy and/or mothering experience. Feel what you feel. The only caveat is this: if you think you are genuinely slipping into a serious depression, talk to your doctor ASAP. Taking good care of yourself--which includes being kind to yourself-- is the best thing you can do for your baby. I hope you start to feel better as you move into the second trimester. :-)

Honey, it's very normal to feel like you do. So many people feel the need to point their finger and tell you what you're doing wrong....blah, blah, blah! Ignore it and do what your instincts tell you, you seem like a good person, don't let their negativity drag you down. Hormones play a big part, too and any of them that have children should know it and not judge you because of it. If you ever need someone to talk to, just let me know. I'm here and will not judge you in any way shape or form. I've been judged and know it didn't feel very good. Keep your chin up, I was sick the entire pregnancy with my son, it was all worth it after he was born and to get to see him growing into a little man. A loving nurturing environment will help everyone involved.
~Big Hugs!

My kids are all teens now, but I never really enjoyed being pregnant. Other women just felt great all the time. I was nauseated the first few months, then exhausted the rest. With on of my pregnancies my hips hurt so bad I could hardly walk. Had complications with two of them. Having a baby is great but being pregnant sucks!

And I totally understand about worrying about your baby. I taught when I was pregnant with my first child, second grade. A few of the teachers I worked with had had miscarriages or babies that died. It was always in my mind. Every mother worries about that. It's normal. And I remember I wanted a baby, but not a kid. I was worried about having a snotty kid. The other moms said you have them as a baby, they grow into a kid, and you love them because they are yours.

My kids are now 14, 15 and 18 and they are terrific. Your baby will be, too.

Yes, your mood affects your unborn child. Yes, bad things can and do happen. That's good you are prepared for the worst. It was a complete surprise to me when I had my first miscarriage. I niavely thought that was something that used to happen but not with all the prenatal care now. I carried our child, after the second miscarriage, trying not to fear too much, to be positive, I read everything I could about what was happening inside of me, how our child was developing. I was completely delighted after the birth of our daughter. No, vomiting is not fun. There are aspects of being a parent that aren't all smiles and fun the majority is short lived. The morning sickness, sore nipples from nursing, potty training, tantrums, annoying things kids can do. She is now five and mom's get everything, good, bad and ugly. Yes, they listen to others better than mom sometimes but they need to learn that there are true consequences if they don't listen to their parents. It is the parents job to raise their child to have respect, manners, know how they're supposed to behave but it all comes with time and from example too. Your experience seeing how children can behave should make you a better parent. Children need to respect their parents but the parents also should give them a reason to respect them. Children also need to know they are loved, unconditionally, no matter what they do. Even when they don't listen or do what they are supposed to, they have love no matter what. Parents need to continually educate themselves too. Read everything you can and use what makes sense to you. Kids also enjoy being read to long before they are talking or can "ask" for it. Try to enjoy this special time.

Hi M.,
Wow, you are having a time of it! Before I go into any specifics, the most obvious thing jumping out to me is that you seem to be missing a positive female support system. Your husband sounds wonderful, but no one understands a pregnant mommy-to-be like another woman. I would never have survived my first pregnancy without my girls. I have to say, the one I was closest to and who got me through the hardest times was not my mother or my sister, it was my best friend who got pregnant only a month before I did. Your post mentions you are the first of your friends to have a baby - when you don't have a peer to share the experience with, it can be very scary and very lonely. May I ask where in Chicago you are located? There are a few mother's groups I know of you can look into joining, it will make a world of difference.
Ok - the nitty gritty. To answer your direct questions in no particular order, the first one is YES: every mother worries about losing their child - during pregnancy and after. That fear never goes away. My daughter is 14 months now and I still wake myself up out of a sound sleep almost every night to make sure she's breathing. The good news is that you are 15 weeks along. I have forgotten the exact percentages my doctor gave me during my pregnancy, but I remember it was something like after you make it past 12 weeks, the chance you will miscarry drops from like 35% to about 4% - it's teeny tiny. And while it is tragic that your mother-in-law lost her twin girls after giving birth (I can't even fathom that loss), it was 30 years ago. Chances are very good that what caused their deaths is detectable and even treatable now. I assume you told your doctor about this - if you have not already, please do so so that he/she can help you feel as secure about your child's health as possible.

The second one - about feeling down and disenchanted with your pregnancy. Part 1: Being pregnant is hard. It is ridiculously hard. It is also something that you forget. Your body does this on purpose so that you will actually be willing to do it more than once. So if the four women in your family who gave you a "talking to" are mothers, but mothers with older children, I promise you they have forgotten exactly how it feels. I was sick for about 8 weeks straight and nauseous if I got up any earlier than 9am pretty much the whole pregnancy. That was a nasty little secret I learned about right away - morning sickness does not happen in the morning, it happens all. the. time. And it does not go away magically when the first trimester ends. My friend who was pregnant with me threw up constantly from the day she found out she was pregnant until the day she delivered. You want to guess how much she was in love with her pregnancy??? Umm, not even a little bit. There is good news here again though - there are several medications and dietary treatments out there that helps vomiting/nausea. If you are totally worn down, you cannot downplay this to your doctor. Tell him/her that you need some help controlling your stomach issues.

Part 2 - the blues. Shame on anyone who replied to your post and said you were hormonal and crazy. That's not true and that is not what this forum is for. Also, shame on your family members for trying to scare you out of your negativity. Not only is it not helpful, it is very hurtful. I am a psychology major and my dad is a psychiatrist. Does this make me an expert on mental health? No way. But it does make me a HUGE supporter and believer of mental health treatment. There are lots of reasons people resist going to see a mental health professional - the stigmas attached to it (i.e. if I go to a shrink I'm admitting I think I'm crazy), the inconvenience, lack of motivation/energy to do it or the big one - they don't really think it will help. While there is some time investment, you may need to try out a few doctors before you find one that's right for you, please trust me when I tell you it will be worth it. You are unhappy. There is a lot of negativity in your life right now. Your post on sites like MammaSource tell me you are reaching out for some help. Seeing a psychiatrist does not mean you are hormonal or crazy. It means you have some overwhelming things in your life and need the advice of an expert to help get you through it. Especially while you do not have a peer support group in place yet. Ask your ob/gyn for references, dollars to donuts he/she has a whole list. And please don't go to a family doctor or take a prescription for anti-depressants from your ob. You wouldn't go to a dermatologist for prenatal care, so don't go to a family doctor for anti-depressants!

And finally - about worrying when you see your students telling their parents they hate them. As a teacher I'm sure you know, all kids test their limits with their parents. Most kids act out - even the ones that are really sweet, good kids. But you and your child will have your own, unique relationship and interactions. I understand that it's hard not to worry and compare. My daughter recently started to scream when she doesn't get her way, and I had a panic-flash forward to teenage years. But we'll get through it, and you will too. I think it's most difficult when you're so early in your pregnancy, the baby doesn't seem like a real person yet. Just a bundle of possibilities, some of which are bad or frightening. This is when a pregnant friend to talk to or a psychiatrist will really help. I had to limit my interactions with some people during my pregancy, and I'm sad to say some of them were family members. But it's something you may have to think about to protect yourself for a while. You don't have to be rude about it, you just limit your availability.

I know it seems hopeless right now, but the right help is out there. Posting this very brave message was a great start, you're not alone and you will be ok! If you want to, don't forget to tell me where abouts you are so I can send you the mother's group names!
Good luck,
M.-Claire

Wow, I am so sorry people are calling you hormonal and crazy! It is true that your hormones are going out of control right now, but it's perfectly normal. That being said, worrying about your unborn child is fine, but if it gets obsessive you might want to talk to your doctor. It will make you feel better.

When I was pregnant, instead of seeing all the kids around me as what my kid would turn out to be, I isolated parenting tacticts that I would never use. If you see a brat, just know that your kid won't turn out like that because you are going to be a better parent than that!

I understand you are worried about what your mother in law went through, but think about how far medicine has come in that time! Have faith in your OB, doctors can do amazing things to make sure your baby is healthy.

You are doing fine and I think you just need someone to tell you that instead of criticizing you. It's really great that you're reaching out for support! You should expect a wide range of feelings throughout your entire pregnancy. Throwing up is NOT fun! But as the pregnancy goes on, that should go away. And when you start feeling the baby move or get a baby belly, you start feeling much more excited and hopeful. There is no shame whatsoever in feeling less than ecstatic about morning sickness. But if you start to feel really bad and have a hard time coping, there is no shame in asking your doctor for help. Take care of yourself to take care of your baby. Good Luck!

Relax - you are normal!!!!!! My husband and I tried for 2 years to get pregnant. I have had a couple miscarriages and we did IVF to have the one child I have. I am so grateful to have my son, but I didn't love being pregnant and still don't believe those women who say they do! Your body goes through so many changes, your emotions are all over the place and you want to believe you are going to have a happy healthy baby, but in the back of your mind you know that things sometimes happen. Don't worry and don't let your family get you down. The good thing is you should be feeling less nauseous pretty soon - and that will make you feel better all around. I just wanted to tell you that it is normal to have those thoughts but try not to let them get to you and maybe share a little less of those thoughts with the family and friends who can't/don't understand. Good luck!

K.

M.,

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Sorry that your family is being unsupportive. Your fears are real, and they are normal. I have been through 3 pregnancies, and I was a worry wart through them all. A little less each time, but still had concerns. I now have 3 very healthy little boys.

As for the children you teach.....I was in daycare for years and saw a lot of things. And, most of the time it boils down to one thing......THE PARENTS!!!! There is a reason that the kids listen to their teachers and not their parents, they know that they can't get away with doing the things they do at home. It always frustrated me that a child would come in Mon., and it would take us most of the week to get them back on track, and then they go home for the weekend......you have to start all over on Mon. because everything you worked so hard on with that child was undone by the family situation.

Just be the best parent you can be. BTW, your pregnancy will get better. The first tri. is always the worst. Just wait a few more weeks, then it won't be as bad. Take care and the best of luck to you.

K.

Hi M. -

What you are feeling is normal to a point. Every pregnancy can cause you to be very emotional, worrisome, and even scared. I think you are probably feeling this way because you ARE excited to be a M., want your baby and delivery to be healthy and "perfect", so don't feel bad about this. I think you need to get your mind off of everything whenever you can, and go explore the positive sides and fun sides of having a baby. One, try to get away with just your hubby. Go somewhere to relax and forget about everyone else's opinions. Also, you should go on a shopping spree for you and your new baby. It is so much fun. If you don't know, or you're not going to find out what you are having, just have a blast looking at all the different baby things... and M. things. It will get you excited about your baby instead of worry! :) Remember, this is a blessed moment, but hardly enjoyable when you are sick all the time...I know, I was sick for five months with my second son...who is now 2. My first pregnancy was easy as pie all the way to delivery...well I still had all the labor joyful pains, and pushing...for almost 3 hours. Ouch. My second son I was sick for five months, emotional, anxiety, from moving to a new home, and then only pushed for 45 minutes, but it was painful...so painful. See, it is completely normal to have all this going on inside you, after all, you are growing a person inside you...not the norm we are use to with our bodies. lol

Take care of yourself, physically and mentally...you'll be rewarded in the end with a beautiful, joyful baby. Then the next round of fun begins, and emotions, and so on and so on...for the next 18 years...it's fun and trying at the same time, but worth it. I am ready for #3, so when my hubby is ready we will try. He needs a little more time than I do. It's ok.

Good luck, and God Bless.

:)

You are not crazy. You have every right to be worried about your baby, and not feel so happy about everything right now. I'm sure hormones are playing a big role in making you feel that way- and that's OK, too! That's all normal.

I am 26 weeks pregnant with my third child, and right now, everything really is great, and I feel wonderful- but in the beginning of all three pregnancies, up until about 4 months along, I didn't feel so great- lots of nausea and vomiting, and just overall exhaustion. With this pregnancy, I'd be ready for bed by 8pm, but not able to actually go to sleep because my other kids were still awake!

After four months or so, I felt so much better, with lots of energy, and sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm still pregnant, because I feel so great- just looking down at my belly reminds me, and when I feel the baby moving around, but aside from that, all is well, and I'm now really looking forward to the birth experience!

There is always the chance of something going wrong during the birth process, but the likelihood is not very high at all, if you are having a healthy (aside from the vomiting) pregnancy and are taking care of yourself and eating the healthiest foods.

Although there is some merit to the belief that if you think negatively, it will make an impression on your baby during pregnancy, everybody feels negative emotions sometimes, and as long as you remind yourself that you will get through the rough parts of pregnancy, and things will be great again, you and the baby will be fine. Just remind yourself to think positively and send your baby peaceful and hopeful thoughts, when you catch yourself feeling down.

Journaling is also a great way to get through your emotions- you can write as often as you'd like, and even go back and read it later and see how much you've changed- often you'll find that the fears and negative emotions you were feeling at the time you were writing are no longer valid.

You will get through this!

Yes you are normal, or we are both crazy togeather! I had a really rough time with the begining of my pregnancy. I had a miscarriage the first time we got pregnant right after the honeymoon, and was so fearful that it would happen again. I really prayed hard before even trying agian because I wasn't sure I could handle it if it happened again. I had some sickness. But the worst part was that the hormones were me driving crazy. I was tired, but the worst art was that I hated my husband. I hated the sight of him, nothing he did was right. and I was upset with the way I was feeling. And my mother was driving me crazy with all the parenting talk about how I should do this and that. When I was barely make it through the day. Plus telling me i should not work just lay still and not move to much so that I won't miscarry again. which is impossible because i teach sunday school at the 2/3 year old level which is a lot of running around. and am a nanny during the week. This will pass, once you the sickness goes away, and you start to feel your pregnancy progressing, normal ultrasounds and heartbeats. You will enjoy it more. But there are things I Still don't like, eg. my breast enlarging, having to pee all the time, the baby moving into weird postions and kicking you, being hungry all the time. clothes that don't fit. but I will be worth it in the end! Good luck. God Bless you
R. Wolters

STOP LISTENTING TO THEM! It is very scary to hear everybody else's experiences. With my oldest I was sick the entire pregnancy. I did not enjoy that pregnancy and I purposely went on to have 2 more children. You are not crazy - but need to try to think positively. Surround yourself with positive people, talk to your doctor about ways to feel better. Everything will get better. With all 3 of my pregnancies my husband did all the cooking. I could not stand the smells of any kind of meat or coffee. There will be times in your marriage where you will be doing more than your fair share. That's what marriage is!

If your family does not support you and try to make you feel better, FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL!! Every pregnancy and situation is different. Nobody else has gone through what you go through and unless you're walking in that person's shoes, you don't know what they are feeling! And, as you already know, every child is different - even siblings! Enjoy your baby and do what you think best!

I'm also an early childhood teacher with two beautiful children. A daughter that is 2 1/2 and a son that is 8 weeks old. I too thought that I would be a better parent as an early childhood educator. I have discovered that we do make amazing parents because we have one thing that many parents do not have, and that is extreme amounts of patience with kids. Our patience and calm demeanor when kids are crying or acting up really help when you have your own children. I too have had my moments of breakdown. I was very sick with my second pregnancy and used to cry every night wishing the pain and discomfort would go away. I was also chasing my daughter around trying to hide my sadness from her. I had many family memebers tell me that they were tired of hearing me complain and that I should stop being so negative. I learned to shut them out and ignore there comments. My baby turned out fine and it was good for my well being to let my emotions out during the pregnancy. It is easy for others to judge you, but I wonder how they would handle being in our shoes for one day. Try to focus on the end result, which will be a beautiful baby. Yes, bad things can happen and it is okay to talk about them and let those thoughts out. But try not to always think about the worst cases that might happen. I wish you all the luck and happiness that a new baby will bring you.

M.,
For the most part I think you are completely normal in your feelings. You are going to be a first time mom and are feeling things you didn't know were even possible. I am also a pre-school teacher and I wondered if my son would act like the kids I teach. Truth be told, every kid will go through some sort of phase like it. But it will be different because it is your child and you will handle it in your own way. Your family needs to back off and cut you a little slack. I would talk with your Dr. and share your feelings...don't hold them in. You also just got married and are dealing with that. What I mean is, you have all of these new things to work through on top of being pregnant. Don't be so hard on yourself. The nausea should pass soon. Eat high protein foods. Kashi makes a good cereal...go lean crunch. I ate it plain and that helped with my nausea. It might not with you but it's worth a try. I wish you the best. Just keep your eye on the prize (your baby) and the rest will fall into place. Take care and God bless you. T.

I'm sorry your family is making you feel bad. They should be doing the opposite and trying to uplift you and reassure you. I know you have already received a lot of responses but I just wanted to send you some words of encouragement. I think that it is perfectly normal to have the feelings you are having. Almost every first time mom fears for her unborn child. I'm pregnant with my second and I still have those feelings. I too am a preschool teacher and I have had the same thoughts as you when I see some of my "bad" kids. Just remember, you have every intention of doing the best for your child and more than likely they will not end up like the "bad" kids you see. The first few months of pregnancy are HARD, especially when you are sick. Hopefully the sick stuff will pass soon and you will be able to enjoy pregnancy a little more. Keep your chin up and try not to let the negativity of others get to you. Yes, you are feeling bad physically, emotionally and mentally but you know what, you are going through a huge physical change right now. Your body is trying to adjust to all of the stuff that pregnancy throws at you. Good luck. You are not crazy!!!

Ohh M., You are going through so much right now. Please surround yourself with positive people right now. If your family hurts your feelings, maybe it is best to tell them that and how it makes you feel, they may be less likely to repeat their hurtful words or actions in the future. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. You can not control how your labor will turn out, so if you can please stop worrying about it. I know it may be very hard to see this now but, you are going to have a beautiful healthy baby, don't let other people's past problems become yours, don't carry their burdens. Continue to create a wonderful life! I will keep you in my prayers.

You sound perfectly normal, I hated being pregnant. I was throwing up until the 24th week. I hardly ate anything but boiled noodles, everything else made me sick. I had all of the same fears of death and miscarriage.
What you are experiencing is normal. Pregnancy is hard, but people don't want to think about it that way. It would be best if you could find people to talk to that will understand and support you, and then honestly just fake it around the people who don't support you.
I was a 3rd and 4th grade teacher and I dealt with all sorts of problem kids. What really helped me was telling myself that I knew how to provide appropriate structure, love and discipline. I would be able to provide that for my own children.
I hope you start feeling better soon.

Oh honey... everyone has a different pregnancy and every mother has a right to every feeling they experience. Yours is valid. You have a job that shows you the scary side of parenting every day and your pregnancy doesn't sound as if it's been easy so far. My hope is that, if you/as you begin to feel better that things will change a bit. If not ,I would certainly consult your doctor a little early to help warn him/her about possible postpartum issues. I worried every minute of my pregnancy, despite feeling perfectly fine, and haven't stopped worrying since. My daughter is 9 months old, healthy and insanely happy and I regularly check to see if she is breathing as she sleeps :) And, perhaps like yours, my family never holds back from giving their every opinion on every thing I do or say (and it was this way long before pregnancy). You have to remember that your feelings are valid and that the best advice I got was to do my best to ignore all the unsolicited advice. As the weather gets warmer head to the park to watch some happy kids play, remember that you have a lot on your plate and that you're going through most of life's major changes all at once, give yourself a break and some pampering, remember that this too shall pass and talk about it talk about it talk about it with supportive friends... or at least with other supportive mommies and mommies-to-be online :)

Quit over thinking everything.God never gives you more then you can handle,try to go through your days without negative thoughts.Think of the miracle of the life you and your hubby created,your new family.

P. V

First, I'm sorry I can't read all the responses ahead of me, so if I repeat something, well...

What the h*** was your family thinking? Do you need more stress? Were they trying to help? But one thing that you'll find as a new mom is that EVERYONE thinks they have the answers and EVERYONE wants to share their opinion - even the strangers at the grocery store. Learn to ignore it ALL. Your instincts will usually tell you the right thing for your unique circumstances and when they don't, seek out advice from someone that you trust will have a sound opinion on that matter. (or come here where you'll get dozens of different response - it's so much more sane and less judgmental!)

Take a deep breath. All good mothers worry and you don't have to love being pregnant. Even if it happened easily for you, you should not be made to feel apologetic. Pregnancy can be hard and the other things in your life will sacrifice a bit for it. But in the grand scheme of things, nothing is more important than your baby so don't worry if the house is messy. It sounds like you have a great hubby.

You have experience as a teacher that makes you worry... being around all different kids and thinking "Oh no, what if my kids are like THAT?" but no kid is perfect. Some are difficult with their teachers and okay with their parents, some the other way around. Most kids are like the rest of us, with good and bad days. Your child will be his/her own unique wonderful little bundle and you will be a great parent.

My main advice is to let these family members know that you not apologize for being hormonal and that what they did to you was unfair. excuse me? sitting you down for a talk? - "Being Hormonal" is not a flaw. It's what happens. You have a surge of hormones that is not customary for your body and it heightens your emotions. Spend the rest of your pregnancy surrounding yourself with truly supportive people - like your husband and maybe a girlfriend or neighbor that "gets it".

Sorry if I rambled, HTH

Okay, I'm hoping maybe you're just speaking out of hormones but the way you talk about pregnancy and your husbands twin sister's is beyond tactless, heartless, and disrespectful. From the way you've worded everything, it almost sounds as if your pregnancy is unwanted. Yes, babies do die before birth, I know from my own experience. But to describe it by saying "it sucks, it sounds like it sucks"...come on...the is the most heartless statement I've ever heard. It doesn't matter if it happened a week ago or 25 years ago. I lost my son 7 years ago and it hurts today as much as it did then. You really should take a moment to think about the things you are going to say before they come out of your mouth. Words hurt. I do wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy, hopefully the birth of your child will bring a new outlook on life and understanding of others feelings.

EDITTED TO ADD:

I see that since I last responded you have completely rewritten this topic and editted out all of the hateful things you said about the death of your in-laws twins. I'm glad that you took a moment to think about the things you said. I also want to add that I am sorry you're having a difficult time with your pregnancy. The first trimester is filled with all kinds of thoughts and feelings with the rush of hormones taking over your body. You're sick, you're clothes stop fitting, life turns into a mess almost overnight. But it does get better! In a few months you'll hold your newborn and all the not so fun things that come with pregnancy will fade and be replaced with pure joy!

M.,
You have so many changes happening in your life right now that I think you would best be served by talking with a therapist that specializes in pre and post natal issues. All you would have to do is call you local hospital and ask for referrals. Not sure where you are located but I know there is a woman in the Highland Park area who specializes in this.

You have so much on your plate, you deserve to treat yourself to someone who will listen to you, without all the judgements and critiques.

I am a first time mom of 9 month old and I was 27 when I was pregnant with her. I really tried to enjoy my pregnancy as much as possible. I know it's tough with being exhausted and nauseas. You will never again be pregnant with your first child. I remember right about my 4 month I started feeling more like my old self again. I did have concerns about miscarriage and having an unhealthy baby or stillborn, which I think is totally normally as long as you don't think about so much to the point that you expect it to happen. I tried to have the mindset that my baby is healthy until I know that there is something wrong because there are just too many things to worry about. I did pray whenever I did get anxious or worry which really put my mind at ease.
This is an emotional time for everyone involved even family. I would take what they say with a grain of salt. Especially when comes to others sharing horror stories. Just because that is what happened to them doesn't mean that is what will happen to you. Unfortunate things happen during pregnancy and with newborns but they are for a reason and only God knows that reason. Babies are a true miracle and blessing. Your body is growing a baby right now without you telling it what to do and everything has to come together so perfect to have a healthy baby, it is truly a miracle.
With your students. They treat their parents that way because their parents allow them to. If you don't want your child to treat you that way then raise them to know that it is unacceptable and discipline them for misbehaving. I think that many parents are soooo afraid of discipling their children. Children need rules, boundaries, guidelines and need to be taught how to behave. As I'm sure you know with being a teacher.
I truly hope that you start feeling physically better so that you can enjoy your pregnancy. I hope this helps. I do want to recommend a childbirth class that I took. It is called the Bradley Method. My husband and I were able to go into the hospital confident and in control of our labor and birth because of the education that we learned. I had an unmedicated childbirth. No epidural, no pitocin (Artificial hormone given to induce labor), no IV and it's not as bad as you think. It's painful but childbirth is supposed to be painful. This class really prepared me for the childbirth that I wanted. Even if you do plan on having an epidural I still recommend this class. You want to stay at home as long as possible while in labor and you will feel pain before getting an epidural. You will learn exercises to do to help with the pain.
Congratulations and I hope you have a healthy, beautiful baby.
C.

I know a LOT of people who wanted to give birth to babies but HATED HATED H A T E D being pregnant. I always thought: if they hated being pregnant so much - why didn't they just adopt? But that's just the way it was. Pregnancy is very hard for most women. And don't compare your child to every other child - every single child is completely different.
I don't know of one single mother who didn't fear of loosing their child before or after it's born. I used to have nightmares of waking up to find a barely formed fetus laying dead in my bed. Mom's dream of leaving their infants on top of their car and driving away.
The sickness will go away - if you're having a girl it's possible all that extra estrogen is just making you extra emotional. I would say make sure you are eating right even if it all comes back up eventually. It's hard but TRY to think positive and as for all your family's "advice" - take what you want and leave the rest. Every mom parents differently. This is your baby and you can raise it how you want to.
If things get too serious you can always talk to your doctor maybe s/he can suggest a website or group where you can talk it out.
If momma's happy, everybody's happy. Good luck and try to enjoy your pregnancy - it gets better second trimester but a lot worse third - but then you'll have a wonderful new baby to take care of.
I'm available to complain to if you have yahoo messenger LOL! ameyace at yahoo dot com. I'm not a therapist but a lot of people love to dump on me and feel better afterward ;)

If your still having a lot of sickness after the 3rd month have you talked to your OB? You are going through a lot of changes and it affects everyone differently. Its normal to have some negative feelings. pregnancy is not all in its glory- and neither is birth and some times not after the baby is born either. it depends on each individual and the hormone changes etc... thats why its important to make sure you talk to your OB about the feelings your having. As a teacher I am sure you see these kids at their worst. What you dont see is them is when they are doing the bonding with mom. also- there are a lot of kids out there not getting the right rest, the right discilpline they need or the right nutrition and we wonder why are kids behave they way they do. perhaps you can try some meditation- or yoga or church. these things can help you feel more at peace. I do beleive the stress you put on yourself during pregnancy can also affect the baby. good luck. and just breathe....

Hi M.,
First off, congratulations on your pregnancy. I see how you're in a difficult situation at the moment. You're feeling sick & scared, adjusting to marriage, dealing with ill parents & working, that's alot on your plate. Keep in mind though there is only so much you have control over when you're pregnant (i.e. your diet, exercise) & it sounds like you're doing well. However, at this point don't worry yourself with how your child is going to turn out. Believe me we all don't our kid to be the one who's disruptive ruining the class. Save that for later when you're child is developing & growing into a toddler. You're experience with children will be a great resource for you. Take it one day at a time right now.
As for your family, you're not being negative, you're scared. Maybe you should confide in your friends for support more so than you're family. Obviously they're not getting it & being criticized isn't helping. FYI, for the future, you'll be getting alot of unsolicited advice. If it fits with your parenting style then take it, if not ignore it. I've done alot of smiling, nodding & then doing it the way that's comfortable & suits me & my family.
Hang in there & stay in the moment. Sending you my best...

Personally, I hate whining. Some people feel its a form of communication but we all have things going on, whether pregnancy, hormones, marriage troubles, elder care - WHATEVER!

The point is, find a receptive audience. The ones who really love you. They will care about what is going on with you regardless of how many times they have had to listen to this. And when you are being out of line they will tell you. Hopefully you will know the difference from a person that is annoyed by you and a person who is giving you advice that they really feel is beneficial to you.

Tell your woes to your best buddies. You don't have to tell everyone. If you know a particular group to be unreceptive - - DO NOT give them the material with which they will criticize you.

And feel free to be crabby about no energy and being sick. But do you really have to complain about it?

Forget about worrying that you will have a badly behaving child. You will be sensitive to teaching your child manners because it is important to you.

And when your child acts like a monster despite all your best efforts, hopefully you will find the humility to understand how difficult it has been for other parents whose children have not acted perfectly at all times.

I couldn't help responding to this one! You are not crazy and it is totally normal to be scared about impending motherhood. Early pregnancy is not fun for many people no matter how much that child is wanted and not enjoying it right now is no reason to feel guilty. I am also 15 wks pregnant after experiencing 5 yrs of secondary infertility and 2 miscarriages. Noone could say I don't want this baby more than anything, but I am not happily pregnant right now! I am sick and tired and in that looking fat not pregnant phase--yuck! Having experienced the pain of infertility I am ecstatic to be finally pregnant, but right now I am physically miserable and sometimes that makes it hard to be happy about what is to come. What you are feeling is so normal. It seems to me that you should find a counselor or someone outside of your family to help you talk through some of this stuff. Not because you are crazy, but because your family cannot give you the support that you need and this will only fuel the negativity. You need someone to understand and validate how you are feeling so you can move through it. Hang in there and good luck--it really is worth it in the end!

M.,

You will find that being pregnant and then being a mom makes people think that they can offer advice. Everyone always has a comment to a pregnant woman or a new mom. When I was pregnant everyone had something to say about something. It gets annoying and it is depressing, because you always feel like you are doing a crappy job. You will learn what works for your child and what does not. Give it time.

You also have to know that you have been given life lessons about how not to raise your child. Look at all of the things you won't let your child do!

As far as your family is concerned, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Let your hubby take care of you! You should start yoga or something. Maybe you would be less stressed. In any event being pregnant does not come without stress, but try not to add to it. Don't enter situations that will add to your stress. Your family will understand, You are doing what is best for you and the baby.

M., I gotta go, but I will write more later. Try to relax!

Hi M.,

Sounds like your family is not being simpathetic to your needs. Untill they are in your shoes they cant really know what your feeling. I had a bad pregnancy with nausea daily. Your husband must do what he can for you and his child. You are not a super woman. I often stay away from negative people in general, they just bring you down. Next time they criticise you tell them your doing fine and can deal with your situation your own way, thank you. Just because of the bad past doesnt mean that you will face the same problems. Try and keep your self calm. Feeling sick, beinga around lots of bad behaving children and negative peaple are bringing you down. Those bad kids are not your fault, its their parents fault.
As time goes on hopefully you will feel better overall. Dont listen to everyone. Talk to your husband and tell him how youu feel about everything. He should be supportive and so should your family. Hormones do make us a little emotional but I dont think your crazy... others are making you crazy with their comments. Do what you feel is right for you.

Grace

It is ok to feel the way you do and other preganant women and young moms should be very empahtetic to your situation. If your family does not give you the support you need, as sad as it may be, do not go to them right now. If you are up for the conversation and you would like them to be a part of your pregnancy, let them know that you were looking for a great listener, someone you could share your feelings with and not be judged. You just went through mulitple major stressors in the last year (as defined by a psychologist) and that alone is enough to send anyone into a funk. Not everyone's pregnancy is the same (I was sick the whole time - definitely ask you doc for meds if you continue to feel the way you do. It will not hurt the baby but should improve you quality of life!) and politely ask them if they would like to continue to hear about your life during your pregnancy. (I'm curious, what did they do when they threw up while at work? Did they even experience consistent vomiting? Were they even working during their pregnancy?) If not, you will be happy to share your feelings with closer friends and other young moms who can relate to you and give you the support and encouragement you need. You sound like a wonderful and smart young woman! Your thoughts and fears/worries I have heard from so many of my friends (5 friends/bsbies in the last year). It sounds like your husband is being supportive - give him a kiss and tell him this situation is only temporary. And you will be a good mom. Now, about the stillborn babies. So sad, it does happen. I had a friend who carried to term too, and had to deliver a stillborn baby. (She now has two babies!) But please, focus on what you can control! Your friends, food intake, sleep schedule, your thoughts. Because there are some things that you can't control (like ignorant relatives) so take charge of what you can. I read in a previous response that someone said that kids act differently with their teacher than with their parents and that they push the boundaries. It is true. But also, give your child lots of love, eye contact, attention, blah blah blah, and you will be great!

I know this is difficult because you're talking about your family here, and you need their support, but I think you should tell them if they have nothing kind or helpful to say to you then they need to back off. This is YOUR pregnancy, YOUR baby, YOUR life! Seek out friends to talk to who may offer more support. Pregnancy can definitely not be this enjoyable, light experience that you expected. I have 2 beautiful daughters whom I adore, but my pregnancies were not walks in the park. And not this spiritual experience that I was expecting and longing for. Let's face it, your body's going through massive changes--how can that not effect your emotions? I think it's perfectly natural to have worries and concerns. But you need to find a set of sympathetic ears. Sometimes it helps to just talk to someone who will listen and not judge. I would consider seeking out the help of a professional counselor. Your doctor could probably recommend one. You need to take care of yourself first. If you do, your baby's health and well-being will follow. Of course this baby you are carrying is important but right now it's YOU that matters! Be kind to yourself. You are doing an amazing thing and it ain't easy! Sending some loving thoughts your way.

Yes, it is normal to worry about all kinds of things from the minute you find out you're expecting! Please re-read the last few lines of your post-you know you're fine.
You may be hormonal-hard not to be- and morning sickness is the worst. I'd spend more time with supportive friends and less time with your family as they don't seem to understand that what you want is to vent without being judged. You are young, maybe they're being judgemental because they think you should have waited before starting a family, maybe they're jealous.
People love to tell pregnant women they're horror stories-feel free to stop them. Just know that your pregnancy and birth will be what it will be and hopefully the morning sickness will end soon. One thought that helped me was that millions of women have done this before, most of the time without a problem, I can get through it too! Just because you're not enjoying being pregnant doesn't mean you don't love the baby or won't be a good mom.
By the way, every kid will say 'I hate you' and be difficult, just be sure to set limits at home like you do in school and everything will be fine! Good luck!

Relax as much as possible. Sleep as much as possible. Drink a lot of ginger ale & saltines. You will pop out of this "phase" soon - I had a lot of the same thoughts, etc. Soon you will have other things to stress about - for now focus on you & your husband and your alone time. Not necessarily sex, just quality time alone & quiet. It is natural to let your mind wander & think the worst. At the same time, I always tell myself that there is a reason for everything. A miscarriage in the family - perhaps that child wasn't developing properly etc. and that was just the body's way of saying "start over - try again". Try to take things a day at a time & tell yourself that there is a reason for everything - a reason why you got pregnant on your honeymoon - a reason for everyone caring soo much & showing their concern - etc. Its hard to always be positive... just take it in strides!

I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug.

When I was pregnant with our oldest (got PG on our honeymoon too : ))
I worked at residential home for disabled adults. Some of the individuals were severely disabled. As I cared for them daily I worried so much that my baby would be handicapped. I had crazy fears that because each day she heard screams, utterances and grunts she would not talk. Every night I would read my Bible out loud so she would hear my voice. I can look back now and say I was so silly to be so afraid

I too teach preschool so I see how awful some kids can be. But if you and your husband raise your children with loves of love, compassion, gentle correction, and most important consistency, your children will be the ones that people comment on for being so well behaved.

As far as the sickness get to a health food/ herb store and ask them for suggestions. There are several all natural and SAFE things you can take to ease the sickness and they do help.

When your family starts telling you horror stories about stillbirths excuse yourself to the bathroom and don't listen. You don't need to hear stories about that right now.

Good Luck Sweetie

M.,

I think every pregnant woman deals with pregnancy differently. Sometimes it is hard for others to hear the word "dead" and would prefer "stillborn". Yes, it's a matter of semantics, but nevertheless, a more polite term.

I don't know you, but from what it sounds like, you could benefit from talking to someone about your feelings. I have a friend who was so freaked out that something awful was going to happen to either herself or the baby, that she started seeing a counselor. The counselor told her that many women benefit from counseling before delivery and have a better chance of doing well post-partum (dealing with emotions after the baby comes).

No one wants to hear anything negative or even the hint of negativity regarding a perceived parenting style and I can see why you might have been offended. You are also very hormonal right now and may not be perceiving things the way they are truly intended either.

Pregnancy is a tricky time, with a flood of mixed emotions. You should start to feel better soon, but I would still enlist the help of a counselor. Good luck!

M.,
I encourage you to surround yourself with positive surroundings. If moms at your school start to talk negative, I would encourage you to simply say, "I appreciate you wanting to share your story; however, I really am having a difficult time with my pregnancy and need to be encouraged with some positive things about motherhood." Or something like that. :) Don't worry about someone's feelings being hurt. You need to voice your needs (for your health and for your baby).

My mom was very critical of my decision to breastfeed my children and wasn't very supportive. I eventually told her that this was something I really wanted to do and if she didn't have something good to say then she shouldn't say anything at all. Needless to say, she was very careful with her words after that.

I encourage you to read Matthew 6:25-34. This scripture helps me when I worry.

Warmly,
K.

I know it's hard but ignore people criticizing you. Also, I would talk to your doctor if you are sick all the time and it is making you weak. I had that with my first pregnancy, I was sick 24/7 and got to the point that I couldn't even keep down little sips of water so the doctor had to prescribe something to calm my stomach so that I could eat and drink to give my daughter the nutrition she needed. I ended up battling dehydration that whole pregnancy but I had a healthy baby girl with no problems.

As for worrying about your baby making it and being OK, I worried about that for all of my kids (I have 3 healthy daughters) up until they were born and the doctor said they were healthy. I did have some complications with my last daughter but I even worried with my 2nd one and that pregnancy was so easy. I think it is normal because you are a mom now and your baby is in you and you alone have the responsibility of taking care of yourself and your body to make sure your baby is healthy, that's a big responsibility.

I agree with you on the guilt because I also got pregnant really easily with all of my kids and know lots of people that have fertility problems or have had miscarriages. I wish with all my heart that I could give those people some of whatever made it easy for my husband and me to conceive and for me to carry my daughters and have them born healthy. I tried not to complain too much in front of people that I knew had fertility problems when I was getting sick all the time but I really found out who my true friends were because they supported me and knew it sucks to throw up all the time (no one likes that).

One other note if you think you have prenatal depression talk to your doctor because you want to make sure that you get that under control so you don't have postpartum depression (I had that after my 2nd daughter and it last a year even with treatment). Good luck and I am sorry I rambled on so long. I am sure everything will work out well.

I know I am repeating a lot of what was already said, but I just had to respond too. Since I am pregnant with my second I am much less anxious this time knowing the first went so well. It seems to me when you are first pregnant EVERYONE wants to tell you their horror stories of birth, but NO ONE tells you when theirs was just fine. Afterwards you finally hear about all hte easy ones. I am not sure why that is.

Hopefully you should start to feel better soon with some of the nausea subsiding, although for some women it doesn't. The second trimester is usually better. But you should not feel guilty about not finding pregnancy a wonderful experience, it is very hard on your body. Try to think of it more as a sacrifice you make to get a wonderful baby from it. There are a rare few women out there that just breeze through, but most women find it tiring and taxing.

As for the children, remember your child will be different from the others because you are the parent. I teach 7th and 8th graders and some of them do not have loving supportive parents at home and they can be a handful. I don't compare them to my son, I just realize that they have not had someone teach them how to be polite and respectful and do the best I can while I have them. Do not assume your child will hit you and tell you they hate you. As teachers I think we are more conscious of teaching our children basic manners since we see what happens to those that don't have that. I have people constantly tell me how amazed they are by how polite my son is, always saying please and thank you for everything.

Hang in there! Try not to focus on the possible bad outcomes and just remember the cute baby you will have after all of this.

I think everything that you are feeling is completely normal. You explained yourself in your post very well. You do not have to justify your feelings to anyone as they are yours. This is your experience and it effects everyone differently. It is normal to worry about the baby from the minute you find out you're pregnant and as you know that is just the beginning you have a lifetime of worrying ahead of you. As well as a lifetime of joys. I am sure that if you take care of yourself, eat right avoid stress, be as active as possible, you'll be doing the best that you can do to keep your baby healthy. As for behavior you'll deal with that when your baby is here and you sound intelligent and caring so you'll know how to handle any behavior issues that may arise. Good luck all of the undiserable side effects should subside my the end of the third month. Do not feel bad for not enjoying this part of pregnancy that is normal. Jus tlike anything else in life there are parts that you will love, (feeling your baby kick) and parts you'll be wishing would end (morning sickness) but, in the end you'll forget all the bad stuff when your baby is in your arms.

You are reacting completely normal to being pregnant and all the fears that go along with it. I was also a teacher before I had my first baby. I got pregnant, married, moved into a house, and had my daughter all within a year as well! I then got pregnant again while breastfeeding and my second daught was born two days after my oldest daughter's first birthday!I use to feel so bad when I was too tired or run down to play, but your unborn baby is important and recognizing how you are feeling and what your limits are is your first role in taking care of your baby. Trust me, enjoy your husband doing everything now, because pretty soon it will be all you, and don't feel bad, if he was sick you would take care of him! I would just let your family's comments roll off your back-a lot easier said than done. Being run down and worried and sick is all part of the joys of being pregnant. Pregnancy and babies are a blessing, but mothers make a lot sacrifices and go through some tough times for their little ones. I have never once heard a mother say that they loved labor and delivery, but they say that while it sucked, it was worth it, which is exactly what you are saying about your pregnancy side effects. About being so nervous, I would suggest that you direct all of your questions and concerns to your doctor or the nurses, and try to avoid googling questions or looking at too many pregnany books-sometimes they make the worry worse. That is terrible about your mother-in-law's twin babies, but science has come a long way in the last 30 years, and doctors know so much more now and are able to monitor things a lot better now than they could back then! Good Luck with everything!
Take Care!

Well, a couple of thoughts. I don't think it's disrespectful to talk about a stillbirth that happened practically before you yourself were born in any particular way, unless you offended the mother. I agree that it's silly for your family to get angry with you about it. It's also silly to think that having morbid fantasies (which yes, are not uncommon in pregnancy, if my friends and I are any sample) somehow makes bad things happen.

But you do write as if you are anxious and depressed. We hear about postpartum depression but some women are affected that way by the hormones while they are still pregnant. Think back to your feelings about the kids you teach back in the fall, before you were pregnant. Has that changed a lot? Does it suddenly all seem more sad and hopeless since the new year? If yes, I think you should talk to your OB or midwife about it. There are antidepressants that are safe to take during pregnancy if needed.

I have a preschooler and I find him and his friends absolutely delightful. I spend time in his classroom and it's a joyous, lovely place with very few behavior issues. I wonder if the environment you're working in is a good one for you or the kids, if you're seeing that many issues. I mean, yes, children that age have tantrums, but that's normal, as I'm sure you know from your early childhood classes.

Being pregnant & being a mom, you will receive more unsolicited advice than ever before...from everyone!! Don't worry about it. You will probably start to feel a little better soon, since you are just getting out of your first trimester. Most women aren't sick the entire pregnancy!! My best friend is pregnant with her third (due in 3 weeks!!)& was sick as a dog for the first trimester & has been much more negative than with her other two. It doesn't mean she doesn't love being pregnant. This one has just had more challanges than she expected!! You've got every right not to love the side effects...as long as you love that baby, that's all that matters!
As far as miscarriages go, you've made it past the scariest part of the pregnancy. You're chances have gone down significantly already!!
I was terrified of my baby dying or me not making it through the labor, or maybe both, all through my first pregnancy. They seem like such silly fears looking back, but they were real fears for me then. I assume that's normal...I'd like to think so anyway!! Considering your circumstances, it's understandable. I was worried b/c I had experienced loss too. I'd had 2 miscarriages before carrying my first son to term & my mom died when I was only 2 1/2. Both things that I worried about! I've got two beautiful boys now, so while those things may be on your mind, try not to dwell too much. Most likely things will turn out wonderful!
Sorry this is so long! Congratulations on your marriage and your new pregnancy. Enjoy it when you can...it is an amazing thing. I hope you get to feeling better soon & get the support you are looking for!

The moment you see that beautiful babies face your fears and worries will melt away. I don't think you are crazy at all! I went to the e.r. like 10 times when I was pregnant with my now 10 mt old because I was SURE something was wrong. You have a right to feel however you want and you are taking on a lot of big changes right now. It sounds like you need others to talk to outside of your family! Thank goodness for Mamasource!!

M.......my heart goes out to you. If you are a little negative, you come by it naturally because your women folk are very negative. They have said things to you that they never should have, you are in need of support and not criticism. Counseling. if you went to a counselor, she would tell you to avoid being in a situation again where you can be picked on like that. She could also tell you if your feelings require medication, I don't know about taking what when pregnant, although I do know there are herbal things that will lighten your mood. They should have told you the nausea will pass. The next 3 mos you could feel almost normal. We look to our families for help, but sometimes we have to look somewhere else. They should respect your feelings and accept you with them as they are, but a lot of people aren't there yet. Yes, your hormones are contributing to your feeling as you do. Maybe your husband isn't all that supportive either. You should have sex if at all possible, it will lighten your mood and your husbands. Do you have a church, get the name of a woman in the paish who your pastor feels could help you and talk to her or a group of women wh o meet. Do you have a relative who is more enlightened, talk to her. If you pray, ask God to put someone in your life who can support you. Nowdays, couples have a few years before starting a family and they plan and plan and plan, and those women are not going to help you to feel better. Remember who you are, we get strong by going through these tests. Your experience with children will help you to be a better mother. And you have reached out to us for help, maybe Mammasource will be enough for you.

I understand totally! Being a teacher, we are constantly around kids and see the bad side of parenting. When your parents pick up their children, the parents look normal, the kids were normal when they were in your class and then mom shows up and the kid becomes a monster!!! I see it on a daily basis too! When I was pregnant, I had the same fears because of what I saw on a daily basis. The thing that I took from it was what NOT to do as a parent. My children are not perfect, but they are respectful, they listen (mostly) and know how to behave. Just talk to the parents of the children that display the behavior that you believe to be proper and model them. Also, I am a very sarcastic person and also a realist too like you, and my kids are fine. Actually, every teacher has complimented them on their quick wit and ability to draw inferences between concepts.

Don't worry, you will be a great parent.

Good luck,

S.
Mom of 4 quick witted, sarcastic kids!

M.-
My heart is aching for you. Being pregnant is a wonderful thing, but it does come with it's downfalls. You should not feel bad about feeling bad! It's all part of the process. Shame on your family for berating you when you were looking for their support.

My advice, stop talking to your family and talk to your doctor instead. He/she will be able to reassure you that all these thoughts and feelings are totally normal!! They will also be able to assess if you are experiencing something that needs to be addressed. You should never hesitate to use your doctor's office as a resource.

I promise it will get better, try to relax, take solace in your new marriage, talk to your husband about your fears and let him reassure you that you'll be a wonderful mother! Most importantly breathe!! Take a yoga class for pregnant mothers and talk to them. You'll be surprised how normal you are. Best of luck...R

HI M.,

It sounds like you have been through a lot this past year. A wedding is so much to plan and people/family get used to giving you advise and telling you what to do. Now that you are pregnant and it was so soon after the wedding they probably feel like they still should give you advice and tell you how to feel. They are probably worried about you too, so they want you to feel how they think you should feel. You do have a ton of new hormones raging through your changing body so that has a lot to do with it. But I think being a teacher and seeing all the bad things everyday doesn't help. My husband is a teacher and has very little patience with our 3 boys, I know it is because he has to deal with 32 kids every day at school so in the evening he likes peace and quiet. The summers are great though, he is fun and home and very involved. You just have to realize I think to be yourself, and know that this is your baby!!!!!! You are stating your family and you are in control now. As far as family members, thank them for the advice and then do what you want! It is your baby, and you will feel better soon.

HI M., I hope you soon feel better about your pregnancy. True, not all pregnancies are a walk in the park, and not to twist the knife, but mine was an easy one. I was one of those "happy glowing" pregnant girls. Even so, I had SO many fears about losing the baby. I cried myself sick so often thinking about it. There are so many hormones pulsing through your body, causing you to have emotions and you don't even know why. Just completely irrational sometimes!

And so I came to terms with that fear, and made the realization that I loved that little baby inside me more than anything before I even met him. And no matter what happened, I would do it all again, just to know him if only for a short time.

You tell your family that THEIR negativity is affecting you and not helping you in any way. If you feel you need to, talk to your doctor. If nothing else, getting his/her opinion and reassurance will be a relief in itself. And possibly you should take a leave of absence from teaching for a while to keep you from comparing. Your child will be your child and you will have full responsibility of how the child is raised and how he/she behaves.

Then ignore everyone, and your physical misery once in a while, and focus on that tiny little baby inside you who is soon going to hold your hand, look into your eyes with the greatest love ever known and call you "Mama."

Let me first start by saying, BREATHE!! Seriously. Take a deep breath and find a quiet place and get a grip. You are stressing yourself waaay out and that DOES affect the baby and you. You have a very important job right now. That job is to be a healthy as you can so you and your baby can make it through this very special time. Your body and mind are going through tremendous changes. I have had five children and I have had almost every single high and low of pregnancy you can have. I have had wonderful pregnancies and not so wonderful pregnancies. But, I always remembered something that my first son said to me. When he was 4 years old, he can to me and asked me did i cry a lot when i was pregnant with him. ( i was going through a lot at the time and i was miserable)I asked him why would he ask me that. He said because when i was inside you, i used to hear you cry all the time. Imagine that. That statement changed all of my other pregnancies. Knowing that that little being inside of me was taking in all i was feeling. And on top of that remembering it. Your baby is an extension of you. You breathe for him and eat for him. You emotions affect him. Now i am not saying smile for the camera. What i am saying is, let go of the negativity. If you don't feel well one day, deal with that. I had weeks where i couldn't do a thing and my husband would have to take care of everything and the other children. If he doesn't mind, you shouldn't either. Being pregnant is not easy. And the hardest part hasn't come yet. But, if you turn it around now and take some time everyday to relax or even to cry, you will see things get better. Rely on your faith. You will be a great mom and your baby will be fine. Why don't you start a journal for your baby. Write down some notes and add stuff everyday. I did one for my 4th and 5th child. It was great to go back and read what was going on and seeing how things progressed all the way up until their 1st birthdays and beyond. Be Blessed. Hang in there.

Hi M. - You are very educated, smart, and together despite what is going on. I just had my second baby 7 months ago. Here is my wishlist for others' behavior when someone is expecting:

I don't know why mothers are compelled to tell their horror stories to pregnant mothers, but that just has to stop! Support and listen to pregnant mommies, sometimes they need to vent how they feel (especially about vomiting! Been there, sister!). And yes, it is tragic that others have difficulties with fertility. However, the pregnant mommy still needs someone to listen to her and give her encouragement. Pregnancy can be uncomfortable and scary! Lift her up when she needs it. As women who have been there, keep your scary story to yourself. It is not helping anyone. And for those that feel the need to lecture and give "advice," cut that out too. If you aren't being supportive of mother and baby, you should ask yourself why YOU are being so negative. Pregancy is hard enough (even the "easy" ones) without having to get criticized when you are feeling bloated, kicked, nauseous, exhausted and hormonal.
Be encouraging. If you can't, then stop talking and just listen.

That's the end of my soapbox on good manners. As for you, M. - walking out on that conversation was a good choice! It's great that you are setting up boundaries to protect yourself and your little one. You will need them now and you will need them later.

Keep up the good fight and know that there are moms who know just what you are going through and are cheering you on all the way. You and that baby are going to be great. You will still worry about everything, but get some peace and think positive thoughts. Except about the vomiting, since that will NEVER be a "feel good." ;)

First of all, the morning sickness and tiredness should be going away soon. Normally both of those go away around 3 to 4 months. I was very tired with both of my daughters and a little nauseous with my second. I was happy to be pregnant both times but also got tired of being tired and didn't enjoy the nausea either.
It is very normal to worry whether your baby is going to be healthy, I don't know if there is a mother who doesn't worry about that. After you have your first ultrasound where they can actually see the baby developing and tell you that everything is fine, you will probably feel a little better.
Everyone's hormones are also different with every pregnancy. I was very happy with my first but with my second, I was a lot more grumpy and crabby even though I tried for quite some time to become pregnant with her. You cannot control you hormones and as long as your husband understands that this is part of pregnancy and not a permanent thing, you're ok.
It should get better soon and as soon as you see that baby in the ultrasound or feel it's first kick you should be a little more relieved. Also, the second trimester is much better than the first as far as having energy and not being so tired or sick.
Hang in there and good luck!

slow down some new expectant mother! you are gettimg yourself all worked up for nothing and this is not good for you or your baby..first thing, the morning sickness will go away in due time if its that much of a problem asked your doctor if there is something he can recommend that you can take that will not hurt the baby. second, your students are just what they are; your students. you are a good teacher. you were educated to teach and give guidance. children are going to be children. thats where parents and(teachers) come in to make sure they are trained up in strong and healthy surrounding. third, who's having this baby? you and your husband or your family? helpful advice is always considerate and kind(helpful advice)but when it come down to it you and your husband will be raising your child. love and encourage each other.both of you need this during pregnancy. God Bless.

hi,im sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with the morning sickness. and having family who is unsupportive doesnt help. have you tried ginger tea. i have 2 kids and it helped me durring both pregnancys. you can get it at any asian market or whole foods store. ginger has no side effects and tastes great, it will help. as far as your family, i had to deal with that also, but not to the same degree. can you avoid these people for awhile, thats what i had to do because they were being toxic to me and my health. you need to worry about yourself and your baby. dont let anyone especially family berate you like that. i know how vunerable you feel now. can your hubby go with when u see these people, he can play referee. if all else fails tell them or have your hubby tell them outright you will not visit unless they behave. i did that and it worked. pamper yourself, you deserve it. good luck.
M. silver

I know you've gotten a lot of responses, but I was really negative too when I got pregnant. Yeah, your hormonal. Yeah your sick all the time. And Yeah, the last thing you want to do is have sex. (that's what got you in this mess to begin with) So, whatever people tell just go with it. This is the only time in your life you can get away with it.
I also found a book called 'Pregnancy Sucks' It made me laugh and relax a little. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can and whatever happens happens.
Congratulations on your 1st pregnancy!

M.,

I have to admit, your post is stressful just to read :) you are going through a lot right now.

I don't really believe you are receptive to any input whatsoever right now. you seem hell bent on carrying the negativity with you. And yes, that will increase your stress level and can have negative effects on your baby. I'm not saying you need to be an ever peaceful and content creature your whole pregnancy but you definitely need to shed some of your stress.

I know it can be easy to just perpetuate the stress and let it control you, but you do need to take a breather, and step back from life for a bit.

Being a teacher doesn't make you any more prepared for parenthood... comparing it to eating food your whole life makes you more prepared to be a chef. I have 4 children, and have been doing this mommy thing for 12 years... nothing will ever fully prepare you for being a mother. Every day I still come into situations that I don't know how to handle.

as far being worried about miscarriage, bad behaving kids, stillborns... my god, there are so many things that could happen. you need to take one day at a time. And you need to think about what you can actually change. If you cannot control it, dump it from your worry list. I hate to sound cliche' but the old saying 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the Wisdom to know the difference...'

You are clearly overwhelmed, I don't know how you can change that... but yes, your hormones are playing a role in your attitude and your perception of your world right now. The nausea is likely to fade very soon... you are likely to start feeling better any day.

my suggestion to you...knowing how many bad days you will have in the future... with lack of sleep, non stop crying, ear infections, vomiting, etc., i suggest you find a way to pull your happiness from within and not rely on so many outside factors to determine your mood. If you cannot learn to do that, you are going to be one miserable mom and wife and that's not fair to your family.

Give yourself a break M. - it doesn't have to be so stressful and so miserable. you are absolutely entitled to feel sick and tired, but don't let it ruin your pregnancy. I hate to say it, but things will probably get worse before they get better.

Oh my, girl, you need to shut out everyone and focus on yourself. Yes, newly married and newly pregnant can suck. You have so much in your life going on right now that your head is going to spin right off your neck if you don't just take a deep breath and exhale slowly.

I don't know much about you other than you are relatively young and educated. Let's start there. You should feel great about yourself for those reasons alone. Your youth will be such an asset when your child arrives (Healthy and happy- don't think of any other possibility or you'll drive yourself nuts. Stop reading all pregnancy books until you are mentally capable of differentiating between the "what ifs" and the "whens".) Right now you may be drained of any youthful spunk with the nausea, but that will get easier. The fatigue now will only prepare you for the sleepless nights later. You'll be surprised to see how much you can actually accomplish on three sets of two hour naps daily.

I too am a teacher, middle school though. I had very similar thoughts to what you wrote. I see how children behave and was so afraid for my child. I did not want to be a mother if my baby was going to grow up and treat people the way I see my students treat their peers and adults. I expressed my fears to a friend and she told me something I will never forget. She said, "Those are not your children. You have the potential to be such a good mom. You see how not to parent all the time. Now take that knowledge and learn from it." I see the same kids day after day, year after year (small private school)and it was very hard not to think of them as "my kids". But my friend was right, I did not raise them.

I have more hope for my own baby girl. I truly believe that my experience as a teacher will benefit me in the long run, even though I used to consider teaching a great form of birth control.

Tips for dealing with the negativity...
Find one friend to be your listener of all negative thoughts. She will have to be a true friend that will agree to be your release. Let her be the one to listen to all your pregnancy complaints. Hopefully after a long phone conversation or decaf coffee your venting will make you feel better and she can build your spirits up with a nice pep talk. I had a friend like this and she helped me through some very depressing times in my prgnancy.
Don't share your negative pregnancy experiences with your critical family anymore. When they ask how things are just say fine, blah, blah, blah. Ask them for help with baby names even if you already have yours picked out (Don't share it though!Know that if you share names you are open to the "Oh, that's nice, I guess" responses!)Ask them to help you decide on a stroller or a crib. Get them preoccupied with the little things so you and your husband can focus on the bigger picture, a family of three.

ABOUT ME: I am a new mother of a beautiful 3 month old baby girl, Vivian. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. I've been teaching kids of all ages for 8 years.

First take a deep breath and realize you are normal and not at all alone. I read some of the other posts and honey, I think some are really looking too deep and overreacting. I was the MOST miserable pregnant woman, especially with my first. I HATED IT. People would look at me and say "oh you're glowing...how are you?" and I would growl "how do you think? Im pregnant and puking every hour on the hour? It's not glowing, its me trying not to throw up in your face." LOL. I was also going through a lot just like you. My husband and I were engaged when i conceived, and got married when I was 5 months pregnant, moved into a house at 6 months, and both of us have very overbearing families which did not help, and I was horribly sick and uncomfortable, hormonal, tired and all around miserable. Turns out Im just not one of those women who likes being pregnant. I love however having babies in my house, and am extremely patient with my kids once they have graced me with their presence. I heard that "negativity would cause complications, or would cause me to have a bad child" WRONG! My son has the sweetest most patient and loving disposition. Granted right now he's pushing the terrible twos so he's prone to lots of screaming, but all around a great kid.

Second, NO ONE IS PREPARED for children. Try try try, you will never really be prepared for the rollercoaster you are jumping on. But man it is fun. You may think now that you know how to handle situations, but once facing them you will be winging it just like all other parents.

Third, teachers who believe that it's bad parenting when good kids are bad with their parents have never lived with a toddler. If your kid listens, is well behaved, and well mannered with others, particularly at school, you've done a great job. Toddlers show that they trust their parents by pushing their buttons and boundaries, because they have learned that mom and dad are still going to be there no matter what they do. Also they are easily angered by parents who say "no" and don't really know how to express it without going to extremes. You will be hit, bit, kicked, screamed at, have your hair pulled, slapped, stomped at, told "I Hate You", told "you're not my friend" etc at some point in your mothering career... but 20 minutes later, snuggled on the couch by the sweetest little person who wants nothing more than a hug and a story. And, you know what, you'll happily oblige even with the fat or split lip. LOL! Don't be quick to judge those parenting skills at school, you never know what the real behavior is like once they get home. It's all worth it, though when you hear how well behaved they are with others, because that's how you know you are doing a good job.

Last it is perfectly normal to be scared of pregnancy complications, but the best piece of advice is ...DONT READ PREGNANCY BOOKS. Only read parenting ones if you must go there, but books like What to Expect, will only increase those fears. Since you are already going there, it's best not to make it worse.
Congratulations and I hope for you and easy delivery. It will get better...keep in mind this is only 9 months out of your life.

Hi M.,

I had to write you because your post really touched me. I know you must be just so overwhelmed. You are going through a number of major life changes all at once. Any single one of those things (moving, getting married, getting pregnant, etc.) are hugely life altering and would take anyone time to adjust, let alone handling them all at the same time. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some slack, even if no one else seems to be. You deserve it. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel the frustrations that come along with making these types of life adjustments. Afterall, those frustrations are only natural.

As for the family criticisms, it is actually a blessing in disguise that they are already showing you this part of their nature. Believe me, I don't know any parents out there who's family hasn't mettled or criticized their parenting skills or questioned how they were handling their children. You are lucky in the sense that you can set the boundaries early on, before your child is even born. You're a grown woman now and your family has to accept that. They may not like the choices you make, but they are your decisions. No doubt you will make many mistakes along the way - we all do. Your family has to let you make them and allow you to own them. Don't be afraid to stand up to them and to remind them that, while you appreciate any constructive advice, this is your child and you will mother that child in the best way you see fit. My husband and I have had to set these boundaries along the way with both of our parents. The same is true for many of my friends. Do it now! The longer you wait, the harder it will be to take a stand, and the more your family will continue to push the envelope with you.

That being said, try not to worry so much about your pregnancy and the health of your baby. Early in my pregnancy, I worried as you do. When I discussed my concerns with my doctor he reminded me of a very important fact - women have been having babies for centuries. It is the most natural of our humanly functions. Your body knows what it's doing and you need to trust that. There are women delivering babies in the rice fields of 3rd world countries, with no medical care available to them, and they do just fine. We live in the United States - the most technologicially and scientifically advanced country in the world. The prenatal care you will be getting is of the highest quality available today. While I'm sure what happened to your mother-in-law weighs on your mind, just remember that was 30 years ago! There weren't even ultrasounds back then. We know so much more now about pregnancy than we did at that time. Modern medicine has come along way - there are women today having babies that would not have been possible 30 years ago. And yes, miscarriages happen. It sadly happened to me recently. But you are 15 weeks along now - your risk of miscarriage has decreased considerably to where I believe it is now less than 5%. Just do the best that you can to be healthy. Follow your doctor's instructions and attend all of your prenatal visits faithfully. You'll find that your doctor's know what they're doing - and so does your body. And this will give you great peace of mind.

Good luck!!! And congratulations!!!

M.~ Well it looks like every angle has been covered. When I read your post the other day(I didn't have time to respond, I had to run) I felt so bad for you, I actually cried. I'm so glad you received so much wonderful advice, this website is awesome and will always be here for you. There is also a website called "momsmeetup.com" you can search for a local group or start one yourself or be put on a list to be notified of one starting in your area. What it is: Groups of moms that get together and have meetings and playdates and moms only get togethers, a group of moms that want to be around other moms with kids and meet new people. I really think you should check it out that way you can have a peer group that can support you and reassure you, and your unborn baby can have a chance to make some friends also (you can never have to many friends or too much support). Believe me after you have this baby your going to have a lot more questions and need a bunch of support. Support from experienced moms is one of the greatest forms of comfort and support. Good luck with everything, you will be in my thoughts for a long time. If you need more info on the "meetup" group let me know I can send you an email. Where are you located? If you're near me you can join our group if you're interested.~Fran

M.,
I just wanted to tell you, hang in there. The first few months can be really rough. I think that a lot of what you are going through is completely normal. Shame on those who have responded to your request in such a hurtful way. You didnt come across as rude or heartless, more a first time mom with a lot of normal fears. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with my 2nd. I found out when I was 6 weeks pregnant this time and was so scared that I was going to lose the baby. (first pregnancy - didnt find out til I was 6 months so I never really had a fear of miscarriage, etc... that many times happens early on in pregnancy.) My boyfriend's exwife had a miscarriage around 3 months, so I was concerned that it could happen with me too. Then a friend of mine that was about 4 weeks further along in her pregnancy, lost her baby. I spent a couple of months just absolutely scared that something was going to happen to my baby. My first few months, I didn't really enjoy being pregnant either. Now, I cannot wait for my newest son to arrive. I love feeling him kick and move around. Knowing that I am participating in the miracle of life feels fantastic. I think you will feel that way too when the morning sickness wears off. Ignore your family members. It is too bad that they are trying to bring you down instead of being a good strong support system for you right now. Hang in there. I know you are going to just love being a mom.
Oh, as for the kids, I believe that they are each born with their own unique little personalities and there is only so much we as parents can do. There are going to be days when they are perfect and you are going to be so proud and feel like you have done a great job. Then there are going to be those days when you cannot get them to behave for nothing and you will wonder "where did I go wrong?" Completely normal. I think all parents wish that children came with instructions manuals. Just do the best that you can with them and love them unconditionally. Try not to be too crushed the first time they tell you they hate you or you are not their friend. As another mother wrote, half an hour later, you will be snuggled on the couch like nothing ever happened. They are little and just trying to find their way around. Those words don't have a lot of meaning to the little ones yet. They just know that they get a reaction out of them and many times that is exactly what they are looking for.
I could go on and on so I will shut up now. lol Seriously though, hang in there and things will get better. Tell yourself daily that what you are feeling is normal and you will get through it. Good luck with your new addition!!!!

hi M., you sound so stressed, relax and enjoy your pregnancy, stop talking to family members about every detail, and stop listening to all the negative talk at work. Of course things can happen during pregnancy, talk over your concerns with your doctor only. Hope your feeling better soon.

Wow, what an incredible journey you've been on in just a few months! First, you are completely normal. I am prego with my second child, and just like the last pregnancy I am not enjoying it. My best friend is about two weeks further along than I am, and she's not enjoying it either (her second also)! Some women love it, feel great throughout the pregnancy and everything's perfect... and some of us are honest enough to admit that it is not our favorite thing! No, you do not have to love being nauseas--who, in their right mind, would feel wonderful about that?? My mom was sick all day the entire time when she was pregnant with me. She still jokes that I've been giving her hell since the day I was conceived. :)

Second, it's totally normal to have fears and concerns over how the pregnancy will go and how you'll be as a mom. It took my husband over a year and a half to convince me to have children (we had originally been on the same page--never having kids--and about a month before our wedding, he sprung it on me that he wanted to have a family). I was worried about tons of things. One of my biggest concerns was that our relationship would change. My hubby and I are best of friends, never fight and have the perfect relationship. I saw my parents fight over my brother and me, and I didn't want that to happen to us. Plus, I really liked our lifestyle--being able to pick up and go wherever and do whatever in a moment's notice. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the baby has only brought us closer together!

Another big concern was how we would be as parents. I see all the kids nowadays who have no respect for their "elders", dressing like gangbangers and tramps, getting into way worse trouble than we ever did when we were kids... and I worried that, one, my kids would turn out like that, and two, I wouldn't be able to deal with that properly. Unlike you, I am pretty much the last of my friends to get prego so I had their support and was told that I shouldn't let all my fears prevent me from experiencing what would be the most rewarding thing I ever did with my life. Luckily, my husband and I are on the same page as far as discipline, and we spoke at great length during the pregnancy and still now about how we're going to handle things. It's important that you agree on the big issues. It will make things easier on everyone involved.

Another huge concern was my health and the baby's health. I might not necessarily have thought about it so much if I didn't have a friend who had lost a perfectly healthy baby that she delivered, became part of a grieving group and then was exposed to lots of other parents who had all these horror stories--which she, in turn, shared with us (her closest friends). Of course, I couldn't help but wonder if I was going to have a "normal" pregnancy only to lose the baby once it was born... when you hear those heart-wrenching stories, you can't help but be affected by it. But, as we all know, stress is not good for you or the baby so I did my best to put it out of my head... and tried to look forward to the wonders of pregnancy and childbirth.

I have to admit that my friend who lost her baby (she had a miscarriage after that too) did have a difficult time with hearing complaints about pregnancy and raising children(there were several of us pregnant at the same time). She was extremely sensitive, as you can imagine, because she had such a hard time conceiving that she felt that women who got pregnant easily should be grateful they weren't going through what she was going through. And while friends were complaining about their babies crying all night, she was angry that they were "ungrateful" because she would give anything to hear her son crying (he died two days after he was born). Her best friend had an extremely colicky baby, and she was at her wits' end with it... but she knew she couldn't say anything because it was too upsetting. So then the friend who lost the baby felt like a horrible friend because she wasn't able to listen to her best friend complain about the difficultites of having an active toddler who drained her engery and a colicky newborn who was driving her crazy... My point is that I can somewhat see how people could think that you should be grateful for your discomfort, but you're entitled to how you feel too!

By the way, it's been 3 years and she still cries every "anniversary" of his birth and death. I don't know that you ever get over the loss of your child, so I can't say I blame your MIL for still feeling the loss, even 30 years later. Imagine how she must feel... supposed to be celebrating a landmark birthday and missed all the other ones before... missing the weddings and grandchildren she could've had with them... feeling guilty she's had so many years when her daughters never even had a chance at life...

At any rate, I don't think you're crazy for worrying about how the pregnancy will go. I did too. I worried that I wasn't eating enough nutritious foods, that I wasn't getting enough rest, that my baby might have Downs Syndrome, etc. And then you think about AFTER the baby's here... It never ends! But now that you're a mother, that's part of the territory. I am 34 years old, and my mom still worries about me!

That's awful that your FAMILY said such hurtful things to you. They're supposed to be your biggest supporters, and instead they're only making things worse... I couldn't believe they could say such things! I hope you email them all with this post, showing them all the support you have from STRANGERS! Maybe that will make them see how terribly they've behaved and that they need to support you right now!

As far as your hubby is concerned... I hope you're as lucky as I am to have married a wonderful man who put his own feelings aside and thinks of you and your comfort. I also felt guilty about not wanting to have sex. We tried during pregnancy and it was horribly uncomfortable, so I told him I was done until the baby was here. And then AFTER the baby was here, I was so terrified that it would hurt again... seriously, it was more than a year before we did... I was INCREDIBLY lucky that he never pressured me or made me feel guilty about it (I was feeling enough guilt and made sure to let him know it). Now, this second pregnancy is absolutely wiping me out and he is doing everything without complaining. I am looking forward to the second trimester when I will hopefully get my energy back and not feel so crappy all the time... but it makes all the difference that my hubby is so supportive, both physically and emotionally.

I don't know how you feel about God, but I truly believe that He only gives you what you can handle. Offer up your fears, concerns and sadness up to Him, and ask Him to help you through this... He will answer your prayers.

I think you're going to be a fine mother, by the way. If you can get a classroom of kids to listen to you while their own parents can't, then you're already ahead of the game! As you already know, children need consistency, boundaries and lots of love. There are outside factors, sure, but just do your best... that's all you can do!

By the way, having a child was the second best thing I ever did (best thing was marrying my amazing husband). We are totally in love with our little girl and looking forward to her sibling's arrival. Everything we went through was totally worth it (obviously, since I'm doing it again!)!

I hope that helps, and if you need to talk- feel free to contact me. Take care, and good luck!

Ok, wow, breathe. And stay away from your in-laws, LOL!

Everything you're worried about with the baby is totally normal. And while sometimes bad things DO happen, the monitoring compared to 30 years ago is like night and day, so the chances are far, far less that something will happen. While it is you MIL's right to feel deeply about her stillborn children, I think she's putting a lot of emotion squarely on your shoulders.

In terms of being thankful for being pregnant, some women don't do pregnancy well, and that's ok. In a few months once the ms is gone, you may feel completely different. I'm not sure why they're being so critical, but what you're feeling is, again, normal. I hated being pg at the beginning with my son, but once I reached 23 weeks, I LOVED it. With my daughter, I liked the first part more. And my SIL yakked for BOTH her entire pregnancies. Every woman and every pregnancy is different.

I know the stress of family issues can overwhelm things, but having the baby gives you that to focus on. My mom passed away when my first child was three months old, after going into the hospital a couple weeks after he was born. It was insane, but having my baby to care for was a good thing, causing me to sort of center myself and get out of my head a bit.

With the behavior thing, I hate to tell you, kids have bad days. Mine, who are 7 and 4, have told me they don't love me, they want to live somewhere else, and yes, they've kicked or hit me. And those behaviors get immediate consequences. Those behaviors are also followed by lots of snuggling and apologies. All kids have their moments. My daughter's just coming out of a four month long moment. Part of the joy of raising kids.

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

hormonal? yes crazy? no not at all just worried ,I would say you are having lots,too much negativity going on around you though,its easy to worry,when I was pregnant with my firts i worked in a home for special needs kids,at that time they still placed kids with birth defects etc in homes away from thier families(I'm so glad that has changed) and I worried that my child would be born the same way, he wasn't ,so try and put some of those worries to rest,as to you family,I would tell them if they can't say anything positive they need say nothing at all,I think that is all adding to your being ''sick'' the morning sickness,vomiting etc should stop soon,but it is possible that it won't,sorry to say,try keeping some crackers near ,eat a few before you get out of bed in the mornings nibble on a few through the day,they are light and may be just what your stomach needs,get some low or no salt kind,you do not want to eat to much salt but don't go salt free totally the body does need salt to function properly.
Do try and look at your pregnany in a more positive way no matter what anyone says,some moms just need help with cooking etc there is nothing wrong with tht and it does not mean you do not love your child,as for your mother in law well its normal to still feel sad even after 30 years but some people just carry things way to far,ignore her when she goes to that place,you can tell her you are sorry for her loss once but you should not have to do it over and over for goodness sake,no wonder you feel like you do,I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and I wish for you a happy non evenful birth with a beautiful child,you will do a good job with your child
H.

I don't want to come across harsh but you sound like you need help. It sounds like you are experiencing prenatal depression and this is not the "normal" way for a pregnant mother to feel no matter how hormonal she is. I even had a mild case of prenatal depression with my 1st and never EVER would have been so negative or cold about things as you sound about children and mothering. I would seriously consider seeing someone professional about this. This is not a light matter...and yes, your thoughts and feelings do affect your fetus even at your stage in the game. Trust me. I could give you proof if you want more details. Please deal with this immediately cause it will not get better unless you do and your marriage and child will suffer otherwise. Good luck. I know its so hard -- I don't have easy pregnancies either. But hang in there. Being a mother is the greatest gift in the world.

Hi M.!
Congratulations first of all on everything! My name is M., I am a 27 yo mom of 2. My had my first pregnancy at 17, and it was miserable! you will get over the not morning I know all day sickness! I was lucky enough not to have the vomiting only nausea ALL DAY! I know it's really hard not to talk about how you are feeling, but everyones preganancies are different, and you family members might have just breezed through thiers. I would just try to have tea, and eat healthy light meals. They also have some great pregnancy yoga and excercise classes and or dvd's. We all get scared of the unknown, especially with our babies, but just know you will be fine, and so will your baby. All those risky tests are not necessary as long as you were healthy when you got prego, you both will be fine. Just try to take care of yourself. There are a lot of home remedies you can look up to beat the yucky sick feeling. Like I said it will fade, and or turn to nausea probably toward the end of your pregnancy. But you will miss the feeling once you start to feel it moving, and the love you feel. Don't let whatt other people say and how you see other children with thier parent discourage you. Just be sure you love your baby, and show discipline we used to have growing up. In my opinion toddlers and preschoolers are that way, but as a mother we have to show them that that's not nice, and some moms just brush it off. Best wishes to you!!!!!
take care! Mel

You've come to the right place. I always post my questions and get the best answers. I also feel crappy and many times wonder about the what if's. The only thing you can control is now. Thinking about later will only cause you unnecessary stress. I won't say it will get any better, because it won't. I'm on my second pregnancy, and it has been worse than the first. I'm 32 weeks and I feel horrible, but that's me. The only thing I can do is try to get as comfortable as I can and stay away from the negative people. If you think your depressed, please visit your doctor. As a high school teacher, I understand, it's as if your afraid your developing baby will catch the bad kids behavior. It stresses me out too, that's why I'm going on maternity leave soon. Hope you feel better and forget about everyone else. You and the baby are all that matter.

wow wow wow! ok, first off...the new mommy (or in your case, mommy to be) crazies are completely normal. Your hormones are running wild and with you being sick and all the other changes in your life are not helping at all! I cant believe your family isnt being supportive! Making you feel guilty for something that you cannot control. If people knew all the crazy things that went through my mind in the last 2 years about my daughter, they would have locked me up in a padded room. It is normal and any mom that tells you different is lying! Especially when you are pregnant for the first time. You will have insane dreams and thoughts about the horrible things that could happen to you or your baby during your pregnancy and labor. And then when you have your baby in your arms, then you start the thoughts of crazy things that could happen to you or your baby from that day forward. You will watch things about the tsunami or 9/11 and be effected so differently by it. You will get behind the wheel of your car and worry about getting into an accident. You will leave your baby with a babysitter or even family member and worry the whole time you are gone. It is just normal...and if you werent feeling this way, then Id say something was wrong. You will be feeling things that you couldnt imagine from now on.

And as far as you harming the baby by worrying about things...unless you are sending yourself into an absolute panic, I can honestly say that you will not harm your baby by worrying about labor. We ALL did it...and it can be a very frightful thing! I would maybe try and think positive thoughts when your mind starts racing...it may help you relax more. I hated being pregnant...i was uncomfortable the whole time, I hated the looks I got from people, I hated people touching my belly, I just wanted it to be over and to have my baby! I dreaded labor and birth...it is all normal love! keep your chin up and if you ever need someone to talk to, please send me a message! :-)

Well it is a little of both.
I think every new Mom feels aprehensive at some time during pregnancy. And for those who truly want kids, they wonder will their child be unruly or will you raise them to be the perfectly mannered smart popular child. Of course will my child be ok? Ten fingers ten toes and a button nose.

The first thing you have to do is, buckle up for the ride of pregnancy before you start going down the road of life your child will take. Every person you know will be an expert on what you should do... including me. And we are all annoying to you right now. It's just how pregnancy works! Complete strangers say things like ooh, is it twins, rub your belly at the grocery store or ask you things like was it planned while you sit wondering what planet they are all from. Then of course now and then there is some good advice from someone you would never expect you would take it from like a co-worker that just drives you batty normally. Just try and take it all in stride and relax. Don't get over emotional about the unknown, Read while you are putting up your tootsies and get informed for yourself because if you are anything like most teachers I know, nobody will tell you how to do it.. or the facts about anything! Most teachers need to for some reason know the answers themselves or get them themselves. (Not a bad thing, just a self fulfilling ego thing.)
So here is your first un-asked for advice. Your only in your fifteenth week so I am sorry to do this so soon. I do hope you feel better being sick just stinks! Every Mom will have feelings of will my baby be ok? Anxiety however will only create physical problems for you and baby, so try and get enough rest... drink enough fluids and concentrate on the sunny side of things not the gloomy. YTou know is the glass half full or hald empty? I have to agree with some of your family and friends on this part. You are a little bit on the drama queen side right now. But I do not know! With you maybe everything is a little bit of a production. Not picking on you or judging you at all just outside looking in and giving advice. Try to not talk about the distant future so much right now and try and get thru the now a bit.
I think you will find after the baby is born it all comes natural to you. There is so much literature about milestones and parenting that really any dummy can do it and ecspecially a teacher. And, I know I will get bashed for saying it, but be careful. I think as a teacher you WILL have very high expectations of what your child should be. That's natural everyone does. In your mind he could be president someday and will definitely have the neatest handwriting and be the most polite and popular child in school. NOT! You have to get that all out of your head and I don't mean to be harsh but it just doesn't work that way. No matter what you do your child will be born with both of your jeans (DNA) and both of your attitudes and sometimes things happen that you don't even plan like Autism, Downes Syndrome loss of hearing, Giant birthmark on the face to name a few. Anything can happen. If you put expectations on it and really build them up for months you will have no place to be BUT dissapointed and you don't want to be that in your own child. You will love your child unconditionally but it's much easier if you watch your child grow and do the best you can do as a parent and just try and teach your child to be the best person they can be given any circumstance. Good Luck! Hope you get over your morning sickness soon!

I see you already have like 72 messages here but I still need to throw in my 2 cents. For one, who the hell are you related to that they can so easily berate a first time mother like that? My word!! 2. You are COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!!!!! I can Not stress that enough!!! You are going thru a hell of a whirl wind right now, being a newlywed, getting pregnant, teaching, and family health problems these are all Life changing events and pregnancy is certainly a very hormonal roller coaster on top of everything else. I have had 4 pregnancies, 2 of my own and 2 sets of twins as a surrogate mom, I have also experienced as a surrogate losing one twin so I know the loss you are talking about too.
Loss is really found in a very small % of pregnancies so as NORMAL as it is to fear that outcome and have those feelings try not to worry about it too much! Also all kids go thru some stage of not liking their parents, believe me there is NO such thing as a Perfect child. My youngest when he was about 3 went thru a stage where whenever he got in trouble or asked to do anything he would stick out that bottom lip, wrinkle up that forehead and say "you don't like me anymore". I had to keep from laughing most of the time it was SO cute!! Of course now my oldest is in that preteen going on 30 age so we are having all sorts of fun. Most of how your child acts is a result of their upbringing and NO Parent is Perfect either we all make mistakes so just do your best, ask for help if you feel you need it, though I don't think I would run to your 'negative nelly' family too often if I was you LOL!!!
Feel free to email me anytime!

Oh my goodness, I did not enjoy pregnancy either and I had a totally easy one. No sickness, normal in all respects. Did have lots of feet swelling at the end, but why is that all fun? Yes, it's exciting, you're having a baby! But nothing is normal with your body and it affects everything. I don't think you are being negative, you just don't feel good. I would try to avoid them for now as much as you can. Have you talked to your husband? How does he feel about all of this? You should also talk to your doctor about your sickness. A person I work with had a similar thing going on and her doctor gave her something to help with it. She was so excited when she could eat and it would stay down! Good luck and congrats on the little one!

First off, if your sick how the heck can you feel positive and excited. You are listening way to much to people that are doing nothing more than making you feel worse. Any one women that has had a child has also worried about if it will be healthy. PLEASE!don't let all this spoil the the fact the aside from the morning sickness which only seems to last forever you have a baby coming which should be a happy thing right? I also work with children and see so many good and not so good things going on.
I'm glad to hear that you were able to remove yourself for people that are making things worse for you. They should have your best interest at heart and realize that you aren't feeling well, getting a good sleep, and you are going through so many life changes. There must be some sort of a support group out there that you could go to. Maybe a church group, hospital, new moms play groups YMCA ... I'm sure you aren't alone with all your concerns.
Good luck to you and my the throwing up thing stop!

Welcome to motherhood!

When you are pregnant, everything will bother you, everything will make you sad and emotional. That's just the way it is. And there is no perfect, happy pregnancy, like you see in the movies, or people want you to believe. Your emotions are perfectly normal.
What you need to do, is get involved with a Mom's support group. Talk to other pregnant
women. Women who have not had a child yet, have NO clue, and the older ones who have,
will be nostalgic about the experience, and will have forgotten much of the actual experience.
Or they will only tell you the bad parts, which just freaks you out!
Ignore how other children and mother's behave. This is your child, not theirs, and the child will have yours and/or your husband's personality. You will be raising the kid not someone else, you will decide how your child will act towards you. It will all be OK!

Hang in there, when you get closer to the birth and the sickness goes away, your attitude will change and just perhaps you will start having that "perfect, happy glow!"

Good Luck! You are a completely normal pregnant woman. : )

S

You are perfectly normal! You are feeling the worst effects of pregnancy: nausaea and the fear of the unknown. It will pass as you start to feel better. If it doesn't, or your fears do not subside, seek some help! Your OB/gyn is an expert in this feild and can give you the guidance and reassurance you need during this difficult part of the pregnancy.

Your family is way out of line. You are under huge emotional strains, being newly married, first pregnancy, failing health of your parents and the degree of difficultly you job requires (not many people are willing to be in the same roon with 20 plus 5 year olds!) They have no business assessing your happiness or well being if the main concern is to tear your resolve away. Understand that the physical changes of pregnancy are taking its toll on you. No one feels like making dinner or having sex when they are ill. It is not a failure, it is a blip in your life. You will make dinner again, have sex and laugh at your fears! Trust me! You are fine!

Do not ever let someone undermine you ability to parent. This has happened to me many times. You are the mother, the one person whose love for the child you are going to have is greater than imaginable. Trust your instincts. Use the knowledge you are collecting in your profession to aid you. Children want attention. The acting up of your students with their parents can be from seeking the attention they crave from their parents.

This is an amazing time in your life. It is an experience that matches no other. Give yourself a break and just relax. Do not let the undone things, the unwanted advice or the undesirable cirrcumstances of life get you down. In the end, it boils down to you have a new life in you. Take good care of yourself, your relationship with your new husband and all of those sweet little ones you teach. The rest of the stuff, don't sweat!

You are going to be just fine!

Hang in there M.! The sickness normally passes around 3-4 months. Don't worry about glowing...not everyone glows...and lots are just low glowers! You be you and don't worry about being what others think you should be. Every mom-to-be worries about what kind of mother she will be..this is normal. Keep your chin up and don't let people scare you with their birth stories. Surround yourself with supportive people. Remember you and your husband are going through this together, support each other. Perhaps you were just hoping for more alone time with your new husband before any babies came, it's OK to be sad about that, but now God has given you a gift and the baby will be well worth it. No child is perfect but is a direct result of their environment..sounds like to me, you know what a good and loving environment should be. Keep us posted.
Hugs
C.

M., I am 13 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child and I am too tired to work or cook or clean or be nice or cheerful. I have been too sick for all that stuff too. I am THRILLED to be having this baby, but IF I didn't have to be sick and tired (as well as nervous for the health and well-being of my baby) I'd be even happier. I don't think you are crazy or ungratful. I think you are tired and like you said, have a lot going on right now. Trust me, you will start to feel better and be little less tired, so that will help A LOT in your mental status. As for all the people giving you a hard time, next time they ask how you are just smile and tell them "fine". Give no further details and don't clue them in on anything else for the future of your pregnancy. If they can't deal with what you are going through, just let them believe you are "great". Rely on one or two really good girlfriends that won't give you a hard time. All your fears and anxiety will disappear when you hold that baby. I was willing to go through this again (and again). My kids are my life and sunshine and I'm sure your's will be too! Good luck!

I think that these feelings are not unusual and you should NOT feel guilty about it. Not everyone loves being pregnant and if you're sick all the time and tired, how could you feel good? You are so early in your pregnancy that you have not even experienced all of the good times, like your belly getting round and feeling the baby kick. I have a friend who hated being pregnant and swears she will never do it again, but she has a beautiful and very smart toddler to show for it.
I can also empathize with your concerns about your future child. I work for the Early Intervention program and am constantly seeing sick and delayed children and being pregnant scared me to death. I also had feelings of guilt during my pregnancy. I had two miscarriages prior to getting pregnant and I felt guilty everytime I complained about being tired or getting "fat,"but I don't think that it is unusual.
I would recommend going to a prenantal yoga class, even if you have never practiced yoga before. I never missed a class while I was pregnant. You are surrounded by other pregnant women and will hear of their complaints and you will also see the truely beautiful things about being pregnant. There is a Monday night class at Bloom yoga studio in Lincoln Square.
I'm sorry to hear that your family and inlaws are causing you stress. That is the last thing that you need right now. And as far as your future child goes, there are somethings that are out of your control. I can honestly say that I didn't always enjoy my pregnancy or even the first few months after my son was born. But now, at 8 months, I see the beauty in all of it.

Your family is being incredibly unsympathetic. I am a grandmother of two, and my darling daughter had not one but TWO LOUSY pregnancies. She had headaches, high blood pressure, which led to preeclampsia and an emergency C section. She is a wonderful mother. To believe that negative feelings will cause a miscarriage or affect the health of the baby is just as ridiculous as the old wives tale that receiving a fright or scare will "scar" the baby, or that reaching over your head will cause the umbilical to wrap around the baby's neck.
NOT ALL PREGNANT WOMEN GLOW, NOT ALL HAPPY PREGNANCIES END WITH BEATUIFUL BABIES. Ask them to please keep their negative comments to themselves, don't discuss your complaints with them and then find a few sympathetic friends to talk to. Perhaps the mothers of some of your students might be good sources to talk to.

With my first, I had the worst morning sickness. It was so bad I actually lost weight. She turned out fine. I am also currently pregnant with a lot of nausea and exhaustion. It'll get better. I wouldn't worry about miscarriage unless the doctor says there is something wrong. Fears are normal, especially for first time pregnancy. As far as kids growing up, I'd say you have a couple of years before you have to worry about discipline. (Read a book about discipline before the baby is 2 years old. The key is consistancy) Get plenty of water and rest. Baby proof and relax.

There is something to be said for tact, although you're right that the words mean the same thing. I know what you mean about the rest of it though. I got pregnant as a teenager and gave the baby up for adoption to a wonderful couple who couldn't have their own and I used to ponder on that injustice a lot. My mom always tells me after I have a baby that I did a good job, menaing I made a good baby. I always think (although I never say because she wouldn't understand) that *I* didn't do anything, my body just happens to be good at growing babies completely independent of my will. We really have no control over it. I don't think your attitude affects your baby in utero, but I would be careful afterwards. Talk to someone about postpartum depression if you have any problems after the delivery. My mom always tells me that children become what their parents expect, so expect better than what you see and don't allow that kind of behavior from your own and your child can be different. If you need anyone to talk to or vent to, drop me a note and I'll give you my #. Good luck.

Hi M.,

First of all I would like to say that your family harping on you doesn't help your mindset. They need to be more supportive and understanding. Secondly, you need not worry so much about what may happen or what could happen. Cross that bridge when or even if you get to it. Enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can and try to be positive. Don't dwell on the negative happenings of someone elses experiences. I don't know if you believe in God and I don't mean to sound like a bible thumper, but if you have faith, he can get you through anything. Also, worrying about how your child will turn out should not even be a concern. Children are usually a product of their parents. If you & your husband are loving, compassionate people more than likely your child will be too. If you teach your child to have respect for you and others than he/she will. Just to give you some hope and a postive story. My daughter was born 26 weeks premature, she was considered a special needs child. She is now 11 and a wonderful, caring, smart girl. My son, we adopted from Russia. Talk about a leap of faith:) He is special needs, but his issues are nothing crucial. He has no behavioral issues, just normal toddler stuff. Sorry this is long. I hope this helps, and the nausea will pass, give it time.

Dear M.--My name is H.. I'm a 32 y/o Mom of a 2 y/o son. This is the first time I have responded on mamasource. You have inspired me. The first thing I want to say is that you have a tremendous load on your plate!!! Working full-time at a high-stress job, just married, just pregnant, just moved. If you look at any list of life stressors in a psychology book, ALL of these would be listed! So my first and perhaps most important piece of advice to you is to give yourself GRACE. Take a deep breath. NO ONE likes morning sickness!! And different women experience pregnancy in different ways. Some women are miserable for most of it, some women breeze through like it's nothing, but most ALL of those women love and desire the best for their children, no matter what their experience of pregnancy is. You have the right to feel what you feel and know that what you feel is okay for now. Feelings are like the weather, they change eventually, no matter how much you'd like them to change right now or stay the same forever. The more you try to push away your true feelings, the more stubbornly they will dig in their heels. You can't control your feelings and that's okay--ESPECIALLY right now. You can control your behavior. You can find ways to get what you need right now and find people who will support you in the ways you need to be supported. I know it sounds corny, but deep breathing works great for helping me chill out! In through the nose, out through the mouth as though blowing through a straw (this is great practice for labor and delivery, too) and try to exhale for longer than you inhaled. Prenatal yoga is also TOTALLY worth the investment!!! In spite of your family's prediction that your "negativity" will affect your baby negatively, consider this--what if the fact that you learn how to deal with some of the more negative aspects of life actually makes you a BETTER mom than you would be if life were just a walk in the park for you right now? If you can face your disappointment about your pregnancy, get through the am sickness, and face your fears about the kind of mother you'll be and the kind of child your child will be, I KNOW that facing those things with honesty and candor will help you develop a positive attitude and be a better Mom!!! As for your family's criticism: I don't know how close you are with your family, but I would try an approach like this: Tell them, "I really appreciate how much you care for me and for the baby. It means a lot to me that you want me and the baby to be healthy and happy. I want that,too, and please believe that I'm doing the best I can. But to be really honest, I have to say that I am scared and nervous about that, and your comments sometimes make me feel more scared and nervous. I just feel really overwhelmed right now. What would help me the most are your prayers and encouragement." If this works, great. If not, and your relatives continue to criticize you, you might have to avoid them for awhile... If you can't avoid them, then just listen politely, smile and nod, and keep telling yourself the whole time, "I'm doing the best I can. I will love this child the best that I can and in the WAY that I can." About your kids at school and how they treat their parents--First, you are way ahead of the game in that you KNOW what you want your relationship with your child to look like. That tells me that you will be the kind of mom who is very intentional in trying to discern your child's personality and rate of development so that you can develop as healthy and positive a relationship as you can. Also, from some reading I've done, I've heard that it is natural for toddlers to sometimes treat their parents "worse" than they treat part-time caregivers. The things I've read say that sometimes this can actually be a positive thing in that it shows that the toddler is comfortable in showing the full range of emotions to their parents and know that they won't be rejected for it. There are also toddlers whose parents simply DO NOT give their children the attention that they need, and they pay for it in the form of negative, hurtful behavior directed at them from their child. But toddlerdom is a long way off for you--so don't worry about it yet. You'll have plenty of time to worry about it when it gets here! In the meantime, you can seek out parents whom you admire and whose children you admire. Surround yourself with these people. Ask them questions about how they parent. They will be thrilled and flattered to share all their information with you and if they're really honest, they'll let you know that they've made mistakes along the way, too. Just like you will. But it's the overall loving attention and respect you have for your child that will far outweigh the little mistakes. I don't know if you're a person of faith or have a church family, M.. If you do, there might be some great resources right there. In the meantime, I will say a prayer for you. I'm happy for you to email me back if you'd like. My address is ____@____.com. Blessings and deep peace to you. --H. Z

Oh my goodness, can I remember your thoughts! I am 26 and have a ten mo. old daughter. I was not planning on having ANY children and found out I was pregnant with my then, ex-boyfriend of 8 years. I did not believe that an abortion would be the answer, so I decided to move back in with my parents (out of state) and go back to school and have the baby. I loathed every minute of being pregnant, and I only had a very mild case of nausea within the first 2 mo. I did get very tired, especially going to school 40+ hrs a week, and a part time job. My family also told me that my stress and depression about my situation would affect the baby. So then I became paranoid and I worried not only about having an unhealthy baby, a still birth, a deformation, death, etc., but having a child that would have colic or just cry all the time and be sick, all because I didn't want to be pregnant. Well, my daughter was born 10 days early, I had a C-section, non-emergency, and she was as healthy as you could ask for:) she weighed a little over 5 lbs., and she tripled her weight within the first 6 mo. I have never in my life met a happier baby. I am not just saying this because she is mine either. And....she's only been sick once (an ear infection). I am sorry for the scattered thoughts, but I want you to know, that I too, did not enjoy my pregnancy, even if for different reasons than yours, and I felt guilty as well, for those who would love to be in my situation; but in the end I wonder if I would have this beautiful, hilarious, healthy daughter if I was super happy and energetic during my pregnancy. So it is not abnormal to feel the way that you do. Not every person was made to love the pregnant feeling. Regardless of planning, wanting, waiting, etc. the preg. Good luck with EVERYTHING. It will turn out great!!!!!

My goodness, you poor woman! SHAME ON YOUR RELATIVES!!! The first thing I would suggest is moving accross the country and away from them!!! LOL! Seriously, you have NOTHING to feel sorry for. Maybe the women in your family aren't good with empathy and this is their way of letting you know that you have nothing to worry about and you'll be ok.
You sound like every other pregnant woman I have know with the exception of the rotten relatives. The first half of pregnancy SUCKS! Hardly anyone feels good at this stage and it's easy to become overwhelmed. ALL of your fears are normal. We've all gone through them. At the end of the day you've got to put your faith in God, sweetie! Pray for your baby everyday and put it in His hands. That's the best gift you can give your child.
Your thoughts are NOT affecting your baby for the worse. I did NOT enjoy pregnancy and I have a friend who had 4 kids and she was miserable for every single one. She does not do pregnancy with a smile, lemme tell ya! We both have gorgeous, happy, well-adjusted kids!
Pregnancy is scary but you have to remember that knowledge is POWER. Do yourself a favor and sign up for a Bradley Birth Course. You will be very educated and much less fearful for it. You'll come away prepared. It's never too early to sign up and I would do it now so you can meet some other women that are feeling the same as you and have some support.
Women and babies dying are rare anymore. Take your prenatals and it's a good idea to supplement with some DHA--Omega 3 fish oils. Nordic Naturals makes a fabulous one that is ideal for pregnant and lactating women.
Also, the first year of marriage is wonderful... and stressful. IT's quite a thing to adapt to and then to be pregnant on top of it...you're doing fine!
Lastly, those kids...I know exactly what you are talking about. I've been on your end of things and I can tell you that the reason those kids are good for you is because you know how to handle them. They melt into brats when they see their parents bc their parents spoil and give in to them. You have a big advantage having worked with kids already. It's true that it's different when they are your own, but your experience still counts and will make a difference. You already know what NOT to do! :D

You can email me anytime! Pls surround yourself with as many positive, supportive people as you can right now. And above all, pls talk to your ob/gyn or midwife about your feelings. I think you just need some people to talk to but make sure your doc knows how you are feeling just in case. That is what they are there for. You sound overwhelmed and naturally so.

Preggie Pop Drops are awsome for nausea--I have the wierdest gagging reflex after my vomiting stopped (during my second trimester finally!) and they helped A LOT! They sell them at Once Upon a Child and Motherhood Maternity at the mall.
I could not cook for the first 4-5 mo of my pregnancy and I couldn't cook chicken the whole time! Sex? Don't touch me! LOL! God bless your hubby! It's hard being at the beginning of your pregnancy during this time of year--I was in your shoes this time last year. You'll be glowing by the middle to end of spring.
I actually had a psychiatrist diagnosed fear of vomiting that I had to get over real quick with my pregnancy. It wasn't a hard pregnancy by anyone's standards but it was rough on me. It's quite a thing to share your body with another person! I felt freaked out and anxious bc of the sudden lack of control I felt. God really dealt with that in me and I came out of my pregnancy a better person. Lean into Jesus. He will bring you through. Your baby will teach you so much, and it starts long before they are born. You will be a better person for all of this but you have reach deep with in and really search yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU WILL BE FINE! GOD BLESS YOU SWEETIE!!!
Oh, by the way, I almost forgot to tell you...it gets BETTER! :D This is the ickiest part you are going through right now. We all need to vent sometimes, you are ok!

I don't normally respond to these things; however, I believe the God sent this to me for a reason.

I am a 25-year-old mom to be as well. I too got pregnant my wedding night and experienced a lot of the emotional rollercoaster moods you have expressed. I contantly worried that I wasn't being a good enough wife to my husband because I wasn't as comfortable having sex as he was, I didn't feel like doing housework, I was contantly crying and grumpy, then on top of all that his (my husband's) mother was consuming a lot of our attention with her health problems.

Trust me you are a great wife and will be an even greater mother. Your fears and concerns are natural and they will only make you tap into the woman God has designed you to be. Don't worry what outsiders (even though they are your family) say. It only matters what your husbands says through is words and actions and what your heart and God says.

Try to enjoy this as much as you possibly can because it is truly a blessing to take part in such a miracle. I enjoy my baby's every movement even when it hurts (he is a powerful kicker!). I pray that all will be well with you and the baby. Remember that every stress you feel the baby feels, so relax and trust that you are doing your best.

Your in my Prayers!!!

Hang in there. Pregnancy is not easy and any emotion your feeling is normal because its your emotion. This is happening to you and not your family, so they cant tell you what to feel.

While your pregnant, the most important thing is to take care of yourself - eat right, rest and drink lots and lots of water. The baby will take what it needs from you. However, stress can wear you down and cause other issues. I would encourage you to talk to someone who is removed from the situation like a therapist to give you support. Theres also lots of pregnancy groups in big cities and you can meet other people who are in the same situation as you.

Oh my goodness don't listen to these people and move if you have too! You are very, very normal and honest about it, too. Way too many people pretend that it's so wonderful being pregnant. You are right you really can't enjoy vomitting, let alone discomfort, your desire to go to the bathroom all the time and the worry that the baby will come out looking like a blob from outer space. On top of it,you don't even get to go leisurely throw up (oh yes I understand, I have worked in schools for probably 13 years!) and it is difficult to get anyone to watch your class so there is not even the leisure of having a lovely throw up, sit on the toilet or whatever because now you have to feel guilty about that too. Oh I just love the pregnant teachers who also make certain every one sees that they walk around with gallon water bottles to refresh their thirst probably after they puked up everything inside of them! I myself could barely move for nine months, was tired all the time, thought lettuce and sausage pizza were the enemy and heard my older sister reference to how lazy I was all the time. It is interesting that she is forever sick with these varieties of things these days no matter how many vitamins she takes and lack of rest she gets because she supposedly only needs about three hours of sleep. OH do enjoy your pregnancy but not the way people think, enjoy the fact that all these disgusting uncomfortable downright gross things that are happening are bringing to you the biggest miracle that is experienced.
My mother also had twins that died a day after they were born, two months premature, but I also tell you this I was two months premature and I am a very strong healthy person. You see, there are going to be those things that happen but nowadays and not thirty years ago, they can do so many things that they were unable to do help the baby survive. Many many problems are fixable. And there are all sorts of those things to be scared about, too, as life continues. And you get through each of these cases. I am currently worried about my teenaged son and the one in the service. You see if you have children it doesn't matter if you are pregnant, if they are infants or they are older. WE will love them always, worry about them always, and it doesn't really matter what all these people are telling you, you will be the best mommy to that little person who is growing inside of you. So in the words of my own mother, IGNORE IT and I think she's right because at 75 years old, she still has six living children who she worries about every single day. You are not negative, you are realistic. The next time they invite you to one of those little pow wows, I think perhaps you might busy, don't you think? You will get through this believe me. You can use that 'negativity fuel' to stay away from these people. If anything that's whats going to make you feel worse all the time, their constant picking. Hang onto the part of that 'negativity' because as I tell my children, it's realistic. And that's what helps you protect your baby and yourself.

M.,
You have alot on your mind. First off - take a deep breath
I have had daycare in my home for 10 yrs since my girls were born - so I know exactly how children are so good until their parents come to pick them up. (not all - but most children)
One of my daycare moms is a 5th gr teacher - and she is the hardest on her children than any of my other families...Maybe because she does work with children and she sees what happens when children are not given rules and love at home.
Just open your heart to your baby - teach them right from wrong and you will be just fine!

Your mother n' law has a great burden of loss on her heart - but, this doesn't mean it will happen to you and your husband.
We (as pregnant moms) never know what is going to happen. We just have to take care of ourselves physically and emotionally so we can be the best Mom we can be...

Your family needs to be there to help you through this unknown time - not to make things harder for you. It seems that our closest love ones can be hardest on us.I guess maybe they feel comfortable enough to say anything to you and they think you will be ok with their comments.

Maybe you commuity has a support group for "new" moms to be?
Since your the first of your circle of friends to be expecting - there are really good books to read also:
Dr. Spock - What to expect when your expecting..

Good luck to you and your husband. The best is yet to come.
Sincerely,
B. F

I just think that you are "thinking" too much. Relax.To me, you are an adult and can talk any way you want. You could have possibly been a liitle more polite, but they didn't have to jump on your words as much as they did. Not all children are disrespectful and hit their parents. Perhaps you can raise yours not to act like that. Don't focus on the bad, and all the "what ifs". Your pregnant, and eat right, take care of yourself, and go to the doctor appointments, get that book"what to expect when you're expecting" to understand what you, and your body, and the baby are going through. Some things are in your hands, and the rest is in God's hands.

It is perfectly NORMAL to worry about your unborn child. We all did it at some point. I would encourage you to not beat up on yourself. some women have a more difficult time with the "side effect" of being pregnant; you know the nausea, the sickness, the increase in their sense of smell etc. Just relax and enjoy your pregnancy the best you can. Sometimes all of our worries and concerns impact us physically and make our life harder. If it is possible, find a meditation class and learn deep breathing and ways to relax yourself. Also, it seems that when people see someone who is pregnant, they give all of the unsolicited tales and advice. They really don't mean any harm. Sometimes, well maybe most times, families are our worst critics. You have to take what they say with a grain of salt and move on.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE A GREAT MOM!!!! The worry doesn't end once they are born. It will stay with you as long as you live. I have a son who is 26 and I STILL worry.
Enjoy it! It's an awesome thing!
C.

M.,

I feel so bad for what you are having to endure. First of all, every pregnancy is different. You can not compare your pregnancy with any other ones, neither can your family members. It is not right that you are being critized for many things that are completely normal with being pregnant. Your concern about the baby being healthy when it is born it's normal....those are your mother's instincts kicking in already. Having no energy, being nauseated, throwin-up and moody (including no-sex drive) is many of the "wonderful" effects of pregnancy, it just seems that you are getting them all at once. I will tell you one myth... they say that if you are negative all the time, or sick you while pregnant it can effect the baby, it is not true. The baby is well protected. I went through such a horrible, rough time when I was pregnant with my daughter (seperated from my husband, on welfare..living w/relatives, severly anemic) and my daughter was very healthy and is probably one the most beautiful girls you will ever meet. Also, the highest risk of miscarriage comes in your first trimester and it seems that you are almost done with it. You should relax, take naps, go for walks, buy some baby books, start thinking of names, colors for the nursery and keep yourself pre-occupied and stay away from negative people who want to bring you down. I believe that every child is in God's plan and nothing is a coincedence, so if God wants you be a mother and give you this precious gift then it will happen. Being a Kindergarten/Pre-school teacher shows that you already have patience and love to become a wonderful mother. May God Bless you!
E.

M.-
First of all you are normal and secondly your family is not being helpful at all! They need to mind their oun business. Or ask the women in your family to concentrate on the positive aspects of pregnancy - like feeling baby move, picking names, decorating the nursery, registering for baby, etc.
Some women worry more during pregnancy than others. I worked with a Preinatalologist (high-risk pregnancies) and saw many maternal and fetal problems during the ultrasounds. It made me nervous but I tried to think positive. I felt better after I had an ultrasound because I could see my developing baby and I felt instantly closer to him because I could see him floating around in my womb. Also once he began moving I also felt better. You may not notice movement until 18 weeks or so. It is harder to tell with a first baby. It feels a little like butterflies in your tummy or gas in the beginning :-)
You should also discuss your concerns with your OB DR. - you could have antenatal(before the baby) depression; which is treated with an antidepressant that is safe with pregnancy. Also if you still are having nausea and vomiting there is a medication called Zofran that is very safe with pregnancy and can minimize the nausea and vomiting. I took it with my second pregnancy because it was very difficult to work with the constant nausea. I am a Labor & Delivery and NICU nurse. Think about going into surgery for a cesarean section with nausea!!!
As far as how the children in your classes behave. The parents are the ones who need to help the child become a good person. All you can do is the best job you can and lead by example! My kids are 5 and 3 years old and everyone tells me they are good kids. My husband and I just try our best and try to be good people. When my son (the 5 year old) talks back to me I make sure I tell him in a firm voice and let him know it is not OK. Also remember that if your child behaves well in public and at school but acts out at home that he is COMPLETELY normal because he feels comfortable and safe enough at home to act out. It sounds strange but it is a developmental aspect that every child goes thru - I guess :).
I hope my advice helps, please email me if I can help anymore! Like I mentioned my background is a wife and mother of 2 kids and a nurse (Labor & Delivery and NICU) and lactation consultant. My career has always been with mothers and babies!!!
Good luck :)
Steph

You don't know how difficult parenting is until you have a five-year-old angry with you. I think it's harder for teachers who aren't parents, because they might "think" they know children, but you really don't until you have one of your own. Trust me, you do your best parenting when you aren't a parent yourself. You're getting your first taste of it in pregnancy. Pregnancy is hard. No one ever tells you how hard, because once you get past it, you realize it's easy compared to being parent. But know that I say that with the opinion that being a parent is the best thing ever, but that realization does not necessarily come instantly. It's over time, and everyone is different. Get passed your pregnancy and the first three months of being a mom, and you'll feel better and more confident as each day passes. It's a rollercoaster ride, but just trust that it will get better. And if it doesn't once you've had the baby, seek help.

It's ok to be worried and to have these fears. We know too much nowadays, more than our parents. So realize there's a difference between our generation and our parents. They don't understand how so much information and so much preasure can really weigh on a mom. And everyone has their own experiences. Some people love pregnancy, some people hate it. Some people have a hard time with the newborn stage, some people have any easy time.

My best advice to you is to know that parenting is a humbling experience. If you think that being a teacher has prepared you, then you're wrong. Remember, there is no such thing as a bad child. There are children who do bad things, and to label children as "bad", just helps fulfill the prophecy. Children need community. They need teachers, neighbors, friends. It can't all weigh on the parent. Parents do the best under the circumstances, and everyone has their own circumstances to contend with. Hopefully you'll realize this in time.

M., your feelings are completely normal! Of course you have a lot of fears, you are taking the responsibility of becoming a Mom very seriously! Yes, despite the sickness and worries about the future health of your child, you should be taking time to enjoy the pregnancy if you can. Listen to your heart. Your attitude has so much to do with your feelings and emotions. Even if you have to "fake it" a little. Wake up each morning with a happy feeling for your baby. Try to push those negative thoughts aside. And remeber that no matter what the outcome is for your child, you will love that baby no matter what! Parenting starts now and I think you realize that. Try to be as positive as you can! Find other moms who want to share in this joy with you instead of being negative.

I'm a teacher too. Being a pregnant teacher has its own set of emotional baggage. We see so much! So many kids have so many problems! Everyone told me "It's different when they're yours." They were right. I love my students and everything. But the love you feel as a parent is different. You are lucky because you get to see the results of poor parenting, so you won't do that. You will research things and then act based on the perfect combination of gut instinct and intellect. You will be an awesome mother. Your baby will be the perfect baby for YOU.

Please let your doctor understand that you need support. As a pregnancy yoga teacher, I let my students know that changes in hormones during pregnancy can and do result in changes in moods. I totally understand that if you are having morning sickness that this will impact your ability to prepare meals. Other students tell me this too so you are not alone. Getting extra medicine from your doctor and/or talk therapy are steps taken by other Moms to get you through this transition time in your life and get you extra support. My three kids all went through bursts of independence where they pushed back from my mothering and then came back to being very loving children. I believe your students will eventually demonstrate greater maturity over time. Please let us know that you get some help! If time permits you to participate in a prenatal yoga class, this can help you interact with more pregnant Moms to hear about other Moms.

M.-
You are going through a lot of changes right now. Getting married and moving in with your husband is a huge change and then finding out you're pregnant. Those are some of the biggest life changes we can go through. Plus, you body is changing and you will tend to be hormonal and emotional. Add on top of that your sickness. Don't beat yourself up. It's ok to be glad you're having a child but not glad you are sick. Not everyone glows through their pregnancy. Just remember most sickness goes away after the first trimester.

Don't compare yourself of or child to anyone else. Your child will be who he/she was meant to be and who you raise him/her to be. I have a daughter who is now 10. She has always had a very strong will and was very active. But she has never told me she hates me. Just remember, children tend to act different (better) for teachers than they do at home. But that does not mean you child will talk back to you or disrespect you unless you allow that behavior.

Don't worry because worry cannot change anything. Just pray for yourself and your baby and trust that everything will work out.

Good luck!
J.

Hi M.-
I'm 28 with 3. I was unexpectanantly pregnant with my first daughter at 21. I was also a teacher(1st grade). Yes, everything you are feeling is totally normal. Be prepared for your family to continue to be condescending and not understand how you feel. My family of women (mom, grandman, aunts,etc.) that have had children are just now acting as if my feelings are worthy. Don't take it personally. It's because they've already had children that they think they know EVERYTHING...which of course is false. ALso, yes hormones play a big part in it. My fear of the worst seemed to grow as the pregnancy did, but that is VERY normal, expecially with your husband's genetics. Also, I hated pregnancy all 3 times and don't feel bad about it at all. I also had 3 girls and hear boys make you glow?!?! Often I wished I was enjoying it more, but I didn't. In fact I weas totally miserable until they exited and then the happiest I've ever been. Hopefully, for you when you stop vomited and feel some movement you will begin to enjoy things more and have less worry.(which by the way is not going to determine the health of your baby--how ridiculous) Personally, I really enjoyed movement for about a month and then that got really old too.
Hope this helps! Hang in there--when that beautiful baby comes out, all your fears subside.
S.

P.S. All those bratty kids you teach is MOSTLY from bad parenting (i.e. "You're a bad Mommy) Being a teacher, I doubt you would have a child that would talk to you like that.

Wow, you must feel completely overwhelmed right now. I agree with the previous poster - take a deep breath, this is all going to be ok! First of all, it is completely acceptable to not love being pregnant, especially when you feel so sick and you have so many people breathing down your neck. And the demands of an early childhood education teacher are beyond what most people can comprehend. I am a high school teacher and I chose that age level because I knew I couldn't handle so many little kids - not to mention when your body is focusing on the little kid that's growing inside you! Try to take it one day at a time, school is out in not so many weeks and as your pregnancy progresses, you should start to feel better soon. There is a light at the end of the tunnel - summer break! As far as worrying about your own kid being a bad seed, I always observe my students and make mental notes about the good ones - how they interact with friends, other teachers and their parents - and I plan to help sculpt my kids to be like that, rather than focusing on the troublesome ones. I believe that a lot of behavior issues come from parenting issues, and if you're already a teacher, you have way more experience with kids than any one parent does! (I am going to get a lot of grief for saying that, but I think it's kind of true).

Second, we're pregnant with our second and it happened really fast, too - we were planning our second to be born when our son was between 2 1/2 and 3, so we started trying at the very beginning of that window, expecting it to take months like it did the first time, and all of a sudden I have a positive pregnancy test. Our son will not quite be 2 1/2 when our baby's born in a couple of weeks and I still feel like I'm not ready for it. I really struggled throughout my pregnancy, feeling like I wanted a second baby, but this one wasn't the one I was supposed to have. There is a lot of guilt to deal with when you feel this way - my mom and sister kept saying "We're so worried about you that you're not happy, that you're not able to enjoy this pregnancy..." They are/were afraid that I wasn't "bonding" with the baby and implied that when it's born, I'm going to ignore it or not take care of it somehow. That's just absurd, and it certainly didn't help me to feel any happier about the pregnancy. I just learned to ignore it. I think you said the right thing the other day when you said your family's comments weren't making you feel any better and then excused yourself. That's all you can do - just say "this isn't productive" and hang up/leave/change the subject.

As far as the fears of losing the baby somehow, sure it's a possibility, but it's not a probability. Who knows the circumstances when your mother-in-law lost her twins. It was a long time ago, medically speaking, and lots of things have changed. And, it sounds like she has not gotten over this loss. But that is not for you to own or emulate. You're in your second trimester, so the risk of miscarriage is very slim, and the risk of having the baby stillborn just would never even enter my mind. Plus, if her babies were twins, that is considered a high-risk pregnancy and you are not in that category, so relax. You really don't have anything like that to worry about. And, I don't know how realistic it is when people say "if you are stressed your baby will be stressed". I think babies take what they need from you, which is a ton, and that's what leaves us feeling so depleted. They are programmed to take care of themselves. If you're really concerned, I would check it out with my doctor to see if there was anything to address.

Til then, try to relax and treat yourself - it's not too early for a prenatal massage (get them often!). Get a pedicure, go to Baby Gap and drool over the ADORABLE tiny clothes they have. Light candles at night with your husband and have him cuddle with you. Honestly, do not feel guilty about having him help you with housework or cooking or going a while without having sex. Your body is a factory right now and you have other things on your mind. You'll have enough work to do just making the baby, it's perfectly acceptable for him to help out on the other end. Have you talked to him about all this? How does he feel? I hope for you that he is supportive and says what you need him to say.

And I do agree, 26 is on the young side to be starting a family these days. And to be starting a family at the same time you're starting a marriage has to be extra hard. I wish you a ton of luck, and hope for you that things settle down soon. I'm not saying you have to love being pregnant, but I bet in a couple of months, when you have that ultrasound and can start to feel that little monkey kicking and spinning inside you, you'll start to come around :) It's a fun experience. I hope it all works out soon!

Hi M.,

First off... you are not crazy. Second, take a Deep breath and relax :)

I recently gave birth to my first child and what I discovered during my pregnancy is that you can love your baby to pieces and want that baby so much, but still hate what the pregnancy is doing to your body.

As far as the negativity and worries, sometimes those things become a self fufilling. I would tell your family that you appreciate their love and support and that you know they are just concerned for you and the baby, but that if they can't be positive, then you'd rather they not offer advice.
The one thing I would suggest is that you make the effort to see the positive in things and stop focusing on the negative. Even the "bad" kid in our class has good qualities if you look hard enough.

Focus on the fact that you love and want your baby, work with your doctor to make sure you have a healthy pregnangy and baby, pray, and everything will work out just fine. You may have rough patches or complication, but they are just part of the process. Remember that God doesn't give us anything more than we can handle and He has a purpose for everything we do go through.
Good luck and God bless.

Everybody has a different experience with their pregnancy. Most people have a joyful experience and rave about it. Some, unfortunately, aren't as lucky. I, with you, was not as lucky. Do yourself a favor and don't talk to the people who aren't being supportive. I did not enjoy my pregnancy. Aside from the normal symptoms, I was very stressed about this tiny being inside my body and doing everything perfect.

I ended up on bed rest with my first child and had gestational diabetes for my second. My ob advised me not to have additional children due to health concerns. That was fine by me as we have two wonderful children. After the first child, I continued to be stressed, as I worried about every breath and movement the child made.

People will share their stories of what you should and shouldn't do. It may have been some time since some of these individuals have had a child. Today many husbands are more hands on. I am thankful my husband took care of me as well as my children during my pregnancies.

What others call negativity may actually be honesty that others truly haven't admitted. Your honesty will be a wonderful gift to your child when you show your love.

M.
Even if you didn't have everything else going on in your life that you do, you still do not need to be happy all the time while you're pregnant. I know how the nausea and vomiting thing feels, and I can't tell you how many times I sobbed over the toilet hoping it would get better. (It did!) I also know having a lot of concerns about your pregnancy can make it hard to feel very excited at times. I'm a newborn intensive care nurse who sees the worst of the worst. I also know that everyday there are millions of babies that are perfectly fine when they are born.
As far as your family goes, I would just remind me them that things are hard and that you are being cautiously optimistic. If they have concerns about your health and wellbeing, they should present them in a non-judgemental fashion so as not to stress you out anymore. I wish I had more suggestions because I know how hard this time can be.
Enjoy the time as best you can and look forward to the future, with both your baby and your new husband.
J. M.

Hi M.,
Don't Stress! I had the same problem when I was pregnant, I babysat for a boy that was rude, mean, and manipulative at 4 years old! I was so scared my baby would turn out like that and I'm happy to say he's 3 now and a bundle of joy! I had a really hard pregnancy and was high risk and gained like 80lbs. I was absolutley miserable, my body was stretching in ways I never thought possible I was sick for 4 months all I wanted to do was sleep. I had some similar problems with family, especially because my sister-in-law was pregnant with her 4th, gained almost nothing, was never sick and of course had a perfect pregnancy and did everything as normal. Everyone is different, do not let them get you down. Everyone just wants to believe that a pregnant woman should be happy and excited and the truth is some are and some are just flat out miserable. I was convinced that I was allergic to being pregnant. Everything you read in the books I had, acne, hemmroids, heart burn, everything. I had a lot of fears especially because I had a miscarriage before that and I know a few people that are pregnant now and are scared something could happen or afraid to go through labor. Your pregnant your hormonal and emotional. Give yourself a break and just try to find someone that is understanding to talk to about all your worries and dso not talk to the negative people about it!! By the way Congratulations!!!

J.
www.Livetotalwellness.com/jgrigg

Hi M.,
I will try to keep my answers short! First, I am a ECE teacher myself and I know the demands of this job. As you know many children act completely different when they are around their parents, than with us teachers. Your child will be fine. You know as much as anyone that if you show a child love, they will be fine. As long as you show your child you would give them the world, they will respond well with you.
Second, you have been through some major changes in your life. Such as being married, moving in with your husband, and getting pregnant. I believe that those are the most traumatic challenges and changes in a persons life no matter what age they are!!! You must relax and try to take every day with ease. I have 3 girls who are 16 and 8 yrs old. I had twins also. I had morning sickness also up to 5 months of the pregnancy. My advice, eat many saltines!!!
But seriously, you are going through hormonal changes and throwing up every time you move isn't exactly fun, but if you just hang in there and try to see the positives I believe you'll be okay. For me to get through it all I challenged all my time on getting the room ready for my girls and I started to do a list of things I needed to get for the baby. Such as receiving blankets, regular blankets, a diaper bag that I chose myself, I bought a new dresser with a changing table on top for the girls, their car seats since you must have them before you leave the hospital and such.....
And finally, I know you are scared because I was also when I was carrying my babies, but everything turned out fine. I had a regualar delivery with my girls and with in 2 weeks I was at the mall walking around with them. Have faith in yourself wether that be religion or a best friend to talk with. Find yourself a support group around your area, that may help. But most of all, you do the best that your gut tells you at that moment, don't worry so much about the future - it will always be there, and remember to make sure and talk to your husband and keep the communication open between yourselves. Maybe he is feeling the same way, but as a man doesn't like to show it often.
Good luck M. and think positive!
C.

Just ignore them! Trust me, when you are a first time mom, you will question everything that you do and when people say things to you, it makes you feel even less self assured. The confidence in being a mom will come as time goes by and you will learn to deal with stuff and ignore the useless remarks people make. Sometimes people are so jealous of another aspect of your life, that they will criticize you on an issue you are not experienced with or are less sure about. As long as you know you want to be a good mom that is all that matters.

Good luck.
Aarti.

It sounds like you have a lot going on!

I just wanted to send my support, as I am a teacher with a son who is now 21 months old. I understand the difficulty of dealing with so many children during the day. Many of my students have emotional issues and I have to handle some very serious behavior problems every day. This can be very draining and it takes all of my inner strength to let it go when I go to pick up my son at day care. When I am with him I want to be with him fully and give him the positive attention he deserves. I guess my advice would be to do everything you can to take care of yourself- get enough rest, eat well, take a yoga class, meditate, read, have quiet time, or even get counseling so that you can talk it out.

You also spoke about fears/criticisms that your family is bestowing upon you. I remember during pregnancy is seemed as though everyone wanted to give advice. Looking back, this was my first test of parenthood. People are always going to want to give you advice and you really have to be able to look inside and decide what's best for you. Take what applies to you and leave the rest. Don't let the fear overtake you.

Good luck!

Well I can tell you from experience that when pregnant your emotions can go all directions and make you feel things you would have never thought you could feel. With my first child I hated my husband so bad the first few weeks that I was contemplating counseling. I didn't know why, but I just couldn't stand him. Then I realized I was pregnant, called my mom and she explained that she felt that way when pregnant with me the entire pregnancy. I cried my eyes out and got over it.

For anyone to tell you how you should be feeling is silly. So I would stop worrying about what others think and even contemplate not speaking to anyone about it if they can't just listen and be sympathetic. Leave your family out of it.

Now I wouldn't really worry about your child treating you the way that you see some of your students treating their parents. It is all in the parenting for the most part. There will always be ups and downs with your kids...and sometimes they are going to do or say things that are hateful, but if you are a strong parent with some backbone they will respect you and treat your accordingly.

I taught middle school for many years and I can tell you that I saw some things that would make a grown man cry. But I've learned thus far with mine that it is mostly in how I treat my kids, what I expect from them and whether I am consistent in how they respond to me.

If you beg your kids to behave, try to bribe them to behave, and buy their love then you can fully expect them to disrespect you and treat you like trash. If you are firm, fair, and consistent...if you demand respect as well as give respect, then I would say you won't experience much of that at all. Don't worry about that until the time comes.

Now being a worrier myself (my aunt teases me that it is because I was born on a Wednesday...you know Born on a Wednesday full of woe.) So at any rate, I tend to be a worrier. It drives my husband a little nutty from time to time because I'll worry about things that haven't come to pass or things that won't be a problem for years to come. But then again he plans projects or purchases years before we can afford it and then have to do it all over again when the time comes...(I personally think that is ridiculous).

Over the years I've had to teach myself to:
1.) Let things go...sometimes you just have to say "forget about it"
2.) After six years in a good church I'm learning to pray better...and it does help. For someone like us we have to know there is someone that can ease our minds. After years of praying I'm really learning to calm down.

I use to daydream or even have real dreams at night about the most horrible scenarios. I would dream that one of my children was killed. Or I would envision one jumping on the bed and going out the window. Or whatever horrible scene would come to mind. I started praying every time that He would take those awful thoughts and erase them from my mind. Because if I don't, it will plague me and stay with me and literally make me sick.

So why do I do that? I don't know. I may never know. Maybe it is a gene. But praying for God to lift it from me has made a real difference in my life.

Now I know I sound like an evangalist or something, but when you finally decide to trust Him it doesn't sound so goofy anymore.

You have every right to worry, but my question is "does it help"

Worry about things that you can change, that you can control, that you can influence. You waste time, energy, and sleep worrying about things that haven't come to pass, that you can't control and so on.

It is hard to let go, but you have to. Start concentrating on things you can control. Start researching what you should eat to optimize your baby's brain development. Start planning the baby's room. Start developing a plan with your husband about your parenting styles. Talk about scenarios that may come up and how you will both handle them. Decide now how to approach behavior problems. Talk about being a united front.

The more you plan, develop, and act...the less you will worry. It was like when we were in college. You worried yourself sick before an exam that you know you didn't prepare well for, but if you really studied and put forth the effort to prepare for something it eased your mind and you were more comfortable in the most stressful of circumstances.

2.) So preparation would be my second suggestion. Prepare yourself to handle what plagues you. Figure out a plan of action. If you are worried about being sick....then research things you can do to alleviate your sickness (cold watermelon was my magic).

If you are worried about your child disrespecting you, then start researching how to get respect. Start studying parents that seem to have the kind of relationship you want with yours. Ask advice of those that you respect.

If you worry about labor, then research what doctors can do for you to ease labor pains. Make a birth plan so you and your doctor know exactly how you feel about things like forceps, suction, c-sections, epidurals and so on before the time comes. It will calm you down.

From one worrier to another I can honestly say I know what you are going through. But there are things you can do to ease your worries.

Let things go
Pray
Prepare

Good luck and God Bless you!!!

M.,
You are going thru a lot of changes right now. Pregnancy, in itself, does a number on your body and mind. Filter in that you just got married, and are living with someone new,working a full time job, and still trying to be the best wife that you can be. Allow yourself the 'luxury' of feeling bad once in a while, even if other's don't think it's right. People handle things differently, all you need to worry about is how YOU can handle these changes. If your husband is supportive, and it seems that he is, keep an open line of communication with HIM, and forget the other advice.....they are not trying to be malicious, but they aren't helping you right now. In a few weeks you will feel better, and the end result is that you will have a beautiful baby!
I know all this because my oldest daughter is 22 and when I became pregnant with her, I was miserable.....not because I was pregnant, but because no one told me how sick I would be, how ugly I would feel, and how afraid of being a good parent I would be. All the stories about "glowing" didn't exist for ME. Anyway, she is 22, and I went out and did it again, and I have a 20 year old, and that pregnancy was no picnic for me either! Maybe, some people just don't like being pregnant. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't have children. I love them dearly, and I have done the best job that I could do in raising them.......and so will YOU!
Feel better, and good luck.

M.,

What you are feeling now is very normal! Every woman experiences pregnancy differently - some throw up for the first three to four months or through their entire pregnancy and others like me, didn't even know they were pregnant.

But the one thing we all have in common - is wishing for the delivery of a healthy, happy baby and the confirmation from those that we love - that we will be a good and loving mother.
We are all or where - scared! And that feeling of being scared never stops as long as you love and worry about your children. Those around you that are not pregnant - will never know how "your individual body" is responding to being pregnant - so, don't even expect them to understand completely.

Try and give yourself 1 - 3 things every day to accomplish, and remember, you're not Superwoman and your energy is being spent on growing that little baby. If you can't do what really need to be done, everything else will still be there tomorrow to complete. The dishes, laundry and vaccuuming will still be there and it's not going to be the first or last time you will have to put something on hold. Life has a way of sneaking the unexpected on you.

We all think that we are supposed to be these incredible, non-stoppable women. We're teacher, daughter, wife, mother, sister, etc. and fail to realize that we are also human. Take time to be with your husband, relax and unwind and avoid whatever makes you become upset. When I was pregnant, I couldn't watch news programs, movies or even cartoons that had anything negative in them - or I just would start balling. And there were days I kept crying over and over again, and didn't even know why. My husband thought he was going to have to "commit me" - I was a mess.

It's horomones Sweetie - take each day as a gift and enjoy it with those that you love. Don't be afraid to express to everyone around you that at this particular time, you are extremely sensative to "negativity" due to horomones and really need their understanding and support. Pamper yourself - and enjoy your one-on-one relationship with your husband....as it will never be again. Talk with him and let him know how scared you are - and if he's half as wonderful as you say, he's scared too.

Caring for 40 kids in your job is difficult - even if you weren't pregnant. I was an art teacher for 3 yr. old to 1st grade and - yes - there are some kids out there that are little monsters. But remember, it's not the child's fault - it's the parents that have nurtured this behavior by not stopping it when it reared it's ugly head. Children get away with bad behavior because their parents let them do so. Children learn by observation more then anything....so watch what you say and do when they're around. They are very fast learners!

Let children know what you expect of them and that you will not except anything less because you know that they are capable. Small children can respond to your pregnancy if you let them know that you're not going to be as fast as you where when you weren't pregnant. Ask some of their mothers to volunteer - they can come in during the week to do an art/craft project, to read a book , etc. - giving you some time just to sit at your desk and catch up on your paperwork.

When all is said and done - even though you care very deeply for these children in your class - they are not of your body. When you hold your child - it will be the most profound love you will ever know in your entire life.

I don't know if this has helped you Sweetie - but whoever put the idea out there that being pregnant was this "glorious event in our lives" - lied. I was off balance most of my pregnancy and would fall walking down the steps - often. After I'd fall - I'd call my OB-GYN to let him know and he'd ask me what I landed on. Everytime I told him it was on my butt - he'd say, "You're fine" and he was right.

I mis-carried between each of my pregnancies - I now have three beautiful children (18, 16 & 14) as God only knew I needed those three. Keep busy with getting your nursery ready, go for a manicure-pedicure, have lunch with your girlfriends, take a nap or have your husband draw a face on your belly - just relax and take each day one at a time. Write down things unique to "this pregnancy" so that when you can share them with your child someday.

You're not alone! You are blessed in this crazy world.

You are NOT crazy. You are pregnant and stressed and feeling physically terrible. Under the best of circumstances pregnacy can be tough and you have lots of added stressors. As a counselor I work with a number of women coping with anxiety and depression that hits them during and after pregnancy. There is a myth that just because you want to have a baby and just because you are now pregnant that everything must be perfect in your world so how dare you complain. You have every right to feel the way that you do. No one else is in your body with your mind so no one else knows exactly what you are going through. Take care of yourself. Try not to criticize yourself. Think wonderful positive things about yourself whenever you can (in between fits of nausea). If you want an extra support during this and would be interested in counseling support please feel free to email me at ____@____.com any time. I wish you the best.

Hi ,,,this to shall pass ,,i was pregnant when ifirst got married its sooo stressful,,and as far as the sex is concerned well he is just going to have to wait and be patient with you you are basically a vessel right now and its a huge change your hormones are flying and you arent yourself if you get plenty of rest it helps the stress and nausea,,

I am a mother of 4 and i work at starbucks and yes i see alot of spoiled rotten children out there ,,there mothers never say no, i dont think they know what it means,those mothers are basically doing there children a diservice the real world does not work like that ,children like that dont know what no means ,,and they end up taking drugs and drinking or ending up taking antidepressants .I think you will make a wonderful mother,you are very realalistic .THe nausea will go and you will feel good again your hair wont fallout for nine months and you will have a nice glow ,,try to get some rest and take naps and think positive thoughts ,,i swear thats why women are so much stronger than men,we haveto jump threw hoops ,,try to build up your coping skills i swam alot ,got my nails done take up a new hobby,,keep on talking wehave all been down that road

god bless

M.:

I won't make this a lengthy reply, but state the obvious, because that is the kind of person I am! 1) Everything you are feeling is NORMAL. 2) Your fears never go away, they change depending on the age of your child. 3)Your family should be more supportive, but they are not, so seek support elsewhere, through new mom groups (it's not too early) or book clubs, or anyplace you can find women with children. 4) No job or experience can prepare you for becoming a mother. I was a nanny for many years and thought I had it in the bag. I was just as crazy and emotional and scared and happy as the next person. 5) Beleive it or not, your life will be forever changed in such a way that you won't be able to imagine how you were complete before. Relax, let your husband pamper you, and think happy thoughts! Best of luck.

Every pregnancy & every woman are different. Being prgnant is a scary thing all by itself. Then when there is a history of bad things that happen then you have a entirly different situation in hand. I became pregnant at 13 yrs., because birthcontrol was not explained to me when I was young. I had a miscarage a lil into the pregnancy. which was good because I was too young to have a child of my own. I ended up having 4 miscariages until I had my 1st child at 21 yrs. I did have 2 doctors during my pregnancy and had a emergency c-section, because I was only dialated at 2 after being in hard labor for 9 hrs and her heart rate was dropping. In the end Sasha ended up being a healthy child and every thing ended up good. I've been with my husband for 22 yrs and we have Sasha (15) & Tony (11). I actually had a c-section with my son also because I only dialated to a 2 again. I told the doctor that next time we was just gonna plan a date and do that from the start because labor and me don't mix. lol
Six years ago I had a tubal pregnancy that almost killed me. It had happened on Sun morn and I diddent relize what had happened until Tues night at work. I was sent into emergency surgery at 2am. The doctor had informed me that my tube had ruptured and I had been bleeding internally since Sunday.
Now the part about your family, sit them around the table and tell them that they need to keep a positive aspect for you. Don't dwell on the negative because that only puts a bigger burden on you. You already have enough going on right now. Since you are sick most of the time maybe they can help out with the cooking & cleaning. If there is enough they'll only have to cook 1-2 nights a week. Have them come over or get a house keeper once a week to tidy up the place and do your laundry. Then you get the rest you need and your husband isn't burdened with the work and he can focus on his wife.
Every parent child relationship is different. That is because every child is different. My son is autistic and can behave in a unappropriate manner some times. So I know when a child disrespect you in front of a group or by your self. It's not a hilight in parent hood that is good, but you just get past it and don't dwell on it. When my son acts this way I'll ask him if he likes being talked to in that manner, and his reply is alway's no. Then things change for the better. Maybe you could sit and talk about different isues that are bothering the child and parent. You are that childs mother and you can get thru anything that is put in front of you. You will be the childs friend, teacher, cook, maid and the list goes on....You work with preschool children so you have many resources to keep you busy. Your child will most likly have a great childhood and many fond memories to share with their own children. You are going thru many trials in life that will amke you a stronger person in the end.

good luck
B.

I understand your concerns for your babies health. I'm a physical therapist, and so have seen many health issues. To give myself some feeling of control I got all the tests appropriate (No amnio was ever warranted), but did do the test to look for Down's and other neurological concerns. You're learning the 1st important rule to becoming a new mom. EVERYONE has advice for you (often unsolicited), and you will need to learn to trust your own instincts and ignore them at times. You do sound a bit over stressed right now, so you may want to bring this up with your OBGYN next visit and see if you need some variety of anti-depressant. There are some safe for use while pregnant, and your doc should be able to tell you what those are. Finally, give yourself some credit that you are going to be a good parent. Except for those kids with organic problems, much of the BD is environmental, ie bad parents. Your kid and your rules now. If you can get a class room of kids to listen to you, especially if they don't their parents, you already are ahead of the curve. Use the info you know. Set boundaries and be consistent when the time for these things come into play as you baby gets older. And I would agree with you, getting sick sounds no fun. I had many friends who had morning/all day sickness and they did not enjoy being pregnant. Had many complain when they got big and uncomfortable. And a final myth to debunk. I always heard that you would "love the baby the minute you saw it". With my 1st I thought there must be something wrong with me because it took me a while to reach that feeling of overwhelming love. How you feel is exactly right for you. Good luck!!

Tell your family to go to hell. They're the ones driving you nuts. Of course you're hormonal, you're p.g. I had a lot of problems getting p.g. My husband and I were tested and everything. Finally I got p.g. the 3rd year we were married. I was a wreck that something could go wrong. My blood pressure was a problem thru the whole thing. My ankles were so swollen that my hubbly had to actually cut my sandals of my feet a few times. My little girl ended up being stillborn!It was catastropic! I cried for 20 years at her birthday (Memorial Day) how appropo. Don't let these people surround you with negativity. If they can't reinforce good thoughts, stay away from them all!..until after the baby. Just eat healthily and rest on the weekends. You'll have more time for hubby and the house if you're not surrounding yourself with those doom and gloomers. When you're not well, lay in hubbys arms. You'll both feel better.

M.,
WOW! You have had some MAJOR life changes lately!
In itself one of these things would be a challenge. I went through depression after I got married too. I had a reality check about real married life, not the fairy tale. It was difficult.

My best friend got married at 23, moved 10 hours away from her family, and got pregnant in the frist month--with twins! Talk about some life change.

I know that she also went through some depression early in her pregnancy. I think this is normal to some degree. Your hormones are all out of whack, your body is changing, you don't feel great. (The second trimester you will!)

How does your husband react when you share your feelings? Is he supportive and listens? He is just as "pregnant" as you are. This is his boat too! He absolutely needs to be supportive and nurturing to you.

As for family, learn to selectively ignore them. While I love my in-laws, they don't "lift me up" and make me feel better about myself and I don't really want that poured on me or my kids, so I ignore it, tactfully. It is an important lesson to learn--you and your husband and soon to be little one are a family and there needs to be a protective shell around you. (Geez, this sounds ridiculous! I just have a mother-in-law who criticizes my son's speach, my daughter's demanding personality, the way I keep my house, etc.)

As for the fears about having a healthy, happy baby... I think any new mother shares these with you. I was a basket case my entire first pregnancy, and 2nd! This is like initiation into motherhood--anxiety, worry, guilt... My advice is to pray and have faith in not only God but also your OB. Share your concerns, read what books you life, and realize that the vast majority of babies are born healthy, that if there are problems the vast majority of those babies get help and grow up healthy.

I am an NICU nurse so I thought I was completely prepared to be a mom. It is different than at work. I'm sure it will be the same for you. I think every new mother doesn't anticipate the level of dedication you will have for your baby, and the matched joy that it brings.

I also think sunshine would help! We've had a miserable winter and we really need warm days for walks and enjoying the sunshine.

Talk to your OB. Make sure that he/she hears your concerns. If you feel that as you ease into the 2nd trimester you are not feeling better I would seek additional help to get over this bump in your road.

Good luck and God bless you and your family!

M.-
Yes, moms do worry about their babies before they are born. Anyone that says they don't is crazy. Pregnancy is not glamorous but it will get better. The nausea does not last forever. I promise you that. Pretty soon you should start to feel better. Your emotions will change too. Overall you have to think positive, otherwise you will drive yourself crazy and yes, the baby can sense that. But don't start worrying about that now.

As far as your students go I am a teacher myself. I teach emotionally disturbed children and see those sorts of things everyday. If your students are listening to you and not their parents it means that you are doing something right. You will be a good mom. I thank God everyday that my 2 children are healthy and I pray that the one on the way will be healthy too.

Finding peace in God and knowing that God gives you only what you can handle as a mom helps me get through my days. Some days are tough and others are a breeze. But I grow and learn from Him everyday. The same goes for your mother-in-law. Sad situation, but God obviously had a plan. He works in mysterious ways.

I don't know your feelings on God but He may be able to help. Just recently I became a stay at home Mom and it has strengthened me tremendously to look to God for answers.

I hope this helps.

PS I don't think your family is being very fair to you. They should consider your fears and doubts and try to help not just criticize- anybody can do that.

About me:
I am a special ed teacher but am now staying at home with two beautiful girls (4 and 18 months). I am 22 weeks pregnant with baby number three. I am a military wife and am married to my prince charming- my US Marine. We also have a loving dog named Buster.

I'm not going to say that your fears and depression aren't within the normal scope... Believe me, they are!! But, I will say that I do believe that your baby will pick up on the worrying and stressing.

I certainly wouldn't talk to your family about this anymore. Leave if they persist to talk to you, that is adding to your stress. Talk to your obgyn to see if there is anything you can do to help yourself feel better physically. With my son, I had to be constantly eating something, or I'd feel sick. With my daughter, I was sick if I ate, and sick if I didn't, pretty much through the entire pregnancy. But, two things did help a bit, I stopped taking those prenatal vitamins... I wasn't keeping them down anyway. Taking a bath calmed my stomach down, so my hubby made sure I got one, despite my 2 year old insisting the opposite, as often as possible.

Worrying is normal and your fears are normal. You will always get unsolicited advice, pregnant bellies invite it for some reason. You need to dwell on the positive in either case, for you, your husband, and the baby. I truly enjoyed my first pregnancy, but my second, I was always sick, tired, my daughter was sitting directly on my bladder, and she liked to stretch up to make sure I got constant heart burn as well. Even with all of this, I prepared with as much joy as I could muster, perhaps my motivation was to make sure my son was excited about the arrival of our new addition. I also made sure to get a lot of sleep!! VERY IMORTANT

I am going to recommend a book. The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine. Not because it is inspirational and not because it is filled with things you need to know. This book is so funny it made me pee my pants. (Unfortunately, this would be literally when the baby is using your bladder like a lazy boy!) I think this book will help you look at the positive. It will at least make you laugh, which you need to do everyday!!

Take care of yourself.

B.

I don't think your crazy at all. First of all, you are dealing with a lot of stressers in your life at the current moment. It is absolutly normal to worry about your child coming to term and how all of that will go. What person wouldn't worry about how their child may or may not react to them? I am someone who deals with her 3 year old telling his father her hates him or doesn't like him often. Now I know that isn't true, he just doesn't like what her tells him to do, he loves his daddy a whole lot. This behavior was learned, which I found out was from my sister-in-law. Your role is to try to deal with it in the same sense you would as a teacher, find out why and then give them another way to express their feelings, or even the correct words. As for your "negativity", unless you are doing nothing more than laying in bed feeling sorry for yourself or absolutly downing every part of your pregnancy, your are fine. Every one deals with things in different ways, you have a lot on your plate right now. You stated that you are greatful for being pregnant so that isn't a problem. No one ever said you have to have a smile on your face 24/7, jumping up and down, and singing the praises at all times. When your throwing up that much, no one feels good, let alone like they want to be doing much of anything. Ask your doctor if there is anything that you can take to help ease your tummy. As for your worries, talk about them with your husband. This is the time to discuss parenting styles if you haven't before. When your child is older, you already know that this is something pulling on your heartstrings so just look out for these things. My final advice is as your taking in all these stressors, take a deep breath, and try to let them go as much as you can. They will make you feel worse, which will ultimatly make your tummy more upset and that can help to have a colicy baby. I'm not saying jump up and do a dance, but life is life and what is meant to happen will happen, you can only make change some things and yourself. I hope some of this eases your woes. I hope you do feel better about everything. Congrats of getting married and being pregnant!

I apologize if this is a repeat advice you had so many responses I didn't read through all of them, but have you talked to your Dr? I had similer fatigue and nausea issues during my first pregnancy. When I brought it up to my Dr that I thought it was more than normal prenacy problems she agreed and ran some blood tests. I was was anemic and acording to her it often goes undiagnosed because many women feel or are being told by others that they are just being "babies" about it and it is normal for prenant women to feel that way. She perscribed pre-natal vitamins with a hiher dose of iron and anti-nausea medication that is not found in over the counter varieties. Soon after the switch I felt like a new person.

As for the rest you need to decide what is best for your mental well being. I thses family members are causing you anxiety than you need to explain to them if they can't be positive and helpful they are harming you and therefore you can not be around them. It seems harsh but you need to put your helath and wellbeing first.

WOW! I say keep away from those family members. Who needs that?
You see this differently because you are a teacher to young children. You see a side of children that, often times, parents don't see. Also, you are dealing with many children at one time so it comes at you all at once. Things will be completely different with your baby. As soon as you hold that baby in your arms those preschool years will seem miles away. By then you'll know your child's personality. You'll be ready for whatever comes your way.
And no matter how you receive a child - adoption, conception, assistance - it changes your life and it is hard. I'm surprised the female members of your family can't be more supportive and just tell you that things are scary and hard now but it will all be worth it when you are gazing into your child's eyes and smelling their baby smells.
Keep your eye on the big picture. Some tragedies cannot be prevented or predicted. But your attitude will greatly affect your experience. Find the joy in all this. Stay away from these conversations with those members of the family, and start looking at baby stuff!