Explaining to a 5 Yr Old Why Someone Doesn't Have Teeth

Wow! It sounds to me like your mom just needs to put on her big girl panties and get over it. You didn't say how old your daughter is, but I'm assuming that she is very young because any child over the age of 5 would inherently know that a comment like that *may* hurt someones feelings. For your mom to be MAD at a child for a harmless comment is ridiculous IMO. If it upset your mom that badly, perhaps she could explain to your daughter why she doesn't have her teeth. My explaination to my kids (my grandmother has no teeth either and wears no dentures) is simply that when grandma was younger, she didn't take care of her teeth like she was supposed to and she lost them. However, this explaination may not work since you mom seems to be so sensitive (even though it may very well be the truth).

M., as a denture wearer, I laughed too! And sis didn't help but it is still funny and your daughter is only 5. A trip to a facility to realign Mom's dentures might help. As for what to say to your daughter....I just say "take care of your teeth by brushing and check ups with the dentist, it usually sends kids running for their tooth brushes. Probably not much help but I can't stop smiling, I wear my dentures though. Good luck

My mother-in-law RARELY wore hers either. My daughter would stare at her & in the car on the way home ask why Grandma doesn't have teeth. We told her that a long time ago people didn't take care of their teeth like we do now, so they started to hurt & had to be pulled out. Our younger one wasn't old enough to ask. My mother-in-law passed away 2 years ago this past Halloween. When my husband took our older daughter to see her in the hospital (on a "good" day before she passed) I asked how she looked she told me "Grandma looked good, except her hair looked funny. It was straight!" She never mentioned her teeth not being in. I'm sure your daughter will get used to your mom not having her teeth in, as my daughter did with my mother-in-law. Good luck!

I have this problem every day. Please keep in mind and remind your mother that your daughter is only five and probably didn't say what she said to be mean in fact she probably had the best intentions but becuase someone laughed she got a response and kept going to see how long she could get a response. I have an uncle that will wear his dentures but always takes them off after a meal and then leaves them on the table while people are eating. People don't have teeth for a lot of reasons. Obviously you must have stress dental care to your daughter because this makes an impression on her. I had an accident as a child and the nerves in my adult teeth (which were not fully formed at the time were damaged). I have spent alot of my own money trying to keep my teeth and still ended up loosing a tooth in the front of my mouth. I wear a partial and lately have had problems with it. It is very uncomfortable and painfull to wear (I have headaches becuase my teeth have moved and it puts pressure which cause pain. I don't have the money to replace it and a permant fix cost over $3000) Insurance only cover $600. And our government sides with insurance companies by not letting them pay for this becuase its deemed cosmetic. But your teeth are very important. They are your body's first step in the digestive process. They also help us speek. One day I took my kids to preschool after having oral surgery and I did not have my partial in, another mother made a comment to me about not taking care of my teeth. I has to explain to her in front of the kids becuase they were curious that I did not have my tooth because of an accident not because of lack of dental care and that 30+ years of dental care and over $10,000 could not save my tooth. That her comment was not only rude but extremely ignorant as well.

Unfortuately, and what your daughter notices is what most people notice about peoples smiles. People's first impression of you changes when you open your mouth and your teeth look less then perfect. I used to be a supervisor and had to listen to one of my superiors tell me I would never go farther because my teeth were yellow and less than perfect (again as the result of accident). She actually told me, "how can I trust you to run my department when you can't even brush your teeth." She was later removed and when I spent the money to correct my teeth I did get promoted further up in the company (so there is some discrimation by most people if your teeth don't fall into a resonalble and acceptable norm).

Why your mom and your brother's wife don't wear their partials and dentures is their own choice. But kids are naturally curious and will say things about things that they notice different in other people.

This is obviously a subject that you need to talk to your mother about (when she calms down). But based on your mothers reaction she is obviously has issues with her appearance and lack of teeth. Maybe she could explain to your daughter why she doesn't have teeth. It not your problem to make things right, your mother is an adult and your daughter is only a child. In preschool my kids are directed to ask questions and to try to work things out between themselves. Your mother is the adult and needs to start acting like it. She needs to tell your daughter how much she hurt her feelings and then needs to explain why she won't wear her teeth.

Good luck.

I would just expalin the whole truth. She's old enough to understand about tooth aches and false teeth and the reasons behind it. You mother needs a life if she got that up set with a 5 year old.

I had a little girl not a grandchild notice I had a tooth missing. We had a nice little talk about how some pweoples teeth are week and break. The dentist removed mine when it got infected. I explained that's why parents don't want their children to eat certain candies. It's not that they are being mean. My missing tooth is in front and on the bottom. So it's very noticable. The little girls' mother over heard and said I reacted very well. She said I would have just yelled at her and you gave her a life lesson.

I learned once from a young man who was born with one full arm and leg how else are children to learn if they don't ask questions.

My father has had dentures most of his adult life. Gum des. took great perfect teeth Not one cavity. My Dad waers his dentures to eat with and would never take them out at the table. That's extremely rude. Just as rude as me taking my shot of insulin at the table.

Merry Christmas, M.!

My mom and I still laugh about the time I brought home a friend from kindergarten and told her proudly that MY mom could take her teeth out! Then I urged my mortified mother, "Go on, Mom, show her!"

My mom was embarrased, of course, and later explained to me that I shouldn't draw attention to her false teeth, but she wasn't angry with me, and was able to laugh about it when re-telling the story to the rest of the family.

I agree with everyone else - your mom needs to get over it, your sister should apologize, and you should explain to your daughter whatever reason your mom has for not wearing her dentures, and (even though her aunt laughed and encouraged her) she is now old enough to start thinking ahead about how things she says may hurt someone's feelings.

Blessings!
J.

I am always very honest with my kids about things. I explain to them why some people have dentures, which is usually just a simple "sometimes people's teeth aren't as strong as others, and so they end up needing to have them taken out and getting fake ones". Just explain to her that when she sees something that's different with other people, it's not polite to point it out. My kids understand why people are fat, why people are homeless, and all kinds of different things because when they've asked, I've always told them. However, I explain it in a way that they also know it's not something you can point out right in front of them. As far as your mom being mad goes, I would tell her that if she's going to be mad at a 5 year old child who didn't know any better, she's got bigger problems than she thinks.

She is 5 years old tell her the truth. People's teeth don't always last thier whole life for various reasons.Bad oral hygene, injury,poor health, bad eating etc.You better explain soon as she will be starting to lose her baby teeth soon, getting her adult teeth.
I would also have her tell Grandma she is sorry and she didn't mean to hurt her feelings.
Good luck.

My 6 year old points out things too. I remind him that there are some things that are different about people and it hurts their feelings if you look at it for too long or make jokes about it. He has bleach blonde hair naturally, so I use the example of how it bothers him when people say he's a toe head because of his hair. I tell him there are somethings he can ask to me but should wait until we are alone just incase it might hurt the persons feelings.
As for the teeth, maybe you could say that when grandma was little they didn't use toothbrushes as often because they didn't know that bad things could happen to their teeth. So the dentist had to pull grandmas teeth because they were hurting her. Again, reminding her that grandma is sad she doesn't have her teeth and it hurts her feelings to talk about them to her.
This has also worked for us with wheelchairs, canes, and oxygen, as we have family members with all those. I explain very honestly WHY they have them but that it's just a part of them and we can love and accept them for the way they are without talking about the extra things they need to be them.

You can try talking to your daughter about why grandma doesn't have teeth (genetics), why she doesn't wear dentures (too expensive or hurt too much or whatever another reason may be) and how hurtful it is to mention to another person something they may be embarrassed about. After talking to your girl you may ask her to help you to write a card with an apology to grandma. Your daughter most certainly meant well, but she now knows to be gentle to people in this condition.

I'm sorry, but if your mom didn't want people knowing she had lost her teeth, then she would wear her dentures (unless they really hurt her - then she should have said something to get them fixed so they didn't hurt). My sister has surgury over a year ago to remove all he teeth... she is still in need of more work to her jaw & lost her insurance, so she is unable to wear dentures until the work is completed. It does other her that she doesn't have teeth, but she understand kids will be kids sometimes. She just tells them the truth if they ask. She had bad teeth... she tried to take care of them, but also was fighting family history of soft tooth shells.

Kids say things without thinking... that is why we think of them as innocent. They are pure to their thoughts and feelings not always understanding what they are saying... sometime we need to explain to them why it was wrong, or they will never understand. I'm sure she didn't intend on hurting grandma, but your sister does have the knowledge to understand that it was something hurtful and should have tried to correct your daughter without laughing. If your sister thought it was funny - she could have laughted when she retold the story away from your mom, not infront of her. I know holding the laughs in can be hard, but sometimes you need to.

Tell your daughter the truth... let he know why grandma & aunt Pam doesn't have teeth & also let her know she hurt grandma's feelings. That why she will understand & maybe not do it again in the future.

Take care!!

I agree with you. I'm sure your daughter didn't say it to be mean. At 5, I'm sure she was as sincere as it gets. Your mother should understand this. Your sister is the one who owes your mother the apology for laughing. The thought was sincere and she shouldn't have "pushed the issue".

As far as your daughter goes, she just needs to understand that at that age, having/wearing her teeth is a choice. Maybe grandma doesn't feel comfortable with them any more and has obviously gotten used to functioning without them.

Remind her that she needs to love and accept grandma for who she is.....with or without teeth. Your daughter was only trying to "wish" grandma something that she thought would help her and make her look more "normal".

You Mother being offended at your young daughter's comments is just silly! You can't tell me that people don't stare and snicker (children out in public) seeing your toothless Mother going about life toothless and strange looking. A jaw, face or mouth with no teeth is a different (and I'll add unattractive) look. If you family chooses to go without teeth, then they should toughen up at the idea that they look odd and draw attention to themselves. I would not scold your daughter, but point out that making up songs or making fun of anyone's differences is rude behavior. Enough said.

Kathy B's comments for handling "visible differences" is spot on. Kids are curious and will stare and ask questions so to suggest your daughter ask those questions to only you at a later time is great.

As far as your mom goes, if she did care then she should wear her teeth! Both my grandmas have full dentures and neither would be caught dead without them. In fact, when one was sick recently she didn't have her teeth in and that's all she kept saying when we visited, "I'm so sorry, I wish they'd let me put my teeth in. It's so embarrassing."

As for explaining why your mom doesn't have teeth, I think five is old enough for an honest response. I would also jump on the explanation as an opportunity to instill good hygene in your daughter!!

I agree with the other posters. Your mom should have been more understanding. Your child was not intentionally being rude, she was being a curious kid who got a reaction from your sister and fed off that reaction. Your mom just as easily could have explained that she was not being nice and explained it to your daughter. I was actually glad one day when my daughter started calling my dad fat and making fun of him when she was younger. Not because she was being rude, but because I knew my dad would not get upset and I could then explain to her that that was inappropriate. I explained that people are different and sometimes being different is hurtful to others if you stare or comment. Give her some examples of things she might see that she should never talk about around the person. being fat, wheelchairs, short, etc. and then explain that if she ever sees anything else that she has a question about tell her to remember that question and ask you when you two are alone. My dad actually got mad at me for correcting her when she was doing it to him. I then explained to him that I would much rather her do it when I can correct the behavior without the consequence of actually offending someone we dont know. Seriously though, your mom should have taken the time to explain that your daughter was being hurtful and stopped the behavior herself instead of bad mouth your daughter on the way home later.

Hi M....:) you are right, yer lil girl is only 5 and she asked out of complete innocence. To a lil kid telling someone they are pretty is no different then telling someone they are ugly...its just what they see. And the laughing sister would have only encouraged her. but do talk to her about how some things hurt others feelings and we don't want to say things in front of others. I don't know why grandma doesn't have her teeth, so either tell her the truth of why, or tell her grandma didn't go to the dentist or brush her teeth like she was supposed to. thats a good way to get yer daughter to take care of her teeth. but don't worry, she acted like most other 5 yr olds would. God Bless

My grandfather has always had dentures since I can remember and a good friend of mine is missing quite a few teeth. I tell my boys, ages 4 and 5 the truth...in kid terms.

We have to take care of our gums and teeth or else they will fall out. We have to brush our teeth and gums everyday or they will get an "ouchee", get loose and fall out. Sometimes our gums bleed when they are not healthy. Sometimes our teeth will have yellow or brown when they are dirty. Sometimes our teeth look brown or black when they are rotten. If we do not brush and go to the dentist to take care of our teeth, then our gums and bones can be infected and make us really sick. Sometimes people get sick and even when they brush they may get a sickness in their mouth and they need surgery to fix their teeth, gums or bones in their mouth.

Every once in a while my 5 year old will try to look in my friends mouth. Sometimes the boys just do silly things like play with your hair or touch your face. I tell them not to do that because it hurts my friend's feelings. Our friend feels bad that his teeth are not a healthy and pretty as ours, so we don't want him to feel bad. I tell them to say sorry and encourage them to ask questions. If the person doesn't want to answer, then they have that option.

It's really just a health issue like a heart defect or broken leg. Things happen in life and not everyone has enough money or insurance to fix things as we would like. Other people just don't care. I tell my kids that it doesn't matter how our friend's teeth look because he's still a good person and fun to hang out with. Looks really do not matter so much.

(Unfortunately, some of this back fired on me...lol. My 5 year old has lost several teeth and the tooth fairy has visited. My 4 year old now tells me that he doesn't want to brush his teeth anymore. He wants his teeth to fall out, so the tooth fairy will bring him candy. I asked him why he thought the tooth fairy would bring him candy because she's always brought money from what I remember. He said, "I want candy!" How funny is that? He actually pieced all that together. Then he told me that the tooth fairy will bring him candy instead of money!)

Your daughter is 5 yrs old your mother and sister need to act like grown ups. 5 year olds have questions. If she were trying to be rude I would understand her being upset.
How about having your daughter tell your mother she is sorry.
Grandma I did not mean to hurt your feelings, I was just asking why don't you have teeth?
Grandma should be mature enough to forgive and show love and compassion. By not answering the question will only make it worse.
My Grandma did not have teeth either and I remember asking why. My grandma had a gum disease and really enforced us brushing our teeth and seeing the dentist so we could keep out teeth. It was an educational time, not a hurt feelings time.

You should have told your daughter a while ago that your mother does not have teeth because the dentist had to pull them all out because they weren't good to chew with anymore.
what a great opportunity for you to give your daughter a lesson on why we should take care of our teeth.
Then, you need to tell her that it is not nice or good manners to remark on anything that makes people different.
Please address these questions or remarks when she asks them so that there is no reason for her to get into a situation such as you describe.
She should apologize to Grandma as soon as possible.
Grandma is grandma whether she wears her dentures or not.

Hi M.,
Out of the mouths of babes! I can't believe your mom is acting like this. With your sister laughing, no wonder your daughter was repeating it. Kids love to get a laugh! I agree with the other posters - I'd explain to your daughter why Grandma (and Aunt Pam) don't have their original teeth, why you make her brush hers and go to the dentist, etc. I'm suprised if Grandma is so upset about a 5-year old noticing she didn't have teeth why she doesn't wear her dentures??? Maybe she realize this is a good time to start wearing them, get them fixed, whatever. Good luck!

My dad has had dentures for 53 years and at times doesn't wear them. My kids always thought this was funny too so my dad would make a game of partially sticking them out of his mouth to be gross. It's too bad your mom doesn't have a sense of humor because this whole thing would have blown over in a minute or so. Don't sweat it...just tell your daughter that grandma had her teeth removed a long time ago because she didn't take care of them and that it hurts her feelings to talk about it. She'll stop cuz she loves her grandma and she'll also take good care of her own so she doesn't lose hers. Your mom is wrong to expect a little one like her to understand this so easily. By the way, my sisters would have laughed too. It is kind of funny!

My suggestion is this....First, teach your daughter about how there are differences in people and it's okay, give her some other examples that she may face in the future, so she is ready, and doesn't put you in an embarrassing situation (people of color, people in wheelchairs etc.) And one way to take the pressure off of yourself is to suggest she ask grandma or Aunt Pam herself why they don't have teeth!!
Good Luck! Happy New Year! L.

I'm not sure what other mom's would say, but I think sometimes you should not explain the "why" to a child. Just let her know that a persons looks, physical attributes are personal and talking about them is impolite and might hurt their feelings.
Your daughter should apologize to her grandma and tell her she loves her even without her teeth.
Sorry I'm so late responding.

Hi M.. I would certainly tell your mother and your sister to grow up! Your daughter is 5 years old!! Like she would do anything to purposely hurt someone, and with your sister laughing, that probably just made your daughter go on about it even more. I would explain to your daughter why your mother doesn't have real teeth as well as explaining to her why she should ask you privately a personal question about someone to prevent anyone from being embarrased or to have their feelings hurt! Good luck!

While I agree that this is a perfect opportunity to teach your child sensitivity to others, I also have no patience with adults who are offended when children behave like children. I have an almost-9 year old special needs son who says what he sees when he sees it and has some very random things come out of his mouth. We do work hard to teach him courtesy, but it's not easy. If someone is offended at what he says, I will explain that he meant no harm and has no impulse control so don't take it personally and then we move on. I don't make him apologize unless I can tell he is being rude on purpose. Just my opinion - in this case your mother has the issue, not the child! :)

I think you have the perfect opportunity to teach your daughter about how sometimes the things we say can hurt someone's feelings, even if we don't mean to. I explained to my son that God made people in all differnt ways, and that if somebody has something about them that is strange or even funny, that the person might be sensitive about it so do not draw attention to it. I am overweight, and I tell him I know I am overweight, but to hear from other people that I am fat hurts my feelings. Whether Grandma has what we think is a justifiable reason to be offended or not is not the issue. You KNOW she is, so you need to get your daughter to apologize because it is the right thing to do. She should apologize for hurting her feelings and add that she didn't mean to. Making excuses, blaming her aunt or even blaming Grandma for beng offended is not going to teach good citizenship.

It is no big deal to explain why Grandma has falso teeth. Kids that age no all about losing teeth. She should be able to handle knowing that grown up teeth don't grow back. Acting like it is a shameful secret will just pique her curiosity. Tell her the truth, explain about Grandma's hurt feelings, and move on with an apology.