Ex-husband Is Becoming a Stay-at-home Dad and Slacking on Child Support...

I agree with Victoria. You have an order in place that he is required to honor. If he chooses to change jobs or wants a reduction then its on him to request a hearing to get it reduced. Otherwise, keep detailed notes about the payments and non payments.

If you have a court order in place that requires him to pay $600 per month, then that is his obligation, unless and until he petitions the court for a modification. To win a petition for modification he will need to show a substantial change in circumstances. He does have a substantial change in his circumstances, but it is a voluntary change. And he CAN go back to work (his friend offered him a job). The question becomes what can you/what can he prove regarding the circumstances of his becoming no longer employed.

If he was fired/terminated, that is one thing. But if HE quit, that is another animal altogether, and he would likely not win any case for modification based upon that. But it will all come down to what can be proved to the court.
Whether he pays the child support, or he is a SAHD and his fiancee pays the support on his behalf is irrelevant... but the amount should be based upon his income, which he has voluntarily chosen to reduce--so NOT a reason to modify the existing order for support ($600/month).

ETA: also, one of the other moms made a good point about him becoming a SAHD. He may petition for custody, in which case he could also request child support FROM you. I'd schedule a quick consult with the attorney you have familiar with your case, and see what you should be doing, knowing what the potential issues might be down the road...

You can take him back to court and have the judge determine child support NOT based off what he is making but what his earning potential is.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF FIRST FAMILY. Your kid comes first. Super nice that he WANTS to stay home and be a stay at home dad. But he doesn't get to do that and shirk his responsibility to his kid.

I pick my battles carefully with my ex. but this is one I would go balls to walls with. This is for your SON.

call a lawyer.

Ummm... most of the time the paying parent is NOT legally ALLOWED to quit their job / take a lower paying job UNLESS they can continue to make child support payments as ordered.

Why?

Because it's evading child support.

Now 'single men' (or women) don't NEED jobs that can support a family. So many often quit those jobs, or get into a new relationship (and become a sahp with their new family) and want their CS lowered.

Nope. Huh-uh. No how.

You don't ice out your child by being too selfish to pay, or by putting your second family above your first. Your children are your children, and 1 is NOT less important than the other one.

Your ex is legally and morally obligated to pay.

And, btw., even if he makes ZERO... and his wife works SHE will need to be paying the support. In full. As ordered. They're allowed to arrange their family however they like... but the support MUST be paid.

One of my closest friends pays aproximately 4k a month to her husband's ex in alimony and CS. Why? Because he's a stay at home dad with HER, but he has 2 children from his previous marriage. They're both attorneys. The CS was set at his previous salary / his CURRENT INCOME POTENTIAL.

He could take a job as a fireman making 50k a year... but because his income potential is 250k per year, that's what the courts base the payment from. What a parent can reasonably expect to make. Now... if he had a head injury and could no longer work in Law, they'd lower the amount to his income potential THEN. But not until he became UNABLE to work as a lawyer, not just because he chooses not to.

So he doesn't work, but ALL money brought into the family is joint money, which means that my friend is both legally and morally responsible to make sure her husband's debts are paid. Just like credit card bills, purchases, etc. It's a debt he has incurred. In choosing to be married to him, it's a debt she also is responsible for.

I agree with your desire to stay out of court. I've never understood why someone would pay thousands of dollars to a lawyer to get the possibility of hundreds back in support. There is no need to make this situation adversarial, just on principle.

If you and your ex can sit down and negotiate, I would do that. If he is going to be staying home and taking care of his next baby, can he provide daycare for your son, also? This would seem to benefit both you (financially) and your son (more time with dad).

He should be paying half of your son's expenses, but you are right that there won't be a paycheck to garnish, so the two of you will need to come to an amicable agreement. My ex and I have completely kept our financial agreement out of court. We have a joint checking account that each of us contributes to monthly according to our income. We have adjusted this amount when we've had changes to either of our financial situation. We each pay our daughter's expenses out of this account. We have 50/50 time with her, and we also adjust her schedule depending on each of our needs.

Please try to negotiate this change. It is best for your son if the two of you can work together to co-parent him.

Your son is only 4 and you say yov've added up the expenses. Thing is as he gets older the expenses become more. Sports, school costs, birthday partys, clothing. And his girlfriend is not expected to pay his child support. This sounds as if the two of them have figured out a way to reduce your support. What happens when they say hey Dad's home full time so we should have custody and then turn around and demand support from you. ( I"ve seen this happen more than once) Don't let dad off. Child number one comes first what happens when they have more kids are you going to allow the support to be decreased more? And what if she loses her job then whose going to pay the support? So what if Dad get's alittle upset, it's your son who you need to think of first. Dad's already in the rears on support as it is. Tell him no more, if he wants to lower his payments then you'll both need to let a judge decide. I gurantee a judge will laugh him right out of court,.

I agree with the other mamas, that if he's going to be a sahd then he should watch your little boy while you work. That should save you at least 400 a month on childcare costs.
Personally i'm surprised he was ordered to pay you 600 to begin with. I have 3 kids and get 500 in child suport.
Unless it was based off of his income which must have been a lot?
I agree the lawyer is a waste of money for these things. But if you can stand it i'd cut the support in half and let him watch your kid durring the day. Take away the wed. visitation and keep everyother weekend. Just my thoughts.

Unfortunately I would be in immediate communication with my attorney. Most states have formal support guidelines, and I would be nervous to have any form of "side" agreement. I would also want to take any steps necessary (if any) to protect my current status as the primary residential parent (in light of him becoming a SAHP). This is not something I would want to navigate without professional advice. I would not just think about now - I would think about 5, 10 years from now.

Good luck.

The amount he owes is not due to you but to your child. That money is not yours, but your child's money. With the court order in place he can't just stop paying and you can't just agree to waive the amount even if he's not working.

It sounds to me as if "becoming a stay at home dad" is another way to say "trying to get out of paying child support" since child support can't come out of his fiance/wife's paycheck. You need to tell him that if he wants to lower the amount then he needs to take it to court. Period.

EDIT: Visitation and child support are not related. If he thinks that visiting with his son more often will "save him some money" he's very much mistaken.

His choice is his choice. But the court order stands. If he wants a new family and no job, fine, but he still needs to pay you $600/month. Don't negotiate! Don't "try to keep the peace." Trust me, if you give in here you have set a costly precedent.

Child support is usually based on income potential. If he CANNOT work, that's different. If he chooses not to, or chooses well below his potential, he is still obligated to pay the proper amount. I believe every 5-7 years or so is a standard renegotiation as the needs of the child change, but things don't fluctuate just b/c of job change. After all, if he was suddenly making double he wouldn't pay you twice as much.

If he can't afford his new lifestyle and new child, that is his problem, not yours and NOT YOUR CHILD'S!

Always go through the courts/proper systems in financial matters. If it's discussions about holidays, after school activities and whatnot, fine, work it out between yourselves for the good of the relationship. But money doesn't play nice.

Hmmm. Stay at home dad. Why can't he babysit while you are at work and elimante your day care costs. Let him see how tough it is. I would still charge him child support too. This way you won't have to miss work for dr. apts, sickness, etc.. because he will be home with Daddy. This might make him have a wake up call.

This is a tough one! I don't think he should get away with paying "whatever, whenever", but if he is only making $400 or so a month, he can't pay you $400 or $600. I think it is up to him to go to the court if his personal situation has changed and he needs his support adjusted. Let him pay his attorney to draft a new deal.

If he is going to stay at home why can't he be your son's daycare provider? I am sure that cost you around 600 a month, maybe more. I haven't priced it in a while.

You can't make him work and I don't think the courts can make him pay if he doesn't work. Maybe Jim will come along and explain this better because I am pretty sure he said he is a stay at home but still pays child support.

I am not sure why you don't have 50/50 custody but he may ask to change that now. Pretty sure that is the only reason he has to pay you support.

Just be careful, try to work it out without going to court...so expensive.

We kept the financial business and the "parenting time" out of court and worked it out ourselves. There was no way we were going to pay an attorney for anything and I wasn't going to spend my life extracting money out of her dad. He is responsible, involved and we live less than a mile apart. We still communicate on parenting and her life and she is 18. I have always earned more and had a more flexible schedule so we worked with what we had. Schedules and needs changed and we made it work.

I could easily see your ex saying he should have more time with him if he isn't working (no 50/50 in MO??). Saves money and he gets to spend more time with his dad like he should. You need to figure if it is worth the fight for you.

His choice to not work doesn't change his support obligation, period. I would hold him to the $600 a month. There is something called attribution of income where if he and his spouse decide that he will stay at home, you can still hold him to the monthly payment based on what he could be earning but is deliberately choosing not to. If he chooses to not work, then it's up to him and his wife to decide how to meet their financial obligations, including child support. My husband has been unemployed, self-employed, under-employed etc. throughout our marriage and his support payments have never changed. His paycheck doesn't get garnished so he would have to mail weekly payments to our child support enforcement bureau just like if he was having wages garnished.

It is not up to him and his fiance to decide how much they can afford to pay. That payment is part of your decree and that is what he is obligated to pay. Hold him to the total amount and let him and his fiance worry about their finances. He owes you $600/month, period.

In my county, our child support is handled throught the Department of Child Support Services. I don't know if that's how it is where you are.

We have an order. While an order is in place, that is the amount due. If it's not paid, then the unpaid amount becomes arrears and the arrears accrue interest.

If your ex wants to lower his support amount, he can always petition for a review and request the amount to be lowered. (Through the county support division, that doesn't cost anything).
However, at least in the instances I am aware of, it doesn't matter if a man goes on to have 2,3,4, or 5 more children. He is still responsible for the first child. And, if he can't afford to support the first child, he has no business having subsequent kids to care for.
Also, from what I have seen to be true.....they don't lower support if a man chooses not to work, ESPECIALLY if he chooses not to work so he can stay home and take care of a subsequent child from another relationship while the mother of said child works to support him.
If she wants to support him, that's her business, but your ex still has a responsibility to your child.

If you don't have your support case handled through the local D.A.'s Support Division, I strongly advise having them handle your case. It doesn't cost anything. Not only that, even if he doesn't have a "job" that they can garnish his wages, they can take any tax returns he is entitled to.
I'm not sure how it works, but I would assume that earnings from sales on e-Bay are reported as income.
They also take into consideration his earning potential.
My ex deliberately quit a $150,000+ a year job because he refused to pay me support based on that amount.
The court was not amused.

My point is, you do not have to agree to lowering support for your child just because he has another woman pregnant and is choosing not to work.
You don't have to agree to anything at this point. Every month he doesn't pay the full amount just adds to the arrears and every month, that amount adds interest.
What he and his fiance decide is reasonable is moot. They are going to base that amount on THEIR needs.
The court ordered an amount based on your child's needs and if I were you, I wouldn't agree to anything. If he wants it lowered, make him go through the channels to have it reviewed either by the court or the child support division.

I'm all for compromise, etc, but in this case, I wouldn't sacrifice anything for the convenience of his new life.

Just my opinion.

There is an order in place. According to my calculations he is $1,020 in arrears. I would explain to him that $600 is the amount. If he wants it lowered then he needs to petition the courts. He can't just say "hey I can't afford this so I will let you know what I can afford". It doesn't work that way! If they can't afford the child support then he needs to go to work. This is an obligation that he and the fiance knew about. IF you can't pay your bills then you can't stay home! Its that simple.

Some have said that he may petition for custody. Just because he will be a SAHD doesn't make him the right person for custody of the child. I would let him know that you are holding him to the $600 and that he is in arrears. He doesn't seem to be concerned about keeping this civil if he is already trying to stiff you on the child support. I would spend the $200 and e-mail the attorney!

He would still owe you for child support. For example, my crappy ex gets laid off constantly...the cs comes out of his check automatically and right into my checking account (yeah AZ!!!) and when he's in between jobs and not working, it just keeps accumulating and he still owes it. So no, I think he still should pay, whether he's working or not. Good luck!!!

You have a court order for $600/mo, contact the DA (Family Support Dept) and have them enforce the order....they deal with your child's father and payments can be paid through the department. Your former husband's new wife's income may be part of the deal.

Your right not to ask the attorney, they charge by the minute and some are real blood suckers.

Blessings.....

Ok, I have an ex that doesn't pay and I was getting my child support through the courts. When he stopped paying (I waited 6 mos), I went through the child support enforcement office and after 6 weeks they garnished his unemployment. My understanding is they will go after them for any asset he would have if he does not work. If you do not already have an order to go through this process I recommend it. It saved me a lot of trouble. Do not settle for less than what he was ordered to pay. Sorry, I get the tax deduction, but he got away with not even paying half of what it costs to keep my daughter fed, clothed, house....so $600 is at your child's age needed. Good luck.....

Be careful. My ex is a stay at home dad and forum shopped in court to get an order of support against me when I have a greater timeshare.

This is a tough one........compromises must be met. You BOTH have to give a little.