Enforcing School Punishment at Home

I have taught first grade for the past few years (leaving this year to stay home with my daughter) and I would have loved to have parents that are involved in their chidlrens lives and care about how they behave at school! That would have made my job much easier.

I'm not quite sure how the turn the card system works, but I'm sure it was simliar to what I did with my class. We had five colored circles and each child started the day on the middle, they could then move up for good behavior and down for poor choices, always having the possibility to move up or down no matter where they were. Then in their planner at the end of the day they would get a :) for the top three circles, indicating a good day (and a good note if they were on the top, with a trip to the treasure box), if they were on the second to last circle they got a :/ (straight face) not good but not bad, just a warning (sounds like what your son got) and if they were on the :( in their planner.

As a parent for just a warning I would just have a talk with your son, talk about good choices and bad choices and have him decide what he did and if it was a good choice or bad choice. Tell him that you expect only good notices home, that a mistake now and then is okay, but not the kid he is and that you know neither one of you want this to happen again. If he is consistantly getting warnings I would start on more serious consequences. No dessert, or no tv, or no outside time that day. Not all of these at once just ONE. I would also have him write a little aplolgy (assuming he can do this with assistance) to his teacher. Please don't EVER use reading or mindless writing as a consequence (like I willl not do this again 100X) that just teaches children that reading adn writing should be something they don't like and are punishments.

If he gets worse than a warning sent home I would have the talk along with a more serious consequence (ie. no tv, or dessert, or whatever).

From your post he sounds like a pretty good kid, and you won't have to many worries, I'm sure he is just still adjusting to Kindergarten and will be in the swing of things in no time. Kindergarten teachers are also very tough (but loving ) in the begining of the year to try to squash out negative behaviors early and have the best year for teacher and kids.

I suggest keeping in mind that he is in kindergarten. This is a transition year - learning so many new rules, and sitting still A LOT! Through 1st grade I was more lenient with my kids than they were after that. If they turn a card, pulled a star, or whatever the term is - we talked about the decision they made. If it happened two days in a row, then there was some sort of consequence. The third time (this only happened once) I contacted the teacher to find out further info about why my daughter wasn't following the rules. We determined she was sitting next to a child that she couldn't control herself around because he was silly. She was moved and never pulled her star again.
It's great to get control of it up front, but just keep in mind the age.

ABSOLUTELY NOT! IF your child gets in trouble at home you have to follow up at home. A child needs to know that if they make a mistake in schoo there will be a CONSEQUENCE at home. Kids need to know that home and school are working together. If you do it right from Kindergarten, as they get older you will have very few issues.

I speak as a mom of three (24,21, and 16) and also as a Vice Principal for K-6!

I do believe that your son needs to realize that he will be held accountable for his actions. The other thing is that if you are too strict then that can backfire also. A few years ago when my two older sons went on a church youth trip there was a teen on the trip who was attending the trip without one or both of his parents being a chaperone. His parents were very strict and when he had the chance he did very innappropiate things. These things could have had the entire group banned from the hotel. Luckily they were able to just remove that teen, he would have been sent home at the parents expense but both parents were out of town on business so he had to be kept separate from the rest of the group and not allowed to take part in anything. When I asked my children why he did it, they said that he did not know how to handle the freedom of making choices by himself, since he always had his parents there to basically make the choice for him. He never learned the fact of for every choice made there is an outcome. Sometimes this outcome is good other times the outcome is bad, depending on the choice you make. When I asked my children if they ever wanted to do something like that they said no because they knew it was wrong and we had taught them to be responsible for their actions along with knowing the choices that they make follow them everywhere. When you are too strict then kids just feel like they are always in trouble so no matter what they do they will always be in trouble. They get to the point of I might as well do something anyway since I know I will always be in trouble.

If your goal is to help him learn to make better choices then I think the best way to handle this would be to talk about the choice he made, why he made it and what could he do differently the next time. this will help him work through the thought process to learn to make good choices. If your goal is to let him know that if he gets in trouble at school then he is trouble at home then punish him in accordance to what he has done. You have to make the decision on your parenting style - punish first ask questions later or home is a safe place to help you learn to be the best person you can be, help child learn to make positve choices. Good Luck

We have good choices and poor choices jars. A good day at school = a marble in the good choices jar, a bad day = a marble in the bad choices jar. There is a reward if the good choices jar is filled first, and a consequence if the bad choices is filled first. If they get more than a couple bad choices in a week then there is an at home consequence we try to tie to the school behavior - ie, if it's too much socializing then he can't play with friends for a day.

If it's a more serious offense we address it at home in addition to the school punishment. For example, my son took a book from the book fair - he was planning to pay for it the next day but since he didn't have the money right then and was afraid it would sell he just took it. I made him return the book, pay reparations of twice the value of the book (he had to sell books & games to make the money), and he was banned from the book fairs for the rest of the year. It hit home for him in a BIG way, and we haven't had that kind of issue since.

well, for a little playground spat- he's been 'punished once already! He's only in kindergarten and he is THERE to learn how to follow the rules. I would just talk to him about it, remind him of how you WANT him to behave (Next time, don't push. or Wait your turn, etc) and let it go! Seriously, you have years of these little things ahead of you and even the best kid in the world makes a poor choice at school once in a while.

I kinda feel like home should be a child's safe haven. I don't know what your little guy did at school to get in trouble, or what his punishment was there. But he is a kindergartner, and still little. IMHO, school is just starting, so give him some time to adjust. Unless it was something extremely serious, I think once he gets home from school, you should give him all the love and support he needs and deserves. The school day is over. Of course, I would support their decision, if you think it was the right one, and explain to your guy what is expected at school.

In my case, which includes raising two children with the oldest now living on her own as a college student and will be getting married soon as well as another daughter who is an 8th grader and 13 years old, it all depends upon the infraction.

If it is a matter of disrespecting another student or a teacher, then phone privileges are taken away for a few days to a week and the child must write a letter apologizing for the unacceptable behavior to both the student and the teacher.

If it comes to homework or school work, I have the teacher send extra work home for the child to complete and again, a letter of apology along with the reason as to why this is not acceptable behavior is included.

I have never had any problems with fighting or anything of that kind but the girls have always known that is something I WILL NOT tolerate in school. If this because a problem, then I take away everything for about a week and we have long talks as to why it is not acceptable behavior, how it can ruin their reputation in school and making it difficult to participate in any events at school. Then, yes waiting in the wings is a letter of apology for the teacher and for the student regardless as to who started it. The letter includes how my child did not use the best of judgment in fighting in the first P. because it is not acceptable behavior - but again, we have never had that problem with either of the girls.

The teachers have always seemed to appreciate the fact that the girls have had to write their letters explaining what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and include an apology for disrupting class or whatever part of school process they disrupted in addition to how this will not happen again.

All in all, it is more about making the child take responsibilities for their actions. Kindergarten is a good P. to start. As a parent, you can help as your child puts the words down in their own words as to what they did wrong, why, and how it will not be a problem in the future, then make sure the child understands this cannot happen again. It isn't so much about punishment at home as it is ensuring the child owns what he or she has done and understands why the infraction is not acceptable. I often use an example of a scenario where my child is the victim in all this to get the point across. I use explanations such as, "what if the teacher did not grade your paper and she marked it with a zero because she did not want to take the time to do what is expected of her/him? Do you believe this is right? Wouldn't you like to receive an apology from the teacher for her/him not doing their job and giving you assurances that it won't happen again? It usually works perfectly.

It is a matter of teaching the child that actions have consequences and those consequences can disrupt class or another areas of school development the child will miss out on if the child is in trouble or trying to cause trouble so it is a lose-lose case for all.

I hope this helps. It's worked for our oldest and so far, it is working for our youngest too. In addition, I write each of the teachers that work with my kids (now just the one at home of course) throughout the school year and let them know they have free reign to contact me with any problems and as such, they have my word I will make sure my child understand what they did wrong, why it is unacceptable, and how the proper thing to do is to apologize for the infraction in question.

Every teacher I have dealt with over the years has always felt comfortable with sending me an email or calling to let me know if one of the girls were straying off course. Between the both of us, we are able to get their heads back in the game because it is so important to learn what they do each day.

Hope this helps...

PS: My oldest had to write a letter to her kindergarten teacher apologizing for not doing her homework when she had the one weekend with her birth father and his family. she came back home late Sunday night (the last time they ever had her for visitation after that) but did not mention she had homework undone until I heard from the teacher. Oh I was at that school ready to lay it on her when the teacher calmed me down then showed me a note sent by my ex-husband's mother on why she did not do her homework; it was completely bogus reasoning so I had her teacher gather up extra work she was doing at home to make up for what she missed. To this very day, both girls will stay inside and off the phone even if a friend calls and out of the cats while typing up essays on the computer. (she doesn't know it but there is a safety program on her computer that not only records keystrokes but also the time stamp. if they break the rules, I take on an extra week.

Again, I hope this helps.

My son just started Kindergarten as well, but when he was in preschool, they used the green, yellow and red light system and if they were good, they got a sticker on their paperwork at the end of the class, if they got into the yellow or red light, they didn't receive a sticker. If he didn't get a sticker, I made him tell me why he didn't receive one (this made him re account his behavior) and then we would discuss it on our way home. On days that he didn't get a sticker, he didn't get "punished" per say, but had a privilege taken away, which for him, was he was not allowed to play his Leapster until he got a sticker the next day.

For this first time, I would set him down and give him a serious talking to, about what his behavior SHOULD be and what his punishment will be if he gets in trouble at school again. For first time, I would not punish him, but after that ? I sure would!

if he does his time at school then their is no reason for him to do it again at home hes only 5. my daughter gets yellow days all the time for talking in class but i dont take away tv or not let her see her friends over it. the only time she gets grounded from friends after school is when she hurts some one at school. but petty things like talking or getting up thats just silly

My daughter is in Pre K this year. If she has had a bad day of not listening to the teachers, enough for them to make it a point to let me know about, then yes, she gets punishment at home. Usually it's no TV that evening. Plus we talk to her about what she has done wrong.

I'm sure her teachers have taken care of punishment for other little things she's done during the day, but if they have to tell me about her misbehaving, I follow up at home.

Since he is just in kindergarten and it is his first offense, I would say have a talk w/ him about what is acceptable. Maybe say, no tv tonight but unless it is something really severe, I wouldn't do much more than that.

You could also take this opportunity to establish ground rules going forward...if you get a red card this is what happens...repeated red cards especially in close time periods should equal more punishment than any single occurance.

What was his school punishment? I would say if he has a consequence at school, like no going out for recess, then THAT is his punishment. I imagine there are scenarios I would be so mad (like if he started a fistfight), I would punish at home too. But that woudl be rare. Is this punishment just put him on the "naughty list" or something and you feel he needs more? I guess I just don't understand the system....

In general, I would say that you are within your rights to treat things on a case by case basis. You are the mom. I would let the school deal out the consequences and you can add additional ones if it is warrented. I would worry if you come down too hard at home, you are "teaming up" with the teacher. While you and the teacher certainly need to reinforce one another, you also want your son to see home as a safe place where you can discuss his behavior and have teachable moments rather than feeling like he is always getting his punishment doubled. I don't know if this is a perfect analogy, but imagine having a rotton day at work and your boss is ticked off at you. You come home and your husband can say A) let's talk about it and tell me how you feel and come up with a solution or B) well, then you have to do the dishes tonight.

Our son does get in trouble at home if he gets in trouble at school but the severity of it depends on the crime. He too is a good boy so when he does get in trouble, I need to find out if he was following bad behavior of another child, hurt someone, etc. Last year in K my son followed bad behavior of another child and was sent to the office. When he got home I first exploded at him yelling how he knows better than that! Once I got control of myself I made him write a letter to his teacher AND to the principal. I told him that he has embarrassed me and he needs to show that he is serious and will never do that again. He did not get in trouble again all year. This year he pulled a pin/card b/c he did not return his homework the next day. He did NOT get in trouble for that at all b/c it was his first day of getting homework and I felt it was my fault that I did not pack it in his backpack. One punishment I would do if he does not listen or does something wrong is take away something he likes. You say your child does not watch tv so go to the next thing. Playing outside, playing video games, getting a book read to him at bedtime, getting dessert after dinner, taking away his Legos, etc I usually take things away for one day if it is not that bad but if it is a bit worse, he loses something for 3 days. Sometimes he 'earns' chores or loses some of his pay on Friday for his chores.....sometimes just making them apologize to the person whom they disrespected helps. They get embarrassed and the humility teaches them to never do it again.
Hope some ideas have helped. Keep in mind some teachers are a bit too strict so use your own judgement when you think he should not have gotten in trouble.

I went through this last year when my son was in Kindergarten. Our rule is "If you get in trouble at school you get in trouble at home" and the consequence depends on the severity of whatever happened. Sometimes it's no tv, bed 30 minutes early, ect.

Since it's his first offense, I would sit down with him and talk about what happened and make sure he understands that you will be following up at home if he has trouble at school. Then I would give him what I call the "Token" punishment. No tv, dessert, or something small. If he gets in trouble again then you can definitely up the punishment. And always let your teacher know that is your policy...you have no idea how much they appreciate it!! I had no idea how few parents do follow up at home until his K teacher told me last year. Just a little note in his folder "Dear Ms. ?? Thanks for letting us know that Johnny had some trouble yesterday. Be assured that we spoke with him about it and never fear to let us know if he has trouble as we follow up at home."

Good luck to you...and him!

Hi,
May I suggest that your child was not "in trouble" at school? He simply made a poor choice (from an adult's point of view) and received the school consequence (a warning). If he accepted this appropriately, then the issue has been handled. This is how the teacher is teaching him about the rules and consequences. Keep your channels open with the teacher and with him. Make sure he understands what the teacher wanted him to do, instead of what he did, so that he knows the right choice. Ask the teacher to let you know if the teacher thinks extra reinforcement at home would be helpful. I never did. Take care.

I do not believe school problems should be left at home. We are the parents, not the school. I think your son needs to know that what he did was unacceptable and should be grounded from something he likes such as tv, favorite toy, something like that for the rest of the day, rest of the week, etc.

Hello, I just read some of your responses and all I have to say is he just started school for the first time so he is testing what he can and can not do at school. What he can do at home he can not do at school and he has to learn the school rules. And now that he got his card turned it was probably an embarrassing moment for him! So he will learn quick so he doesn't get that card pulled and really I only punish my boys if it was something serious, but I do talk to my boys about what they did and why they did it and if it was worth it and would it be worth doing it again.
Good LUck

If my kids got in trouble in school, they got in trouble at home. Period.
The punishment doesn't have to be anything severe, depending on the offense, I think the point to drive home is that if he's not behaving at school, there will be trouble at home too.
He received a warning at school....now you're giving him one at home.
Was it not taking turns? Was it being pushy? Talk to him about why he received the warning. It doesn't have to be the end of the world. Tomorrow is another day and he has a chance to listen and not get his card turned again.
My son never got his card turned a day in his life, but his big sister did. It was usually over just plain goofing off or talking when she wasn't supposed to be. She never pulled any fire drills or anything. She was hilarious. Her teachers would call me in and they'd say they actually had to turn their backs for a few seconds so no one could see they wanted to die laughing, BUT, there was a time and a place for being funny and quiet time in class wasn't one of them! She got grounded from things several times before she figured out what zipping it and throwing away the key meant.

I know several people who believe that what happens at school stays at school and has nothing to do with home. I strongly disagree.

Let the punishment fit the crime, so to speak. Your son is just getting all this stuff figured out.

Best wishes!

I think your son needs to know that you are working with the school to ensure he gets a good education and learns how to treat peers. He should know that if he gets in trouble at school, there will be consequences at home too. Otherwise he starts to pit you against the school 'well Mommy doesn't punish me for that' kind of thing. I would agree that with this being his 1st offense and his age, I would sit him down & explain to him that trouble at school = trouble at home and that you wont allow him to misbehave at school just like you don't at home.

He'll get it soon enough especially if he knows he can't get away with something and that there will be someone to answer to at home as well.

Best of luck to yall

I would suggest not bringing school problems home. If he had a card turned at school then he got the punishment at school. Don't start punishing him at home until the trouble gets to a point that you are being called. Do you expect the school to punish him at school when you ground him at home? at school they are the authority. if he pushed a kid and got in trouble it has been handled don't drag it out. my husband used to go from 0 to 180 for everything. straight from you left your laundry out to your grounded from tv for a month. there is such a thing as going to extremes. explain to your son that if you get called to school for an infraction he will get a consequence but don't drag it home with him. you will make him hate school and is that really what you want at kindergarten?