Embarassing Intimate Question

You'll have more energy to be frisky if your husband helps you tend to the kids. Plus tending the kids is a great way to help burn off some of his excess energy.

oh how fortunate to have the problem of too much rather than a spouse who is turned off or disinterested. :) I think a calm discussion in daylight hours while fully dressed would be in order to say, darlin' I love you & want you, and I'm so tired! I can't take care of all of your needs when I'm so exhausted. (No BUTs just a statement of the facts and focusing on the positive so he knows you do still want him). Have a solution in mind before you start, something like if he puts the kids to bed so you can have a breather, and you two try to be in bed by 9 (our solution, btw) then you two can fool around & still get some rest. :)

I hope that helps. Try to see how blessed you really are, some women are ignored by their husbands and that causes a whole world of hurt in marriages after babies come along. Thankfully you & I are not among them. :)
Good luck!
D.

Tell him to stop being so selfish. If he gets what he needs at night, why would he be so demanding in the morning? My ex-husband was very selfish like that, and that's why eventually he became my ex. Cause that selfishness spread from what you're talking about to everything in our marriage, because I would deny him what he wanted. But instead of going my route (I would just get mad at him), save your marriage by talking to him. Explain exactly why you are too tired for a quickie in the morning. Explain that sex is not more important than taking care of your babies right now, and he needs to join you in that venture (taking care of the kids). You need to tell him that yes, he is important to you, and your sex life is important, but you are being pulled in 100 directions (aka-screaming kids, laundry, vacuuming, etc.) and that him needing it so often is feeling selfish to you. Ask him why, why does he need it so much? Does he feel neglected? If so, well, ask him to help with housework and kids, then the stress will be lifted off you a bit, and you'll have more time for him (I am remarried to a WONDERFUL man who does exactly this). If he doesn't want to listen to you (like my ex), well, what can you do? I am not sure. But if he can't see past his own....ahem....to see how his poor wife is so extremely tired from having 3 small kids and a house to run....well....I guess maybe counseling could help?

I hope all goes well for you and I wish you the best of luck :)

Hi Mommy G,

I think this sounds like your giving in too much to your husband. You should only be intimate when you want to, or just when you can, for the sake of your marriage. But, once at night and in the morning....is your hubby helping out with the kids?
I know I am not getting the whole story, but it sounds a little selfish to me.
You deserve to put yourself first too. Good luck.

Maybe try an earlier bed time? We have 3 little ones also, and I am beat at the end of the day also. If you do not get rest you can not function the next day. We found early morning wake up is much better than a late night of intimacy. Also if you can afford it, maybe send you kids to babysitter once a month for just you and your husband to be together. I also agree I am much more open to be with him if he helps put the kids to bed, helps around the home ect... good luck,

Say hey, woah there romeo, we have things to tend to. Little creatures. Then remind him how you got that tired in the first place. But if you really want to have hoochie coochie then you have lots of great moms with wonderful advice and well perhaps he can sneak with you into a corner for a minute. Just kidding. He too needs to understand that although his needs are there you will respond much better with some sleep. So unless you have any other creative ways (hide in the bathroom for a minute?) this too shall pass. GOOD LUCK

i think 2 or 3 times a week would be fair for both lol

I suggest planning times.Sit down and talk to your husband and the two of you pick times when you know the babies will be asleep:)

I think every night is certainly plenty. My husband is lucky if he gets it twice a month. We have 3 kids, one of which is a 4 month old baby. I am never in the mood, ever. I have never had much of a sex drive, and my husband's sex drive seems to be getting bigger as he gets older. If you force yourself, you will just get resentful. If you're not in the mood, just tell him no.

I would tell hubby, no morning fun while you are still waking during the night with kids, unless he helps with the night feedings.

It is not fair to you to be up later, then get up for night feedings, and then up early for more intimacy.

Maybe save the longer sessions for the weekends, and just have short quikies during the week.

i had an agreement with my husband that if he took one feeding at night it would help me be more rested and into it. thats not that hard for him to do and if he can't agree to something as simple as that then you need to talk about much more with him. good luck

very honestly... up until baby was around 12 months old our sex life was pretty pathetic. I wasn't in the mood and we were both tired. It gets better (as you know) once your menstrual cycles return (if you're breastfeeding) and your kids sleep through the night. I'd say just hang in there, seize the moment when the mood strikes you both, and find some other ways to be affectionate with your husband (backrubs are always nice) until you can find a good time.

When you have three little ones, and it sounds like you are doing most of the tending to them, I would say to have your hubby help out once in awhile so you can get some extra shut eye and maybe be more in the mood to be with him. I also think that once a week is just plenty when you are an exhausted mother of three.

My first question to you is your husband helping with the kids??? Feedings? Getting up in the middle of the night..If you are nursing does the baby get a bottle at all with breast milk so you can be relieved of a feeding to get rest? What else is going on??? I think it is ok to tell him you're tired and when there is more of a routine with the kids and you're getting more sleep then I think being intimate can become a priority...Your sanity first and what's best for you now.

What has helped my husband and I is to set a time once a week. It's certainly not romantic, but we say we'll spend some time together at least on the weekend. However, when my kids were small and up throughout the night, forget it - and your husband should understand that. Be honest with your hubbie about how you are feeling and hopefully he'll understand. Remember, we don't have to please everyone ALL the time - you will run yourself ragged and not be good for anyone... Good luck :)