Ex's New Friend

I am with you 100%. I would never want my husband to move someone else in if we ever split up he too would feel the same wich is why we will never get divorced. I also wouldn't want some strange lady spending the weekend with my children. Too many creepers out there and yes women are creepy too!

My child support/custody agreement has a clause in it that basically states that neither my ex nor I can have persons of the opposite sex who we are not related through blood, or married to us, stay overnight in our homes when the minor child is present. Since my ex has a history of a revolving door policy when it comes to women this clause has served us well. The local judge here who handled our case adds this "morals clause" to all of his agreements.

Maybe look into modifying your child custody agreement to add something similar?

Good Luck and God Bless

Frankly, it isn't any of your business. He is allowed time with his child and can bring them around anyone he wishes. It may not be your ideal situation but you gave up that right when you divorced/broke up. I would continue to provide the best home possible for my child when they are with me, have good communication with them about what happens when they are at their dads house, and document everything. Good luck.

My opinion is that you no longer have ANY say in who he associates with. He does not need your permission or approval on anyone...ever again. Your comment about how you didn't meet her first? C'mon now? Really? That is NOT something you are entitled to, sorry.

Unless you have language written into your visitation schedule/parenting plan, I think you are out of luck with what you want to happen.

The post below about refusing visitation because you do not know someone he has a relationship with is absurd and potentially damaging to the children! Do you want him to have that same power over who you can and can not associate with?

Obviously you do not trust your ex...which is sad. I understand that ex's are ex's for a reason but I think (my opinion only) that you should have trust for the father of your child(ren)...or you shouldn't have children with them!

So to answer your last couple questions: I would be fully supportive of my child's father taking my child on a trip with one of his friends/girlfriends and I would trust his judgment on who he brings around and moves into the house with HIS children!

As an ex you don't have the right of the priviledge of being that intrusive into his life nor him into yours. While in a perfect world you would have loved to meet this woman and get to know her and monitor your child's response to this new woman but we each only have the cards we were dealt.

I understand your mamma bear radar going off but is his judgement that far off when it comes to choosing women. He did at some point choose you.

Cut his love interest some slack. She may be doing the best she can do and you don't know what stories she has heard about you and/or your kid. Try to meet her before making a decision about her being around your kid.

It would probably be easier to make friends or at least get to know someone under the magic of Disney over the humdrum of every day life and living.

I know it's hard but do what you feel is best for your child. Please don't let your bad feelings rub off on your kid. She has her own relationship to forge with her father even though the two of you aren't together. Understand that part of her identity comes from him and she will learn much from watching you and how you handle relationship. Some things are taught while others are caught.

It might not be your business who he chooses to hang out with on his time but living with someone is a different story - legally, probably not, but as a Mom you want to know what kind of person is having that much contact with your LO. Again legally you probably cannot do anything but perhaps you can reason with him? Invite them over for dinner? Try to create an atmosphere of good will so that you can feel reassured.

I disagree with the ex moving someone into his house, but I also disagree with you in forbidding him to take your daughter to Disney. You are punishing your daughter as you try to get even with your ex. Not fair to your kid!

Do not let others' opinions beat you up just because you are concerned for your child's well being. You are her mother it is your prerogative to have your daughter's needs at heart. I would definitely put my foot down on knowing who my child comes in contact with, ESPECIALLY if I don't trust her father. Travelling and spending time with a total stranger who just moved in with her father IS NOT something a mother, or a judge, for that matter, should consider "normal". You did well in calling off the trip for her, perhaps you can talk to him and explain it makes definitely more sense to introduce this girl to your child gradually, so you can learn from her how she feels about this woman.She may be wonderful, she may not be someone your child wants anything to do with. She may just be a flame that will burn fast and your daughter will never see again. Why should your ex involve her with his love interests anyways? Can't he go by himself and have quality time with his daugther? Most parents display selfishness to the max, ugh.

I have been divorced from my ex for 14 years and we have a daughter who is now 16. Throughout my daughter's life, my ex has had numerous girlfriends and wives. There wasn't a darn thing I could do about who he brought around our daughter even though I brought it to the attention of the judge. Basically, you just have to hope that your ex is bringing good people into his life and hope that he has your daughter's best interest at heart. It sucks, but unfortunately, we cannot control who are exes choose to partner up with.

Technically, I guess he can do whatever he wants.
Morally, I feel it's not right. And it will be confusing for your daughter.
It's sad. And it speaks volumes about his character.

I am not divorced so I do not know for sure, but aren't there rules in the visitation agreement? You should have the right to make sure any person he exposes her to is at least safe. If I was your daughter I would not be pleased that I was looking forward to spending time with dad and now there is someone else taking his attention. From just a friend's courtesy point of view, would you want to spend a weekend with someone you have never met? Better to meet them over dinner first, and then be given the option if a weekend in close quarters is appealing. As a daughter she deserves MORE courtesy than just a friend. I do not know how old your daughter is, but even if she is 3, if he is bringing a love interest he is less likely to pay attention to his daughter. I would at least request that your daughter gets to meet the girl and gets a say in if she wants to go on vacation with this stranger.

You have EVERY right, legally and socially, to know whom your ex will be having around your child.

Unless he has court ordered visitation - you can withhold visitations as long as you wish until you feel comfortable with your daughter around this new person. Even if he DOES have court ordered visitation - you can deny it on grounds of this new person you've not met and can alter visitation rights thru the courts until you've all reached an agreement.

I don't blame you for being very leery and wanting to play it safe... after all this is your CHILD. I'd contact Dept of Children and Families to see if they have any knowledge on Custodial parent's rights and if they have any recommendations for cheap lawyers (if his visitation is court ordered).

There will be other trips to Disney I'm sure.

You are 100% correct. Your daughter should have the opportunity to meet this girl and get to know her and as her mom, you should be introduced to her as well. After all, she will be responsible for the welfare of you child when in your husband's care.

I hope that she is a good person. You sound like you have your head screwed on well, so I am sure you will give her a chance.

Good luck!

If you are not adhering to the custody order, it will open the door for your former husband to file a complaint and make things difficult for you. He has no obligation to introduce you to any of his girlfriends....same works for you introducing him to anyone you date.

How long have you been divorced? Has your former husband done anything that could be construed as dangerous or abusive to you child? If not I would comply with the existing visitation order and if you feel uncomfortable concerning "some girl", then ask the court for an amended custody/visitation order.

Blessings.....

I can only answer from my point of view. You don't know how long they have gone out or how well your daughter knows her.

I think an important question here is is your daughter uncomfortable with the girlfriend and the trip. I don't mean coming up to your daughter saying doesn't that make you uncomfortable?! I mean has your daughter come to you saying it makes her uncomfortable?

If your daughter is comfortable with everything then no harm. If she is uncomfortable with the girlfriend moving in then you need to tell your ex, he may not be aware.

Now all the legalities, my divorce decree is pretty standard. I have to tell my ex any time I take the kids out of the state for more than 24 hours. I do not have to ask permission and I don't think your ex has to ask permission as well. You only have a say if he tries to move out of a specific mile radius of a set point. I don't even remember what mine is but most decrees have this point as well.

Going back to what your daughter thinks, if she is already on board with this trip you are going to come off as the bad guy, especially if you cannot come up with a better reason than I don't like it. At least with my kids that rates up there with I told you so.

I do agree he should have let your daughter get to know her before he moved her in. Im sure its awkward and uncomfortable for your daughter. I would be worried about her feelings. Bummer.

If it's his weekend, you have no say what he does w/ his daughter.

You also have no say who he lives with.

Having said that, it sucks having no control. My exH is on his 2nd live in girlfiend and 4th girlfriend total since he left 5 yrs ago. That's how many women he has paraded though our daughter's life. I try to be the stability for her because lord knows it's not ever going to be him.

You have no say/control......if it's his weekend he can go with how ever many 'friends' as he pleases BUT you already know this.

My opinion is that it sucks to not have any control over what an ex decides to do. But you have to let it go, the faster you do, the better it will be for everyone including your daughter ~ which is the one truly being affected by your actions