Easing into Preschool

Mom, you are the one having trouble leaving your son. This could be making him feel uneasy.

It is really better to take him and get him interested in an activity and then tell him," I am going to LET you play with your friends. I know you will have fun.". And then you leave.. No matter how he reacts.. The teachers have all been trained to handle this transition. They do it every time, with every new child..

The more times he has a good experience on hie own, the more he will gain his own confidence. I know this is hard. I still miss our daughter when she leaves for college, but I dare not show her any of those feelings.. and yes, it is just like when I had to leave her for school, and daycare..

You can do this. You are a mom, you are strong..

Take him in, give him a hug, tell him you love him, then LEAVE. This behavior is only making the transition harder.

I only had one child in over 10 years in child care who did not stop crying by the time the parents got to the car and she stopped after a week or so. The teachers know how to handle this. You are prolonging him adjusting by staying.

Hi Jilly,

It's hard, but I would take him in, get him interested in something or take him to the teacher, tell him you will see him in a few hours, and leave. Of course you can stay in the parking lot and call in about 30 minutes to see how he is and I'm sure he'll be fine, that he enjoys playing with the other children, is sociable and cooperative tells me so..

I had a similar problem with my daughter when she was 3. I dropped her off at the preschool at the college I was attending, and they were always in the yard for morning play. So, she would see me through the chain link fence as i was leaving and cry, cry, CRY! I was heartbroken, but every single time I called they told me that once she couldn't see me she had started playing and was fine, every time. She continued to cry for me that entire first semester, but I knew she was OK and left her and she outgrew it.

HI Jilly,
I totally get this... and I'll tell you there's not really a good way to "ease" him into it. You hanging around with him will only make things worse and harder for both of you and the teachers.

I would explain to him what is going to happen and then follow through. Develop a drop off routine that you and he and the teachers are comfortable with and do that every time. For instance before school let him know, in simple words, when we get to school this is what will happen... " Mommy is going to stay with yo and read one story and then let you play with your friends." Sign in, pick a story, read, big hug and kiss and be out the door. Don't drag it out, and don't take him home when he cries.

Believe me, the teachers see this all the time with many many kids. In *most* cases when parents leave kids are quickly redirected and engaged in an activity. It's us as parents who worry that they are crying for us all day and missing us. I'll bet he'll adjust quicker than you expect.

Good luck Mama!

You take your child to school, check him in, then leave.

If you keep going to his school everyday and staying with him everyday for various lengths of time, he will.not.get.used.to.it nor will he 'ease' into it.

Get the book "The Kissing Hand." It is a very good cute story, about going to school. It is a classic.

Also- simply talk with your child about what is going to happen. I don't mean a LONG drawn out talk where you ask him questions. I mean, talking to him simply and telling him what is going to happen.
ie: "tomorrow is school. Mommy will take you there and walk you to class. I will say Hi to the Teacher, you put your things in your cubby, then Mommy will leave. I have so many chores to do at home! Then I pick up up before you know it."

That is all you say.

That is what I did with my son when he started preschool. My son was SO SO attached to me, I am a SAHM, and BEFORE he even started Preschool I'd talk to him. Just saying what I said above. Simple. Short. No lengthy explanation. My son, on his 1st day of Preschool and everyday after that just says "Bye Mommy! Hope you get all your chores done! See you later!" and he scampers off. Happy. Smiling. Just fine.

I do NOT tell my son, that "Mommy misses you....", "Aw you are growing up..." or "I don't know what to do when you are at school...."
I tell him I am BUSY and have chores to do and errands. Because- my son understands that. It makes sense to him. And he knows, that that is what I do everyday.

your child will be fine.

all the best,
Susan

I don't agree with this concept-sorry. When you stay with them they will most definitely come to expect that as an option. Kids don't understand you are there to 'ease them in'. In his mind this is something you do together rather than just him. When you leave him after an hour it is of course confusing to him. I really think he will be better off alltogether if you either:
-start just dropping him off for the summer program. If you want come back in only an hour so he learns that mom comes back. Don't stay with him though.
-Wait until the fall and start him again normally.

I found that with my super sensitive daughter at the same age I stayed in the classroom for about an hour the first week to help. The second week I left after half an hour but hung out in the lobby to read a book and told her I would be in the building. The third week I just left after a few extra minutes in the class room. My daughter ran to me after the very first class and jumped in my arms and yelled "You came back!". She thought I was leaving her there, even though I had explained what school is, she internalized it as mommy leaving me. Now she is 14 and is still very sensitive and artistic and creative, and no longer wants to be with mommy all the time! My other daughter just wanted me to leave, she found it easier to adjust doing her own thing and not with mommy there. It is different for each child, ask the teachers for advice and probably they will tell you he is just fine as soon as you leave, or a few minutes after. We think of that tearful face the whole time we are gone, but the kids are focussed on something fun the minute you are out of sight usually.